Is My 11-Year-Old Daughter Too Young for a Phone (We've Had Issues with Devices Before)?

Motherhood
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QUESTION:

"Okay, so here it goes… I have an 11-year-old daughter. She will be 12 in March. Her father, who lives in South Florida, wants to buy her a cell phone for Christmas so that he can call/text/video chat with her.

Over the last year and a half or so, I have had several different issues with her and ‘devices.’ She’s been given phones and tablets to play games on, video chat with family, talk to her friends, etc. But every single time, I end up having to take it away from her within 1-3 weeks…

I won’t get into the details, but let’s just say she was just not mature enough or responsible enough to have the phone or device. Well, fast forward several months… And she is doing so well! She has been doing online school and handling it like an angel. Her grades are all A’s & B’s. She keeps up with her chores (which isn’t a lot). She has matured quite a bit and is just being ALL-AROUND GOOD.

I, however, am super nervous. How many of you think that she’s too young for a phone? I’m truly just curious. I got my first cell phone when I was 13. My husband said he didn’t get his own cell phone until he was 18. But, we are in 2020, almost 2021… Her school is almost 2 miles away, and I will need to drop her off and pick her up every day, but I am going to meet her a block or two away from the school (I am impatient with the carpool line).

I see kids these days with the newest iPhones and all these fancy phones. She will be getting something similar to mine, which is a Stylo 5. I have started writing up some ‘RULES’! Some of my rules are…

1- Must keep ON SILENT while in school, and she’s not allowed to use it during class.

2- She has to give me the phone every night before bed.

3- There will be random “checks” on it. (search history, texts, call log)

4- Her grades must stay up. If they start dropping, she loses phone privileges. 5- All homework must be completed before she can play on her phone.

6- She must keep up with her chores (clean kitchen after dinner, keep the bedroom clean, do her own laundry weekly)."

RELATED QUESTION: Should children have cell phones?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“I agree with your rules. But if Dad buys it for her, it’s her gift. Instead of having this agreement with her, I would let Dad in on these conditions.”

“Set restrictions in the settings so that way she can’t get on certain things. And depending on phone company y’all have may be able to link it with yours so you can set limits to how long she can use it and keep track of everything she does.”

“You can put a setting on the phone that will block certain apps and such. I have the family google app it links my phone to my daughter’s. It allows me to see an app she wants to download and requires my approval to download. There are many ways to keep her safe and allow her to have a phone to communicate with her father more often.”

“My oldest got his phone at 9. My next got his at 9. My daughter got hers when she was 8. They are all-A students. They are not angels by any means but literally every single one of their friends have phones. Just because we didn’t get a phone until we were 16, for example, does not mean that’s the norm now. Things change. Times change. When I was 16, we had two landlines and DSL, so we were “in touch” with everyone the way it was normal back then… now, the normal is to have a phone. If you can’t afford it, that’s one thing. But if you can afford it; why make your child feel left out? Your rules are great and reasonable - we check our kids’ phones too. They know they can be taken away (and they have been grounded from them).”

“Set rules, follow through; there are apps that help you keep track of their activities and such my 10-year-old got her phone this year! I love that I’m able to track her and give her a little freedom to grow. I use bark and pact it shows me what and who she talks to, where she’s at, and allows me to manage her screen time and apps.”

“My daughter is 11 and has…issues with devices too. We did get her a phone so that she could talk to family and friends through covid. We have had to take it away for various reasons, but she can earn it back by doing extra chores. (She only has a few main ones). It’s worked for us I think.”

“Honestly, our opinions on this don’t really matter. We all have different views as to when our kids should have phones. The reality is whether or not YOU think she is ready and responsible enough to have one.”

“Just get her a phone that will only call family members. Too young to be on stupid social media apps. I didn’t get a phone until I was 16 and I had to get a job and pay for it myself.”

“Not telling any parent how to raise they kids but all my 3 have phone 13, 12 and 8 but I also work during the day and my kids are home so I need some way to keep in touch. Now that being said they are androids and their Gmail accounts are for kids and I monitor EVERYTHING they do with my Google account I can even lock them out of apps or well there entire phones if I need.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

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Set restrictions in the settings so that way she can’t get on certain things. And depending on phone company y’all have may be able to link it with yours so you can set limits to how long she can use it and keep track of everything she does.

3 Likes
3

My kids r 10 and 11 and both have older used iPhones. I have screen time restrictions bedtime schedules and tracking on their iPhones. It makes me feel better when they r away and a good way to teach responsibility.

3 Likes
4

I don’t think it’s a big deal.

4 Likes
5

If she can do all the housework then I would think she is very mature. Her dad hopefully will step on your toe soon. After all he bought the phone to hold conversations with him. Your definitely too strict.

4 Likes
6

to young. if anything gove pre paid cheap flip phone where she can only call and send texts. no internet

4 Likes
7

My son is 8 we started with the Obama phone( no judgment please) but it’s a start for us to show responsibility

2 Likes
8

My daughter has a phone but not connect only uses on internet she’s 10 if she wants to text friends she has to do it on my phone !! And no FB no Instagram if she want to use those she has to do it thru my acct

9

My son is 9 and he is getting one for Christmas this year. I am a single mom and we are testing the waters of him staying at home on his own for an hour or two at a time. He can call or text on his iPad but that’s not always reliable since it’s dependent on WiFi and since no one has landlines anymore a cell phone is really the only way to go.

10

Use the mmguaedian app, remove apps, set limits and do checks even GPS if necessary and lock phone from yours and set your fingerprint as a pin. Family link and security master are good too for monitoring. I have a 12 and 11 year old that got phones 2 years ago for safety reasons and I definitely still dont trust them just because of age… but get an app to help monitor

11

I think your rules are great and reasonable. Personally I didnt have a phone till i was 16(once i was 18 I had to get a job and pay half the bill to keep it) and it was necessary because i stayed between my aunts and my dads and my dad didn’t drive(disabled vet) and i went to soccer practice 30 min to an hr away from them(depending on who i was with). I dont see a phone as necesaary, moreso a privilage. Ita honestly how comfortable you are with her having it. My mom never wanted me to have one and only had a basic phone herself for calls and limited texts. If you think she is ready I say go for it, but remain consistent with your rules and follow through. Otherwise, waiting wont kill her. Disappoint her maybe, but youre her mother first and foremost and her friend second

1 Like
12

An older phone would work. There’s a lot you can control from your own phone through an app or your carrier. Follow your gut! No one knows your kid better than you.

2 Likes
13

I reccomend you get a children’s phone watch! You can call from it as well as video call, send messages to specific people. And you can gps track it. Literally a children’s safe version of an I watch. Or get a cheap phone that doesn’t have access to anything you’re not comfortable with.

14

Not telling any parent how to raise they kids but all my 3 have phone 13, 12 and 8 but I also work during the day and my kids are home so I need some way to keep in touch. Now that being said they are androids and there Gmail accounts are for kids and I monitor EVERUTHING they do with my Google account I can even lock them out of apps or well there entire phones if I need

2 Likes
15

Set rules, follow through, there are apps that help you keep track of their activities ans such my 10 year old got her phone this year! I love that I’m able to track her and give her a little freedom to grow. I use bark and pact it shows me what ans who she talks to, where she’s at and allows me to manage her screen time and apps.

1 Like
16

If you’re worried about it, then get her something like this. She can only call contacts you preprogrammed into the phone (you, her dad, etc) and emergency services. No pictures, no games, no risky behavior possible.

https://www.electronicsforce.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=55704

3 Likes
17

It all depends on the child
My kids have all had phones with service since about 8 years old, my 6 year old has an internet only phone for games, BUT right now my 17 year old is on wifi only restriction with her actual service paused because she just can’t handle a phone
I know it sounds weird but when she has service she’s absolutely horrible, backtalking, no chores, ignoring all school assignments, but when her service is shut off she’s great, good grades, does chores, helps without being asked, gets along with her siblings, etc

18

I use family link. You can lock the phone and have a bed time and restrict apps. They can only add what you approve.

5 Likes
19

Honestly, our opinions on this don’t really matter. We all have different views as to when our kids should have phones. The reality is whether or not YOU think she is ready and responsible enough to have one :woman_shrugging:

2 Likes
20

Don’t let her have social media. You have to check for it constantly because all her friends are probably on them and it’s easy to hide.

21

I agree with your rule’s.

But if Dad buys it for her. It’s her gift. Instead of having this agreement with her. I would let Dad in on these conditions.

9 Likes
22

There is apps to keep tabs on her phone without taking it to inspect because lets face it she could just delete anything she didn’t want you to see you just install it on her phone before giving it to her and i believe it is hidden so she wouldn’t even know its there.

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23

I dont think so. My son is 10 and i got him a phone for his birthday and last month it saved hia life. My son was hiking qith boy scouts and he got lost so they notified me that my son got seperate from thw ret of the chikdren and he wqs qll in q panic. So i lived a few minutes from the hije and i said he has a phone let me call him. Soni drove over to the hije and whike calling hin and i was able to talk to him and both him and i were calm neacuse i knew he was ok we stayed on the phone the whole time and i was able to locate him because he had a phone. I think a phone is awesome and if anything can ne used for emergencies.

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24

My 12 year old got a phone for her birthday. Her dad puts every restriction possible. Whatever she downloads goes to him and it’s set on a timer. If she doesn’t do her chores or misbehaves (rare) we simply ground her from it

1 Like
25

Both my kids got one for their 10th. Nothing flash, just enough to tx and ring if need be

26

You can set up the phone to alert you about activity or outright make them ask permission to download anything. This is a parents choice. I can’t trust my 14yr old daughter because well I caught her trying to meet with a boy at 9pm recently and found sexting on her school app and instagram. But I can my 13 and 15 yr old boys.

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27

imo if you give a child a chance with something thats a good way they can learn to be better with it.

28

My daughter has had her phone since she was 9. Started with basic calling/ texting only and has been given more things over time. Sometimes she gets it taken away due to attitude issues but for the most part, handles the responsibility well.

29

There are parenting apps for phone… you have can control what apps they install. Set time restrictions and so on

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30

Yes yes yes! Also whenever you sign her up on her phone or for anything in general do parental control-especially or YouTube make an actually account for her that way you get access to what she’s watching ( and what I mean is when you set up her phone use all your emails and everything that way you get alerts to any apps she’s downloading etc. )

31

She has two parents. It’s not just up to you. Being mom doesn’t mean you call all the shots. Her Dad needs to be involved with your rules.

2 Likes
32

The rules you setup sounds good. Just see how she does with it. And look into parental appts.

33

If you have to search your kids phones. I think they are to young to have one. You should trust your kids enough.

2 Likes
34

I had a phone when I was seven (obviously phones were very different back then… like super different) but it was being occasionally I was in vulnerable positions and benefited from a phone. I had a semi-smart phone by 12, because I was social and almost a teenager. Kids that age who didn’t have phones were weird. But I think because of this generation and social media monitored screen time is important.

35

Each child/parent is different. I have a family member whose 5 year old children have a phone with active service and their own number. Monitoring is the biggest concern. Parental controls are your friend! I know another parent who has “mirrored” devices with her 11 year old. Everything the child sees, the parent sees too! This causes the child to make better choices on content, out of fear that mom will see.

36

My daughters father bought her phone last year for Christmas. While I was a bit worried about it, she has honestly not given me any problems about it. I laid out my rules and I haven’t had to “enforce” them at all. Shes even so good. She is also 11, will be 12 in June. At the time when he got it for her she was still 10.

37

There is a family link where you can monitor her phone an cut of all in coming calls an text an you can turn it off from ur phone its called family mobile the app needs to be on every phone after 9 pm my daughter can’t use her phone unless I unlock it

1 Like
38

Your a bit much with the rules I totally get checking the phone and stuff but you need to lighten up it’s a Christmas present off her dad it’s supposed to be fun but you are going overboard, if you are that worried you can not let her have internet on the phone or child lock the internet then you can lighten up

39

Personally my opinion is IF she follows for simple reasonable rules… let her have it… even if its only as a simple direct relationship with dad

40

I think your rules are very reasonable. You are the mother , do what you feel is best.

41

I got my first phone at 10. I lived in a aloof family, my mom got it for me to make calls when I need help or needed her to come get me. I got my second phone (unlimited text and call) at 12. Some kids are as mature as you let them be in my opinion. My mom gave me a phone and set up rules and I followed. But it’s your child not mine.

42

I have the Stylo 5. There are parental controls. But I have to say 11 is a little young for a phone. But that is just me. I’m an older parent and mine won’t be getting one until they have their own jobs to pay for it.

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43

My kids got phone 11 and 14 iPhones 8 I take it away they get in trouble but not every nite

44

IMO 11yo is too old now a days to get their first phone. I feel parents who hold off are selfish, lazy & a bit jealous. Technology isn’t going away. It’ll be in our lives forever & get more advanced. Kids need to learn how to use it safely & responsibility. Once peer pressure sets in (which at 11 it probably already has) you loose much of your power to educate your kids. Rules like not answering to people you don’t know, not giving your number out to everyone, not going to sites with adult content etc need to be set you so they’re engraved in their minds before a friend tells them to do something inappropriate. Whether they have a phone or not they will have access to the internet. It’s best to provide it for them young so you can monitor & teach. Forget how old you were when you got your first phone. That was a different world. I’m sure you had access to landlines & most everything in a phone (music, tv, information etc) in some form. Kids today don’t know how to call someone or how to answer & talk politely. That’s all lost because…“I was 16 when I got my first so you need to be 16”. I was 30 when I got my first cell phone. My mom was in highschool when her family got their first TV. Why hold kids to what technology we had available to us? The only concern of have with this senario is my ex tracking me with the phone he bought my kid. I’d buy her a phone. Install parenting controls. Teach your kid how to live with all the modern day dangers & advances we have today.

1 Like
45

My daughter is also 11, 12 in March. Actually crazy how much this sounds like her. We have Verizon and bought her the gizmo watch. She can call and text contacts you choose, and it also allows you to locate her whenever you need to. Totally worth the $10 a month!!

46

You can set parent settings up on it so there can’t view certain things . I do agree with your rules but also you have to give her abit of trust too otherwise she won’t come to you with stuff that’s bothering her . Dad needs to tell her the same rules too … you got this mama your doing amazing xx

47

I know these are from Verizon but im sure other companys have them . they’re phones where the kid can only call and talk to who you program into the phone

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48

I would also put on there that she has to ask about certain downloads of games and social media sites. And that she has to ask before accepting anybody on those social media sites. Another thing you must have all passwords to sites and phone. I know it sounds alittle harsh but with certain things going on now a days it could be a life changer. I have your rules plus these. My middle one would put passcodes on phone and not tell us so we couldnt go on there to do our random checks.

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49

Kids don’t need cell phones until atleast 13 years old. Period

50

I think this sounds fair.

51

No passwords on the cell phone, ask before downloading anything and ask before any social media sites be added. If she breaks the rules she loses her phone.

52

I agree with your rules and Moni. I think each situation is unique and you have to do what works for you.

53

There are apps you can download to set parental controls.

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54

I had my first phone at age 13. Because my parents were split up. My dad got it for me. I did have rules. Had to do my chores & make good grades. If I failed to do chores I lost my phone for a week. If I failed grades, I lost my phone for 9 weeks (a whole semester until next grade card came out). My parents never checked my phone but I literally was only talking to my girl friends. I wasn’t even interested in boys because I was too focused on riding horses and sports :laughing:

55

My daughter is 10 and I did purchase her a cell phone for a few reasons…Reason 1 is because of her dad, he lives away and he and I do not communicate well so I purchased the phone for her to call and be able to talk to her father without me interfering in how often he calls or when he calls. Reason number 2, My children have family in Texas Alabama and Mississippi and we live in Louisiana and I want to be able to get in contact with my daughter whenever I call! I don’t wanna have to go through a middleman… There are also rules and regulations in the phone. The phone is mine after a certain time of night- they are not allowed to have the phone After bedtime! I am allowed to pick up their phone at any given time and look. I also have a finger print and know the password to gain access!! Also they do not have social media and they’re only allowed certain games

56

I would add one rule. You have all passwords. If you decide to do a random check and can’t get in,it gets taken away. Otherwise, your list sounds good. You’ll never know if you don’t let her try.

57

Well if you have had to take it away every single time you let her have one :thinking: is she responsible now ? Rules should be implemented I agree . Get her a flip phone to only be able to text and call in emergency. I think kids this young don’t need high tech things especially with all the craziness out there … just my opinion

58

I think those rules are good ones, and responsible parenting on your part.

59

My one year old has her own iPad that technically has its own phone number and has internet lol It’s all about setting rules with it, also it’s 2020 and I don’t want my daughter to be behind. She already plays games on the iPad sorting toys on the screen by color and tracing letters. There’s a million security settings and apps you’re able to use on it and monitor use. Also I think it’s safer for kids to have phones, if my daughters away from me, I want to be able to contact her directly and not have to deal with a bureaucracy, but mostly the opposite-I want her to be able to contact me.

1 Like
60

We got my 13 year old son one for his bday, and had to keep taking it away because he wasn’t mature or responsible enough. Let’s just say, we hit the final straw on being inappropriate and the phone is absolutely disappearing moving forward. We had parental controls for time limits, blocking apps, & such, and he kept finding ways around them.

61

If you get her on your plan you can simply log into your account and see what numbers she is calling and texting. You can see what data is being used on. You will also be able to turn off texting while in school and calling and data. You can also add the parental option on your email for play store then log her into the parental one. That way you can see what she is downloading you can also set it to where they email you about a attempted download and you can approve or decline.

62

I got phones for my 10,12,14 yr old recently. They are connected to mine so I see everything, pictures downloads, ect. Plus I have a password for purchases so they need to come to me for it(I-am not giving it out). My 10 yr old uses his to keep in touch with his dad.

63

I feel where you are coming from. Recently got my 11 y/o a phone. Rules are similar to your. I got it for her so she has ways to contact me then she is with het father and vise versa. Explained to her the responsibility of having one and what is expevted of her. So far so good. Just try to keep communication between you to open. Allow a certian amount of privavy to keep the trust open.

64

With our daughter my husband and I set it up so her call and text logs came to us in a daily email. A big rule with social media is she had to actually know the person to be friends with them.

65

My kids didn’t get phones till high school. They still have basically no social media allowed. I work in schools and see the problems and bullying that go on with social media. If you get her a phone make it so all apps have to be approved by you before download

66

It is not generally recommended to do those random “checks” as it can be a violation of trust/privacy but you know what’s best for your child.

2 Likes
67

This was my first phone. Nothing fancy but it got the job done. A phone is about communication. I got my first phone going into middle school for safety and communication purposes. The sliding keepbord let me text really easily so my parents could reach me and like most phones do it let me take calls. If I wanted a touch phone (Iphone, Samsung, Motorola) I had to purchase it myself and pay for my phone bill. I was given my first one but it was my responsibility if I wanted anything about the basics. I still needed to get good grades and it taught me way more than just being handed a touch screen phone. I know this model isn’t ideal in 2020 but it definitely was more reliable than my Samsung Galaxy S7 that has poor battery issues. I was taught that a phone is a privilege. Something basic in the beginning establishes good boundaries and communication. Good luck!

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68

You can also download the app Family Link, where you can set a “bedtime” (phone then locks, til the time you set to “wake up” on it)…it also requires (if you set it that way) for you to approve any games/apps she wants to download… you can also “remotely” lock the phone, from your own phone.

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69

Honestly if you are ok with her being responsible enough to walking a block or two alone from school to meet you
, then she’s responsible enough for a phone🤷🏻‍♀️ I mean if you trust her not to get disappeared or in a car with a stranger, then I wouldn’t stress about the phone. On the other hand if you are that worried about the phone, that you are literally stalking what she’s doing, save your stress and don’t give it to her.

70

I think you answered your own question…

You’ve already made rules, you’ve already convinced yourself she has matured over the last few months… you need to do what works for your family not what others do!

My niece got one at 11… I don’t know what age we’ll give my daughter one.

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71

You have set rules, I personally think it would be fine. I would take it up a knotch though by using a parental control app. I’ve used one called fami safe, and it shows EVERYTHING. Even incognito tabs and deleted history. As well as a list of apps being used

13 Likes
72

Maybe say she can have a phone, but not a smart phone. There are still phone that flip to have full keyboards so that way it is only call and text.

4 Likes
73

Def let her have it so her dad feels closer to her. Don’t come between her and dad communicating because that’s how he’s going to feel if you say no.

2 Likes
74

Let her have it. Set locks on it.

75

I would join Parenting in a Tech World. A lot of the parents in the group set up a contract with their kids, experienced in parental controls and how the kids get around them, Apps and websites to beware of, ect.

76

My youngest is 6 and plays on our older smartphones. But they are limited and still play with toys and play outside. They just play on them long enough to kill the battery. My older three teens are 13 and 15 they have phones and my youngest wanted to play roblox and other games with them so we let them have our old phones when we bought new.

77

I’m in a similar situation with my daughter. Same age, and same background. Had a phone and lost her privileges. I’m going to get her a phone from Gabb Wireless. It can only call and text. No internet access, but still looks like a smart phone. $100 for the phone and $20 a month.

78

Get a flip phone… Then its basically text and calls only. I got kids phone during middle school in case an emergency at school. Ive shut off internet on phones if looked up something shouldn’t. Ill say this. I hqve 2 boys 1 girl. Boys cared less about social media. Daughter is ALL about it. Theres lots that happen in live chats and sneaky texts that disappear on snap chat. Girls fight online and bully. My daughter is 15 now. No way at 11 or 12 I’d give access to thise apps yet. There’s apps u can download to block certqin apps. Or spy apps that tell u if things happening shouldn’t. Kids get sneaky. Life 360 is an app that shows location… I like that. I can see if kids make it home from school… Or to a friends… Or when leave. Id be weary because of apps they hqve access to.

3 Likes
79

I think a basic phone is fine. I don’t think a smart phone is necessary at 11. She can still call and text.

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80

My 15 year old’s phone has Set Screen time, take phone away at bedtime, no phone during school hours at home. So basically has phone 2:30-10:30pm on week days while doing chores, playing video games etc.
Oh and he had my old phone and wanted a new one so he saved his bday money and allowance to buy himself the new iPhone se. I pay for his services thru mint mobile

81

My 8 year old has a ‘dumb phone’ while he practices being home alone for small amounts (15-20min). He can also text his friends.

82

My son was the same age when he got his cell phone. He asked for it but I agreed to for my and my husband’s peace of mind. Your rules are perfect but you need some type of parental control to make monitoring and control easier.

83

My 11 year old has had a phone for 2 years now… i need to be able to contact him at all times

84

Only YOU can determine if your daughter is ready for a phone. She will be 12 in March…you have set the rules. Do not let others thoughts on the subject be your guide. We are living in trying times, and giving your daughter this responsibility is totally up to you. Just remember to enforce your rules…she may just surprise you!

85

If you say no then it’s no. There should be no issue with him calling on your phone. My kids won’t be getting cell phones until they can hold a part time job. I will however be getting one of those old ‘landlines’ as my son calls it. No reason they can’t talk to each other that way. Cell phone scare basically mini social media and computer outlets. I personally think that’s a no no for kids.

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86

Yes. My grandparents made my sister and I wait until we had our driver’s license before we got phones. And half the time, I left mine places. I even lost my very first one in the pasture because she insisted I take it when I rode my horse. It fell out and is still out there somewhere

87

My 11 & 7 year olds have phones which I monitor through Family Link. You can track her, decide what apps she can download, set times where she can & can not use her phone, lock her phone, set age restrictions, ect

3 Likes
88

I personally don’t really have an age in mind for cell phones. To me it’s more about when a child is going to be places without a parent, especially unsupervised in anyway. At that point, whatever the age, they should be able to contact a parent in case of emergency and vise versa. I think the rules you have set are fair for her age, I’d say give it a try.

4 Likes
89

I think 11/12 is a okay age for a phone the only reason why a lot of parents come in a bind with getting their pre teens phones is they don’t check on them frequently and see what they are doing what I love about my kids having iPhones is I can check everything they are doing and monitor what apps they download

90

I got a phone for my son around the same age and I put limits on it so that he could not visit any sites or set a time limit about how long she can be on the phone and if she follows the rules extend the time she can be on the phone but if she fails to follow the rules take it away until she can follow the rules

91

Following… kinda in the same boat, but to cautious about what could happen. :nerd_face:

92

Depends on what she was doing on it to get it taken away. If you do get one, get a parent control thing so you know what’s going on. 11 year olds dont get to have privacy on phones or online. And put your Google account on it in the chrome settings so you can check the history and location from.your phone anytime

93

My daughter had Family Link (parental control from your phone) on her account until she turned 13, but then I sent my own parental controls on the internet… but as far as home and school go, rules are a good way to go with expectations of punishments, rewards systems too (like spending a set amount in a game app)… these days, it’s all about your comfort level, and just how far they will try to bend the rules before breaking them (maturity level)…

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my kids have had phones since they started kindergarten. i tell them to call or text if the bus is delayed, or they have to turn around back to the school etc. i want them to always have access to contacting me when they aren’t home so that i don’t worry. but i have anxiety. :woman_shrugging:t3:
my 6 year old (7 next month) has a cheap smart phone. he still isn’t responsible for a nicer phone. my 11 year old (12 in march) has shown he is responsible with phones for years. he just recently got the iphone 8 plus. he has always had good grades so i don’t feel the need to take it from him or to downgrade to something less appealing.

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There are also apps that show you any inappropriate on her phone. You can track location and use of all apps. Its great for making sure they do the right thing and are where they say they are

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A good suggestion is linking up the phone with the google family link. You can control what apps she downloads, you can set the phone to lock and unlock at certain times. You can monitor where she is with gps tracking.

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If you give her a cell phone monitor what she does

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Download duo or zoom lol

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For 12 year old,I understand the checks for phones but the rest is to strict as every pre teen has phones without having to keep it earned and as a preteen they shouldn’t have to worry about loosing their phone over little stuff. I got my first phone at 8 years old because my family wanted me to have a way to call them at all times if needed and I didn’t have any rules to follow,as they didn’t make me earn it as a privilege and wanted me to have it for myself and families and a preteen shouldn’t have to earn a phone that her dad wants her to have himself.

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these rules suit your needs and your security level … not that of an 11 year old!!! …Honestly you didnt have to ask because from what you wrote you don’t want her to have a phone, you just want to control her

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