My fiancé & I have been together for five years … I have constantly expressed my feelings toward him watching porn … I have no issue with it if he’d just watch it with me & not hide it and lie to me about it … he says he just watches it for entertainment; I’ve caught him watching it before, but he truly wasn’t doing anything to himself, but after he watches it sometimes I only know bc our google acts are linked he wants to have sex he usually only watches it when I’m gone to the store for 3-5mins we live right by it but there have been occasions he’s watched it right next to me I’ve told him how insecure I am and it just makes me feel like he has to watch other women to feel excited or to have sex with me, and I told him I don’t mind I just hate him watching it by himself he quit for a long time then started again any ideas on what is going on and why
If it bothers you, then it is a problem. Your feelings are valid and don’t let anyone tell you they aren’t. If you’ve talked to him about how it makes you feel, and he doesn’t respect you enough to validate your feelings and make a genuine effort to make changes that makes you feel comfortable, it’s obvious he won’t change and you’ll have to decide if you can deal with that in 5, 10 years or however long. This can become and addiction and it may very well be…would he be willing to go to couples counseling to work on this issue? Wishing you the best and remember, your feelings are very valid.
I posted this on your post through Facebook and decided to post here too. This is not about control, it’s about respect and boundaries. You stated that it makes you feel insecure and you don’t like him lying to you or hiding it, the fact that he does not care about how it makes you feel and goes behind your back is the problem here. By the way, Porn addiction is REAL. He should NOT need it to have sex with you nor should he be hiding it from you and lying to your face about it. Personally, porn is not for me and my relationship and my boyfriend and I agreed to that. Everyone is allowed to have their own boundaries and agreements in their own relationships. You need to have an open discussion with him find out why he is not watching with you and hiding it. Explain the lying and going behind your back is not okay! You’re allowed to wabt to have boundaries and I feel like you have compromised by agreeing to watch with him.
I would feel the same exact way. I’ve been asking my significant other to stop watching it to. I told him it bothers me that he would even want to watch it. I don’t care what anyone else says, it is a form of cheating to me. He’s looking at another female having sex. You shouldn’t want to look at anyone else in that way besides the person you are with. Whether it’s just looking at it and not physically around another woman it’s still cheating to me whether or not he’s masterbating to it it’s still wrong. I told my husband that he’s getting off to another female and that’s considered cheating to me. Makes me think he doesn’t like the way I look. Why look at another female if your satisfied with your partner
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. It makes me insecure when my fiance watches adult videos without me: Advice?
Girl he’s allowed to have his own time let him watch it .
He’s a man. They watch porn. You won’t stop him from doing so. Men are visual. You said it yourself that he wants to have sex with you after so what is the issue?
If he watches it don’t have sex with him. He has to understand the concept of alone time and when he wants to spend time with you. If he has to watch it to have sex with you then cut off the sex with you. He can’t have porn to get his rocks off and you on the same day.
Lmfao. You don’t want my advice.
I rather my man watch porn in the house where I am… Instead of going outside of the house looking for other p*$$y. Hell he can jack off if he wants…
Why would you be “engaged “ 5 years ?
One of you are truly not ready for a commitment, and if it is him pushing off the “date “ then you might want to reconsider your choices in partners , if you have told him it makes you uncomfortable/uneasy , and he still does it , what does that tell you ?? He’s not in to protecting your feelings, he’s more concerned with getting his jolly’s than making you happy…
I used to feel this way BUT after years of self growth I realized it had nothing to do with him watching it and everything to do with my own insecurities about my looks. And it sounds like you maybe going through the same thing. Men watch porn it’s normal what’s not normal is cheating or not having a sex life. Work on yourself specifically the areas that you are not happy with. Most people watch porn not just men, they are just more open about it.
Don’t marry him then. He watches porn. That’s fine. You dont like dudes that watch porn to be with you, no problem. You trying to be with a guy who wants to watch porn without you is wrong. Be true to yourself. Find what really makes you happy or you will resent this
Listen if he watches porn be glad he’s not doing someone else. Also let him have his alone time and watch porn weather you know about it or not. You need to figure out to be not insecure about that because that’s your problem and not his but it his duty to make you feel like your loved the way you are and if he does that then idk what’s the issue here because he’s not doing anything wrong. If anything your probably putting it in his head that it’s a bad thing which is why he thinks he needs to hide it. I watch porn by myself, my man watches porn by himself we watch together.
I got over this and u have to they love u it’s just entertainment a computer imo they shouldn’t be doing it all the time if there ignoring you but it is wat it is there men it’s what most of them do stop looking for it and u won’t know🤷🏻♀️ sorry if that seemed blunt I know it sucks but
Also if he went a long time without watching it and then started something in the bedroom between you changed for him or got boring and you need to ask what it is. Girl it’s okay to be a freak and try new things go to a sex shop and buy sex candles and let the wax drip on you spice things up
Never get the whole watching porn thing. Obviously we watched it when we were younger but don’t get why adults and especially adult men need to watch it anless they are single and it turns them on a bit…I’d kill my hubby if he watched that shit .not that he does but still
Girl get a life that’s a grown man he does not need to be supervised while watching porn it doesn’t have anything to do with you
Mine watches porn with or without me, we’ve been together 15yrs and our sex life is awesome everytime. I am always willing to try new things with him and always willing to let him try new things on me. If you’re the sex is good and you cook your man ain’t going nowhere but mainly the sex if you’re lacking to provide it and you listen to the advise of cutting off the sex then he will cheat. However if this is a big issue for you then maybe you need to re-evaluate your relationship with your partner because you’re probably not that compatible as you thought you were because when you are meant for one another neither one needs to change your ways. You will love each other with flaws and all because thats what attracted you and thats who you fell in love with so 2 to 3 years later you can’t ask someone to change their ways because now it bothers you or because it makes you feel some type of way after allowing this behavior for how many years.
Be happy he’s watching porn and pleasing himself instead of going to another woman. As long as it’s not affecting his every day life its really no big deal. Sometimes a person needs to get off quick. Also you should pop a porn in wear something sexy and ask him to join you!!!
On est loin des ongles !!!
While you’re playing on google how about you google ‘how to stop being insecure’ and ‘is it ok if I forbid my boyfriend to watch porn’
You need help
Absolute bull shit that he’s doing this. His 1st priority is the porn not you. Why would you settle for 2nd best?
Yeah, he’s just a creep
The point is… you told him how it made you feel. It made you feel insecure. If he loved you he would consider your feelings. A real man would move mountains for the women he loves. A real man would want his women happy no matter what. Sounds to me he doesn’t care enough to stop FOR YOU. He won’t stop if he hasn’t already. He obviously does not care, I wouldn’t get married to him because he will never stop and you’ll only be hurting yourself in the end. You go find yourself a real man who actually gives a frick about you and he can be alone with his porn.
Time to get over your insecurities. Men watch porn because it’s a fantasy. I highly doubt he needs porn to have sekz with you. The only reason it’s affecting you is because your feelings are hurt because you think less of yourself
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. It makes me insecure when my fiance watches adult videos without me: Advice?
He seems to be addicted. Needs help!
Porn is an addiction just like alcohol or drugs. He’s not gonna be able to stop on his own and it’s just going to get worse. Nothing you say or do is going to change that. You might as well leave.
Honestly your fiance watching porn isn’t really a big issue. What the issue really is IS him hiding it from you to not upset you. And you seem a little insecure. There’s nothing wrong with watching porn period. There’s plenty of men/women in relationships that do watch it. Hes not cheating on you, isn’t flirting it up with other women. Hes loyal and faithful to you and when hes horny he comes to you. Maybe ask yourself why hes watching porn. Is it because he has a fantasy that he secretly wishes you two would share? Maybe hes bored having sex with you and you need to spice things up? Maybe hes wanting to learn new moves for you? Instead of jumping the gun like these women on here are doing I would sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him about ya’lls sex life.
NO one should be watching porn . it destroys the family unit .relationships and trust. It causes expectations that cannot be fulfilled. It is the same thing as screwing a W hore in person. It IS being unfaithful to your spouse.
Men will be men lol theres nothing to worry about. Pleasure him often.
I’m sorry that’s a you issue. He should be able to have his Alone happy time without you. As you should also have that option also. It doesn’t mean he wants sex with someone else.
Not saying what he is doing is right or ok, but I don’t think you really know what your ok with… just frlm the passage alone you have said you have told him you don’t mind if he watches with you… then you say how insecure it makes you feel for him to watch it next to you… you have told him you don’t mind you just kind him watching it alone. But it sounds like you do mind… which is ok… but you and only you can decide what you are truly ok with… people don’t change… they adapt snd do things differently…sorry you are going thru this… but just remember you snd only you can decide what you are truly ok with
What. You say watch it with you but you don’t like him watching it with you and you get upset about him doing it alone. Sounds like you DO have a problem with it after all.
Get help, sister. Being addicted to Porn is something you need to be worried since porn will give a great impact to your future relationship. It’s like this guy will never satisfied with just having you only. Talk to him and about your concern.
You admit you’re insecure. So talk with a therapist to find out how to become secure in your own skin. Ask your therapist to also delve into the causes of your insecurities.
What is he actually watching and how often is this?
He hides it maybe because you make him feel ashamed for watching it. So because YOU are insecure HE is not allowed to watch it? Everyone deserves some alone/me time. He shouldn’t need permission nor should he have to announce everytime hes going to watch it. Find ways to boost ur confidence. If he’s not stepping out or talking to chick’s I dont see an issue. However it he’s doing it multiple times a day & it’s affecting bedroom time or time spent theres def a prob. Perhaps you guys can compromise & say I dont want you watching it before we have sex & explain you want him ready because of you, not somebody else.
Everything in moderation.
lol he is under no obligation to either stop watching porn or watch it with you, girl get over yourself or watch your insecurities kill your relationship
It’s his body his choice, I understand your insucre but he is his own person. Maybe find away to become more confident in yourself or make one of y’all for him to watch so at least it’s not another person
The biggest problem here is that he is ignoring your feelings. You should not be having the same problem for years. You two need to discuss some boundaries and you need to deal with your insecurities
Stop trying to change your partner to make yourself happy. That’s a life lesson to EVERYONE.
If you have an insecurity that predates them, isn’t their fault… They are not required to compromise to make you feel better. It’s not their job to pretzel themselves into something you’re happy with. Find a therapist. Get over your insecurity.
Just because you’re married doesn’t mean every sexual moment he has are yours.
Seriously, don’t watch porn is the equivalent of don’t wear that. 90% of the women who cry omg porn, no are the first in line to watch/read 50 shades.
Spice Up your Sex Life! Ask him how he wants it! Send him some porn to watch and get him hot and ready like Little Caesars pizza Have fun
I never had an issue with my any of my exs watching it with or without me. If I’m tired and dont want to then feel free to do ya thing and leave me th alone lol however, my current husband for a long while had an issue of turning me down and then going to watch porn. Preferring to watch porn and “handle” his business instead of getting the real thing . Which I thought was weird af. That and when we’d be in the act he would literally watch the t.v. the entire time. Idk just made me feel insecure and once i told him that he quit watching it without me all together. As long as he givin it up when u want it and its not like an obsessive addiction weird type of thing then I dont see the issue with it .
Girl move on if he can’t respect u he’s obviously picking porn over u and just because u don’t want ur man watching porn don’t make u insecure just some women demand respect it’s sad what some women will accept by a man
Focus on your own worth …and your beauty …Invest in yourself and alert confidence .
Pick your battles wisely.
I don’t blame you at all! I would feel the same as you if I were in your position. Knowing how you feel and he does it anyway is a real problem!
I would seek counseling for this hopefully with him. If he doesnt go, there are isshes deeler than you knkw. Go yourself and you will be so glad you did!
It really doesn’t bother me so I don’t necessarily see why women bug out about it. Its no different than any other movie…
Does he go to work everyday? Bring his paycheck home? Is he home every night with you? If so dont worry, it’s just porn, just sex. Hes lying bc your being a baby(sorry to sound mean), your insecurities are your problem not his. The more you whine the more he will hide. Just let him have his porn.
You will ruin your relationship over something so small , lots of guys like porn ? Is he still having sex and being nice to you ? If he is let him do him and stop trying to stop him
She sounds insecure sure but what’s wrong with asking to see what porn he likes and to watch it with her man?? And it seems weird he wants to so often, I just personally don’t know why someone would lol
Rude to bash her for difference of opinion too, we all have insecurities jerks !
Get over it! Yur welcome!
Thats the problem with mordern day ppl. No moral integrity. Porn is normalised. Oh the oh hes just a man comment never gets old. Or the at least hes not cheating… porn has been normalised these days. It creates sexual friction in relationships. It creates outlandish expectations. Porn stars are actors ding ding ding… men watch these facial expressions and behaviors of actors and expect women to do the same or vice versa… its no longer a sacred intimate thing but a circus because everyone has been living in fantasy land. I guess everyone doesn’t believe in the word of God anymore but there is a reason ppl shouldnt look at another lustfully because you open a door spiritually. You are spiritually cheating on your partner. Ever wondered why you have crazy dreams of sleeping around so on and so forth or why you have dreams of your partner cheating etc… because you have opened a spiritual door and have allowed the marriage bed to be defiled. But who cares right as long as he is coming home to you… and the women who belittle women that dont agree or like it are just as bad. Oh you shouldn’t put your insecurities on him blah blah blah. No you need to get you a moral backbone. If you have an ounce of faith or moral integrity in you i would pray for eyes to see and ears to hear. Also porn is chalked full of molestation rape child porn…human trafficking and so forth and ppl who watch and buy the crap fuel the fire. But who cares right as long as you are sitting behind a screen you dont have to deal with it or face the reality of it
Get over it. Maybe its just his own little fantasy world. So what.! Maybe he needs to watch it to overcome your nagging.
Start watching porn right next to him…porn don’t bother me…
How about go on Jerry Springer or something equally as gross and keep your private life off of social media
Sounds like he has an addiction and can’t “perform” without it. He may be a good guy otherwise, I don’t know. But only u know what ur willing to tolerate. If u do decide to stay, perhaps u can protect urself by letting him know u won’t be having sex after he watches porn. Ur not punishing him, per se, ur just making sure he can be with u just to be with u. But don’t let anyone guilt u into staying or leaving. They’re not in ur shoes. I wish u luck dear.
Porn is evil and will never enhance your relationship with him! He’s got the wrong perspective on a good relationship with you!!
Porn is not evil or bad unless it’s children or young teenage girls. Rape is also bad. You seem insecure and like even if he does watch it with you you probably have an attitude about it. It doesn’t mean he is cheating on you but he may be bored in the bedroom.
This happens with couples who experience threesomes together as well.If it bothers YOU it’s an issue. You have every right to have boundaries…which he isn’t respecting. Dont try to be the “perfect” spouse or try to pretend it doesn’t bother you. That will only cause resentment. It may not even be that you’re jealous or insecure it may be you feel disrespected and like he is being disloyal. Acknowledge your true feelings and why you feel that way. He should respect your wishes like he would expect you to respect his. Don’t lose yourself. Don’t settle.
Yuh nuh have nothing to do.
Aww sending you a hug hope you just go with your gut feeling the gut is always right I’ve always believed you move on let him have a dirty little wank for as long as he likes or if you really want him make him go to the shop you have a wank haha life short put up with it or get rid end ov xx
Honey…you go to the sex shop and buy yourself a huge dildo…next time you want sex…go to town on yourself…he’ll walk in and you say " sorry babe it’s my little secret can you come back when I’m done?" You start watching porn without him too…give him a little taste of his own medicine …flirt with his best friend…two can play this game…but completely ignore what he’s doing…trust me once he sees you doing stuff without him…youll straighten up real fast
What’s good for the goose…lol
And if you really want to get his attention just say…" just remember baby whatever you’re doing im doing too"…my friend used that on her boyfriend…he flew from DC to Tampa the same night came to her house in the pouring rain to profess his love…true story. Always stay confident but always leave them guessing …youll be just fine
I don’t think u have much to worry about he is just watching pork. If it upsets u have a talk with him about how it makes u feel.him.watching it alone and that u would like to join in for the fun see what he says. Good luck.my dear
Only you can change your own insecurity. Its not up to him to fix it.
Well you just said what the problem is. You’re insecure. He’s not exactly the one with the problem. It’s you. Because if you’re insecure to the point that him watching porn makes you feel bad then one can only assume that your insecurities follow you into the bedroom. Which is likely why he watches it. If that is all he does because you’re vanilla in the bedroom, consider yourself lucky. It’s better than him actually cheating on you until you. Maybe try to be more open sexually. If he knew that you were trying to learn something from the girls in the porn then maybe he would let you watch it with him. But watching porn with someone because you feel like any experience that they have without you is bad, is ridiculous.
If he’s by himself…leave the man to do his business lmao
I like porn… too many prudes, but hey whatever you’re into. If you aren’t sexually compatible with your partner, end it… it will inevitably end anyway whether you initiate it or not. Promise.
Porn… watching it with him… you’re insecure about it because you focus on the women instead of the men. Do you look like the woman? Probably not. Does your man look/perform/have a package like the man? Probably not. Why hold yourself to that standard but not your partner, then be concerned you don’t measure up? He’s sleeping with you, not the girl in the film being screwed by a guy twice his size… the same girl that would never give your man the time of day.
Some women are hotter than me, so what? I’ve had very few male partners that could match a porn star, but I’ll match anything those chicks can do, because I watch porn, and have sex, and know how to satisfy a man, and I’m not ashamed of that. Get over yourself. Set aside your inhibitions. Enjoy sex with your partner or he’ll find someone who will. Alternatively, leave your partner and look for a more prudish partner. You can’t have great and adventurous in bed and doesn’t watch porn. I would be amazed to find such a man. Where do you think they learn to be good in bed? Lol.
Really? Most guys watch porn.
However maybe YOU need to spice it up in the bedroom to draw his focus to you. If not just get over yourself.
Never heard of private, alone time? Need boundaries
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. It makes me insecure when my fiance watches adult videos without me: Advice?
He is jacking off dear
It’s a hot topic for me and it’s a no all together for me everyone is different
It’s a natural thing. Your entitled to have feelings about it, but you don’t get to tell someone they can’t watch porn.
Not okay. He’s likely addicted. For me, it felt like he was cheating on me. It hurts. It made me very insecure. He shouldn’t watch it knowing it makes you uncomfortable.
I think both of you need to go to therapy and sex therapy to better understand one another on this issue.
Personally, my relationship is super lucky and we watch porn independently, but also together. We have two kiddos and can’t always find the time to be intimate together
Either you are completely okay with it or you’re completely not okay with it. Telling him he can only watch it with you comes off as a little too controlling to me.
My partner and I watch it together and alone… It’s not something someone can help you with it’s an understanding that it’s just a sexual thing and nothing more … try watching it with him maybe acting it out or even asking him what he wants u to do
Maybe he is pre gaming for you? You know so he lasts longer. I know everyone is different but I don’t understand why porn is a problem. He’s not cheating.
What makes you insecure about it? It’s a job that they are being paid to do
Tell him to hide it better or use a different browser or his phone , out of sight out of mind
My partner watches porn and so do I. Honestly, I’d much rather just spend a few mins getting myself off than go through the whole process of sex.
I literally just told mine to never try and get to me, if he’s just watched it and feels raunchy he’s on his own 🤷
That’s too wishy washy of a response. Either you’re ok with it, or you’re not. You can’t be half and half. Draw the boundaries and make them CLEAR. And be prepared to follow through with consequences for him crossing them.
No offense but you’re not okay with it… sounds more of a control thing which is whatever, but you can’t tell him he can watch it but only with you… either it’s okay or it’s not.
Men are visual they need to see to get off women need to feel we are not the same. It’s fantasy…made up…porn stars are actors…paid to do the crazy shit and maybe if U watched you might get aroused too! Don’t discount it as a hard no find some nice lady porn watch with hubby and try some new things! It’s sex…meant to be enjoyed xxx
Not trying to sound rude or harsh but (get over it) men will be men… your insecurities are the only reason u have an issue… since this shines a spotlight on your insecurities, try working on it. Little back story: I never had an issue with an ex watching either together or alone…shit he even worked at an adult store for a bit…zero insecurity… the ex after him however, I had a huge issue with it and it’s bc of the way he made me feel insecure to begin with. My now hubby… I had to learn to deal with it. I think my issues from my prior relationship rolled over & triggered something in me… it took me a while to be OK with it bc I realized it was my own issues within myself. All in all, men like porn… it’s not as big of a deal as we women sometimes make it out to be…& it certainly does not mean that we are inferior or less attractive… pt it this way… a man can be with the woman of his dreams… brick house model… and will still watch porn. It’s normal
If it bothers you and you don’t want it your relationship that’s 100% fine. Don’t let other people tell you what to feel. Just because porn has become normalized doesn’t mean it’s normal or healthy. Have a conversation with him and if nothing changes make the right decision for you. If it makes you miserable and questioning your worth don’t put up with it.
I believe porn as habit disconnects a person from real intimacy.
My question is how is it any different if you watch with him? How does that help your insecurities?
It sounds very controlling to tell someone what they can and cannot watch and what they can and cannot do with their own bodies. He’s your partner not your property.
Lol I watch porn and I like it too, but so does my s/o we’ve never had any issues about this conversation. And yes we do watch together and alone.
You jealous he is watching it without you? I can’t decide which one you are good with it or not?!?
Good luck.I dated my husband before married and his porn watching before us is watched to this day.yes by himself,he never watches with me.does what he does.you can’t change them.
I’m sorry but you can’t force him. If he wants too he will if he doesn’t he won’t