Lately my bonus kids mom has been taking them on weekends that are supposed to be ours: Advice?

We have a blended family; we try to keep things fair for everyone. We are supposed to get my bonus kids every other weekend; it seems like lately, their bio mom has been picking them up for birthday parties every weekend we are supposed to have them, she picks them up a couple of hours early to get dressed, brings them back whenever. And the kids that live at home get left out. At first, it didn’t really bother them, but its starting to. Is this just something you deal with while co-parenting, or should we say enough is enough? Are our weekend time for us to spend with our kids? We only see them twice a month. And we plan important events around the parenting plan. So no one misses out. I get that sometimes that doesn’t always work out, but we have had to say on numerous occasions that so n so won’t be there because they are not here this weekend or whatever. So should we just leave it, or say something? We hardly get to spend time with them.


Have your hubby talk to his ex

Talk to her , maybe she’s not doing it on purpose

It’s your time. Get a court order if she’s taking them on your guystime. You get to decide if they go to parties and such and you take them.

If they have events those weekends, she needs to be communicating that ahead of time and figuring out a plan ahead of time. Or even switch weekends with you. Start filing complaints with friend of court. Your time is your time (or rather your husband time).


the kids are being invited to birthday parties let them go… she probably can’t help when what weekends they get invited… just ask if you can have the next 2 or 3 weekends… communication goes a long ways.


If she needs them during the weekend have her keep them that weekend and trade her for hers. If she takes them for x amount of hours during your weekend, ask in advance that she give you back those hours. And if she won’t honor it or agree to it then just tell her she can’t have the kids on your weekend at all :woman_shrugging:t2:


If the time is already limited then I would put my foot down and say no this is our weekend and we would like to have them.


Well if it’s the kids friends party they you should volunteer to take them. Issue solved

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Communication is key. If you have a decent relationship with her, you both should talk. Otherwise have your husband have the talk with her and go from there.

Perhaps communicating with the biological mother of your ‘bonus kids’ (can’t say I like that term, makes them sound like some sort of prize) instead of posting on here and before jumping straight to court, co-parent with her and discuss your issues.

I would ask the kids what they wanted to do. If they don’t want to go I’d say no if they do then let them go but ask for them to be picked up and brought back in a timely manner or take them yourself. Maybe switch weekends.

Usually if my bonus daughter has a weekend event we offer mom to switch weekends (we have her the majority of the time) so that mom still gets time and bonus daughter doesn’t have to miss events. I would say either request that mom switches weekends next time there’s a weekend event or unfortunately the kids won’t be able to go friends are important but family time is more important especially if it’s already limited


Offer to take them to said parties. It sounds like you gave an inch and she has taken a mile.

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To be blunt this is an issue for the bio parents to work out and step parents need to step back


If there is a parenting plan in place that was sanctioned by the courts, your hubby needs to tell bio mom tough s**t when it comes to her having the kids on your appointed weekends. If she doesn’t take the no for an answer, take her back to court.

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Ask to trade weekends then? Like if they have something on yours, ask her if you guys can have them on hers then. Idk

I’m sorry but maybe stop calling them “bonus kids” to start with and Birthday parties usually only last a few hours can they not be dropped back off after there parties and then yous still have time with them

Is there a court order? If so, dad needs to say NO and follow the order. If theres a party the kids either dont go, or it can be planned on HER weekend with them.

I think this question depends on age. As kids get older they like to go to parties they like to be with friends more so than parents. I have a strict parenting plan that we follow but as our kids get older they kinda decide what they want to do. I always let the ex know way in advance about a party the kids want to go to. Its the ex option to say no or he would like to take her or he has me take her. But it is all about communication.

If it’s for birthday parties, unfortunately she cannot control the days those are scheduled for. Communication is key here on both ends. I would ask that she tell you in advance so you can rearrange schedules. If you don’t speak up, how is she supposed to know something is bothering you? On the topic of the kids who live at home getting left out, it may be disappointing to them to not go to these events but that’s the way it is. They were not invited and just because your step child is going, that doesn’t mean that they are entitled to go. Therefore, I would avoid even mentioning that to the mother.


Live with it. Make planes for other kids

You should bring them to the event if it’s their friends. Then you can meet the other parents and the friends. Otherwise switch weekends.

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I would tell your husband he needs to tell her no. If you think about it these kids only get to see their dad for 5 maybe 6 maybe less days out of the month if he has to be an every other weekend dad. Is there any reason there’s not 50/50? I would go to court and fight for that, that way it’s fair. Dad has every right to his children and this can be a tactic bio moms use to control their kids and exes. That or she might be documenting time to get more child support. Whatever the reason is dad can take kids to birthday party or you can. I know it’s hard to want to say no in fear she’ll take the kids away for good, but if it’s court ordered then she needs to back off if it’s not you need to get a parenting plan in place ASAP.

You dont want the kids to miss out on things either, even though itt sucks that it takes out of your guys time sometimes. Maybe ask her to send what she wants them to wear so she doesnt have to picj them uo so early, or talk to her about times it may be acceptable for you guys to take the kids to a birthday party or whatever. Im sure they’re all not parties with her closest friends and sometimes it wouldnt matter which set of parents attended

If its friends birthday party and it’s your weekend then take them. As for the kids that live in your home not getting to go, if they weren’t invited then they can’t go. I’m sure they will have parties the other children won’t be invited to. If it’s parties for her family switch weekends

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Put ur foot down. Thats your time not hers and she doesnt get to control it. If there is a birthday party for a friend or something you take the child to said birthday party. If its for her side of the family then she can switch you weekends to accommodate her needs, but your never required to forfit cause her poor planning.


If weekends were established via court order, then she technically cant deviate from said court order. That is technically contempt of court. You CAN take her back to court, but you have to be able to show that it is repeated behavior, which means DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. If it’s a friend’s birthday party, and the child wants to go, there’s no excuse why you guys cant take them. If it’s family on her side, then dad should be making that decision, since it’s HIS specified weekend. Dad needs to talk to her and make it clear that his weekends are not negotiable, per the court order. Any time she doesnt adhere to the court order is contempt of court and she can receive jail time for it. He needs to put his foot down and follow through, or she will keep doing this. We went through this and won the contempt of court case. She didnt get jail time, but if she does it again, she gets jail time automatically.

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Talk it out!!! No one asking questions is talking 1st. Communication is key y’all. If y’all can’t talk to each other how can the children?

See if weekends can be switched then, are there really that many birthday parties? I don’t know why your children would feel so left out? Sounds like her children have too much on their plate. I feel sorry for them to be ripped away all the time just because of a birthday party. Sounds strange they know so many people with parties at least every other weekend though.

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Jumping straight to court is just something I can’t see if they’re a well blended family! Sometimes things happen that’s beyond our control. As kids get older, the more friends they make and the more things they’re invited to. Communication goes both ways. Have you ever thought of asking if you all could take the kids to these parties or have you told them no (because it is your time) in the past to where the kids go straight to mom to ask her because they know she will say yes? At the point when you become parents, you’re supposed to be adult enough to come up with a solution without involvement of others. Just talk to mom and see how you can figure out what will work. Maybe she’s not doing it to be hurtful :woman_shrugging:

Switch weekends when that happens.

I went through something similar and what was best was which ever parent had the child at the time took the child to the birthday party/social event etc. even if it meant driving extra. Now when it came to family birthday parties it was only reserved for milestone birthdays or and grandparent birthdays where we allowed the child to stay that weekend, switched weekends, or be picked up for the birthday party that weekend. For the other children who are not included, I would have a that blended family conversation.

The other kids feeling “left out” is just a fact of life. Why doesn’t their father take them to parties? My ex won’t so I have to pick my kids up on his time and take them… is that the case here? Why can’t their father pick them up for a couple hours one evening to make up for the time? Going back to court makes no sense because their Dad is obv allowing her to pick them up. That is not contempt. It is an agreement b/w parties.

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I don’t think it’s fair for the kids to have to miss the birthday parties BUT I also don’t think they need to attend every party if it’s always going to fall in your weekend… If bio mom is taking them during your time so often then bio mom should give you guys some time back either during the week or on her weekends.

It’s just something that happens when you have blended families

Can you guys work on some flexibility. My exhusband and I have every other weekend with our children. If they have events with me on his weekends then they go the next weekend and vise versa. Our situation is a little different as we have 2 children together (boy and girl) we have joint custody but my daughter goes to school with me and my son goes to school with him. (That is the arrangement the children chose for themselves) they used to go back and forth every other week we live 50 miles away from each other. I would drive them to school ever day where he lives because at the time we chose to keep them in school were he lives but I moved for better employment opportunity. My children are now 9 and 11 and have lives of their own. Friends, sports, school events. ECT. We are flexible with each other for the sake of their schedules and lives.

I’d ask for a screen shot or picture of invite and to know as soon as she does so you can plan accordingly. I’m sure your kids who live there get to go to stuff to. It’s not fair to not let the other children miss things. And if you have plans then tell mom no.

I don’t think running to court is the best answer. That’s just unnecessary to me. As far as mom being in contempt, unless you and your husband are telling her “no you can’t have them on our weekend” and she is taking them anyways, then you guys are giving her the permission to do so. I just wouldn’t try taking someone to court for contempt when you are allowing them to do it. Either dad needs to tell bio mom no, or agree to her taking them, contingent upon her swapping one of her days. No reason for the children to have to keep losing time with dad because of that many birthday parties.

Your weekends are your weekends. Nobody’s birthday is more important than the child’s time with their parent. Tell him to tell her no from time to time.

Bonus kid?they should all. Be weekends or days if she has plans.its difficult to share kids

Kids shouldn’t miss out on activities or friends birthday parties just because it’s “your time”. Either let her take them or offer to take them to the parties on “your time”. I get your frustration but the kids shouldn’t miss out. Let them be your priority!

It is your weekend it is your responsibility to take kid to party.

Your husband needs to be the one that says something about it, those may be your bonus kids. But, it’s his place to say something about it

Why should the bonus kids miss out on something because it’s “your time”? It’s their time, all of it is, take that into consideration before “putting your foot down”

Mom needs to agree to switch weekends or you all take the kids to the bday party they are invited to. You are letting mom call the shots on your weekends, their father can make it stop if he’s that worried about it.

From a blended family as well…the bonus kid frequently misses things here because she lives with her mom and is only here every other weekend. We will switch weekends from time to time if its something she doesnt want to miss. But she misses things here so it’s only fair they that mom realizes they are going to miss things there when they fall on their dads weekends. I would definitely say something.

I would say if she takes them on your weekend. You should get them on her weekend. Does she let you pick them up for birthday parties on her weekend. If not then it maybe be time to start saying “no this is our weekend and we have made plans to do things.” Then they still are doing something. Now if you have no plans the no harm in letting them go IF THEY want to. But if they would rather stay with you then let them. What do the custody papers say? She technically may not be able to get them with out being in contempt of court. I mean I would bring all that into it unless she wont stop or troes to fight you are not picking the up.

Let the kids attend the birthday parties! But make the mom tell you a week ahead of time or more. Not last minute. Also this should probably depend on the age of said bonus kids. My son is 9 soon to be 10. I am estranged from his father for over 9 years (we separated when our son was 4 months old) I am remarried and have 2 kids with my husband. Anywho, when my 9 year old has an event to attend, it’s important that he goes to it because he’s getting to be that age where social obligations and social status are important and help him to hang on to friends etc. my ex usually allows my son to attend things when it’s on his weekend. I like wise have given my ex a few chances to take my son when he has asked for additional time. I think it’s a balancing act but you shouldn’t allow the mother to abuse the power.

Say something!!! That’s your time!!! And it’s already limited!!! She’s just trying to control…


definitely say something, its your time and she shouldn’t be abusing that if it’s written down in stone so to say it isnt fair that you miss out on time with your kids x

Let their father & mother decide.

Say something that is not right and it can cause a lot of pain in the long run

Is the dad complaining about it? They aren’t your kids. Get over it

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