No, you’re not wrong. It’s what’s in the best interest of the child and that sort of inconsistency is not best. You’re the only one who can protect his little heart. Get a lawyer, get letter from the teacher, counselor, and report it all to the judge.
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I can tell you I’ve seen first hand how an absent parent affects a child. My nephews father was to have him every other Saturday just the day, no sleepover, and he stopped calling after 3 months. This was after being absent for 4 years. The only reason my sister agreed when he finally did come around was because my nephew wanted to see him. It started to affect my nephew at school and other areas. This happened 3 times. After the third time, his dad started asking to see him again last year. My sister said no. My nephew just turned 18 
I have a feeling that if it were the father behaving like this and not the mother…your answers to her question would be very different. So hypocritical 
. I suffered years with a toxic BIOLOGICAL mother and I wish there was a woman like this lady who could have fought my side and done what was best for me.
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I am curious , supervised visits with parents usually means some sort of background. If she is an addict or abusive - tho this can be mentally abusing to child, and u know that he can’t be trusted alone with her for whatever reason then I say u are right, u have to protect him however on that note, I wouldn’t keep him from her if she isn’t a threat of any sort . An addict or abusive or neglectful Eventually he will see the shitty behind her not caring and not taking him and he will make that choice to shut her out, u won’t have to.
He’s 4. He has what appears to be a good father.
And he has you.
The “mom” doesn’t get a pass because she’s a woman.
There are too many grown men dealing with the fact that their selfish mothers abandoned them.
HE is the priority. His mental and physical health.
She already lost custody and now she won’t show up?
Don’t let anyone make you feel bad. You keep helping that boy. Do what you need to do to protect him.
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Not wrong but if its court ordered you are in violation…which can bite you…just take your documentation and go back to court
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If someone wants something enough they work for it… do what ever they have to to get what they want and do what it takes to keep it… As a mother of three and a step son. I know how difficult it is to be where u r… if it’s hurting the child then do it! It Ur job to protect him/her… she lost that right, correct? U guys got full custody and took the time do do all that U needed to do to make that happen??? Then keep doin what ur doin and keep that child close and safe. Even if that means keeping him from his mom. I had a bad baby daddy… had to do all that U did… he was supposed to do this and that… he never did… he hasn’t been in our lives since 2014. It’s ok. Everyone is growing up just fine. Keep goin!!!
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I think if his bio mom isn’t putting in the effort and his demeanor changes after visiting. And she only comes around when she feels like it. Then you guys are right to keep him from her, she doesn’t sound like she deserves that boy in her life… stay strong…
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I would keep track of everything. Her visits, if they were supervised, when she calls or texts to check on him, and ask thr teaxher and counselor to write a statement.
Then you’ll need to go back to court. What you dont want to do is violate the courts orders.
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It’s not your job to do that. You are to document and take back to court when she calls or don’t and when she shows and don’t. Let the judge be the ruler of that. Cause let me tell you even if you feel it’s best that kid will recent you for it if you make that decision and also you can be put in jail for it.
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Oh I just read the last part. Who is suppose to supervise. The father don’t have to let him go if the other person is not there. Read thru the orders.
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I understand your concern. I also understand that the mother is not keeping up with her visitations, and I don’t think that is fair to her son. I’m sure it affects him deeply. However, you do not have the right to keep him from her. She still has her visitation rights, which is ordered by the courts. You and your husband can get in more trouble then she will, by keeping him away from her. I suggest you take this issue with the courts. If possible, have school officials write up a statement about the child’s change in his mood. Document as much as ypu can, but you just can’t decide for your step son, not to see his mother. Even if the tables were turned, and this was the bio dad in the mother’s position, it would not be fair to the son. They need both their parents, and keeping him away will most likely cause more damage than good. You do have every right to be concerned, and it does appear you have valid reasons to go back to court, but your step son does not understand his mother’s negligence to the extent you do, all He knows is that’s his mom who is loves.
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Stop her its not wrong at all he doesnt need her popping in and out of his life. You are his Mum and if his real mum was any sort of women she would be there and do anything possible to be there with her son. If this was a ‘dead beat dad’ everyone would be up in arms. Project your little boy from her she doesnt deserve the Mum title 
Go to court and have your visitation arrangement modified. It’s illegal to keep him from his bio due to the court order. If you get it modified and have everything, as others have said, document it and take it to court with you. This is the only legal way to “keep” him from his bio. Until then she still has visitation rights, and it’s up to the courts to change them, you can’t just decide for them. I know your hearts in the best place for the child, but sadly, court is binding and can have a bad impact if broken :x good luck!
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No you’re not wrong. Her coming and Going in his life is going to take its toll… I would know. She either needs to care and be a mom or walk away. Kids are not pawns
Ethically, no. Legally, yes. If its court ordered visitation, then your husband can be found in contempt and face 30 days in jail if bio mom wanted to push for it. She would also possibly end up with custody during that time. The family court system SUCKS. I went through it for 9yrs with my kids. 8 of those years was that same off and on bs with their bio dad. Your only way around it is to look into adoption. As long as mom has rights, you cannot force consistency, or keep the kids when she does decide to see them.
Do what is best for him. If she isn’t consistent and he’s showing signs of it at school definitely get a lawyer and signed statements from the school about his behavior. Poor guy.
I’m not sure what the laws are in your state. But I would take the final order back to court with reasons why and have it changed to visit to your degrestion, And keep track of dates when she didn’t show and did show. Cause in Ontario my son’s father was doing the same and I said the same thing your SO said and he took me court and I almost got charge 5000 for being in contempted of a court order. Your not wrong you have every right to protect the child’s feelings unfortunately depending on the final order unless you change it. She has that right when he wants to take him to do so.
No you’re not wrong. Her coming and Going in his life is going to take its toll… I would know. She either needs to care and be a mom or walk away. Kids are not pawns
You’re not his mom n she has the right to see her child. Maybe she has a work schedule or school schedule she has to work around too. Since she has visitation the custody arrangements maybe temporarily anyways
Follow what the order says to protect yourselves. If it needs tweaking, take her back to court & let a judge decide what to do with her.
You can’t make her participate but you also can’t violate the court order. Document all things and when you have enough go back to court.
No your not wrong. That child’s needs come first. Inconsistency is confusing and bad for children. But that is only my opinion. Do what is in the child best interest at all times no matter how you may not like it
NOT AT ALL. Kids get disregulated with inconsistent visits like this. She is either in or out. The court needs to know she is not being consistent. Keep a diary and journal of all contact with her. Present it to the court. You guys can even petition to get her parental rights taken away and you can adopt him. Sounds mean, bit the stability of children is number one.
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We are in the same situation pretty much and I have the same feeling of not wanting the kids to go or see her but unfortunately if the judge ordered he y’all have no choice or y’all are the ones in contempt. It sucks. The only way legally to not let him go is if you feel he is in danger or not taken care of when with the mom. We have done that before as well. You could always go back to court for less or no time at all or if she is inconsistent then she may just eventually fade out of his life in her own time.
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It sounds as if your son needs to see someone who can get him to talk ,in a safe environment. It feels like he may be having someone attempt to mess up his mind about who he wants to stay with.
Or he may have been molested and threatened not to tell. Then he would need some serious help.
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Go back to court and have the order amended. You can’t do this on your own it have to be through the court system that established it in the first place
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Court orders should be followed. Why is there supervised visits? If you know the visits aren’t supervised, then go back to court & either insist court appointed supervisor be there or reduce visitation.
No you are not. She is doing it to herself and hurting him in the process. He is young enough that if you keep her away for good, he won’t ask questions for another good few years. Then proceed, more than likely, to continue to not see her.
Speaking from experience since starting at 7 years old myself.
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I think you’re doing the right thing. Especially if she’s not following the court order. There is probably a good reason why she should be supervised. And her coming in and out of his life is going to cause him to feel like he’s not good enough or he’s lacking in some way.
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I will reiterate the court order needs to be followed. You should be writing down when she contact you or your husband and when she visits etc. If she is to be supervised how is that set up? If that’s not being done, DON’T let her have the child. You need to let the court know what is going on. Also, need specialist for child to see what happened during the one and only visit. Good luck.
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definitely need it supervised when it does happen…dont b the reason “the kid” doesnt see the parent,sounds like she will take care of that herself…this kid needs to and really has to know ALL parents involved love them. either she will step up and it will get better or she will go away little by little…
good luck, divorce sucks for kids.
This comment seems to come from your perspective as the parents- even at 4 your son should be asked how he feels about seeing his bio mom-if he responds in a positive way I would say to allow the visits to continue even if you do not feel they come often enough-there may be benefit to him you don’t know about-but if you see some signs of anxiety or negative reaction to those visits you have the right to go back to court and try to get that schedule changed.
I dont think you are wrong at all. The visits are to be supervised for a reason and he obviously has issues with seeing her. I do agree with most that his feelings should also he considers but at 4 he may not be able to fully Express how he feels.
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I would advise you to follow the order and if she isn’t doing that then she can’t see him…now if she wants to see him, and it works out that it can be supervised, then let him see her, but as far as supervision, I sould not allow him to be with her unsupervised because if something happens, you both low custody. Not allowing her to see him when she asks could be taken as isolating her from him which would be a violation of the order. As long as supervision is available, I would allow it.
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No you’re not wrong, if she cant be responsible enough to follow some rules set by a judge then she isnt responsible enough biological or not. That is only hurting the child in the end. She needs to take some responsibility for her actions if she wants to see him and not just when its convenient for her
Step moms that overstep make me so mad… His mom has the right to see him. You do not have any rights, it is up to his father and mother and the courts.
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I know if their is a court order from where I am from the other parent isnt allowed to take the co -parents time. You have problems file complaints with the court .
If the visits happen have them at a paid visitation center. We did that with my daughter, and my step son.
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If you have the court order, it needs to be followed by both parties or you could all be held accountable. If there are issues bring her back to court. Keeping tour son safe is #1! And hopefully the courts agree. Document every missed visit, every time there is no supervision, etc.
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If shes not doing supervised like ordered you dont have to send him. Make her sign up for a place that does supervised and she gets to pay for it. Guaranteed the visits will end for a while and that will be by her own doing
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You can’t make her be in her son’s life with or without a court order. However, I can say from experience it is better to have a parent completely out of a child’s life than to come in and out and disrupt the child’s emotional well being, especially if the teachers notice a change in behavior too. File for full, sole custody and ask for her rights to be terminated as it seems to upset and disrupt his emotional well being.
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Supervised visits are mandated she cannot get around that
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As unhealthy as that is if its court ordered visitation she can get the law after you guys if she’s smart enough to know that.
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Rotten but you can get in trouble and give her a case if you deny access according to court order. She can skip out on her visits but you cant stop her. So its best to keep documenting issues and keep pushing for her to have less access.
Take her back to court. Sometimes kids are better off without their bio parent or parents.
She is his mom. She will resent you if you keep her from her son.
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Let your son see supervised and by the order,
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Put the child first. Make her follow the order. Be consistent, it’s what’s best for him. If she has a problem she can go ask the judge (who she will have to tell she isn’t following the order) for you guys to give her time with him. If your child asks to see her, have him call her…but if he isn’t asking there is a reason.
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Do what is best for him.
This exact thing happened with my son. Eventually he moved 5 hrs north and stopped calling. He showed up Christmas eve at 10:30pm with an electric scooter for a 4 yr old. This scooter could go 15 mph. It went in a storage shed. Anyways he was supposed to pick him up around 11am to spend the whole Christmas eve day with his Dad and family. Unfortunately they never did come to get him and I wasnt chasing him down. My sons as bathed dressed and ready to go out but didnt know where he was going. We ended up waiting at home all day and he still never showed up. We decided to make the best of the day and carry on. The kids went to bed about 9:30 and an hour latter he’s knocking on my door. It wasn’t very nice visit for him, considering I said look weve been waiting for you all day now you wanna walk in here with this big gift as though he can use it when he’s clearly several years away from being able to use it as the reccomend age limit on the box.
All we heard was sorry nothing else. It is what it is my son hasn’t seen his bio Dad since he was 4 he is will be turning 13 next month.
Guess what it was rough and hard with the inconsistency in the beginning but when the consistency started with him being absent it was for the best. His grades behaviour and moral improved. He now calls my husband Dad and even says your the only who ever treated me like a real son “Thanks Dad”. He’s a straight A student on the wrestling and track teams. He has no interest in seeing his bio, and has made that well known. He is a child and none of his Bio Dad family could take the time to send him birthdays cards just saying we’re thinking of you a phone call to see how your doing.
We moved outta state 4 years ago and haven’t looked back tobe honest.
He got tired of the res