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QUESTION:
"My soon to be husband has a 6 year old little girl that the mom will pop in and out of his life with when convenient for her. Up until recently it had been 3 1/2 year years since he seen her, he has no legal rights to her what so ever because when she leaves she changes her phone number, blocks him from every form of social media so he can't contact and moves so he can't find her, so now he has no legal rights due to "abandonment". Well she is back in the picture now and trying to start problems between us like constantly trying to get him to talk sexual, go places with her and their daughter alone and never allows me to be a part of the picture. She contacted him 2 days ago letting him know that she is single now, and after everything she has tried to cause between us expects me to be okay with them running off to take their daughter places together alone. They constantly talk amx text and even snapchat each other. The whole situation just feels wildly inappropriate. She has made it known she still has feelings for him and wants him back, and he told her he doesn't want the same, but in the back of my head i wonder whats being said on snapchat, i find that part fishy. He thinks I should be okay with it "because we have kids with us nothing can happen", or "even if you don't trust her you should trust me". Am I being ridiculous for finding this whole situation inappropriate and being upset about them going places alone? Note: I've been married before and had step kids, their dad never went alone with the kids and mom, they didn't constantly talk and text, the only time they would text or talk is if it regarded the kids and 9/10 chances she would talk to me about it. I also have a daughter and me and her dad don't talk unless it's about our daughter and we damn sure don't run off places together."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Set boundaries and stand ur ground"
"Legal abandonment is 7 straight years. And he has rights. U take her to court showing she is doing this, he will be given his rights. Possibly custody if can prove she unfit"
"You need to stand your ground and let your partner know how this makes you feel, if he can’t handle that then obviously he isn’t worth it. It does sound kind of odd to me in a sense, go with your heart, there’s nothing stronger than that"
"1st I would def tell him how you feel. If is fruitless i would leave i wont swallow my feelings for my partner ever again. There are more appropriate ways to communicate with kids mom. As far as visits go to court and tell the judge. Court just want kids to be safe they dont want fatherless kids to prove a point. The judge will look down on immature/unpredictable behaviour like that from a parent in coustody court."
"He needs to start by getting an agreement so he does have rights to her. I’m friends with my kids dad (they’re older ) and we sometimes talk about things that don’t involve our kids but there’s a line neither of us cross as far as convo."
"If he is legally the father he can take her to court for refusing to allow visitation with his child. His child support payments should show lack of abandoning even if she isn’t allowing him to see his child."
"Tell him how you feel and set boundaries. If it doesn’t change then LEAVE!"
"He is probably terrified she will run off with his daughter again and is trying to keep her happy so that doesn’t happen."
"The problem is him. If he can’t set boundaries then that’s an issue in itself."
"It is inappropriate, BUT if that’s the only way I got to see my child, I would probably do it also. Your husband is really in a hard spot. I would maybe talk to him further about it and see what his perspective is and why he is engaging with her in this way without prompting that “it’s the only way he gets to see his daughter”"
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