I’ve been with my husband 10 years married for 4. We had a great relationship at the beginning. When we had our children everything’s changed. He has 3 older children from his previous wife and it’s been a living hell ever since we had children together. He doesn’t help with the kids never has then gets mad when they always want/ask me for help. He works and I’ve always stayed home. My children also do online schooling and I’m also in college doing online so things have been rough. We haven’t been intimate in over a month (I just don’t care to) then he gets mad when I don’t want to because I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. Well over the weekend after the children went to bed he tells me that this is bs and if he cheats it’s my fault because I don’t want to give it up. I’m at a loss for words and feel like I’m marriage is at it’s end because we’re supposed to be a team and I feel like it’s always been me.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is my marriage over?
I am literally sooo disgusted by the amount of women in here telling her that she needs to meet his needs and just do it. Are you freaking kidding.
For all that can’t see the situation more than it is, she obviously wants to fix this. She probably thinks about it all the time, feels guilty etc. She’s asking for advice on a path forward, not a bandaid to get him to shut up.
But in reality, he probably hasn’t met her needs in a long time. The mental load of running a household alone is taxing.
Get that education , raise your children ( always be a mother first ) women don’t need men to survive. He basically already said he’s gonna cheat, and blame it on you?? Lol girl get on outta there and be powerful!!!
It doesn’t sound like you are a big part of the team hun. Men have different needs than we do and you are denying him a major one because your not up to it. I am speaking from experience here, get in the mood and give youran what he needs. You may find that you need it just as much!! We have a tendency to isolate ourselves when we get into a slump and it sounds like you have both done this. Try it, I am confident things will get better
I don’t agree to the statement you need to be intimate with him…both ppl have needs…its not a need to be intimate sexually intimacy comes in all forms and those need to be met along with being healthy physically mentally and spiritually… we were not born to be robots… my foot is out the door because of this and my husband currently right now is apologizing for not treating me the way I should be… we had these kids together I work you work we split the house and the kids
Seriously all of u saying she needs to give it up are ridiculous…thats basically saying he should rape her if he feels the need…and yes a husband can rape a wife no means no married or not…sounds like he is just finding a reason to go cheat if he’s not already doing it…
Oh its over. It sounds like you are the only one making it work for you and your kids. Hes gonna gaslight you and make you feel like crap so he can cheat? Girl. End it. I’m sorry this is happening
‘If he cheats it’s your fault…’ that guy better get in check. If he cheats it’s his own fault. A marriage and parenting is a team effort. Somedays are better than others.
He needs to step up big time, if we don’t feel supported and loved(emotionally not sexually) then we tend to not engage sexually. If he cheats that’s on him because he could help the situation get better.
I was married and In a relationship over 21 years … it was all about him never what I wanted I to raised kids I worked because we needed health care and tried to keep him happy btw I was extra blessed with wanting sex so never a problem but… he got into boat racing and was tempted … then decided to hook up with a coworker at one of his business partners yea cheated I was devasted but ya know I also lived for a year with I love you one day. And not so much the nxt either he changes which he won’t or get out now! You and the kids deserve more I’m glad I did and now the thought of having to see him like at a grands birthday it makes me sick Good luck go with your head not heart on this one
Well the statement “if I cheat it’s your fault” is an indication he either has or is thinking about it. You need to have a serious conversation with him. Explain to him that you’re only one person and you have needs as well. Suggest counseling if all else fails. Good luck
I truly feel that this is a serious problem that you are on here asking for outsiders advice….marriage is communication number 1!!! Inviting the outside world into your relationship is the worst thing you could do….you have your attention you needed now go talk to your husband
MARRIAGE: you mention that in the beginning it was all good but don’t ignore that time and life changes both of you. Sounds like both of you have needs. You need the attention and the help. He needs the intimacy. I feel like he also needs your attention and that is why he said he would cheat… but if he would want to he would have done it behind your back. The main issue here is communication. Here’s my advice… get a baby sitter, get sexy and tell him to meet you at a restaurant and let the night take it away. Men’s language is appreciation, seduction and affection. I believe that is all that is met he will also meet your needs but it takes work and effort from both.Talk to a marriage counselor, that may help you both understand each other better. Good luck in your marriage, you BOTH deserve to be happy😊
I don’t totally agree with the folks saying you’re depriving him of his needs or that you need to give it up or if he cheats its your fault. That’s ridiculous. What he needs to do is get up off his butt and be a partner and part of the family. So he works outside the home. You work at home. Raising and educating kids these days is no easy or small task by any means. If he wants the kids to come to him then he needs to get his head in the game. This in turn may give you the chance to catch your breath and relax a bit. Maybe then you might feel more in the mood for sexual intimacy. As for him saying his cheating would be your fault…no ma’am. That would be a choice he makes. He’s using every excuse in the book. If he wants the marriage, he won’t be against getting some marriage counseling.
Please get some counseling and learn to listen to each other.
You’re doing all the work at home and he wants you to give it up? How about him helping you instead? It might make being intimate more attractive to you then since you won’t be so exhausted all the time. And honestly, if he cheats it’s his fault, not yours. Cheating is a choice. There are some major red flags here. Try counseling or couples therapy and telling him he needs to help you. If he doesn’t then it’s over.
You need some time alone with no children for just a weekend that’s usually all it takes to remember that passion feels so good . I am married 45 years and raised 2 children this is the advice I would tell my children. Life sometimes just gets in the way
It’s been 4 weeks, one month and that is enough for him to cheat??? And you have 6 kids??? C’mon man. A marriage needs to be a partnership.
This whole relationship is backwards…you are with a boy-man…get that on-line education and time to be on your own and give those chicklings a chance to grow up properly to be loving,mature caring adults😘
Marriage isn’t easy that’s the truth. We as parents put alot of time and dedication on raising our kids and trying to better our selfs that we forget to put as much time and dedication into our relationships. I can see how you have alot in your plate at the moment and feel overwhelmed. The issue I see here is lack of communication between y’all. That’s is one of the keys of marriage being able to open up and have healthy dialogs. I can also see how your husband feels frustrated as well. As you say he is the main provider while you go to school and raise the kids. I can see how he in a way feels left out . I don’t think you marriage is over it’s going thru a phase but not completely lost. It would require yall to take some sort of counseling and compromise from both sides to resolve this problem.
He responible for his action -
My hubby is rarely imtimate with me. Touch is love langauge - still dont cheat.
My marriage is comming to an end - my hubby left moved to another state for 2nd. I give anything not walk this road alone.
I asking him how co parenting & timeshare going look. He watch them kids alone.
Ask if he would go to a marriage counselor. I think that’s the best route. If no, then decide if that’s for you
Team means you & him. Sounds like you are more of the problem & I say that w the up most respect
That’s a HUGE red flag.
I would try to get him to try couples or family therapy if that’s available to y’all. If he refuses to go or you’re unable to figure out the issue and fix it, I would move on. I really would.
You’re clearly giving more than you get and he’s not seeing you for you. And the fact that he said if he cheats, it’s your fault?! RED FLAG. Honestly, I’d just throw the whole man away.
I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve any of this.
If you’re a Christian I’d recommend the book The Power of a Praying Wife.
You both need a reset! Through prayer and much communication between the two of you you can bring back those pre-marriage feelings. You got married for a reason. You two were hot for each other at one time and you can be again. Don’t give up. Sit down and talk with him
You should have known already if he treated his other kids like nothing!!
It really doesn’t matter what anyone else’s opinion is, not even mine. I don’t know this person, but from my own past experience, I would ask for advice, but wouldn’t listen to any of it until I was ready to decide what I wanted to do. I hope everything works out for her.
In my relationship I am the less sexual but I can tell you my husband does small things to make me feel like I’m appreciated . Then that puts me in the mood. So maybe tell him I need help around the house. There for you won’t be so tired and maybe want to have sex. Also some women do loose sex drive. Maybe talk to a doctor. Its not a bad thing but together you need to work it out. Don’t give it up right away .
Don’t give up on it yet. Try marriage counseling and see if that helps. Sometimes it helps to talk bout what’s bothering eachother. I just hope it works out for you❤
I’ve always said "seeking help on random Facebook sites from complete strangers " is the number one way to help a strained relationship…
Nothing is more of an Aphrodisiac than a man who cleans, treats his kids well and supports his wife.
You spend more time fighting about not wanting to have sex than it would take to do it.
Sounds like you’re self sabotaging
Intimacy starts b4 the bedroom both of you need to reconnect have a spark
Tell him if he helps more you would be more in the mood and not so tired
If he cheats its his fault, if that’s how he feels he should walk away cause if my husband said that to me he would be gone out the door
I’m in the same boat except he’s the one that doesn’t put out lol…
Maybe if you had a makeover hair done nails done n new dress n surprise your husband when he gets home n tell him you would like to hire a babysitter n you 2 go out to talk how you met etc
Hunny sounds like the marriage is already over. Start stocking away money secretly finish school and get out
Tell him to kick fucking rocks
Bless it you need to be intimate with your husband relieve some stress then maybe you can talk to each other. Men have to taught to love you and help you.
Sorry but you need to have sex with your husband. That’s a huge part of marriage along with other things but he will find it somewhere else. I never understand husband’s and wives who don’t ever have sex. Why you get married. To fight about kids and split money.
Honey if you’re doing it all by yourself anyways leave him. Give yourself a chance at real happiness
My opinion you need to read the book of proper feeding your husband. Maybe if you got intimate maybe things might change. Treat him like you did when you first got together that’s the big problem the way I see it
He’s not on your team. Leave him. He doesn’t sound like a PRIZE!!!
Sounds like he’s already had an affair and is justifying himself, laying the guilt on you. He is a narcissist and will never change. It’s abuse, get out now!
Team?? Then you need to be close to your partner!! That’s understandable for him to be upset!
With his logic if you cheat it’s his fault bc he didn’t meet your needs either I bet you can hurt his feelings first he’s just trying to guilt you into sex, all the woman saying “meet his needs” are basically saying your no means nothing and it should always be yes bc sex is the only thing keeping anyone together morons
You both need to work on things. Seek counseling.
If you don’t feel the urge go to your Dr
Take a few hours off and pamper yourself
Get a spa massage.
Find a sitter
Go to a hotel for the weekend.
His first failed marriage was a red flag. Drop his ass like a sack of potatoes.
Maybe getting dolled up and getting some Nookie could help YOU too.
I’m sorry. Your partner doesn’t sound able to hold his end of the marriage up. Will he see a counselor?
You married a idiot that probably didn’t help with his 1st set of kids. Better get a degree a job because it’s coming, start planning know. He’s already cheated it was just a bunch of Bull he’s feeding you.