I’ve been with my husband 10 years married for 4. We had a great relationship at the beginning. When we had our children everything’s changed. He has 3 older children from his previous wife and it’s been a living hell ever since we had children together. He doesn’t help with the kids never has then gets mad when they always want/ask me for help. He works and I’ve always stayed home. My children also do online schooling and I’m also in college doing online so things have been rough. We haven’t been intimate in over a month (I just don’t care to) then he gets mad when I don’t want to because I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. Well over the weekend after the children went to bed he tells me that this is bs and if he cheats it’s my fault because I don’t want to give it up. I’m at a loss for words and feel like I’m marriage is at it’s end because we’re supposed to be a team and I feel like it’s always been me.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is my marriage over?
Soooo he made you a single mom within your marriage and wants you to still sleep with him. Sounds like a scam.
Youre both messing it up. He shouldnt say that, you shouldnt withhold his human needs from him
I was in same situation to an extent. Therapy only goes so far. If he’s considering cheating and your considering divorce then obviously both of you want a way to end the relationship
I think sometimes people say things when they are hurt and don’t know how to really communicate. I don’t pretend to understand your situation, but based on the information it sounds like he thinks since he works outside the home, it’s your job to do everything else. Which shouldn’t be the case. I know sometimes when I am frustrated, I’m passive aggressive and honestly that gets us nowhere. Try starting conversations with I feel, or I am. Not you don’t, or you won’t and be honest and up front. If that doesn’t help then counseling. Ask yourself, if I walk away today, did I do everything I could to make it work? Only you know that answer
Its time that u realize that u and ur children deserve so much better!!! I had a similar marriage. The best thing I ever did was to divorce him and take my precious children out of the toxicity. I knew they deserved so much better, and so did i!!! Was it hard? Yes!!! But I got so many blessings after I divorced him!!! It was one of the best decisions I have ever made, especially for my children!!!
I think a marriage is all about give and take, maybe if you explain to him that if you had a little bit more help around the house you wouldn’t be so exhausted. But I also don’t think that it is fair to not meet your partner’s needs. Sometimes a little foreplay can go a long way. People do have needs and I don’t think a marriage can last without intimacy to be honest. So maybe the fact that you’re not feeling this way for him is actually the truth that you don’t want to be with him anymore. Maybe relationship counseling would be a good option.
You have kids together, it’s worth saving your marriage. Being intimate will bring you closer & relieve stress. Maybe take a break from your school & make time for each other.
Please don’t be mad at me for saying this; I think you should make time for him, men are big babies & that’s really all they think about is sex. We’ve been married since I was 18; 25 years now. Trust me it isn’t easy & doesn’t get easier, just new milestones. I thought I’d never get tired of sex but here I am 43 & could care less about sex but I make time. Good Luck & jus try.
I’m in a similar situation. I even asked for a divorce. I’ve known him half my life. And I just feel like he’s taking advantage. I work more than him. He spends all his money on bs. Calls him watching the kids babysitting. I’m so done. But he wants to work it out. But I know he’s just trying to manipulate me. I’m already over and done with everything.
How dare he throw blame at you like that😡 If HE cheats is HIS own damn fault. Don’t let him shame you at all!
Even the wording you’re using makes me cringe. He sounds like a narcissist that is trying to control you.
If you’ve already tried talking to him, and he hasn’t tried to change. You might as well leave now. He should help parent. I understand there are going to be days when he wants to come home and relax. But you should get those days too. Of course you’re exhausted, parenting alone is exhausting.
Try to carve out some quality time with each other. But if the only thing he cares about wanting is sex. It’s time to go
I think you already know deep down what to do. In relationships and marriage we always try to justify disrespectful behavior but we all know what’s just wrong and not acceptable and truth be told you don’t have to tolerate it.
Get counselling apart and together
I was in the same situation last year… Instead of being straightforward like your man my man beat around the Bush and sand suggested I wasn’t acting like a wife. All the while Was raising his 3 toddlers that we had together and my other 4 children while he worked. He decided to find himself some app find himself some ass at work and and if forever changed our relationship It did help me realize that he is important to . And that if I don’t deliver the needs that he has someone else surely will. Well that’s not their job and I took mine for granted I feel mine for granted I feel. Not everyone will agree but men need love too… It’s been a year now since I found out it hasn’t been easy and he continued to make a few mistakes… But now I’ve set boundaries Andreas and I’ve listened to his and helped him articulate what hes feeling. If you really love him you will grow and you will see his side and he will see yours
Ummm wth. Having children means both ADULTS should take care of children that’s the only way that you are able to keep your sanity. If he said that, then it’s time to move on…
You need to arrange your life as if you are about to divorce. Make sure everything is taken care of so you don’t NEED him. Then, once you’re satisfied with your arrangements, tell him straight up “either do better or I’m out”. You’ll know if he’s actually trying or whether he’s just doing ‘enough’ to keep you there. Make it very clear that staying in the marriage is a choice not a necessity. If he wants to keep it going, he better put in the work too!
Things get hard depending on the circumstances but things often get easier with time. When baby gets older it might get easier. How much longer till you are finished with your studies? Talk to him honestly about how you feel and your workload, maybe there are things he can do with the kids that will free you up for a rest and then they will get daddy time too. When you are feeling more rested, you may find more energy and desire to have intimate time.
Get rid of the mongrel. Show him the door and just say Thanks for Leaving.
A sexless marriage happens when you don’t feel appreciated, maybe talk to each other about the many needs that aren’t being met by both of you bc it takes two🤷🏽♀️ Marriage is a team, y’all are not opponents! You’re suppose to work TOGETHER!! On the other hand there may be a man out there who will love & care for you the way you Need w/o you having to ask
Communicate with him see if he will help u out more and see if u can save your marriage.
Sounds like he’s looking for an excuse to cheat or already has…been through the same situation years ago …got a divorce and a lot is well… I’m way older now and still single but glad…
I don’t feel like your marriage is at an end… but I also don’t understand why him not helping with the kids has been going on for so long. He made the kids also. Y’all are married. Y’all are a family. A team supposed to be. You need to sit him down, just y’all two, and let him know like look these are our kids, I get no help with them, if you cannot help me then I’m gonna do what’s best for me and our kids. Explain to him why you don’t give him any. You’re not just a body for him to get sex from ever so often. If he can’t be a husband and a dad, then you’re going to have to make a big decision because you don’t want to be stuck like this the rest of your life. You may love him with your whole heart but sometimes people may not be meant to be for each other. But try first, don’t just give up. Talk to him and see how things turn out and you’ll get your answer with his actions.
Also… he’s pissed because you’re not giving him some that’s why he’s talking about cheating. Idk the guy or what he will do. But don’t let him make you out to be a bad guy.
He needs attention too though. He’s still a person. Y’all need to try to get back on the same page and slow down and take time to reconnect.
Stay at home mom isn’t working as it’s leaving you exhausted, is there a way to both work out work part time? He can’t blame you for cheating! Counseling might help.
Sounds like he’s already cheated if he said that and time for u to leave like his ex wife did. All this is probably why she left . If u always felt like it was just u then u can do it alone and don’t need him run girl run
Sounds like my ex…
Said cheating happened because I didn’t pay attention to them or want to have sex because I was physically and emotionally exhausted all the time… I just didn’t care… I’d rather sleep to get up n do it all over again the next day then lose sleep
Do you want it to be? Is it really all his fault? Who’s Making money? Both adults need love and support, sounds as if neither is receiving our giving either to other? Counselor? Did you love each other? Why? Do you love each other? Who’s going to make effort? Blaming doesn’t work. Raising 3 children alone is a hard road to travel.
You need to start setting up your life as if you were going to leave him (JUST in case things don’t get better) - start putting $ aside etc … see if you can get someone to watch your kids for a weekend & go away JUST the two of you. Drink wine, relax have sex … then openly talk to him about needing his help more & you’ll be more open to sex etc. Good luck!
Not over but needs a lot of work. First off he shouldn’t be throwing the it’s your fault if I cheat card in your face, not ok ever. You need to sit down and have a long talk about what you each need and want out of your relationship and compromise. He wants sex then he needs to help more with the kids and around the house. Each person needs to give and take. Right now things are too one sided and unfair. Aside from your relationship he needs to step up as a dad, those are his kids too and he needs to help. He needs to think of the impact it’s having on his relationship with his kids and be more involved with them. If nothing changes after the talk I’d start couples therapy.
It sounds like you guys need to get back on the same page. Maybe try some marriage counseling to get there?
And I’d be like “Well there’s the door”
probably emotional cheating already
Sis he’s already cheating.
I know a guy who warned his wife EXACTLY like this … nothing changed … he had an affair … 25 year marriage over in 6 months … it was so sad . I’m NOT saying anything is excusable… just giving insight into what I saw happen in a similar situation
Yeah babe, let’s save the sugar coating. The relationship has expired.
Blaming you for not meeting physical needs when you clearly aren’t being met half way is incredibly narcissistic.
So …if he actually admitted that possible if he cheats part …he’s either already got someone in mind and flirting or he’s already cheating on you
He’s may have narcissistic personality disorder. If he’s not willing to get help, then get out. He will destroy you emotionally.
Sometimes one needs to check why the other I’d divorced before
Um he needs to come home and give you a break sometimes!! Being a mom is a full time job plus over time!!! He needs to get his head out his ass. If he wants you to have energy for that, he needs to take some of the load off your shoulders! Bringing up the possibility of cheating is such a sick disgusting manipulative thing to do and such a turn off! I’d close my legs even tighter if my hubby said that. Absolutely disgusting!
Im so sorry. Sounds like you have a real winner…I hope you show him this thread too lol. Screw him.
Sounds like the ex figured out he’s a pos father
He’s being totally unreasonable and sounds like an asshole. Treats you like a maid then demands sex. No thank you.
For him to say that, yes hun I’m sorry, I would assume the marriage is over… For a guy to come out and say something like that he’s already cheating or was holding off and now that he’s told you, he’s definitely talking to someone immediately after if not more. I’m so sorry
Hey. All women need to know this about men:
His orgasms are not your responsibility. Not at any point in time.
However, marriage is also a sexual relationship, so women get bullied and shamed into doing it by their partners allllllll the time. Marriage changes and cycles of life put you in different physical and mental places. Y’all gotta be able to be partners, not just two people that used to like each other and decided to make yourselves contractually obligated to one another. Communication. Always.
Telling you if he cheats it’s your fault is major bullshit. Let him do it, get proof, take alll his money in court, and split. You’re already being treated poorly, don’t waste your entire life wondering if he’s “the one”. Life isn’t a fairytale. Chalk it, sis.
Sounds like you both need to do some communicating. Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship. Talk with him on your feelings like in this post. Explain what you’re going through and how all the responsibilities are overwhelming you. Also his treatment of the kids. The kids don’t deserve to treated negatively just bc he’s having his own stresses & frustrations. Many of us feel thinly stretched & its OK to get worn down sometimes. Life is demanding! Also He needs to talk with you on his feelings too. He is probably feeling “neglected” or put off by lack of intimacy. Maybe he feels inside like you don’t want him anymore & doesn’t know how to articulate those feelings properly. People often say things out of anger and frustration. He may just be trying to get/feel “close” to you. Sounds like you two haven’t had a lot of adult alone time. Date nights are still a thing even after you’re married. Marriage is work and it’s work to keep checking in with each other and set aside time for each other. But intimacy doesn’t have to be only sex, it can be cuddling, long hugs, kisses, flirting with one another, and setting date nights aside for time with each other. Sometimes people forget about their needs bc their so consumed by the kids, work, school, ect. Its OK to not want sex at the moment. Tell him “I love you and I just need you to hold me”. Even if date night is a dinner at home watching a funny movie and laughing together, it counts! Sit down and have a nice heart to heart. No one yelling or saying mean things. Don’t speak out of anger bc what is said in anger can never be taken back. Just genuinely talk and listen to one another. Both explain your concerns and what you need in the relationship and work together. It takes time and work but you can get through it!
All the fault lies in the one that cheats. You can’t “make” him do it. A father who doesn’t help with the kids is not someone any woman would want to be married to.
He’s not completely wrong!
Hear me out—-
Marriage is hard
Sometimes good sex is the glue to get you through the hard times.
Yes he should help more
No he doesn’t have an excuse to cheat
But a good orgasm can make a bad day better
You know why you don’t want to give it up? Because he is a dickhead and doesn’t do anything for you mentally emotionally or physically. That’s why you are not interested in him anymore. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. He probably thinks bc he works he does more than you, but that is far from the truth. Maybe he should help you, romance you, buy you flowers or take you out on a date … Then maybe you’d want him. And if he does cheat, that is still his choice. It has nothing to you with you. Then in that case, just throw the whole man away 🤷
It was over a long time ago by the sounds of it. He wanted a just you and him thing with no kids cuz he hates playing second fiddle. He doesn’t care about your health or needs just his horney penis.
Throw him in the trash where he belongs
Walk out the door
HUGE red flags!!! Get out!!!
If you have to ask, you already know the answer
The single worst thing anyone can do in a relationship is the root cause for other bad treatment, is simply making their partner feel alone. If you feel alone, then it should be over, before it gets worse. Life is to short to be with anyone that mistreats you. Isn’t it the reason, why we seek out partners to begin with, so we aren’t alone? You can try therapy all you want but, until your partner makes their own resolve on who they want to be & how they treat others, it will not fix anything.
There is a book called The Five Love Languages. I highly recommend you read it. I believe it would help tremendously.
Maybe that’s why he got divorce from first wife
Consult a marriage councillor first. Give all priority to marriage , if u want to safe marriage, , tough situation
F him. He clearly does not respect you. He wants you to do absolutely everything so he can do bare minimum and expects to be “rewarded”. F that. If he cheats it’s “your fault” definitely a narcissist and you can do and deserve better!