My MIL won’t stop referring to my kids as her own children and it’s really starting to irritate me. She will always take over and act like I’m not there or if we’re out in public and someone asks about my kids she’ll butt in and not let me talk about MY OWN KIDS!! I have a 4 year old, 2.5 year old and I’m pregnant with my third due in August. When I bring it up to my husband he blames it on my hormones, and says I should be grateful his mom loves the kids that much. He also thinks I shouldn’t get any time alone on Mother’s Day and we should only spend time with her at her house. I feel like I take a back seat in my own family.Do you think I should bring it up with my MIL or try talking to my husband again?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. It bothers me that my mother in law keeps calling my kids her own
Mother’s Day is YOUR day with your kids…… it’s only her day with her son. If I was you I would try to talk to him one more time but be firm with what you say to him. YOU tell him how the house is going to be run, not him. If he can’t respect you as a wife and mother then you two need couples counseling
So just don’t go if you don’t want to,let him take the kids over there to spend time so you have time alone,stand your ground and don’t let people walk all over you
Keep standing up for yourself…your feelings matter…your husband should be having your back…next time tell her to back off they’re your children not hers.
Maybe she’s not realizing she’s being too much. I’m an overbearing mom and when I become a grandma I’m sure I’ll be just as much. I pray that woman understands that I love my kids and my grandkids alil too much. It honestly may not be about you. She may just love them too much
Sit down with her and set some serious boundaries. If your husband won’t stand up for you; you will need to stand up for yourself. Don’t take a backseat in your own life — drive that metaphorical car girl.
As a nana myself I love my babies too no end. And sometimes we over do it but we don’t mean to. We raised ours and loved them like no other so when they have children we are hooked. My mom thought mine were hers I let her to a point. Discipline them she hated for me to do but I let her know that was my job. She could dote and spoil in every other area. I was the baby so I’m sure that made her think mine were closer to being hers. And I do not regret any of it. She is gone now and they all have very happy memories about her and love her so much still. Not one single time would I have taken a way from her to dote brag or what not about my babies. They knew we both loved them without fail. I never minded sharing my day with my mother or MIL. The kids got to hang out with their cousins and play and we all got to enjoy our day. I guess it’s just what your at capable of handling for that day.
BABY GIRL!!! Everytime she does that, take the baby and walk away. If your hubby wants to spend the day at momma’s house then drop him off and take the kids out to eat. Teach them how not to treat their partner.
Wow. I’d put that lady so quickly in her place if I were you and you’d have to make sure your husband has your back when you do put her in her place.
My exMIL is the same way and I just ripped her a new @$$hole 2 weeks ago. U have to stand ur ground.
Please do what you need to to get him listen. They are your kids not hers and I can tell you first hand that attitude leads to nothing good. I would speak up and start interrupting her when she tries to butt in make it clear who is their mom or you might end up playing second fiddle to.your MIL with your own kids.
I would be happy that someone loves my babies that much! I have two grandsons and another one on the way. I have an awesome daughter in law with my two grandsons and my daughter has my third grand baby due in 2 months. It’s hard to explain the love a grandmother feels for her grandkids. As much as we love our children, it’s more special! My daughter in law is happy I love those boys so much!!! It may seem like she’s over-bearing to you, and she may not even notice how you feel. Maybe try communicating with her in a nice way. You get more bees with honey!!! Just please don’t be mean about it… I’m sure she just loves them so much she’s oblivious to your inner struggles with this.
I am a grandma who hasnt seen her son or his 3 boys for 8 years on mothers day due to it being mothers day for her.My heart has been broken as all I have ever done is help them.Only a text from my son in the afternoon.There is always two sides to a story.My other 3 also miss out on seeing their cousins,
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Talk to her if you feel like you can, or try talking to both of them together.
I get paid over $150+ per hour w0rking from home. I never thought l’d be able to do it but my colleague makes over $ 22687 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Leave him and the kids and go out and do you on Mother’s Day.
And you need to be very vocal next time, hey grandma let me answer about my kids please.
Loving your kids is no reason to not let you be a parent in public… and your husband dismissing the issues and blaming hormones is awful.
Be thankful she wants to be such a part, especially with another on the way, let her be close
That would bug me too. I would try talking to your husband again. If he says it’s your hormones, right! I’m the mommy here. Your mom had her chance. Now it’s my turn!
Yea you trippin she sounds like a grandmother who loves her grandkids
I would. Sometimes Grandmas just love too much. Heck maybe she doesn’t realize she even does it. It doesn’t always have to be a rude conversation just small talk. Something like “You are an amazing grandmother, mother in law, and mother BUT I just feel like I’m on the back burner and I don’t want that to cause any problems” then proceed to tell her why.
Why are you mad that she loves your kids? That’s amazing! So many kids have grandparents that don’t want anything to do with them. As far as it being “mother’s day for her” I mean, it was mother’s day for her as well. She gave birth to your husband and without him you wouldn’t be a mother to those kids.
As someone who spent mother’s day watching my mom cry because my brother celebrated the day with his wife’s mom and didn’t even think to call his own, I. Will tell you that even if she’s “old” she’s still his mom and she deserves to be celebrated. He has the right to see her on mother’s day and you have the right to say “hey, why don’t you take the kids so I can relax.”
That sounds like jealousy. You should be grateful she loves you all that much. Grandmothers are very proud of their grandchildren and great grandchildren .
You have a husband issue and prob a BEC issue bc he’s not supporting your boundaries.
While yes you should be grateful for the love she displays for your kids, I agree with you. It’s a boundary that is honestly very common in my experience. It’s gonna feel and seem like you’re being mean but you are allowed to set that boundary and enforce it. If it feels disrespectful and uncomfortable then you need to draw the line. Talk to her, tell her you don’t like it, it makes you uncomfortable and it makes you feel some type of way. They are her grand babies. Majority of grandmothers refer to them as their babies. It bothered me enough to say “I don’t remember you in the room?”. She may also just be so proud to call them hers. It’s a conversation that needs to happen. And so what if it is your hormones? You’re entitled to your feelings and your feelings are valid regardless.
Talk to both of them let them know how you feel and prayers everything will turn out right
Ok. Some of these comments, man! This grandmother OBVIOUSLY is going way beyond the excuse “she just loves them so much”… she is literally excluding the present mother in public, that is DISTURBING! I would put my foot down! Loving my kids is one thing but trying to play mother when Im present is a whole other issue. This grandmother and her son clearly have issues. Its not just the hormones, honey.
I’m a grandma and I LOVE my grands as if they were mine and they Love me be Happy you have a grandparent that Loves your children there are many out there that pay to Attention to them it called Love get over your jealousy let her Love your baby’s !!!
Speak to your husband again …even mention it to your mother in law… she should step back and be respectful.
Ahhh. Mamas boy… that’s never good.
Wow. Yeah okay she loves them… but tell her to back off. If you are in public and she starts talking over you say “ hold up GRANDMA let me talk about my kids.” She is their grandmother not their mom.
She can love them all she wants but at the exclusion of their mother, absolutely not.
If she starts trying to take over stand your ground, tell her that you said they could or couldn’t do something, changing diapers say oh no I have it they are mine. If you want to do something go do it. You shouldn’t have to spend all day with her on Mother’s Day it’s not just her day. She isn’t your mother or the mother of your children. It’s fine to spend some time with the mother in law, but for your family (because that is what you, your husband and children are l, she is now extended family) to be all about her isn’t okay.
If your partner can’t respect those boundaries then you have your answer, and a few choices. Stay and deal, stay and fight a battle that will never change, or leave.
I think your over reacting my mother in law was crazy over her grandkids. Sometimes it drove me crazy. She loved them so much. She passed away in June and I miss her and I hate that the kids don’t get that anymore. I’m glad I just let her be her.
I think it’s wonderful that she loves her grands so much, I can relate, let her brag.
Uhh. No. Mothers day is about mothers. Are you not the mother of his kids ? Tell him you guys can give her a call or a quick visit on mother’s day, but you are the new " mother " in his life. Tell his mom that your kids are your kids, not hers. And you’d appreciate it if she would stop referring to them as hers.
There is a big difference of grandmother loving her grandkids and doting on them to a grandmother taking over, controlling everything and thinking she has the right to do what she wants. People saying the op is jealous is ridiculous. They are not her children, they are her grandchildren so she should have respect for the mother and work with her not against her, the ops husband should be standing by her too and his little family first
I think you should pick your battles and this shouldn’t be one of them.
The “mothering” experience isnt a bus that if you miss this one you’ll just catch the next one, she is cannibalizing your motherhood however she can and you’ll get no help from your husband because he was raised underneath her dysfunction, – boundries
Yeah, cool, she loves them. But let’s talk about the very obvious boundary issue. The gma won’t even let the mom talk about her own kids…she takes over and basically acts like the mother. Gma should respect the mother a little bit more. And I’d be dog-gone if I spent ALL of mother’s day EVERY year at my MIL’s house. A couple hours, fine. But not the entire day every year. And for hubby to go against her, he sounds like a mommy’s boy. And those type of men are the absolute worse. It sounds like you married his overbearing mother as well.
Take your power back and draw some HARD line boundaries . Your husband is in the wrong here. I’m a grandma to 2. Mother of five. Ages 22,17,15,5 & 3. My oldest son is 22, married with two sons. Mother’s Day he spent with HIS wife, the MOTHER of his children as it should be. He sent me a text Mother’s Day and I am thankful for that. Beyond that and sometimes gifts when he can afford it, I have full expectations that he ought to devote himself to his wife and children. They are to be his top priority as it should be. If it were me in your shoes I would put an immediate stop to spending time with an MIL who undermines and disrespects you which is exactly what she’s doing. That’s toxic behavior. Toxic people family or not get cut out of spending any type of significant time with my family . Reinvent yourself if you need to, get counseling and learn how to set the boundaries. She ain’t gonna like it and will throw a hissy fit every chance she gets, you stand firm. Don’t let anyone treat you the way she does. Husband included. He needs therapy too because he’s not recognizing the toxic patterns in his mom and in his relationship with her and how he’s neglecting you and mistreating you just to appease his mom and not rock the boat with her
Had same problem…now he’s passed but I have had some big issues…still to this day…
Oh my Lord . I have only one grandson. He is the light of my life… …. Why ? Because my two sons are the light of my life . But I do understand you , we have to back up some. I watch him every day since he was born,I retired so I could watch him but I always tell him ,mamy and daddy always first… I am waiting for another one before I die,
if you don’t stand up for yourself now, then it will keep happening…
since your husband won’t do it for you, you must do it yourself and make him sleep on the couch after you do it too
Stop letting her see the children. If she gets angry - tell her why - and that she won’t be seeing them anymore if she doesn’t change.
It’s his mother day also. He needs to see his mother at least for a hour or two. Then maybe spend time with you and kids. Being greedy and selfish will get you nowhere. You may be a mother but so is his mother
Say it to both they asses. They both need to hear ur feelings and set boundaries with the mil
Neither. Have one of your male family members do him that way or undermine him. If he says something point out they just love them so much naw but for real tell your husband you want change or there is gonna be open seats at next event
Carefully pick you battles.grandma won’t always be here maybe just let her enjoy doting on those precious children of yours.and your hubby sounds like a mama boy but he probably won’t change.
You had three kids with this dude.
Yikes. This is my first marriage.
Nope. They are YOUR kids, not hers. She’s allowed to brag and be proud but they are not HER kids. Tell your husband that these are OUR children and MIL is not allowed to say “MY babies” or whatever phrases. Explain that you will correct her if he does not because YOU carried and birthed those children, NOT her.
For mothers day, YOU should be celebrated just as much as her because you are both moms. If you can’t celebrate appropriately, it will no longer be celebrated at all. Period.
My first MIL acted like this and my ex defended her or wouldn’t defend me in anything. It got to a point where I became the bad guy for laying out boundaries for MY child and she didn’t like it. She didn’t see him as much and she hated me for it because I was withholding him after talking, warning and then following through with my requests she was not listening to.
Really??? do y’all NOT have anything else to do? stop worrying about such small things!! give MIL a break! she may need to feel like she is important to them! y’all are needing to look at this like she may just want to help or is lonely
Limit time with her, and have a directly honest, but respectful conversation with her without anyone around. And your husband needs to listen and respect your feelings instead of brushing them off and using your hormones as an excuse to not listen to you. Demand respect. I would tell him if you don’t get your own time on Mother’s Day in the future, you won’t be going to his mother’s at all. He should try to be understanding.
Oh hell NO! Your husband has a responsibility to step in and tell his mother that she is out of line. He needs to set some boundaries. She is grandma not mom!
Problem is: it doesn’t sound like he will. When you’re forced to say something to her and your husband doesn’t back you… oh dear lady! Better yet, if you have a hot spot it my just be oh dear daddy, mommy just came unraveled. lol