I wouldn’t take my pre teens phone before bed as if we keep her sheltered than she wont mature or know how to handle anything if everythings earned like a phone. Her dad wants her to have a phone himself which means to check it once in a blue moon but let her enjoy it without 7 or 8 different rules because pre teens gets to enjoy phones now without having to keep them earned especially if her dad wants her to have a phone she shouldn’t have to have 10 different rules to follow especially at 12 and 13 years old.
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I got a cell phone at 11, but they weren’t as expensive or elaborate as they are now. Just have a conversation with her giving her your expectations and the details of how much things cost on your plan, etc so she can avoid making accidental purchases or issues.
In this age? No 12 would be fine, but monitor!
I would say it’s OK, especially if Dad wants to keep in touch with her and you can keep in touch with her when she goes to visit Dad
You could put restrictions on it so she can’t accidentally find her way onto a site she shouldn’t be on
You could have it PAYG so she can only use it at home when connected to the WiFi and under your/Dad’s supervision, without data it’s just a camera with a calculator
I got my first phone at that age but there was no such thing as smart phones back then 
My advice would be just make it very clear that anything she is not comfortable with to come and speak to you.
I have a daughter the same age, she has a phone, i use family link, although this limits what she can download i.e. youtube, Snapchat etc.
She does have whatsapp, as she uses that to communicate with her friends and older siblings.
But anything she’s not sure about she comes to me, i.e. unknown numbers, texts indicating bullying.
Focus less on what she needs to do to keep the phone, focus more on being online safe!
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Aww am a new mum and its been amazing since i join this group am really learning alot and no regrets… reading this one will give me tips on how to handle my son when he becomes of age he is less than a year now
If u have issues with devices and phones at this age as I have in the past as well. Use Family Link. You control everything. U control the hrs they can be on the phone/device, u can unlock or lock it. U control what apps they get to download. And best of all the Youtube on there is only kids you tube. You can see how long and what they have been doing, all from your own phone. It also has a bedtime when u want to set a time on it. And it will unlock when u set it. It has helped so much. And when ur child wants to download something, they have to request it from their device and u get to deny or approve from yours. It makes life so much simplar.
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We put our sons phone to a setting that it will only receive calls from contacts WE put in. ie: us, his brother and his 2 friends we left in KY
My rule for phones has been middle school aged which sounds like yours is. The rules you have are great. I have 2 teenage boys they know I reserve the right to ask for and look through their phone without warning. I have a few times and all was good and its been a while since have looked. If its a gift from the other parent I see no issues, let him know what your house rules are with the phone.
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There is a phone called Gabb wireless - looks like a smart phone, but it only allows kids to call, text, listen to music, and take pictures - not send them ( and then other basic functions like: calendar, calculator, etc.) There are no games, no internet, no social media. For our family this was a good compromise.
My 11 year old got his own phone when he was 8. It was needed for our lifestyle. We have no home phone so he needed to have a way to contact us.
I have his email account on my phone as well as all his accounts on my phone. It’s simple to add. I also have his phone set to “do not disturb” during school hours, only numbers that can get through during this time is myself and his father. Though his teachers have often let them use their phones for work, calculator, music etc. His phone charger stays on the main floor, if he brings the phone to his room it will be dead by morning so he doesn’t. We got him the samsung j3, cheapest smartphone we could find. I also do not allow a password, so we can have access at all times, as well as his younger siblings in case of emergency. Also, his Google account has his age, so he cannot access inappropriate content for his age.
First, I think your rules are reasonable.
Second, i would install family link (parents to yours and childs to hers). It gives you control over what she can or cannot download. It gives you control on how long she can be on certain apps.
It’s a really wonderful tool when we’re talking about kids and tech that they may or may not be ready for.
Maybe something like a track phone where she cant get on anything. Just being able to call and text would be more beneficial. Then if she can show she is responsible then upgrade in a year or two. If dad wants to video chat then use a your device. Just an idea.
That was the age my boys got their phones. The fact you don’t like the car pool line and will have her walk to meet you is huge. Our middle school is a hot mess with parents doing pick up like that I also think if dad pushed the issue at this point he would have a point Communicating with her dad freely should not be contingent on grades or chores at 12 she should be able to call her dad whenever she wants
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It sounds like you have a good plan!
I let my oldest have one at I think around 10 though the reason why was for safety. So she would text me when she got to the bus stop when she got to school and when she left school lol 
. We had a scary experience when she was younger. She got on the wrong bus and when I was picking her up at bus stop she never got off and the bus driver had no idea where she was. I was running all over to other bus stops and was like u better find her and was about to call cops when her school called let me know she got on wrong bus. Scariest moment of my life. So when she was about 10 I couldn’t walk her anymore and I had her text me often. I got a app life360 and it lets me know where she is at all times she is 15 and I still have it. So I guess I would say no but have rules for it.
Get her a phone keep the rules and you can put child locks on phone and apps to track it and her messages and block curtain internet access
Those are great rules! Make sure dad is on the same page with the rules, hopefully he is!
Too young IMO. As someone who works with kids of all ages I see what these kids do on their phones when unsupervised. I’ve had the most issues with 5th and 6th graders on their phones and having to take them away!
get her a flip phone in my opinion that’s all a 11 year old needs. It will work for basic calls and texts.
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You can put setting on the phone that will block certain apps and such. I have the family google app it links my phone to my daughter’s. It allows me to see and app she wants to download and requires my approval to download. There are many ways to keep her safe and allow her to have a phone to communicate with her father more often.
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Don’t forget to let her know that deleting the history you will be able to read it all on an account made for the phone. You will need to buy a app tracker for uses
You answered your own question. She is not mature enough. I will not allow my son to have a phone until he is 16. He is 11 also. I’m a bus aide and it would shock you if you heard what theses kids talk about on the bus. Kids 11-14 are the worst on my bus.
She will lose trust in you every time you do a “random check” on her phone. If you think you cant trust what shes going to google search or who she’s talking to then don’t get her a phone. Build a relationship where you don’t have to pry into her privacy like that. Build one where she trusts you and will tell you who she’s talking with.
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I don’t see your rules as an issue but talk to her dad about it too. Don’t leave him in the dark, co-parent, be on the same page. Maybe he could add a couple rules as well.
If you have to question yourself, it’s not the time. She’s too young. I have a 10 year old son who is an absolute angel, but there’s no way he’s getting a phone any time soon. Maybe look into a kids smart watch that can make calls and texts, but you can limit the contacts she can have.
Isn’t there apps now where you can control everything on her phone what time it’s switched on and when it turns it self off etc and you can check everything that she has been doing.
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You could set a time every day that she has the device and then take it away when they’re done talking? I have a sister her age and she can’t be responsible with her devices either, it’s really tough, I get it. You don’t want to strip it away but you don’t want them in trouble or worse.
She can delete history so take that one off qnd just do it at night lol
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Random checks won’t work unless she’s smart. She’ll delete everything every time that phone is put down. The only way you can kno will be to look online and see times she used it for internet usage but not what pages they were.
Where is her ownership in getting a phone? Has she had to earn it?
I mean your house ur rules. If he wants to gift it to her they both need to know rules. That simple.
I say yes and let her dad know the rules.
Put the life 360 app on it. It will keep her from downloading anything unless you approve it and you can see everything she does
Sounds good maybe ask her to add to the list to make her feel a little in control and definitely get parent controlls on it.
Years ago I would have said ro young for a phone. Now it is almost essential to a kids safety, especially at this age. I think all your rules are reasonable, includingthe suggestion by Hope Yates for all passwords. Should you have to take her device away, have her father set up regular time to call her. It text you when he plans to call her. There are also apps where you can track how much time she is on it, when and what apps. Good luck.
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Quostodio let’s you track and control EVERYTHING on her phone.
Sounds like she has matured and with your rules she should be ok. I do believe the checks should be done every night when you take her phone at betime. Knowing that mom will be reviewing her activity each day will give her the security to stay safe and the excuse for friends “my mom checks my phone every day”.
I personally don’t think she’s to young not in this day and time. I also agree with most of your rules with the exception of randomly invading her privacy. But, she’s not my child so do whatever you think is best there.
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I use an app called our pact to keep control of my daughters phone. I choose when she can and cannot use it and choose what can be on it at all times. It keeps her safe and out of trouble.
There are so many new apps out there that allow parental control I’d look into those.
I think 11 is too young for a smartphone but I’d never judge anyone for doing what’s best for THEIR family. I have major paranoia about social media and kids. If it were me, I’d get her a phone that she can text and call on but that she can’t access any social media with. You just have to do what’s best for y’all. She sounds like she’s nailing everything though so that’s awesome.
I am sorry but good luck I told my kids they weren’t getting a phone until they got a job to pay for it mine were 16 when they got there’s but my sister gave my daughter a phone (that I said it was ok ) and she was not sensible with it took it off her and she had snuck it and did silly things and I said I would check it kids these days a way better at covering there tracks when it comes to technology but is ok now nearly 19 just be careful
I’ve told my daughter 12 and if she can handle the rules that come along with the phone she has now. Which is only used for games that I approve and down load and they arent allowed internet access unless they want to watch netflix on the phone and then they have to come ask. They dont get it during the week weekends only and only then if their chores are done and their attitude was in check for the week. If they sneak the phone or have it when they know they arent supposed to then the phones get taken until I decide they can have them back. Which I’ve taken them for 3 weeks before.
Now she can hv the phone yes.now let me tell u wht i did with my grandson it worked well .sit her down hv a convo wth her let her know wht is expected absolutely NO fb.give her limits to the phone from 10 in the morning put it down at 1pm do your studies put it down ay 5pm.thn she has it again from 6-830 thts when it ends for the day note well there will be a place where tht phone will be everytime she has to put it down tht will be the phone area.i did tht and it worked very well.Dont let it get out of hand
I didn’t get a phone until I was 15 and I had to do chores for money to buy minute cards. My very first cell phone (that I did not have to do chores for) after I turned 17, was a walkie talkie boost mobile flip phone. It was like a burgundy and silver phone. Idk. All depends on why she got it taken away. I know someone who had a 12-13 yr old daughter sending nudes to random guys on the internet. When her mother took her phone away, she lied to her school and said all the marks and bruises on her body was from her mother beating her. Her mother never once laid a hand on any of her children. Her mother also found in her phone…she was gonna go do an acid drug run (about $400 worth) with a few 20 year olds. 🤦 No longer lives with her mom and does whatever the hell she wants.
A 12 year old does not need a cell phone period. If the father wants to call, text or whatever he can do it through the mother’s phone.
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If she has her period, does after school activities, or goes off with friends, she needs a cell phone. You can very easily install a parental control app to lock certain downloads and times from her use but, if she’s at an age where her comfort or safety could be in any way compromised, she needs a way to get in touch with you or her father.
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I didn’t get a phone until 8th grade but my daughter whos 9 now got hers when she was 8. I’m separated from her dad but she also spends one night a week at grandmas so he can see her. We got her a phone so she could keep in touch with all of us. It’s on a T-Mobile plan and what she downloads on it has to be approved. If you think she’s matured and is doing well enough to earn it I say go for it!
It depends what she was doing before. If it was regular rule breaking by a 12 year old and you think shes earned another chance… go for it. I think as long as you are open with her about dangers of the internet and do some monitoring it’ll be fine.
My 11 year old has a phone, but only because I have Bark installed. It alerts me to any questionable text messages, photos, or even things pinned to Pinterest. I use it to monitor her Snapchat, and her music choices, too. It gives me the ability to keep track of anything to do with depression, bullying, or indecent…without having to personally go through her phone over and over again. It’s been fantastic. You can set the level of monitoring based on your guidelines, and you can even set it to automatically disconnect from WiFi at bedtime. It’s well worth the $9 per month that I pay.
It monitors their phone and sends notifications only when sketchy activity pops up — things like depression, sexting, cyberbullying, and online predators. Sign Up for Bark | Bark
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Try an app called family link through google play. You make her an email address for a child. Put her birthday (make the year younger cause once 13 hits you have no control over the device.) You can set a bedtime where the phone locks on its own every night. You can see her location, you can set her screen time, you can change her pin to her phone and lock it. Every app she wants it sends an approval request directly to you. And you can say yes or no. I did this to my son and it worked out really well
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So why dont he get a tablet to do all that instead of a phone and you can monitor it set up only kid approved stuff so it dont get out of hand
Dont get her something to Expensive my starter phone was a Motorola flip phone at age 13 but for video chatin get something small that will work and yea set rules for her i was never allowed to take my phone to school not that there wouldve been a reason to take it at that age anyway
I personally got my first phone when I in 4th grade, granted it was one that you could only talk with. It was mainly because my mom wanted me to be safe and be able to call her when I got home, if I was going to stay at the park with friends, and of course if there was an emergency. Nowadays they have “kid” phone plans where you are able to control everything including who they are able to call or message/receive calls and messages from, can also track what is being sent and received in case there is foul play. It may seem overprotective to some but the world is crazy so starting with a plan like this isn’t so horrible. Though as a preteen she may not understand why you are being overprotective. But it will put your mind at ease. I think laying a few ground rules is great but they won’t stop her from testing the waters and seeing how far she can bend the rules. This shouldn’t stop you from giving her a phone though. If it doesn’t work out you can always take it away, but give her a chance to be responsible and prove you wrong.
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i was 17 and the only reason i got one was bc i got a job and paid for it myself. my boys will have phones once they start playing school sports and staying after, going to sleepover friends houses etc. with how crazy this world is i want them to be able to have contact with me at all times!
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Depends what works best for your family. Everyone is different. Also depends on the maturity of your child. Definitely use parental settings
I mean if they’re dealing drugs they at least need a beeper and code number for where to meet but they still shouldn’t have a phone that young.
I will say my 9 almost 10 year old has a phone and the decision was based off that he travels to his dads a whole state away every other weekend and was not able to call home when he felt he needed to, so i broke down and added him to my plan. However with an android phone you have google apps and i was able to set his phone up as a childs phone and i have an app on my phone called family link. It lets me put restrictions on his phone like he cannot download games or apps without coming to me and asking me to put in my password as permission so we all know what he is downloading. He is not allowed to download anything that is not age appropriate as it is restricted on the phone and i can even set up when he phone will lock at night for bedtime and unlock in the morning when he is up and i am able to add extra time say he is with his grandma and they are out alittle later than bedtime or his dad asks for me to add more time for that day past his bedtime. It keeps a peace of mind in knowing he cant get anything that is not appropriate until he is older and it still gives him a complete useable phone. If he does not do homework or chores the phone gets locked but with that he is still able to make phone calls just not txts or games
Gabb wireless phones look like the common iphone. But all they do is basic… calculator, calls and text. No internet, no games or apps or video chat or picture messages. May be a compromise so dad can still call🤔 but she can’t get into a lot of trouble with it. I’m thinking of going this route when my girls get older
My kids will start with a flip phone in middle school. I want them to be able to get ahold of me if needed and vise versa
I’m gonna say this. If there have been issues in the past with devices (I’m assuming inappropriate things looked up maybe?) If u tell her there will be random checks, she will make sure to delete everything constantly. Your rules are fine, but get a parental control app so u can see what shes doin
There is an app you can install called family link, it allows you to monitor what apps they’re using and set limits or keep them from downloading or using certain apps that are not allowed and even set age limits for their browser so they can’t stumble into inappropriate material.
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My grand daughter’s 11 and has had a phone since she was 9. Everyone in her class has a phone.
My son is 12, he has had a phone for a few years now. iPhones have Screentime on them which allows you to monitor their phones remotely and make changes as needed. Also Find My Phone which allows you to GPS track them. My sons teacher once called me that he had his phone out during class, I immediately locked him out of the phone and all he could do was call me or my husband. I do the same thing with punishments, if he needs the phone for a particular app I will unlock the app for X amount of time and then it goes back to being locked. I do random checks as well.
Ironically husband and I were talking to my son about growing up and the cell phones we had and how nothing was unlimited and you had to wait till 9 to call your friends for free, my 12 yr had so many questions because to him it was a foreign concept of having to pay for minutes 
From experience with my oldest son (step) he is 12/13 when he got his phone even though we didnt think it was a good idea. Sure enough not even a couple months into having it he was doing “stuff” he wasnt supposed to. Now if it was up 2 his dad & I he would have a flip phone with just call & text cause kids dont need all the other stuff until they are responsible enough.
personally i think it’s alright just make sure your watching what she does!
I would also add if dad is getting the phone for her, make sure you two are on the same page (like it gets taken away should she do something she shouldn’t be)
Why not just get an app like Family Link on it to restrict usage times, usage amount, specific apps, etc.
Peace of mind in all directions.
I got a phone at 10 with no restrictions. It was a smartphone. Yeah I ended up on sites I shouldn’t have been on BUT I was a good kid, kept my grades up, and rarely went anywhere. I was just mainly at home and bored. My rule for my kids is that I don’t expect them to be any better than I was. I know we all want our kids to be the best people possible but its not realistic. So if I did something as a kid and see them doing it. I’m not going to absolutely go nuts and bust their behinds. I’m going to explain what the problems are why things are bad. Get to know what motivated them in the first place to get to that level and then give them a 2nd chance. That’s how we learn.
Maybe her dad can add her to his plan and certain cell phone companies have plans for kids/teens that you can put restrictions on.
Mt kids didn’t get one until they went into highschool, didn’t need it before that
iPhones have settings now that you can set to control literally everything. You decide whether they can download apps without permission, whether they can use safari, how long they’re allowed to use the phone for, whether they can listen to explicit music etc and you set it up with a passcode. I still won’t let my 12 year old have one but you can make it safe.
I think it’s a good idea at that age to have a cell phone, especially for safety reasons. But there should be some supervision. Cell phone stays on the counter or living room table with the volume on. When a text or call comes through then she can use it. If she goes somewhere, she can bring it… but some parental locks should be in place.
I would also add a rule that she can’t erase any search history. I’ve heard of kids trying to hide sites or searches from their parents that way
My step son has a phone. It’s an issue because all he wants to do is play on it. We set parent restrictions on it and he can only use it for a couple hours a day during the week and when he doesn’t take care of his responsibilities he loses it first. He lied to us the other day and it will be gone for a month. He can only use it to call his non and it goes back in our room.