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"My husband and I just recently got full custody of my step daughter from his ex (she wasn’t even the girls bio mom) well we have been doing good except my mom talks to my husbands ex gf. My husband hates my mom because when we were going through court to get custody of my step daughter, my mom said bad things about my husband and his ex tried using that against him so that’s one reason he hates her… the other is she hasn’t treated me great… well my mom wants to throw me a birthday party and wants all of me my husband and my step daughter to come to it… my husband said no that him and his daughter wasn’t going to it but I could if I wanted to and he was being kind of mean about it… my mom says my husband is being selfish… I feel torn…. What do I do?"
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"I think for the sake of your birthday it’s something that i would deal with for my partner but everyone’s entitled to their own feelings. I can’t really blame him for not wanting to go. She’s really hasn’t done anything nice to or for him so if he doesn’t want to be around it then… that’s what he wants. Maybe your mom and you can get lunch instead since it’s more casual for you two and have dinner or other plans with your husband & stepdaughter."
"My goodness while I get that that ur momma put urself in his position. Ur mom has done so much damage with him it’s unfair to expect him to just be thrilled and enthusiastic about it. I wouldn’t be if someone almost cost my my child and while I get that she’s not ur child that’s his baby. I don’t think he’s being selfish he’s hurt and protecting his family and u should probably have a serious conversation about what’s gonna happen if ur mother continues to disrespect him and his child."
"None of you should go. Stand behind your husband and support his decision and feelings. Your mom is causing the toxic friction in your marriage"
"If you want to go, go. He doesn’t have to, don’t make him feel he does."
"I wouldn’t want to put myself in the position to have to go somewhere that I knew I’d be miserable and unhappy. Your mom honestly shouldn’t be speaking to the ex. That’s weird af. But okay. And you should defend your hubs at this point. Go if you want to go but don’t drag him and her into an already unhealthy environment."
"He is protecting himself and his daughter. I wouldn’t want to be around a person that actively bad mouthed me and was trying to meddle in a situation that literally has nothing to do with her. She has been nasty to him, it’s unfair to expect him to be thrilled, even if the party is for you. Your mother has been toxic as heck up until now, she’s got something brewing… and it’s probably not good. I would stay away."
"Usually I would say go alone…but she could have cost him his daughter so in this case I say your husband is right and you should back him in this. Tell your mother no thanks"
"You should spend your birthday with your husband and daughter! If your mom is toxic to not only your husband and daughter, but you too, then avoid her! I understand that she’s your mother, but you’re an adult, with your own family. YOUR family is your priority!"
"If your mom said bad things about your husband, he has every right to stay clear."
"Seems your mom likes drama. Misery loves company. I understood why he don’t want to go and if you want a good laid back stress free birthday I would suggest you don’t go either. She’s got something up her sleeve."
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