Please tell me what to do. My inlaws are awful. Pretty decent to my youngest but very critical of my oldest. We moved in with them 2 years ago so our kids could have a house we have been in an apartment 9 years… my 2 year old is extremely attached and my 13 year old is very emotional. This las 2 years have had ups and downs screaming slamming things ignoring us etc on and off. There’s been good times but a lot of being uncomfortable. I am ready to leave after this last round of crap. My MIL ignored my 13yo twice. My 2yo had the biggest break down ever. But will it hurt them more taking them away from people they love? A HOUSE that is really all my son knows… HELP.
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2 yrs is a long time to be living with family to get back on your feet. You both need your own spaces, they need their home back and you guys need to start a new happy in your own space.
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My heart hurts for the children. My suggestion would be to get counseling & SAVE every penny you can & go. It sounds like it’s past time. Maybe things will get better in the future with her, but in the meantime, I’d definitely suggest protecting your kids from that emotional abuse first and foremost. A home is supposed to be a loving, nurturing & safe.
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I think the best decision you can make is leave. You can still visit and have them over. So its not ending the relationship. But you will definitely be better off on your own
Your kids will be okay if you move! Just keep the door open for their relationships. Never know… in laws may soften again once everyone has their space back. I know many families are having to live under one roof again and yeh, it can be hard at times. But if you need to stay or want to stay… then it might be worth getting a sitter, taking the in laws out for a meal and just asking outright… how can we all improve the living situation because you’re having some issues but appreciate them and want to work it out.
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Have you guys been saving for your own home while living with them. It’s toxic to everyone. Time to start looking without them knowing. A home is full of love and understanding . What matters are the people inside
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It sounds like you know in your heart what needs to be done:pray:
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You need your own house and your in-laws need their home back. Start looking now.
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Dude. Go live on your own lol
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Where is your partner on this?
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Better is a dry morsel with quietness, Than a house full of feasting with strife.
Proverbs 17:1 NKJV
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There is seriously nothing wrong with living in an apartment, I think it’s time for you to move
Not that what they are doing is right but when YOU live off of others, you’re not in control of what they do in their home and your children aren’t their responsibility. Move out. Who cares if it’s an apartment if it’s safe and full of love. It’s also not like the kids will never see their grandparents again. They will form a new routine, schedule etc with you and their dad. You guys are a family first and foremost
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Sounds like you have 2 options
1 move
2 find a way to make it better
The issue is, it’s not your home and you don’t get to make the rules or tell others how to live.
I recommend moving!
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I doubt your in-laws expected to share THEIR home with your FAMILY indefinitely! You have overstayed your welcome and it is putting a strain on everyone! It’s past time for you to take care of your own family! This will heal all of your relationships!
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Simple. Move out and get your own place. Don’t raise your kids in that craziness.
You need your own space living with mom and dad with children is always hard, much better relationship with them when you in control of your own home
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Maybe you’ve outstayed your welcome. Get your own place if you’re uncomfortable.
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Momma!!! Let me be very clear about this… A home is made of the love on the inside not of what it looks like from outside!! If the apartment was where love and patience was/is then make that apartment HOME!! You should never ever give up the love of one home just to have a bigger house… That is not home!
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They’ll be far more impacted by a negative household then they will changing houses. If you’re that worried about it, you could sit your oldest down and ask them if they’d be okay with moving out. I also don’t mean to pry but if the inlaws are not related to your children that could be a huge part of the problem now and it will only get worse.
It will be a change for sure, but our kids were ok. We let them visit, but our place is home. Now we’ve moved states away and our kids are much happier without them, when they do visit I get major attitudes from the girls. But I explained to them if it keeps happening then they won’t be seeing or talking to Nana and PA anymore. If they can’t be respectful to me because they have a visit then they won’t have visits. A ton of backstore to why we have done it this way but don’t want to make this super long
It’s very American for people to act like there is something wrong with living with family. In lots of other cultures/countries, it’s completely normal for homes to include several family members. It’s actually kinda sad that, here, the bond between families seems to be entirely different and it’s somehow a bad thing to live with family. I envy those cultures because it must be so nice to have such a close bond and for everyone to help out and care for one another. Anyway, That aside, I think the best thing to do would be to save up for your own rental home, if you don’t feel like where you are is the best environment for them. Just do your best to make it work in the mean time-if you can. I’m sure the kids would be excited to have their own space and they can still visit.
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Move out … never a good idea to move in with in-laws unless the relationship is really good
What was the end game of staying with the in laws? Indefinitely? Probably not. Or Were they under the assumption you were supposed to be out after saving up for a down payment on your own house? Sounds to me like you expect your in laws to take care of your children, but that’s not their responsibility. It’s yours as the parent. What are you contributing to this arrangement? If all you’re doing is making assumptions and taking whatever they give, then no wonder she’s ignoring you all. Bottom line, if you’re unhappy and the kids are unhappy, then find an apartment or buy your own house. You can’t blame other people for your unhappiness. Your decision to stay is yours.
Nothing wrong with a apartment. Or rent a house. I would move out.
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Kids will adapt to any environment. Too many times I see where people complain that their in laws are terrible. In reality you’re in their home. Maybe it’s time to be an adult again and move your family into a better loving environment.
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All that for your kids to live in a HOUSE. A HOUSE that ain’t even yours. You’re pushing up on these people and making your kids uncomfortable in the process. A loving home is anywhere. An apartment is just fine!
“And take them from people they love” Their gma doesn’t sound too loving 
I’d be running from them!
You two need to get your own place, not only because it will be a less toxic environment but after 2 years I would guess you and your husband need time with just your family. Plus moving out doesn’t mean your kids can’t see their grandparents. I bet in the end all of you will be happier. I don’t know what your circumstances are financially but if you don’t make a lot of money then apply for hud to see if you can qualify. That may make things easier.
No it will not hurt your kids more if you take them out of am environment like that. Going thru something similar right now except it’s me MIL can’t stand because I have boundaries. We are packing to move out this weekend and now she’s upset because we are leaving. My 5 year old recently told me he’s so excited to move so he doesn’t have to “hear people yelling all the time” so I promise you your kids will be just fine if you move. Save yourself some sanity and get yourself and kids out of there
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Your kids dont need a house honey, they need a home. That includes one where you feel safe and happy and wanted and to me it doesnt sound like you feel that way. I would start looking at my options out. You need your space and by the sounds of it so do your kids. Your doing a great job and just trust that they dont need a big house or anything fancy they just need a happy healthy home.
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They just might thrive better in a place of your own. With out the toxic environment gotta be better .
I feel like you’re leaving something out. Now you say that you moved in with your in-laws 2 years ago so your kids could live in a house. Is that the REAL reason you moved in? Or was it because you needed help financially because you were having another child?
In any event, it sounds like it’s time to move. You don’t have to have a house to have a home. If you guys can’t afford to rent/buy a home, just rent another apartment. Home is where your heart is. You guys could live in an RV and that would still be home. 
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Sounds toxic and emotionally abusive. Having them in a house isn’t worth their mental health. Find a little place and fill it with laughter and love, even if it’s a rental.
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Our capacity for noise and confusion people places and things change as we get older. Maybe it’s time you and your kids move into your own place. Especially since the relationship is deteriorating. Move before it’s too late 
I’m in the same boat basically… having your own place would be so much better for all of you and just because you move dont mean yall can’t still have a relationship and go visit the home
It’s amazing how many people are calling the in laws toxic when they 1.Opened their home to an entire family for two years because they wanted a house,not because they were homeless.
2.Per her statement have been ups & downs. That’s not toxicity, that’s normal when you have 3 generations in one home.
The inlaws are older. They raised their toddlers & their teens. To be honest, when people age they don’t have the same tolerance and patience for children they deserve to have peace in THEIR HOME. They probably love you all and want to ensure you have a home so they let you stay but your family brings a lot of extra noise, time, demands on their space during their golden years and it can become overwhelming. Think about you& your husband as senior citizens with a toddler & a hormonal teenager and two other people in your space every day after being alone for years.
Children can live in an apt and live just fine. Or perhaps a rental house. Or perhaps a townhouse. If you are uncomfortable in someone else’s home then it’s time to get your own. The onus is on you & your husband to give your children the environment you want them to have. If by chance they are toxic, always remember you can leave.
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If u have a husband have in set boundaries if that don’t help move out no matter where u need to go this is toxic and it won’t get any better
A toxic environment will affect a child’s mental health. They may love the people in the house but if the environment in the household is toxic then it’s time to leave. They can still visit your in laws if you allow it but you don’t have to continue living with them
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“My inlaws are awful”. Fix it.
I’d thank them for opening up their home to my family and then I’d move out cuz…adulting.
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Yeah !!! You have to move , your son can visit and viceversa not a big deal
The mental abuse is the hardest to recover from.
No no no please do your babies a favor and get them their own space. And I mean that in the nicest way. They need their own rooms n space to grow n flourish. They can’t do that in disfunction n unhappiness. Watch how much they improve once yall move out. Especially at 13 thats a rough time for teens n a girl. She has hormones out the butt. I’m sure her own room and a place without others constantly around would be greatness.
Is their a spouse involved?
Your kids need a healthy drama free home
You moved in so they could have a house?! What?! With your MIL?!
Lady get out the people home. You’re not doing those kids any favors!
So you give up your place to go and live with your in laws because your kids never had a house? If you don’t get out of them people’s house and get your own. Wow
Get your own place, even if it is an apartment.
First thing I want to say is a HOUSE does not make a HOME imo. The behavior of your children honestly sounds quite normal for their age 2-year-olds are known to have meltdowns and throw tantrums etc they’re still learning. And 13? That’s not an easy road either they’re learning to navigate the world they live in and becoming their own individual self. If you’re not happy y’all should move into your own place. If the environment that you live in is toxic to your children’s well-being mentally , emotionally and or physically you should leave and move your family into your own place.
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Living with parents when you have a family of your own? Hell to the no. Get out ASAP, you’re grown-up enough to make a family, you guys can stand on your own in your own place. Apartment or house, that’s completely irrelevant.
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Most people live in apartments and condos in my city. It’s a pretty common thing and there’s parks and whatnot for a reason. Toxic people never change.
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I’m not trying to be judgmental, but why after eleven years do you still not have even a rental house? There are programs out there to help first time home buyers. I’m sorry you’re being mistreated, but it really isn’t someone else’s responsibility to house your family.
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Move out on your own no house is big enough for two family they never get alone
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They’ll get over it. The real question is why after 11 years you don’t have a house…
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A house doesn’t make a home and if you not happy and the kids are being affected by everything I would definitely just move
Never move in with relatives. Two women in a household is not going to work. Maybe you don’t teach your kids to behave or to not be loud. Older folks can’t stand kids running around the house. They need rest and privacy. Family living together never works. They get on each other’s nerves. Why are you still in their home. Are you working ? What does your husband do about the conflict ? Look for a different place to live without any one else Just you your husband and kids. The kids will thank you. Than visit the grandparents will one day be fun and they will look forward to it
Having a home is better than a toxic "house ". Lots of kids live in apartments and do just fine.
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Umm what?
You moved out of a perfectly good apartment for nothing
MOVE 
OUT
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Home is where their Mother / Father ARE not a building.
Wise parents seek out healthy environments for their kids sake. Move asap and establish healthier boundaries with the inlaws.
U n ur man take ur kids outta there.
Wait what there’s not enough information … to offer advice. You moved into their home and your mad they are not parenting your kids ? Maybe MIL was having a rough day and thought avoiding instead of engaging was best for her in those moments? If it was constant that’s one thing but you say “twice “ so in 2 years she ignored your child 2 times I ignore my own 3 more then that in a day ….!!! Lol
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No House is big enough for two Famalies
If you’re old enough to pop out kids you’re old enough to get a house
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Why would you suffer like that just to be in a house? You realize that very many people live their entire lives in an apartment? How is a house worth dealing with that? I’m assuming you are American?
I’m not trying to excuse your MIL’s behavior in terms of how she treats your children. Because truthfully, there isn’t one. However, It’s not uncommon to form a stronger bond with an infant, than it is with a much older child. Especially if the older child is almost a teen. Since you moved in around the time your youngest was born, your MIL probably feels more connected to that child. If I were in your situation, I’d encourage one on one time between my MIL and 13 year old. You also have to remember, you moved into their home. They had to adapt just as much, if not more than you did. When they’re seemingly lashing out, it’s probably out of frustration. I think it would benefit everyone, if you and your spouse sit down and talk to your in laws. Maybe if you could all get on the same page in terms of what’s expected while your there, how long you intend to be there, etc., than things could run more smoothly.
Sheesh, all these judgemental comments are crazy!!! Yes there is little meat to the story to know exactly what is going on but we don’t need to know all that. She asked for some advice on what to do, not to be put down for cohabitating with family. People are quick to jump on here saying they are living for free or living off of the in-laws but none of us know that. We don’t know their arrangements, what/if they pay bills/rent/food etc. And we wonder why moms feel so damn pressured to live up to a certain standard?!
Nothing wrong with living in an apartment.
You move out they are harming your children. Seriously it comes down to living in a “house” or your children’s health and safety. Which do you care more about?
I honestly can’t tell if you’re serious or not… you moved into someone else’s house just so you can say you live in a house? Is it worth that? Kids grow up in apartments all the time idk why you think that’s relevant. If y’all are unhappy why stick it out there? You didn’t give much info on what’s going on but like I said if you don’t like it, move out…get your own house or apartment…
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Living in an apartment is better than living in a toxic environment!
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Ok first of all there’s not much info here. I mean r the kids behaving? I guess since this is all the toddler knows he is growing accustomed to their living. On the other hand ur 13yo might be behaving in ways that they do not approve of. I mean r u disciplining ur children? R u constantly reminding ur oldest that this isn’t ur house & he must respect every single rule & every single thing & must work harder to behave extra good?
My friend moved in with her inlaws & it’s only been a few months & her son who is only 8 has been behaving ridiculously extra bcuz he’s excited they don’t live in a hotel anymore. The excitement can get a bit annoying. Being loud can be annoying. Not picking up after themselves can b annoying. I mean we need details to help u a bit more. There r so many things u can do differently. It is not ur house. Simply move out.
Kids grown up in apartments, trailer homes, shelters & they have a happy life. They may love ur children but is it really healthy to b somewhere where they get yelled at all the time? Or maybe ur kid isn’t behaving & needs the discipline. Either way u should b raising these children on ur own, not letting someone else try to jump in & have more authority than u. Bcuz u didn’t give many details about why the yelling so it seems to me that they have more authority than u & they’re probably not trying to overstep their boundaries but it is their house so someone has to yell at the kid who’s not doing whatever it is right.
Also u shouldn’t b living by anybody’s standards. This is ur family & u should b the one teaching ur children how to b good ppl. Children learn what they see so if all they see is being yelled at by their grandparents every day that’s what they’re going to think is normal. That’s not fair for them. Move out & start giving those kids the life they deserve which is a life with their parents in a stable humble home. Don’t let anyone yell at ur kids. U should b the only one who should correct ur kids on anything! I would for certain had either moved out or try to work things out & find out why my oldest son bothers them so much. What is he doing that he needs to b yelled at all the time. These reasons r why I think nobody with children should live with anyone else. U started a family. Don’t give up. Even if u end up at a shelter. Ur family is home.
It’s a toxic environment, I’d move to a small apartment bc it’s not the size or type of house that makes it a home it’s the people the love and respect that makes a house a home. Your kids need a home. I’d leave as soon as possible. You’re allowing this treatment by staying there! Save up, move out and say thank you for allowing us to stay but we’re good with our own place. You need to be in charge of your family and your home so to do that you need your own place. Sorry your in-laws are this way but u can’t change them. So change your situation and get the kids away from them, it’s Toxic and unfair to you and your kids’.
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Nothing wrong with living in an apartment…everything wrong staying in toxic environment
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Your two year old doesn’t care about having a house. No 2-year-old does. Your kids are learning from their grandparents every day, and if those lessons are hurting them, it’s time to leave.
They’ll still visit. This isn’t all or nothing. But you need to do what’s best for your kids. Your youngest will adjust fine; your teenager will be relieved. I suspect your in-laws will be relieved also. Most grandparents aren’t ready to take on a teenager full-time.
Maybe the time has run it’s course. I don’t mean that ugly! Why not get your own house? It gives everyone a break, and then after some time they can visit gparents.
One house is not made for two families.it becomes to crowded and no privacy. No two women can run one household… so leave get your own home if possible
Get your children away from that environment. You owe it to them to have a stable loving home. Woe to the damages that is being done especially the teen.
Some of y’all are aholes and have not had to deal with sh* in laws and it shows
A house is only big enough for one family, is what I have always been told and always seen. Normally, living with someone never works out, no matter who it is.