Hey! I ask if this can please remain anonymous. Not sure if I am looking for advice or just need to vent, maybe hear others input on this situation I am going through, thanks in advance and sorry for the long post. So I am currently pregnant with a baby boy and have a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship, her father and I were no longer in a relationship when he passed away 2 years ago. My current SO and I have known each other for over 4 years now, we tried dating a while back but it didn’t work out mainly because I had trust issues although he never really gave me reasons. I guess this was due to the toxic relationship I had with my daughters father. We started dating again in the summer and when I told him I was pregnant around October he was overjoyed and told me he has always wanted to have a family with me and are relationship has been really good, no complains. Now just some background; I am 30 years old and moved back in with my parents about 3 years ago because I had separated from my daughters father. I had finished school but had no job. So my mom offered me to move back in. Now, I have always been very private about my personal and love life. I’m Hispanic and mine at least are not very accesible to talk to. When I told my mom I was pregnant she was a little serious but happy because my daughter was going to have a sibling. My family hadn’t met and still hasn’t met my SO although we were planning a dinner of some sort so they can meet him. After knowing about my pregnancy my mom was overly nice making me breakfast and such, I felt spoiled. Now Iiving with my mom I pay a total of $850 a month for a room and other miscellaneous stuff. When I first started living here I was paying maybe $500 but because she was helping me babysit my daughter and she did the food shopping I gave her more. My SO pays about $700 a month so it only makes sense we rent an apartment together. I felt bad about leaving my parents so I asked SO if he would be ok if we rented a 4 bedroom with my parents and he said it would be ok since we are all going to need each other’s support, money wise, the kids and so on. Now where we live it’s cramped, there is no living room or space for my kids and it is continuously having problems like no hot water, no water not to mention in bad condition. When I had mentioned to my mom about moving out and showed her pictures of nice apartments I had found not so far from where we currently live she flat out said no because she loves the area. So I told her ok that’s fine, but I am just giving you a heads up I am moving out. A few days later, she told me she changed her mind because they are going to start charging for hot water and they were paying too much already but it had to be around here. I told her I wasn’t playing around and she needed to make up her mind. She then began to say things like she believes I didn’t make the baby out of love and that I probably don’t love the baby’s father and that the baby is probably an accident. I was so shocked she had the audacity to say anything like that because this lady says to be so catholic, prays 4 hours a day, 6 hours on Sundays. I told her that that part of my life is non of her business. She had also mentioned that I AM the one that is going to be needing of HER help postpartum. Where I didn’t even answer back because I had had enough already. SO is taking time off work to help. I dislike arguing, and she talked to me as if I were still a little girl, like she had no respect for me at all, as if because she is my mom, she could talk to me however she wants. I have no idea why she feels so entitled. Out of my 3 siblings, I’m the oldest, only woman and also the most financially stable. Now I had told her about the apartment because I had the intention of helping my parents with saving money, my parents aren’t getting any younger and I worry for their future especially since COVID hit my father hard and was left with no savings. She hasn’t spoken to me since, it’s been over a week and I’ve even noticed she started treating my daughter different and it hurts because my daughter calls her mom too because she loves her so much, my daughter even mentioned she doesn’t want to move too far because wants to stay close to her grandparents. She can take out all her anger on me but never my kids, that’s where it hurts. I have come to the conclusion that it’s not healthy living with her now or in the future, she is always going to want to get in my business. She says things about SO without even knowing him, like how he is not going to support me, what if he walks out as if she wants things to go bad for me or she is not happy. With the way she is acting I don’t think I want her meeting SO or her future grandson anytime soon. SO hasn’t given me any reason to doubt him and I’m confident in our relationship and the family we are starting. I feel as if this is what happens when you try to look out for those you care about, they don’t appreciate the little things. From now on I am just going to let her go and put my little family first. If you read up to here, thank you.
Give her time to adjust to the new arrangement, and go ahead and move out. She can still be there for you and the grandkids without living together, and you can still be there for your parents.
You continue on with your beautiful little family and your mom will come around. You do not need to live with her now or in the future. Honestly I think living with family members or roommates causes issues in life and relationships. Take care of your daughter and let your mother visit, visit your mother and when your son is born do the same. Keep open communication as you both are adults as well as mother and daughter. She doesn’t have the right to tell you what to do though, she can worry, she can give advice or suggestions if she has good intentions but she shouldn’t do so if she has ill intentions. When the time is right and it probably should be sooner than later she should meet your boyfriend on neutral ground as he is in your life and will always be as the father of your son. Good luck with your family that you are starting. Stay blessed.
My mother is the same way. She will end up ruining your relationship if you all live together. Move out but stay in touch and things should get better.
My mom talked MAD shit about my SO when she met him ONCE. “He’s going to leave you because your kids are so bad” “he’s only with you so he can rape your kids” “you’ve got too much baggage for him. He’s going to leave” “has he seen how you live? And you’re sure he still wants you?” I lived with my parents for a max of two months after getting evicted (my kids father and I shared a townhome together and he left and moved in with his parents; gave me no notice) and then I stumbled upon my now SO and he’s made me realize that I don’t need to put up with that. You do what you think is best for YOUR baby. I’ve been out of my parents house since November or December and they still haven’t even attempted to come see me or the kids. They just demand that I stop by their house when it’s convenient for them. Don’t let your parents run your life
Honestly I’d distance. Mine and my husbands relationship was extremely strained due to my feeling of his mom not liking me and her disrespect towards me and him not believing it. Even tho it was right in his face we’ll finally after she told someone stuff she was suppose to keep to herself and her calling me all kinds of name he cut her off and don’t talk or anything to her and it’s been easy like in the beginning before she moved up close to us
Wow. That seems toxic, sorry to say cause I know she’s your mom, but unless she wants to change her tune and act in a respectful, caring and supportive manner I’d say maybe some time apart is good for now. There’s no excuse to just be unnecessarily mean to anybody nevermind your pregnant daughter.
I hope she’s able to get some positivity back soon and your relationship improves.
I say this as an admitted sinner only saved by the grace through faith in Christ.
If you have sex before marriage the risks are unwanted pregnancy among others. This is a problem at its root for your mom. Moreover it is a bad example for your daughter. I suggest you repent and find Christ, go celibate until you are married. If the boyfriend loves you he will stay and wait. This is the ONLY ANSWER. It’s biblical. Ignore all the other bad worldly sinful advice. Repent and commit your life to Christ. Watch it change for the better. Blessing.
Your mom is feeling like the kid. Youre helping her when in her mind she probably feels like shes supposed to help you. Shes taking that frustration out on you. Its not right or fair but try to understand.
You’ve heard the expression, make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold? I don’t think it’s wise to give up your mom. I think she is just being human and feeling vulnerable. From a person with two dead parents, don’t turn your back on family.
I wouldn’t have your parents move in with you if you don’t need their help financially it rarely ever works out
Id walk away and not even worry about it she’ll regret it one day. live your life
Sit her down, talk to her and tell her how you feel. Introduce SO to your parents. Let your mom know that this is not about her and as much as you would love her to be part of her grandchildren lives, then she should respect your relationship coz you are happy. Let her be, but moving out is still a solution.
Be successful and live your life , your mother can’t control you or your emotions, she sounds abit like a narrcasist
You can’t live in with people, it just isn’t going to work out. One person gets mad, the whole family is then mad. Leave her house and get out on your own. Being together 24/7 isn’t gonna cause anything but arguments. You’ll be a lot happier and it’ll probably make you and your mothers relationship together better. You need to focus on your life now and not worry about others views on your life. You need to do what’s best for your children and don’t have them in toxic situations.
always put your kids and put yourself first. my mom always talked shit about me my whole life. then she started talkin crap to me in front of my oldest daughter, then to my oldest daughter. then she started doin it in front of both of my daughters and then to both of them. it always starts with you then it goes to your kids. i kept my kids away from my family for a while cuz of it. then tried again, then she started doin it again. my daughters ended up not wantin to go around them because of the way they were. and now they dont have a close relationship, but you have to put your kids and yourself first, even if it means keepin your kids away from them. it will be their loss not yours. good luck.
First of all since your SO hasn’t given you any reason to doubt him, don’t start now. I’m sorry your mom is acting this way but trust me I know what you’re going through. Your #1 priority is you, your children and your SO. You should always do your best to take care of your parents, but if she’s gonna act that way start focusing your energies somewhere else
Honestly she’s probably more upset about having to change her surroundings. She said no then basically had no choice. Even though it not right she was by the sounds of it having a panic attack and people say horrible things when they feel like they will or don’t have any control. She’s set on her ways and it has to process. She didn’t mean it. Hugs. You don’t deserve to hear any of those things.
Well… Your child wasnt planned… So i mean your mom didnt lie. Shes a mom… They will confront you with the truth and remind you to keep focused on case thinhs happens and are on own. I mean… You’re kiving with her cause YOU needed her. So uea… We need our mommas … So dont pick and choose when she can help when she took you and your kid in already. Kid waant obviously planned when you’re still libing under your parents roof… They’re helping with your kid… Youre not married or do you live with your new baby dad… But your mad cause momma called you iut that you didnt plan this baby??? You didnt!! So what! Girl… Get over it. You’ll get it when your own kids are adults making poor decisions too. Move out… Take care of your own situations and kids. Let grandparents be just that… Grandparents… Not your full time babysitter or you 30 and living under their roof. You can have a fine relationship with them living seperate. Your parents shouldn’t be penalized cause you got butt hurt over true comments. So dont be an asshole and keep kids away from especially one they call mom… Cause that shows she obviously took lots of time to raise your child for you. Sounds like time to wear big girl panties… Get your own place… Your own shit together… Raise your own kids… And dont get pissed when especially your own mom tells it how it is.
You are an adult, this sounds like there could be some codependency going on. Your parents were able to live prior to you moving back in, as did you. Make the break a fresh start, you now have your own family.
Clearly this lady has different beliefs to you .She wanted advice on dealing with her relationship with her mother not on see before marriage.I respect everyone’s right to their own religious convictions but to try to force them onto another person is unacceptable. Perhaps your dictorial attitude is what causes people to shun the church rather than embrace it.
Sounds like she doesn’t want you to leave for the money aspect. Live your life without toxicity. You have a right to try to make it work with your children and SO. Good luck
You need your own space, you are both adults and have children. You need to get on with your lives and be happy or whatever journey it takes you on. Good luck xx
It’s never easy living with family.
Get a place with your SO. Cut the apron strings, honestly. You’re paying a lot of money to rent a room basically.
Do what is best for your family. Some of your distrust with your man is your mother’s words in your head.
Thank your mom for raising a strong woman and always being there. Tell her this is your way of growing up completely. She will want to see the baby and help. She is scared of losing you.
Stand up for your man and tell her you do not want negitivy in your life. Not good for the baby. Get your own place. If you have to get daycare.
Enjoy your family.
Boundaries. She needs to learn them. Mom or not you are 30 years old. And why does your daughter call her mom? She’s not her mom, you are. If I were you I’d set clear boundaries and move out with your SO and start that family unit. Mom will grow up and get over it eventually and if she doesn’t, that’s her loss. Good luck!
YOU ARE LIVING MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!! Except I’ve already had my baby and he’s a 1yo, and my daughter is 7. The anxiety and stress are real. I feel for you chick… bueno suerte.
You need to move out. There’s a reason most adults don’t live at home and this is one of those reasons. Your parents will always see you as the baby they brought home. Your mother is probably hurt you are leaving and doesn’t know how to express it, but it’s really important for you to go out on your own. Your parents were okay before you and will be okay now.
From experience, this could get worse. My “mom” called CAS on me, the Police, has spoken bad about me to my kids and currently has my ex husband living with them rent free when I had to pay rent when I lived there. My point is, toxic is toxic, family or not. Do what’s best for you, your SO and your daughter.
You cannot live with your parents. Least I couldn’t. I would probably be fighting with her daily. Get your own place check on your mom and be happy. After all you deserve to be happy. Your kids will see how she treats you and eventually hate her for it. That’s what happened to my ex father in law. My kids cant stand him cuz he once said i should’ve died in my car accident.
I’m so sorry sweetheart. I know its your life, your grown and all. Maybe she feels like you don’t have respect or any thing for her as your mother and the one helping with your daughter. All the help and you didn’t even introduce your new person and father of your child. If you wanted a room mate to mind their business then you should room with someone who isn’t family. Sorry dear but yes I am an adult but the woman who raised me is a big part of my life and I never kept her in the dark and she was an alcoholic and absent a lot. Sorry I would be hurt so bad if my daughter left me in the dark till there is a child on the way.
You need your space they need theirs it’ll just get worse