I wonder how many of you are real life Karen’s.
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I would just tell her that you’re trying to teach your children to clean up after themselves and ask if she can help remind them to do so after meals and at the end of the day before you get home.
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I’d rather pay for day care and come home and enjoy my kid not clean someone else’s mess…
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Are you sure they are being cared for properly? She should at least clean up food messes and spills. It would probably be better for everyone to just send them to daycare.
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Its common courtesy to tidy up as the day goes whether you are getting paid or not.
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I can’t understand some of these people here that are saying grandma!!! Can’t pick up simple things like that. Never heard of paying grandparents either. Lol no she should be totally telling your kids to pick up and put their dishes in the sink. However if she can’t make it to clean them thats another story since she is watching them/playing with them/paying attention and spending quality time with them.
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You sure she’s not still on drugs?? What you described sounded disgusting and I would not let my kids unsupervised with her.
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Why the F*** are you letting her watch your kids???
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Maybe its because I’m from a different country and where I came from family or grandparents watch grandchildren anyhow no matter what if their time permits but some of the stuff I’m reading is just crazy. I would never in the world pay my MIL to watch her grandchild. Lol this sounds ridiculous. Almost like its a business and not family we’re talking about.
Bugga that. Are you sure she’s clean… I wouldn’t be letting her watch them, doesn’t sound like she’s legit watching them at all. I’d be paying for childcare
You have a free sitter don’t complain? You want a clean house n kids looked after hire a nanny and pay!! How ungrateful
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Tell your kids to clean up when shes there…
Umm I wouldn’t even allow her around the kids let’s be honest.
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Just because she babysits for free doesn’t give her the right to trash her house. I’d sit and talk with her honestly and let her know you love her helping but it would be appreciated if she could help tidy up throughout the day.
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You got free childcare and your complaining?
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When i come home I expect my house to be in the same condition it was when I left no matter who’s watching my kids paid or not 
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Buy a tub of ice cream on ur way home n get them to tidy up b4 they get any. Ask mil to do dishes while u vaccum n then every1 can enjoy a treat together.
Kids won’t remember the mess n their Nana probably carries a lot guilt n desperate for their approval, therefore is over compensating with fun.
Then u cud ask her if she could have the dishes done b4 u get home etc.
Give the kids a job each time she babysits.
Both Nana & children may just need reminding that it’s not a free 4 all.
Forgive the past n try build on the now.
N hubby can help with the “deep clean”
Only my suggestions… Good luck!
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I wouldn’t have to ask if it was my mother n law. I would expect her to clean up any mess that the kids make in her care including not leaving food out and doing dishes that are used!
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She should tell your kids to clean up and throw the trash away and she should clean up her mess if she eats anything or makes a mess
Is she still doing drugs? I mean if your kids are old enough to know better then the problem is the kids… They shouldn’t need to be told, if they know.
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I can’t believe she find it acceptable to let the kids make the house so dirty. I do t feel like you’re asking for much. Just put the dishes in the sink, if there are spills clean them up or have the kids help clean them up. I don’t care if she’s getting paid or not. You may as well find daycare for them because she isn’t doing her job as a grandparent in my opinion. If they were over at her house would she let them do this???
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And we are sitting over here giving my mil shit every time she’s here for cleaning.
Wow is this even real ??!! What do you mean she wasn’t there for births only the two people who make the baby have any business there lol 
my mother in law has never “ been there for births” and I didn’t expect her to be and why Would you even trust someone who’s been on drugs around your kids ? Those kids are big enough to do chores
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I appreciate my darling MIL for her free babysitting, but i think its just common courtesy to clean up after ourselves… everyone in the house tries to play their part… and I wish she does too even just as a guest at your house
You’re not paying her. Keeping the kids alive & supervised is more than you should expect for nothing. Since your kids are old enough to clean up tell them to. Set up an reward system for rooms that are clean while you’re gone.
I pick up used toys from thrift stores, yard sales etc. I give my kids play money when I catch them doing good while I’m gone. They spend that money on the toys they picked out. You can do that. Kitchen clean when you get home ask who did it or better yet put up cameras so you know. Susie didn’t leave toys laying around? She gets $5. Etc. Make your kids responsible without making grandma the bad guy. If you go home to a mess get a trash bag out. Put all their toys, clothes etc they left out during the day in it. They need to buy that bag. Could be theirs, could be a siblings or could be trash. They make a mess of peanut butter they don’t get pb for awhile. After they’re left with nothing but bread or saltines & water to eat all day they’ll clean up after themselves.
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Regardless of you not paying her she should at least pick up or have the kids put the dishes in the sink or pick up after themselves. No matter the past there will never be making up for what she missed .
She’s there to baby sit without pay . Let her enjoy the kids and stop worrying about petty stuff . You could pay somebody to watch your kids , drop them off and pick them up before going home to a clean house
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My mom and dad watch my kids but they watch them at their house. Pending how far she lives see about taking them there. Then its her house not yours then you don’t have to worry about it. I work at night though so it isn’t as bad cuz they go there not long before bed and I pick them up when I get off in the middle of the night
To clean up after themselves yes. Other than that? No lol.
Pay her and you could aske her to tidy
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I will watch a any of my grand kids for free . I don’t consider it babysitting , to me it’s blessed time with my grand babies now the cleaning part ? I always pitch in and clean the entire house because I’m a clean freak and mess bothers me but sometimes I feel like I should’ve left it alone feeling like I invaded . So maybe ask her in case that’s the situation
Are the kids alive and well? If you want a maid pay for one.
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Let the husband clean up if he won’t talk to his own mother about it
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It depends. I appreciate when my MIL cleans after her and the kids when they play when she states she is coming to “help”. When she is coming to just visit and play I don’t expect her to clean up after them.
You aren’t paying her to babysit OR do housekeeping for TWELVE HOURS A DAY…?
She doesn’t owe anyone anything for “not being there” before as that is not a requirement because they are not her children
If your kids are old enough to know how to clean up after themselves but aren’t doing it the issue is YOUR parenting
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Grandmothers should get paid to baby sit even if they love their grandkids more than anything, Grandmas like to buy themselves nice things too , her time is just as important as anyone else’s
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I’d just take it upon myself to communicate with her. Tell her how appreciative you are that she is there watching the kids while you are at work, and then follow up and say that it would be really helpful if she AND the kids could pick up after themselves throughout the day. I usually say something like “we are really trying to teach the kids responsibility and cleanliness, can you help reinforce that while you are here?” Or something similar.
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Ummm pay a baby sitter then. You want free child care and a housekeeper because she fucked up?? Does she pay for this forever? I wouldn’t do I thing if my kids were entitled brats that expected so much
She doesn’t owe any of you her presence at a birth or birthday or whatever else
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And 12 hours a day? I’m in shock if this is real. People are not really this entitled please
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My hands are up for free childcare. I personally run an in-home daycare I have for two year olds that I watch on a daily basis. It is exhausting. Sometimes at the end of the day my floor is sticky there are dishes in the sink and there are milk stains everywhere not to mention the Cheetos in the sofa cushions. Cleaning up after for 2 year olds it’s like brushing your teeth while eating an Oreo it just doesn’t work. And I charge parents to make my house a mess. I make good money doing this also. The point is sometimes houses get messy during the day. I’d much rather my house be messy and the kids will kept clean dry bad no poopy diapers and taking care of then worry about a spill juice box or some dishes. Get your priorities straight it’s free childcare
ur so ungrateful! and if ur kids are old enough to clean up after themselves and they don’t that’s ur problem right there! u should try and pay a baby sitter for all frkn 12 hours n she/he still wouldn’t be required to clean. go take ur uneducated kids to a center n see if the employees there will come to ur house to clean too. u should consider her instead and teach ur kids to clean up after themselves bcz 12 hours w a bunch of kids that messy would kill anyone! that’s a shame to society right there! if they do that in their own home what are they like in public??
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Idk it is nice that she watches kids and all but I would ask if she could make sure dishes go in the sink and that the kids must pick up after themselves and that is the rules! Tell her if she lets the kids make messes like that then they don’t listen to you as well when you are home with them! I wouldn’t ask she clean up everything but I would ask she enforce your rules and just make sure dishes make it in the sink! Definitely make sure and tell her how appreciative you are of her and be nice about it but I mean it’s not hard to at least keep tidy it’s not like your asking she do laundry and cleaning washrooms
A free sitter would be great, but free doesnt mean be fuckin lazy. Come on now.
My mom is my sisters baby sitter and she cleans her ass off, all while having cirrhosis.
Whether she’s paid or not, she should clean up after herself and any mess she allows the children to make. I know not everyone was raised the same, but I was taught if ya make a mess, you clean it up, including any mess you allow the children in your care to make. I knew this as a teenager babysitting for my mom’s friends with younger kids.
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It doesn’t sound like you need her if they trash the house that much . And if your kids can clean themselves then tell them to clean not your MIL
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I gotta ask , what was the point in telling us her background.
Is she there to watch your kids for free or is she there to cook ,clean ,and babysit for free .
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I would tell your kids in front of your mother in law so she can hear… “ I expect this place to look the way I left it. I expect you to clean up after yourselves” etc. that way she hopefully gets the message.
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Free child care and messy house or pay someone to watch the kids
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I just thought it was common sense to clean up after a child 
especially after eating or playing with toys. Its not hard to tell a child to pick up their stuff. She should be happy to be with the kids alone after what she done. Definitely just ask her. How old are the kids? Maybe they could also do their part on cleaning up without being told.
I wouldn’t expect anything shes a grandmother not a cleaner if she’s manages to get the kids to tidy ots a bonus but no point in fretting bout it
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Wow. That’s all I can say 
You never said how old your kids are.
If you’re not paying your MIL, don’t expect her to clean up or pick up; regardless if your husband states what he does… What she has or hasn’t done isn’t any reason not to pay anyone watching your children.
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Tell her you can’t live like that! If the kids are old enough to pick up after themselves maybe they can remind her to clean up before you get home. She needs direction.
Why are you not taking the kids to her house? So she’s getting up and getting dressed and coming to your house and watching your children for 12 plus hours and you’re wanting her to clean. All for free? You’re using her! So sad! And when something goes wrong then you will have someone to blame right? I know how all this kind of situations turn out and your mother in law should think about changing her mind. But then you would probably get mad at her and try and keep the kids from her. No win situation for the mother in law.
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Honestly making up for lost time or not it is wrong to have requirements when not receiving a form of payment. It is her choosing to spend time with the kids. However as a guest she shouldn’t be trashing the house either.
Since she is watching your kids for FREE then she doesn’t need to do anything else! At least you have someone helping watch your kids…my kids never see there grandma unless i take them to see them and even then they dont baby sit ever so just because she missed out on things does not mean she HAS to watch them for FREE! And since your kids No better and are old enough to clean up after them selves I would sit down with them and tell them what you expect to happen while you are gone and then ground them if they do not clean up after them selves and just continue making messes
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Shes not your live in maid.
It sounds like you are getting free child care and you should just be thankful for that. She’s not your maid or your nanny. If you want one of those, then get one and pay them well.
My mom watches my son for free as well… she won’t take money from us, so instead I’ll buy her gift cards to get her nails done or something like that every once in awhile just so she knows she’s appreciated. I would never ask her to clean my house. She’s taking care of my baby and that’s the most important thing she needs to focus on.
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Clean up after your own kids…
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Maybe just say to her the children know how to clean up after themselves please would she give them a gentle reminder of whats required.
Sounds like a grandma hanging out with her grandkids. If you want a babysitter or a housekeeper, hire one.
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Well you get what you get with free but I would not my allowed to act in such a way bad habits are hard to break . I would have guide lines .
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They need to clean up she needs to clean up
It doesn’t matter if she’s watching YOUR kids for FREE,they’re her GRANDCHILDREN,and it’s common decency to clean after children,if they are of age talk to them let them know they should help grandma around the house,watching kids for that long can take a toll on you,however I don’t see that you are in the wrong here,except you can give her some type of payment tho,just my opinion strongs tho:cherry_blossom:
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Talk with your kids not grandma.
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If the kids make messes while she’s there spending time with them (you’re not there) then yes. She should clean the messes or at least help the kids clean them.
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So, you hire someone WHO WAS ON DRUGS, don’t pay her, and expect perfection. You are getting free child care, you cheapskates. It’s too bad she won’t clean up after the kids, but ALL things considered–like her coming to your house, NOT paying her mindset–if the kids are alive and well, safe and sound by the time you get home, her job is done.
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For some parents out there, that’s what schools are for.
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Wow you are something else…
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Yes it rude shes a babysitter not a housekeeper it’s two separate jobs . Plus you guys are wrong for ever thinking it’s okay for her making up for missed time are you serious 
missed time is gone get over it don’t hold that against her you guys are mean you know that. I really hope you know how lucky you are to be getting free babysitting
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Hmm, my mom passed away a year before my son was born …would love for her to just be able to spend time with my toddler whom she never got to meet, but hey that’s just me. 
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That to me should be apart of her “watching” the children cuz clearly she’s not making them behave how they would if u guys were home. Shes trashing the house then just leaving it as if she isnt the adult and telling the kids to pick up after themselves. Now I don’t think she should have to do dishes she didn’t dirty or that were dirty prior to her coming over and babysitting but I would say anything that she does use she needs to clean up too
Now as for the no payment thing I think u guys r being a tad ridiculous on. She made mistakes and is trying to make amends and the fact u guys see that as a reason to not pay her is selfish on yalls end. It doesnt matter what time she missed out on no matter what the reasoning may be. Shes still babysitting kids YOU chose to have and need a sitter for. Pay her. As I said she made mistakes that doesnt give u guys the right to still be punishing her for it by not paying the woman to come watch the children.
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Sorry about all you super perfect people with Lots of hateful comments considering this mother just wanted some advice, where’s all that uplifting each other women power at ? at the end of the day non of use know what this mama actually goes through behind closed doors with her mother in-law we are only getting a bit of the story so save the judgement and maybe give some advice that could benefit her?
- I would suggest talking to your babies about cleaning up after themselves and have like a chart with stickers for them and every time you come home from work and you see that things are clean or done you put a sticker next to there name and at the end of the week or on your day off you can give them a treat or new toy or take them out for the day ? Something like that anyway just a thought hope it helps and good luck
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Sounds like you’re taking advantage of her to be honest. You dont pay her because of the life she lived in the past and think she should be making up lost time by babysitting your kids for free? Yeah thats just low and being a user. Find a babysitter, maid and cleaner and pay them or have a conversation with your mother in law about wanting YOUR house to be cleaned and YOUR kids to be watched and pay the woman for doing that.
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Honestly it is ur house…so its up to you if you want her to pick up after the kids. I would suggest the light housekeeping n thats only cleaning up after the kids. If she cant respect the fact that it helps you when u cone home then find another sitter. Maybe give her one of two days to watch the kids.
Maybe find a childminder who will do all these things for you and let granny be just granny to the children .you will find you will have a better relationship with your mother in law if you do this .as one lady suggests maybe let her mind 1 or 2 days instead
You don’t pay for babysitting. Get a cleaner in. Problem solved.
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She isn’t obligated to do anything for your family. Honestly sounds a bit selfish of you just expecting her help. Now it does sound as though she could stand to be a bit cleaner but having to clean up after her I’m sure doesn’t take you that long. Bring it up to her or just let it go. You can’t force her. If your paid babysitter did that then you would fire them but she is helping you for free I would take every bit of help I could get. Nobody owes us anything. Don’t take people for granted
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I hear you love.
But Shes a grandma…things are suppose to be messy and fun…trash on the floor is a different story…but you also said your kids are old enough to know better. I’d be talking to them about cleaning up after themselves. Not grandma.
Toys all over means FUN happened so I wouldnt be upset over that?
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My aunt watches our kids and we had to make a time chart on when to clean and what to do before bed so that way she could remind them, but they knew and got into a routine of what was expected. Apart of watching kids is making sure that they have a responsible adult to ensure they’re taken care of and doing what they’re doing.
I would just make a chart and make sure she knows everything needs to be done by set time because the children are old enough to have chores and responsibilities and make sure she knows she has to enforce it
Your kids are your responsibility. Get a nanny and pay her with a clear job description of what’s expected. Or since she’s sitting for free and this allows her quality time with the kids…get a helper for the chores and tidying up
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It’s bad enough you aren’t paying her, she isn’t your maid too. Your kids, you teach to tidy after themselves. You are abusing her wrap how you want.
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If your kids are old enough and just have to be told…YOU tell them! Leave a chore list and consequences list!
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It’s not cool just leaving food all over the place she should at least be clearing up from meal times.
You aren’t paying her though maybe if you want her to clear up after the kids too work out some sort of small payment plan. As she is there to watch the kids not clean the house. She shouldn’t leave spilt drinks to go sticky though that’s just lazy.
She make happy your children . Thank’s her
Can the admins just turn off the comments of this post already this has turned very nasty and negative
Sounds to me like tou have your priorities mixed up. If she’s not doing the logical things, what else is being taught that you don’t know about.
I think alot of you are assuming lots if things. She never said they werent paying the MIL by there choice. I can tell u without a doubt that if my dad lived near me or my mom was still alive that they would probably be watching my kids. And neither of them would accept money for doing g it either. Maybe its OP and hubby’s choice not to pay, maybe it’s the MILs choice. Dont assume shes ungrateful and mean. It’s common courtesy if the mess has anything to do with the kids your watching then you and the kids are the ones to clean it. Since, the kids are old enough to clean, sit them and grandma down and tell the kids you need the house to be decent when u get home. That way, they know, and grandma gets the idea too.
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I’m deleting this group! Reading half of these messages makes me sick! A woman coming on here asking for help/advice and seeing all of these negative and discouraging comments is sickening! I would ask the same damn thing whether my kids know the difference or not whether the sitter is getting paid or not but if your watching my kids I expect my house to be the way I left it. for my kids to follow what they KNOW they are suppose to, they might as well be at home by themselves, if I can’t count on a paid or non paid adult to make sure my home is kept/maintained the way it was left damn right she has the right to question it!! I can’t believe the majority of these comments and I’m so glad I’ve never asked for advice in this group f$&@ing disappointing!!!
If you don’t like it then look after your own damn kids!
I don’t get why any mum would want to post on here i’ve seen numourus posts this week and majority of them have been filled with nasty spiteful comments … most of which are unfair and uncalled for. Before commenting you should be empathetic and place yourself in there shoes! She said her children are old enough to clean up after themselves so there for YES there grandma should definately encourage them to do so! “Put your dishes in the sink, pop your rubbish in the bin mummy’s been at work all day she doenst want to come home to this after” is what the MIL should be saying and encouraging. Shes allowing the children who again are old enough to tidy after themselves to disrespect their home too and be abit lazy when grandmas around! None of you would want to work a 12 hour shift and keep coming home to that be real and put yourself in that situation! Yes she should absolutely encourage them to clean away after themselves its basic 101. I would talk to the children infront of her and say you want them to start tidying up after themselves etc
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If your kids is old enough to pick up or tidy up after themselves then you should give them the responsibility of tidying up after themselves. I dont think its right to expect the mom in law to babysit and still clean up, hire a cleaning service few days a week to help you.
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For one, you can’t say “she’s making up on lost time” because all you’re doing is acting like you’re entitled to her babysitting because she wasn’t around… newsflash, she isn’t their parent and has that choice even if it sucks. Stop punishing her for her bad choices… as far as cleaning your house? No. But I’d make it clear she can’t just let the kids destroy the home & she needs to help hold the kids accountable because it teaches them to do it by themselves. If you’re gone all day then yes she needs to be helping to instill cleaning habits in your kiddos. But if she’s watching your kids for 12 hrs a day, why are y’all not paying her??? That’s a full time job!
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how rude you are really coming across as you and hubby having a huge sense of entitlement do your own cleaning and be thankful that she babysits for you and if its a regular thing like while you work or a few times a week pay her or buy her a nice gift. you and your husband need to grow up and adult seriously !! so is the house clean and spotless when she arrives to babysit also her past is exactly that her past. hmmmm big eye rolls all-around also what prevents you and hubby from cleaning? maybe put your kids in daycare while you work I’m sure they will not offer free babysitting and chuck in house cleaning as a bonus
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YOU tell your kids. Jesus
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Do all of you people live in filth? I was taught to clean up after myself. Ffs… She’s watching kids and they make a mess so she’s just gonna leave it… fuck that.
Maybe a chore chart with stickers for the kids would help her keep the kids on track.
Did y’all guilt her into watching the kids so much? Maybe hire someone to spell her a couple days a week or in the afternoons. How can she have a life after all those exhausting 12-hour shifts? How old are your kids? You’d have different expectations for 2 year olds vs. 12 year olds.
I don’t think you are coming across
Rude at all. I babysit me niece and nephew and they look after my
Boy, my Nan watches him etc and never would any of us expect to be paid. We all make sure the house is tidy for the other to come home to too. I literally couldn’t imagine leaving my sisters house for her to do after work. I really don’t think that that is too much to ask. If your kids are old enough tho they should understand. Some people are so judgemental and nasty and this group really has become very negative and just knocks people down all the time xx
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