I've had 2 failed relationships and don't know if I will ever trust again: Advice?

Hey guys I don’t know where to start, I am heartbroken right now as I had to ring the police on my boyfriend he has been bullying me for nearly two years we have a baby together who isn’t even. Before him, I was in a relationship for three years, and I’ve been abused physically, emotionally and mentally he knew, and he was friends with my ex After a few months of us dating he started emotionally and mentally abusing me it got worse when I got pregnant and even more after I gave birth. I kept forgiving him because I loved him, but lately it got really bad, from calling me names to telling me I’m fat, and he had the chance to be with more attractive women, making me cry every day hurting my feelings so bad I felt like I had enough and I told him I wanted to break up tonight he left and took my keys with him , I managed to lock my doors without the key and a few hours later he came banging in the door and I got scared and I let him in when abuse started again he said let me in to take my stuff and I’ll go , I believed him .once he was in he said he’s not going anywhere so I had to ring the police they came trying to get him out (he has his own place) he was trying to be smart with the police The thing is I’m so so hurt and just my baby and me after 2 failed relationships I can’t trust anyone and I don’t think there is anyone out there for me , it’s my fault i’m gullible and I just wanted to be happy and be loved never had that, and I think I need to accept that love will never happen for me . I don’t understand why when you give your all to someone they choose to walk all over you I haven’t really got friends either as I’m not from here and i feel very lonely no one to talk to


focus on you and your baby noone needs a man x


Sometimes you need to be on your own for aWhile. I had my share of relationship fails, and I felt the same way. You need to learn to be okay being alone. When your not reliant on a relationship that’s when you will meet better men.


Go watch every video by Adrienne Everheart on YouTube and join her fb group. Whether you date or not, you will heal your heart and live a life you never knew you could. I PROMISE. It’s free and it’s the best thing I’ve ever found.

1 Like

Stay single for awhile the right person will come along when you lest expect it i waited 5 yrs for mine it was worth the wait


Just you and your baby? That should be more than enough when the alternative has been abuse! Baby deserves better and so do you.


First off, it’s NOT your fault. He sounds like a narcissist and they know just how to push people’s buttons and make people feel like it’s their fault. It’s 100% his fault. You will find someone to love you the right way some day. In the mean time, focus on you and your baby. Find a Celebrate Recovery group. They are for recovering from everything, including abusive relationships. They will welcome you and give you a second family. Get a restraining order if he won’t leave you alone. If he starts blowing up your phone simply message him to leave you alone and stop harassing you. After you send that do NOT respond to him in any way, shape, form or fashion. If he continues to bother you, take your phone to police and show them where he keeps, messaging and calling. Prayers


Find some local baby and me groups. The abuser always turns things onto the victim! Don’t let him break you down, that lets him win. Keep your head high, you have your true loves and they look up to you. Hope everything works out for you. You ARE worth it!

You do have love. That love comes from your child. Screw relationships. Focus on you and your baby. Focus on making your lives better. Having a man child around will not help you nor will it make you feel any better about yourself. He needs to go and you need to stick to it. That child doesn’t deserve to see mommy emotionally or physically in pain. Give your child a childhood they don’t have to heal from.


Honestly I think we attract people who treat us the way we feel about ourselves so take time and work on you and learn to love you and in the future you’ll attract people who love you just the way you do


Take every day as a new day,! You have a lot of healing to do, from the inside . Please take the time to focus on yourself and your baby, find some mother and baby groups join a forum group through Facebook etc, and everything will sort its self out for you


I have been threw a relationship like described. the father of my older daughter was Abusive emotionally and mentally, sometimes physically (pulled my hair and punch my back mostly). I kept forgiving him cause I loved him, but it was just puppy love. I Left when our daughter was 3months old. After he showed that he might harm her too. I left him while I cried. yes, I still love him, but not in love or ever want him around anymore. but he is her father and now that it’s been a few years, he’s starting to try to keep a job to finally start playing CS. so I’ve been slowly letting him back into her life.

I’m still haunted by the things her done to me. but he has changed a bit, so I’m kinda ok with her going to her father, away from her grandmother tho who keeps calling CPS for stupid reasons. luckily the cases are closed.

as for me. yes I have depression from my growing up past and my relationship past. My about to be hubby knows I’m mentally unstable (no meds for depression, have a cat I hand raised since two days old that helps) he (Ironically) was best friends with my older daughters father, untill he learned how he treated me. He helps me too.

you just gotta stay strong and take care of your baby.

U should be so proud of urself to have stood up and ring the police well done now u know what’s happening go to domestic violence meetings it will be great for yah u gotta be strong for u first close up ur home to him have a nice cosy safe home for u and ur baby no one needs a man like that around um not in day in age hope u can find the fight in yah look at ur babies cause they need there mammy to be happy


Run, now go to a shelter for women, they’ll help you…You have no self worth… Neither did I…you have to love yourself before anyone can love you.

1 Like

First, you need to learn to love yourself, before you go into another relationship. It is true that we attract what we think we deserve. Love yourself, love your baby. I don’t know if you are religious at all, but maybe try to find a church you could start attending. Don’t take an abuser back. You deserve better.


Some of us women attract toxic men. The root reason- childhood trauma.
This usually shows up as us wanting to Help the guy and we lack boundaries, therefore, they disrespect us and on and on this abusive cycle goes.
You’ve been robbed of your worth, self esteem, etc, by these two guys. You’re worth so, so much more than this.
I would definitely get out of this relationship and into counseling asap. Take at least one solid year off from being in a relationship or FWB or hooking up with a guy, get to the root of your childhood trauma, get healed from the abusive relationships.
I cannot recommend enough watching Derrik Jaxn YouTube videos. He is rock solid regarding guys, red flags, etc.
Meredith Miller is very knowledgeable on narcissistic abuse and healing from it. You’ll find her on YouTube as well.
My recovery has been layers of counseling, church and Celebrate Recovery.
Seriously though, I’m going to forewarn you- You must learn how to be alone and at peace with it. If you do not heal from everything, you’re probably going to end up in an even worse abusive relationship. You’ve already proven that in your post.


You and your baby deserve so much better!!! I know your hurting right now but it will get better with time. You need to find a good support group and some good friends, non of his friends!!! You can do this, I did, and it was the best thing I ever did. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else the right way. You have a child to raise so make that your first priority, he/she needs their momma!!!:cry: Good luck!!

Girl you need to focus on yourself and your baby. Dont worry about having a relationship right now it will come in time :slightly_smiling_face: and it will be the right person for you


I was 19 the first time I got married. He was abusive. That lasted 3 years. My next relationship turned out to be even more abusive. After I got away from that guy. I went into therapy. I had to learn to love myself and realize myself worth. After lots of therapy. I know I deserve a hell of a lot better than what I had. I have been with a wonderful guy for 14 years now. We have a 12 year old daughter together and he is so good to me. We have our disagreements but he’s never raised a hand to me. I hope you find better because you deserve better.

This is heartbreaking. You need time to sort your life out and build a wall of confidence and love for yourself and your baby. Wishing you all the best💖… I think you should see someone and offload on your experience and reach out to new females(to make friends) who can help you build your support structure

1 Like

I was in this type of relationship with my daughters oldest father. It’s hard to trust after being in a relationship like that. But I’m finally in a relationship that I’m happy with and I have a whole different meaning of life now.

Pray to God to help you through
this and get help from agency

You deserve better you will find the right person take care of you and your baby

It sounds like he is a narcissist, don’t trust him around yourself at daughter. Go to counseling to find out why you keep on choosing losers. Get your self esteem back and make a life for yourself and daughter

I’ll take you out and show you how a woman is supposed to be treated

Ur picking wrong types of men

Learn to love yourself first.

Honey. It’s called being codependent. It takes a lot of inner work to help get you better.

So he is gone right? My sister was married 3X due to stepfather abusing her sexually. Self esteem shot. Become dependent so you don’t need a man in your life. You don’t need a man to be happy. You and baby are first. You said you aren’t from this location, so do you have family that could help? Go back to where you are from? Get a job allot of assistance is out there for you. There are government programs that will provide food and daycare according to what you are making at a job. Look into all your options. Trust yourself don’t worry about any man right now. You will learn what to watch for in the future.

Love yourself don’t look for it… it will come to you be in the meantime work on urself

Leave and don’t go back for your and kids sake