Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Moms who had multiple jobs how did you do it?
If you received support for your children, you could afford some child care. You should care more about supporting and caring for them, not which toxic father is going to babysit. Then you can get some mental health care and support. I raised both of my children, different fathers while being alone and disabled. They are now 33 and 27. You can do it.
First of all, if he doesn’t mind being hours away and seeing his child on a MONTHLY basis, your daughter’s father has no right to say anything about how much you work to provide for your children. But… second of all, if you were getting child support from both fathers, perhaps you wouldn’t have to work a second job to make ends meet? It’s to help support the children, not because you want to be a spiteful woman. I don’t understand why someone in your position wouldn’t go after the fathers for support. All these men out here making babies and dipping out thinking they don’t need to pay a dime, it’s sad. Kids are expensive. They owe it to their children to pay support if they’re not around.
Mom of 4 bio children 1 step daughter and foster mom for the last year.i did what your doing.when i left my ex husband with nothing i worked 2 jobs replaced what i left behind my girls didnt lack for anything materialisticly.my mom and my friends watched my girls.they are both grown now.i remarried made a couple more babies.quit 1 of 2 jobs…then i blinked and they were griwn.my advice is you cant get the time back once its gone and you are taking on a bigger percentage than you have to.apply for child support and any other help you can get continue to work but not so much you miss out on your kids.go back to school take an aprenticeship.something that will secure their future based on higher pay not less time goodluck mommas.
Why don’t you get child support from the fathers? They have to help you.
I’ve just recently picked up another job (so two in total). I have 0 help from my kids father but I am lucky enough to have amazing grandparents that pick my boys up if I work later than expected. Look into your before and after school care and book holiday care in advance as they fill up quickly (apply for child care rebate it you haven’t already).
We always seem to just make these things work. Life will be chaotic for a little while until you a balance that works for you
You’ve got this!
Soo your basically absorbing all of their responsibility as a parent? Yes that even means financial support. Financial support is for your kids to have their needs met. How is that not in your children’s best interest? You’d rather them see you go through the stress of two jobs etc and make your life harder than it needs to be? You say you just want the dad’s involved but that doesn’t seem to be working out. Since when is it okay for anyone to have children and not be responsible for them in any way possible?
Your kids need you at home. Start collecting child support.
you said no child support why you would not need two jobs if the dads were paying for their kids to why must you do all the giving and these men who helped make these babies just live their life as if they do not owe you are them anything please think of your kids that money is needed prayers
I’m sorry but you need to go for child support. Period
With the help of my parents
You need to get the child support from both dad’s you can’t not take the child support it’s to help your children with the things they need it’s not about whether you care for it. Your struggling enough so that little bit of extra help to put your kids in daycare will be a world of help to you.
Get them on child support. You won’t get much anyway. But it can cover childcare, food, and hopefully some bills. You need support = you need $$.
If the fathers will not help you physically or emotionally/mentally then they can help financially! Even if it just helps pay for child care.
The child support would definitely help you take care of your babies and eliminate the need for a second job. Why would you give them a break and work yourself to death?
Take the fathers to court for child support. The support can help pay for daycare.
Girl this hits home. Never collected support because it wasn’t worth the court dates. Or the $50/week, or he lost his job or he’s under the table or whatever…. Court opens a can of worms then all of a sudden he wants to be part of their life since they are “paying”. Unfair considering he didn’t want to before hand. I worked two jobs & went to school. Was on auto pilot for 15 years and you just do it. Lack of sleep, alwayssss busy and a smile. You adjust. I slept good knowing I did it on my own and she wasn’t going to be around anyone toxic. I found a sitter through a friend who watched her for me. There has to be someone local that is looking to make some extra cash. I worked mothers hours at a minimum wage job to pay for her daycare & bartended on weekend nights which paid most of my bills. It exhausting but you just do it and the time you spend with them is worth it & enjoyable. I feel bad but she grew up watching me work hard and a lot to give her what she wanted and needed. She now thinks we’re rich get on subsidized childcare list… You do what you have to do
Persue CS from dads. You cant get this time back with your kids. I did this for yrs as my kids dad moved away to avoid paying. Im currently facing medical probs like 55-60 yr old woman. Im 43. Your brain/body will get tired. The judge will set fair CS, they take out of his check before he gets paid. Your kids deserve this financial support. Maybe you can afford to get them in daycare that way
If you need the support then you should be getting child support. Both of those men, whether involved or not, have a responsibility to take care of their child.
Don’t beat yourself up Moma Bear
Hold your head up and be proud of the woman and mother that you have become
It’s a shame your kids fathers are not grown up enough to be a parent to their kids
Their mothers should have taught them how to take responsibility for their life choices
Sadly I’m in Australia
But if I was nearer to you
I would take them so you could get some time to yourself
The best thing you can do for you and your kids is go to court and get child support orders and have their dads help support them.
Girl. Do not put yourself through this do not put your children through this get them on child support. I understand not wanting to do it but there’s a bigger picture than just you wanting them to be in their lives.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
TWO grown ass men NEED TO PAY UP for their own child PERIOD!
& You need to be there for your children. Period.
So simple answer, deadbeats start paying up, at least $50 per child per week, AND taking their child at least one day per week on weekends…
& If not willing, SEE THEM IN COURT 🤷
I said the same thing! I could care less about child support i did not believe in it… but then when i was working all the time to support them i realized i was just as bad as the dad never seeing them. I tried FIRST to keep it out of courts. Then i ended up going.
File for child support. That money isn’t for you, it’s for the children that these men helped create but aren’t helping take care of. If a father is involved, and helping take care of and support their child on their own, then you wouldn’t need child support. But the fact that you have one that’s not active and one that’s active but not active, they should be financially supporting their children. That would take a huge burden off of you.
You need to think of your children and get support from BOTH fathers. It will eliminate so many issues fir your kids. Think about them, not yourself. You can’t be the cool baby momma. Women get called money hungry when men don’t want to pay. When my husband and I separated years ago, I did not have to put him on child support because he would watch his kids while I went to school and would take them to the library while he looked for jobs. I worked Nightshift so he’d stay at my place and watch his kids while I worked. Obviously this is not an ideal or common situation but he was there for his kids. You are carrying a very heavy burden on your own when you have two people that should be involved. Get support from both, work one job and stay home with your babies.
Child support is income based . Don’t destroy yourself put them on child support so u have time home with your kids and to rest . You didn’t make those babies yourself and you shouldn’t have to support them yourself
I get needing g to provide I did about 5 years working 2-3 jobs. I regret it. I missed a ton of time with my kids and it doesn’t seem like a big deal until it’s too late.
I’d suggest child support (you don’t have to ask for maximum unless necessary) and then I would say working two jobs would be worth if it one is with a company you can grow with to a point that you won’t need two jobs after a while.
you don’t have to ask people for approval. You know what you are doing is right, what is best for your kids. Be proud of yourself,
I’ve lost it a few times before I found my balance once I accecepted noone is comming or helping or paying support no breaks or rotation u have a meltdown and get over it. And I’m sure the you did this to yourself helped but first it made me mad.
File for child support from both father’s. It’s the father’s responsibility to pay it and it’s the child’s right to be financially supported by both parents.
Um. Why are you trying to work 2 jobs while these dads have free childcare for thier children provided by you? File paperwork. Get child support. Work 1 job and spend that time with your kids instead of working a second one. Your child deserves your time and thier dad’s money.
Put them on child support. YOU DO NEED IT and the process is not long.
First of all call Health and Human Services and help them help you file for child support. You need that to be able to pay a sitter. I worked for jobs as a single parent and I had my kids in daycare. If you get child support you might not need the second job. Those dad helped make those kids those dads need to help pay for those kids
Honestly I praise you and your efforts to do more and go further for your kids. I know it hard now, and they have no idea the sacrifices you’re making. But one day your children will see what you’ve done and thank you. Stay strong, look into state assistance, and look for an in home baby sitter. That available for your hours.
Single mom here… I am proud of you for busting your butt its hard… Believe me, its hard… When I came to terms with I will always be tired because of working multiple jobs and raising my son by myself, it made it easier for me to accomplish life… You will find ways to make eben the simplest moments wonderful on fridays, no matter how tired I am, I do midnight movies and popcorn with my kiddo ( if he remembers to take his nap 🤦 the only rule for this ) sometimes we have leftover pizza for breakfast, why? Because we can… Its these little moments even we are not around as much as we want because we have bills to pay, etc… These simple moments remind your kids that you DO love them as they grow , they will see what you do momma how much love you have for them and you also show them that you are brave and strong and committed… I promise it does get easier… Keep breathing have you tried reaching out to your towns services? Where im at they have Child Care Connections that help parents with childcare costs ( I have a scholarship) … Maybe even ask for help with your kiddos from your church? Or even a nanny share with another parent? Keep open to these opportunities momma
Get what your children should have.Dad an or .mom should support their children. For the children needs.
Need to get child support….
I think you need to file for child support. You shouldn’t have to work 2 jobs to supply basic needs for your children and not get to see them just so their father’s don’t have to pay child support. I don’t know why women do this. There is absolutely nothing wrong getting financial support from dad’s to help raise their children. You will never get this time back and it doesn’t benefit your children since they won’t have a constant parent in their lives.
Your kids deserve child support from their fathers…and suddenly more home time…double win for your kids!!!
Get child support ! Do not be too proud , you shouldn’t have to work two jobs , don’t let those losers off that easy ! Your children need you home .
You are wrong not to get monetary support from both fathers. You are struggling & taking on 2 jobs so these deadbeat men don’t have to support their kids? Why? Stop & think about the quality of life if the fathers paid & you didn’t have to stress as much & could spend more time with your kids.
You need to take the child support instead of the second job Your health is at risk as well as the physical and mental health of the child ldren
Not a out down, a reality check
Your children require support, both monetary and physically/emotionally. Child support in your circumstance, seems like it would mean a mom who doesn’t have to work two jobs and therefore more available to her children (both physically and mentally). I understand not just wanting the fathers to be a check in the mail, they should at the very least be that, and then some! Go to court and get an order, your children deserve all of that
Wow!! You sure do have a lot to deal with… I know because I was a mom with two small (one was a toddler …one was an infant) babies to raise by myself. It isn’t easy but it is possible. I had two jobs at times to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. As for being with your kids ----while it’s true you won’t get to be with them as much as you’d like …Just make sure the time you do have with them counts. My kids remember the time I took them to see a Disney movie, and was given Muppets live Tickets at a theatre by a friend, they remember unexpected afternoon picnics in our living room and bed time stories, and cuddles, …they remember all the good times. Sure I worked a lot and didn’t get a lot of sleep but it can be done. No, I am nor Super Mom nor am I mother-of-the -year. I made a lot of mistakes but my two daughters are adults now and mothers themselves and they got their heavy duty work ethics from me. They know that I did it for them. They know that they can do it if they had to (Luckily they have wonderful husbands that are true partners and work just as hard as they do.) It may seem overwhelming at times but you can do it. I’m rooting for you but more importantly praying for you.
I was a single mom of two while my babies were growing up. Thankfully i had the greatest friend in the world that kept my kids while i worked two jobs to support them solely on my own. All these people telling you to put them on child support dont understand that that wont make them dads pay. My kids are grown now and thank me all the time for making a life for them all on my own. My daughter says all the time I seen you stuggle momma but I never seen you give up and I thank you for that. Those babies of yours will know who was there for them. And love you even more for it. Stay strong mamma you are doing what you need to to take care of your babies. Their dads were on support and never paid . Mine are grown and im finally getting back support now. Stay strong momma you can do this for your babies.
Go file for child support for both of your kids. That will give you a break, keep you active in your kids lives, & help you out financially. You are the only active parent your kids have & you should not have to sacrifice time with your kids to make a better life. You can’t make either man be a daddy but you can make them help support what they helped create.
Go to court and get child support
You need child support for both kids.
You need to be collecting child support for your children, even though you don’t want to. Working two jobs to make it is not any fun, plus it really cuts down on the quality time you will have to spend with your kids. Child support is for the children. When you work to jobs it is so you can support them. The fathers are equally responsible to help you take care of them. I know they are so happy to be getting a free ride! These dads know it’s not right. They are just taking advantage of your goodness. It is your decision , not mine. I know that. But even the Courts award you child support because they know your children deserve to get it, even if you don’t want it.
I found it was better to have one job that offered advancement or training. Try to get something with benefits. I found cheapest rent doable and learned to live by a strict budget. A second position could be casual then you could say yes or no to shifts and try to find a relable real daycare or babysitter who loves what they do. And pay for that. I would be seeking child support in court from both of the other families.
I work two jobs and I don’t get child support either. And I am always there for my children as well. I will never file for child support I have full custody and it’s less headache having to keep them involve like having them send money. Plus I make more money then my kids father’s so it’s a waste of time to ask for money from them