Is it wrong to take away a childs birthday party?

Is taking your child’s birthday away too much? Like no presents & no party? Just a cake. My daughter will be 7 in two weeks & every morning all I hear from her is she dislikes me, us, this whole family. It’s all because I don’t always let her pick out her own clothes. She prefers leggings, I picked jeans this morning & a pair of leggings. She like ONE pair of leggings she’s got & we are so broke we can’t buy more than what she’s already got. (She has hundreds of clothes but refuses to wear over half of them). I think she has a sensory disorder so I’ve tried to accept that & work with her but it’s impossible. She throws a fit about what’s for dinner, doesn’t eat. She throws a fit if we don’t do something her exact way. I’m honestly just sick of hearing how shitty of a parent I am because I’m trying. I really am. I had kids way to young, I wish I’d have waited. I really don’t think I’m cut out for this & im to the point I just wanna give up and run away.


Don’t take a bday party away. I feel like she’d remember that always. Take something else away if need be.


I lived he’ll with my almost 7 year at the time, and supposedly it was hormonal, I did took her for behavioral therapy, I was at my ends, but don’t give up, she is little, and internally she might be screaming for help. Look for help.

Don’t take away the party. They remember forever.
Pick and choose your battles. Let her pick her outfit. Or if she can’t pick everyday allow her to pick certain days of the week. A “my turn, your turn,” deal. My son is 7 and also hates wearing jeans unless he’s “feeling fancy.” Lol. As far as dinner. Push what’s important, make Mac and cheese after. My son lacked major protein, so we often make deals “if he has 3 bites of protein he can have a Mac and cheese after.” Or whatever. As long as it’s not junk food.
Also, consider therapy. Sounds like there’s a lot going on. And remember when kids feel like there is stuff in their life that is out of control, they try to control everything they can. Not saying this is your situation, just food for thought.

I don’t believe I’m taking special occasions away from children. Please find another way to make your point.

I gave up on jeans with my kids a long time ago, it’s not worth the fight. Since she has so many clothes, could you go through them and try to sell them? Walmart has very affordable leggings 3-4 dollars. Also it sounds like she needs to see a dr and maybe try therapist for yourself. As far as dinner goes … another battle I choose not to fight … life is MUCH easier now.


Don’t take away her birthday party, if you do she will remember this forever, as for the clothes have her go through them with you, if she’s not going to wear them sell them snd buy her clothes she will wear.


My kids as a single parent test my patience but I would never take away a special day from them every birthday as a child I knew that was my day and you look forward to it punish her another way - but reading this don’t punish her for her wanting to have her own style I get stuff at thrift stores and wash the clothes for my kids on the name brands my son likes to wear his hair long it was hard accepting this. But I can’t cut his hair he would hate me. Had to learn to compromise because they don’t see how I see things communication is key xoxo


It’s most likely a sensory issue. My daughter has this and has never worn jeans. She will be 14 in a couple of days. If you buy her clothes at target cat & Jack brand you can return her. the ones she has grown out of or damaged etc with a receipt from up to a year ago. Maybe local FB tag sale or moms groups you may be able to get her the same brand leggings so she can mix it up a bit? Also has she been evaluated for ADHD? I would advise talking to your pediatrician and getting their opinion on her behaviors etc.


alot of people will probably give me shit, but NO its not wrong i had my first kid at 16 and kids figure out the dynamics of the house real fast. they are sponges. they will push and push no matter the situation. Trying to reason with a child who has no clue how to manage their own emotions is not only useless it senceless; lay down the law now set the tone NOW . you need to nip this in the butt NOW. otherwise you will forever be walked on. you are the parent. and if senscory issues are the case you need to find the line where you can communicate properly so each is undrstanding of set rules in which applies to all

My son is 14 years old and still won’t wear jeans and shirts with tags and I need to be removed all tags on his clothes so I would let her wear legging instead and have a small party

1 Like

She’s 7 let her pick her own clothes out for the day.mine do and I have them do it the night before so it doesn’t take so long the morning of school also the food if she does have sensory issues that has a big part to do with not wanting food. My 5 year old is like that. I just put some things he likes on the plate like goldfish and fruit and Mac n cheese then puta few bites of the other things he is always fighting me for and if he will eat the few bites of food I let him have a treat. For us the treat usually is just a cookie or small candy. Gets them to eat and try new things and still get food in their system :woman_shrugging:


My grandchildren don’t like jeans either ! They like sweat pants or leggings

my mom once took away my birthday. im 34. i still remember. i also was 7. i never hated her more then that day :frowning: and she was a great mom. never did me wrong. i was a brat lol :laughing: this is a stage. she is testing you. don’t give up. at 7 they are buttholes…


She sounds like she is on the spectrum. She has food issues, clothing issues. She can’t help this and what she wears to school isn’t worth the fight. Don’t take away the birthday party, etc. Google autism, it will help you understand. It may not make it easier. There is help out there. Check out the state.


If you need someone that had kids young have felt this way and have a kid with sensory issue. Msg me. Mine will be 19 this year

Its not about the presents. Its about celebrating birth…The day God gave us their presence :pray:…take that anyway you will… but never take away that gift

If you suspect she could have a sensory issue (and from what you’re describing it sounds very possible) then u you would be punishing her for being a child that may have special needs. A lot if what you describe sounds like my daughter when she was younger. She has SPD (sensory processing disorder) and it affects soooo many things. Please get her doctor to refer her to an occupational therapist to be evaluated. They will help her and you find ways to make life better. It’s better for us, but a lot of that is time and learning do’s and don’t s.

Who cares what she wears as long as she has clothes on,and dont take away the party and invite everyone dont exclude anyone

She’s 7…just let her pick out her own clothes🤦‍♀️

1 Like

Your not alone this is a very hard age.

You need therapy… Now. You’re going to put her through an ass of trauma if you don’t go talk to someone. You literally acknowledged that her issues may be outside of her control in the same breath that you talked about heavily punishing her for what she can’t control.

Everything you said…she feels.

All I can say is yikes on your part, do better mama


If you think her behavior is the result of a sensory disorder, then no, you can not take away her birthday. You are punishing her and she doesn’t have control over the way she is feeling. In my opinion taking away a child’s birthday is not an appropriate punishment but that’s just my opinion. But in this situation it is way too harsh. Instead try buying the kind of clothes she is comfortable in. Leggings are probably much cheaper than the clothes you’re buying so it’s a win win.


I have a child with a sensory disorder, and I’m going to tell you have to pick your battles, let her wear the leggings, food could be issues with the textures,
I also have a child with no sensory issues and having convos would help, take a deep breath,
If you think it’s a sensory issue call her doctor, my son lived in sweatpants for almost 2 years because he couldn’t handle any other, if you have questions about it you can pm me

Let her wear what she’s comfortable in, that sounds like a control issue and will cause alot of unnecessary stress…
Do you eat foods you don’t like? Let her help pick some dinner items so you know she will eat at least one item you make. She’s a person too!


Before even considering such measures decide what sort of relationship you wanna have and how you wanna be remembered


Simple tell her if she doesn’t change her attitude then her party is canceled…

Don’t take away her party and stop buying clothes you know she doesn’t like.

I think you may need to see a doctor yourself. Sound like you could really benefit. Especially since you say you think your child has sensory disorder and you can’t handle it

I wouldn’t take away her party as a child I remember being punished on my bday for something that wasn’t in my control and it still affects me.

1 Like

This isn’t take birthday away material in my opinion. If you can afford a party how about abort the party to take her to the store and she can pick her clothes. I wouldn’t punish her. Most my kids especially my girls don’t like the clothes I pick. I just have them pick their own. Go through the clothes she has and doesn’t like and either give them away or sell them. (Mine don’t like jeans either) I have 6 living and 2 angels. Compromise here please.

1 Like

Fyi my kid was exactly the same and turns out all those things were related to being autistic and he couldnt help them, wearing same clothes was a safe option for him or sensory he likes only certain material. Jean’s were a massive no!
He had so many clothes but only wore a few. Used to tell us he hated us to out of frustration because he was overwhelmed which happens over little things when your neurodiverse
Dont punish her with taking away a party look into why shes suffering this way


Is it wrong to take a birthday party away?
The answer is…that REALLY depends.
I won’t say it’s always wrong but it’s definitely not always right either.
In your case? Here’s a little food for thought:
You think she may have a sensory disorder because of her clothing preferences. Ok. Fair. But…do you know that if she has a sensory disorder that can and will transfer to things other than clothes (like food)? Do you know that while it’s possible for SPD to be a standalone diagnosis it’s usually accompanied by ADHD or ASD? Those two conditions present differently in girls than they do boys.
The suspected SPD combined with other behaviors I’d be willing to hazard a guess that your child potentially has one or the other.
I wouldn’t take her birthday away…I’d speak to her doctor and take steps to get an evaluation. You can’t parent a Neurodivergent child the way you’d parent a neurotypical child and get the same results.
And also…that doesn’t mean there’s anything ‘wrong’ with her either. Her brain just works differently.

Take a breath…Being young doesn’t make you unqualified to be a parent.
And We all get overwhelmed.

1 Like

Well as far as what a kid wants to wear I just let them. My son would wear his buzzlightyear costume for days sometimes. That was a fight that I didn’t want to have unless it’s just his underwear going out in public but depending on circumstances I would just allow it. Food well that’s a whole different topic. I am picky my son is picky I don’t force food and my hubby hates it. As my son is older now he tries food and not as picky as he was. Good luck parenting can be a bit of a challenge at times. Just keep your head up I feel like we have all been there at some point in time.

For starters; breathe mama. :heart: my now 12 year old was an absolute shit around 7-8 years old. Don’t take her party away, I know it sounds like a good consequence, but she’ll stick with that memory for the rest of her life. You’ve already got things planned, it sounds like. Grounding after the party, maybe. But really; if you suspect sensory problems; have her evaluated. It could explain some of the behavior too, there could be an undiagnosed mental/behavioral problem. That’s where I would start, therapy would be my next suggestion; whether she’s had something blatantly traumatic happen or not, a therapist is a good unbiased person for her to speak with about life and her problems without feeling like she’s going to get in trouble.

Why can’t she pick her own clothes out? I wouldn’t take away her party. Stuff like that is to this day why I dislike my mother and we rarely speak.

Maybe try seeking therapy for her, it definitely sounds like something is going on…. In my opinion don’t take her party away until you’ve spoke to a therapist and tried to help her understand her feelings and emotions first… you may be punishing her for something she can’t even control herself!

1 Like

Sell the clothes she doesn’t like. To get some leggings she prefers. As an adult would you want to be forced to wear clothes you don’t how they feel?

Don’t take away the party.

Offer to let her help make dinner!

Let her pick out what she wants to wear, it’s not going to hurt her.

She’s also entitled to her feelings. She’s a human just like you. Kids need to be taught how to express themself in a healthy manner.


I wouldnt take away the party. You and her and you and her only, go out and have a whole day and just get an understanding and a bond. Talk to her and listen without interrupting. Be honest. I let my 7yr old pick her own clothes out. Your kid tho and you do what you need. Sending hugs and prayers

My oldest was like this an when I got fed up an got her a behavior therapist I was told just let her dress her self an long as the clothes are clean don’t fight with the kid mind you she had lots of clothes an with tags an all I gave them away she grew out of it an one day she asked can I buy her a pair of Jeans 6yrs later but what I did was I took her to the store an let her try on the jeans make sure they fit how she wanted an told everyone for birthdays an holidays to get her gift card to the stores she like an she can pick them out my 7yr old now does the samething I’m like well go pick out what you want an ill do your hair I’m not fighting in the morning over clothes you got that cuz that’s the last thing I wanna do

No taking away her birthday maybe something else if she’s acting out but I feel the birthday thing might be to much

That is fight that I don’t pick with my kids. As long as the outfit is school appropriate they can pick what they want. I don’t care if it matches, is on backwards…whatever works goes. They pick it out the night before for approval so there don’t any fighting in the AM. My middle child has sensory processing and requires me to buy tagless shirts or cut tags out. Certain materials bug her. We navigate it, but never in the morning. Always the night before. I think you go through your daughters clothes together and pull out anything she won’t wear and sell it. Keep only clothes she will wear even if it’s a few outfits. She can rewear and pair them to make it work. You can use the money from the ones you sell to buy some cheap replacement items from an inexpensive store and let her pick them out. From there on, it shouldn’t be an issue.

I let my 5yo pick out her own clothes because it’s easier than fighting it and as long as she’s not wearing something outrageous (like a bathing suit with pants) to school and it’s weather appropriate I don’t care. It sounds like she has sensory issues and can’t help the way she feels about it in regards to her clothes and food. You could take all the clothing that you know she will never wear and sell it, using the money to pick out clothes thats better suited to her needs. I would also look into getting her tested for autism, though I don’t think that is what this is but it’s still good to 100% know. You can also look into behavioral therapy to see if that helps with her outbursts.

Don’t take her party and presents away that’s just cruel.

I would still do cake and ice cream at your house

If you think she has sensory issues then why on earth would you punish her? Especially taking her birthday party away

I wouldn’t take away bday. Take a breath and talk to her dr about behavior if u think it’s a sensory disorder that would def play a part in her behavior, defiance and her emotional regulation which makes her outbursts that much more erratic. That’s where to start you have to educate yourself on ways to cope w her behavior and work w therapists because seems like something deeper is going on

Let her pick out her clothes. She’s her own person. Have a party and let your close family ( know she loves leggings). I recommend supporting her likes and interests and I bet the fights will stop. My daughters like leggings and I’m okay with them not wearing their jeans as it’s uncomfortable for them to play in. Don’t take it too heart that She’s saying she doesn’t like you personally… shes little and can’t truly express her feelings-- She’s only 7. I’d imagine she’s saying she doesnt like not being supported in what she would like to wear. Also try including her when you’re preparing dinner so she can become interested in what she’s eating. I’m sure you’re a great mom. I do strongly believe if you can’t take care of her maybe asking a close family friend who can help out in caring for her too.

Don’t take away the birthday party. Find alternate discipline. Also as for the clothes issue…. Let it go. So what if she won’t wear a lot of what she has. Work with her and only buy what she will wear

Maybe I was too lenient as a parent when my daughter was little but I’ve been letting her pick out her own clothes since she was 4 or 5. She’s 12 now. If she wanted to go to school in striped pants and a polka dot shirt, more power to her. The only rules I had for clothing was it had to be weather appropriate (no shorts/tank tops in winter). If she wanted to wear the same pants all week, I’d just hand wash them between wearings. I’d also let her pick out her own food.

Moral of the story: Pick your battles. If your child isn’t harming anyone else or themselves, let it go. When my daughter said she hated me, I’d respond back with I love you!

I don’t understand, you’re so broke you can’t afford another pair of leggings but can afford a party?
If you think she has any type of disorder you should be more concerned with getting her evaluated rather than punishing her for something she might not be able to control

Yes it is wrong to take away a child’s birthday. You said yourself that you suspect it’s a sensory issue. I get that you’re annoyed but your triggers are not her responsibility. You’re going to punish her for something beyond her control. Work on ways to find solutions to the problem instead of focusing on punishing her. If she only likes one pair of leggings, sell some old clothes or tell people to get a bunch of them for her birthday. If she is having food aversions, stick with what she will eat to avoid arguments over dinner and put things to try on the side.

My oldest daughter is on the spectrum and was diagnosed with autism at age 8, we went to specialist that dealt with her particular one. I was advised to pick my battles if I wanted to have a good relationship with her as an adult. She picked her own clothes, ate what she wanted (of course from what was made for dinner, nothing special) and if she didn’t eat, she didn’t eat…made lists for her to follow and lots more. Point is don’t punish like taking away a birthday party until you’ve figured out what the issue is…take away, tv, video games, staying up on a weekend etc. ALL kids at one point or another say they hate you and that your a bad parent, but in the end they will look back and say thank you for being there for me and being a good mom. I have 3 girls and they are all my best friends now at age 33, 31 and 25. Good luck momma, you got this!!

First momma- breath! Parenting is tough on top of sensory issues. As a mom of a 14yr old who makes me want to run away constantly YOU ARE NOT ALONE-!
See if your city/subdivision has a fee page and do and ISO hand me down leggings in her size. Be firm with dinner, here is what I have made, if you aren’t happy with dinner you can make yourself a sandwich (something simple) or have a couple pieces of fruit. As for doing things her way, I’m still trying to work this out in my own life so “I got nothing!” As for only offering her a cake, i think that’s acceptable (some kids don’t even get that). I struggle but I do addressed ungrateful with worlds like- I love you but when you are ungrateful for what you do have I do not need or want to do any “extra”. I can’t and won’t say I have it figured out because that would be a lie. I just keep on keeping on, I pray and ask for wisdom and I do a lot of crying and exercise to help me deal with the sense of being overwhelmed. You are not alone, praying for wisdom and small victories.