My 10 year old acts out and has horrible tantrums: What can I do?

I’m really having a hard time with my 10yrd old son right now. He’s driving me crazy…first, let me say I have four boys, and he’s the second born…he is always yelling and having tantrums saying everyone dislikes him nobody loves him…and I feel terrible about it… I treat all my boys equally and love them all equally. I’m at my wits end with what to do with him. It’s gotten worse since the covid happened…he just always thinking everyone is against him and. i can’t figure out why…ease any advice, no ride or negative comments, please…


I’m talk to his doctor.may need therapy

Maybe I’m pointing out the obvious here, but have you simply just tried talking to him one on one? Just you and him? Calmly? Maybe take him out somewhere, just you and him. See if he can open up.

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Time out… take things of him and ignore his dramatics and be consistent …once he calms down talk to him and always encourage communication 24/7


I think it has to do with hormones really. My son was the exact same age when he did this. I in fact did take him to therapy which they told me they believe he is adhd and just has impulsive disorder. To just keep explaining that the appropriate way of handling anger and to keep reassuring the things he needs reassured on. A year later and he has sometimes hard days but for the most part its 90 percent better.

Ooooooo second child syndrome sucks… One of the many reasons I don’t want anymore kids… Wish I had some advice for you… Hang tight mama!!!

Same here…my son turns 10 on Thursday… Having similar issues so I’m following

I would say he has mental or emotional issues get counseling with a good Dr don’t try to deal with it yourself.

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I’d definitely talk to his doctor about this and possibly get him into some counseling for his anger problems. He needs to learn how to control his anger in a healthier way. It’s ok to be upset and angry and unhappy but it’s not ok to behave the way he is. He may have a behavior disorder that is undiagnosed. Don’t give up.

Try talking one on one with him or do something special with him in the home like baking reading or even drawing

Me personally sounds like he might manipulating you in away. When he is acting out and says such thing dose it change the tone of the rant ! So he doesnt get in trouble !! Idk just try to reassure him later after the tantrum thats not true!!

One on one, Out of the house Talk w. Him about what’s going on with him.
He may need some therapy.
I agree with time outs but if something’s going on mentally. That’s gonna make him feel worse.
Depression and anxiety start at young ages as well.
Talk w. His doctor about it.


Counseling. Mines 12 and still does. It immaturity. Mine is adhd and astrong willed child.

My first question is which maybe its implied but are there younger siblings?? The reason I ask is because my daughter is just like that with a hole bunch of added sass…she is number 3 there is 4 and a 5 my 2 older boys didn’t really do it well the oldest did my 2nd is just laid back i guess lol point is i think its normal and i have some some older ones who seem to have definitely grown out of it

My daughter is ten and we had the same issues. Took her to therapists and doctors and ended up with several diagnosis sure as schizophrenia ADHD with odd. We have started medication regiments and we use alternative punishments instead of spanking (they never phased her from doing wrong) and we start virtual schooling before covid started. You can tell a big difference in her behavior but sometimes she has moments and you have to learn alternative methods to dealing with those as well. Like the old saying goes sometimes you have to pick ur battles. Goof luck momma it’s gonna be a hard road but seeing my daughter able to be calm was well worth the journey

Is he acting out or just upset when he is expressing himself. Kids have big emotions and he is telling you how he feels and maybe he sounds angry and sad because those are the feelings he is having. Validate what he says. Ask him why he feels that way. Ask him what you can do to help.
Kids, like adults need to have somewhere safe to let out their feelings without being told they are wrong. Maybe he needs some time alone with you to make him feel important. It’s hard. Boys have such big emotions but honestly this sounds pretty common.

Definitely sounds like anxiety to me

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I agree get him some help. That’s how it started with my son and I didn’t recognize it was depression. Eventually he killed himself. Not trying to scare you just don’t want another parent to go through that EVER!

Try not to automatically jump to punishment, try to see if there is more to the problem because 10 is old for tantrums. He could be dealing with anxiety you don’t mention much about friends, did he have some before Covid? maybe he is lonely or having a difficult time engaging with his peers and siblings and needs some support. I know with my 13 year old we can tell when something is bothering her but if she knows she’s going to get upset she will not tell us right away we don’t accept nothing as an answer.

Give him some time, get a professional opinion from someone who specializes in children’s mental health so you can get him some support.
Good luck❤️

I would speak to his doctor to get him into counseling

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Put him in counseling. You can also speak to the pediatrician about it. But these could be possible signs of underlying issues. However even if not a counselor can work with you and him on copping mechanisms and strategies on how to change the behaviors and even his thought process.

My 7yo is the same way. He’s expirenced trauma & has sensory issues. Please seek a counselor. Your school social worker can get him in faster. Talk to them first.

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Maybe he needs a day with just you? Take him out to eat at his favorite place, take him shopping for one toy, take him to see a movie, put put golf. Give him a day of just you and him and show him he’s loved. Some kids need the extra one on one time with a parent without siblings around. If that doesn’t help giving him extra one on one time then seek looking into a counseling


Ask him or see if he’ll write in a composition book. Write or draw. Share the book with just you and him write back and forth. Let him know that just you and him are the only ones that can read or write in it. I did this with my 2 kids. Still do it with my daughter who’s now 13.

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Whoop that ass, he’s getting to old to not have ass whoopings. As he gets older hell run all over you.

Counselling. They encompass it’s free. My daughter has had similar issues

He’s telling you he feels unloved. What is your son’s love language? Listen to what he’s upset about and give him more love in the way he needs it and feels it best. It may help him act out less. Love the idea about writing in a book back and forth as well.


Have him tested for ADHD my daughter is on medication now and is wonderful. Without it she’s exactly like this and can’t focus in class. Also make sure he’s not watching YouTube or tic toc they get crazy ideas and influenced by others actions

My 8 year old does that but she’s adhd odd

It’s going to be ok. My 11 year old son is going thought that too. He has adhd. Get him tested and I know it’s going to be hard I had to do this too. Give him 1 on 1 time. With this pandemic going on it’s been hard on the kids. They will help you set up counseling for all of you to help.

Sounds like he needs counseling

As someone who grew up with ADHD he may be feeling overwhelmed, over stimulated, every negative is something he feels against himself.
Just think of how often you tell him to calm down or be quiet , it’s a skill that everyone needs to learn but a person with ADHD is very sensitive and their excitement comes out kind of loud and when someone tells them to calm down or be quiet it shuts them down or makes them angry or hurt. Councling is a great idea.

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Possibly his older brother or some bullys in school are picking him when there alone? I’d take him out somewhere he likes and talk to him. Ask him why he feels angry. Possibly have him evaluated healthwise as well. Hopefully he can get the help he needs so he can live a happy life.

He’s 10 and throwing temper tantrums? There’s got to be an underlying problem. I have twins and they’re loved equally and treated the same. He needs to learn consequences for his actions. If he feels like the world is out to get him and no one likes him…he needs to talk to someone…a counselor. Covid has been hard on everyone. Spend some extra time with him, explain to him that he needs to show his frustration in a different way and that there’s consequences for his actions when he doesn’t act appropriately.


I think he is needing one on one time with Mommy, he is the middle child, sometimes they feel lost between the others…


I agree with some “one on one” time with him, talk with him, listen to his complaints and try to find out what is really bothering him…
try to come up with a solution. Let him know that there is also consequences for his bad behavior like time out or items being taken away…


I have read alot about the preteen years of boys, and this seems to be a common thing. It could easily get out if hand if you dont handle it just right. With my son, it seems just more one on one time, and giving him his own space to get away from the Chaos of siblings has made a drastic difference. The feelings of insecurities are pretty common, and just need to be addressed with love. The tantrums we dont react with anger or any emotion we just tell him to go to his room and calm down with a puzzle or legos. We also cut off video games and tech, he seemed to throw fits over these. Once hes done being angry hes aloud to come back out and join us so we can talk about why he got so upset and how to do better next time.
Not all children are the same this works for us, but you may need to modify for your child. If he seems to get worse seek therapy. Talk to his pediatrician


I’d call a therapist. There is NOTHING wrong with therapy. Sounds like he has a lot of big feelings that he doesn’t know how to express or deal with. No big deal. A therapist can help give him tools to identify his feelings and different ways to cope.


My son has autism and ADHD, and will have outbursts exactly as you mentioned. We follow with a psychiatrist every 3-6 months to keep things in check. He’s horrible at swallowing pills, so he won’t take his medicine. He gags. Speaking of… have to schedule another appointment.

When he has outbursts, sit down with him and talk it out. Put down the phone, book, remote, etc. Give him your full attention. That’s one thing they need. Sometimes he might need space to express that tantrum.


Has he ever been tested for Aspergers? Kids with Aspergers are always SUPER smart but have little to no social skills. They tend to have these kinds of reactions and not be able to relate with others. Worth talking to your pediatrician about. Good luck!! :heart::heart::heart:


Omg! I have a 14 year old that acts the same way! We ask her to do something and when we get on to her for not doing said thing she automatically starts with you hate me, you dont love me, your always picking on me. She treats her dad like crap because im at work during the evening time amd im not there. I usually take away all electronics and freedom when she starts with all that. I tell her i dont hate her and that i do love her but i do have to be a parent and parent her. And she has to treat us with respect. Spanking doesnt do any good anymore. But when i take all communications away she loses her mind.


My oldest son was about that age and had similar tantrums. We eventually put him in therapy and after 3 months both he and his therapist felt he was significantly better and didn’t need therapy any longer. He needed to learn coping methods from someone else and to see his behavior through the eyes of someone else. He’s an A B student now and much more adjusted 12 year old. We also got him seen by a doctor and new medicine for his ADD. Hope this helps.


He’s more than likely approaching puberty and IF he is there will be lots of things happening , hormones , don’t forget he’s a boy and they have to get used to personal things happening to their bodies . I don’t go for the middle child biz or needing extra attention but I do go for being in tune for age group and them knowing what is normal etc . I also don’t go for excuses he STILL has to know how to behave and it’s that simple.


Reach out to school counselor. Sometimes they will talk to someone else.

Not everything is anxiety or ADHD. Sometimes it’s just Emotional Manipulation or Emotional Blackmail. Some kids use temper tantrums to manipulate their mothers and get their way. If you give in to their demands they will tantrum more often. Sit down and talk to him about his behaviour.


Sounds like he could have anxiety, I would speak to his doctor and maybe look into therapy. My son was diagnosed with anxiety at age 7 and was on meds for about 3 yrs and went to therapy every other week. They taught him coping techniques and helped him overcome it. He is now 14 and just fine, he knows when to step away and clear his mind.

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First off, you saying you feel bad tells me you’re feeding in to it, which he sees. He’s 10. A lot smarter than we give credit for. Don’t cave in to these fits. When things happen that are out of line from what you allow, there should be a form of correction and consequence. Now, the next step I would take is find a good stern child psychologist.

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Yep, counseling to make sure it’s nothing more serious, and some designated one on one time.

He is possible feeling overlooked. Not that you are doing anything wrong but he may just need a little one on one time.

Says mother of triplets boys…


Have you considered taking him to counseling I know it isn’t the answer to everything but sometimes kids need an outlet for something else and it comes out in this form might help get to the bottom of what is really bothering the child

He needs a little extra attention right now, give him a big hug tell him it will be ok, I have a 9 year old son too and I experience the same, let him tell you what he is feeling right now and tell him you love him so much :heart_eyes:

Being a middle child myself I strongly believe we get ignored more than the oldest and the youngest. Most the times kids act out because they feel like they’re not getting enough attention. My mom would occasionally give us each individual days. It helped bridge that gap.


With that kind of “victim” attitude, I would worry something else is going on. Bullying, dangerous adults, peer pressures, etc. Kids just don’t randomly think everyone hates them or everyone is out to get them out of no where.

Sit him down and ask him what’s going on there’s always a reason for a kid/teen to act that way! If he doesn’t want to talk to you about it tell him he needs to talk to someone else then because you’re worried about him

Talk to his ped and get him to therapy. Good luck


Therapy maybe? Or an Uncle he can vent to? Someone who is not a parent. Good like Mama🌹

I’m going through the same thing with my 10 yr old daughter. She’s my 2nd born, older brother, younger sister. It’s hard to deal with her tantrums. She has anxiety problems too.

He could be going through puberty early, it’s about that time. Hormones going crazy and he doesn’t know what to do with them! Doesn’t help he’s the middle child. Like others have said some more one on one time and maybe having the “talk”

Get him evaluated. Could have autism my son has out bursts. But could be depression issues or anything. If something seems off talk to his Dr. Our office has someone right in the office that deals with the mental health side of things

Second born syndrome
Give him the attention he deserves
Ask him what he likes and focus on that and really invest into it
You will see a change
I am no perfect parent but just try it

A good thing to try and i would do it with all the kids is take them out on a one on one day /mommy and me date. Get to see a hole othee side to them. My youngest is almost always alone with me as he has many doctor appointments so my older two will start to feel left out or like all i care about is the little one. Its not his fauld he has disabilities so he gets the most alone time with me. But i try to make a point of taking each of my kids out. Also it does not have to be expensive or require spending money. Even just going for a walk.

He has a anxiety disorder. You need to get him a doc for treatment and long term strategies for life.

Maybe set aside some time with just him everyday? Teach him how to cook, do cool science projects with him, find something that interest him and just the two of you do it. It’s hard to spend equal amount of time with 4 kids.

First of all you can’t treat kids equally in a home bc they all have different personalities. And 2, try taking each one out to do something fun on weekends so each one has bonding time with you.

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This is my second born as well. After many years of mental health support he was diagnosed with severe anxiety.
For some anxiety is overthinking and tapping your foot. For others it is irritation, frustration, aggressive behaviors.
I opted for medicine to treat his and it made a huge difference in his life.
Talking to his family doctor is a great first step.

I’m sure you mean well by treating your boys equally. But they aren’t the same and they need different things. Another way to be fair is to aim to give each of them what they need. With my kids I asked if I gave them each a peanut butter sandwich would that be fair. My son is allergic to peanuts so they got my point.

Maybe spend some one on one time with him. Maybe he’s feeling disconnected from you.

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I ordered dbt skills book . It helps teach coping skills, mindfulness, and healthy ways of thinking and expressing themselves

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Honestly I would take him to the doctor and explain whats been going on mental health affects children too I would follow up with a referral to a child therapist (I hated these people so someone your son finds bearable). You don’t just wake up as an adult and you have mental health issues (:rofl: that would have been nice.) I speak from Experience ive had severe emotional trauma and genetic bs mental health all starting at 4 … my husband’s family there’s a 4yr old who was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Mental health is still taboo, but kids need help too.

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Might have some behavour issues, there are therapists who can treat that…

I do different things with each kid so they all get some one on one. We each have "our thing " together

Don’t listen to most of the comments , he sounds like a normal kid to me , you just got to tweek what the best way to handle him as a person is , boys that age may be going through some issues re puberty , not knowing how to cope with personal body issues , I know my youngest son thought he might have cancer eeeks any way long story short girls get breast development and so do boys to a certain point so they get the breast buds and can be sore and tender and thaaaaats why he thought he had cancer trip to the doc and whala all goodz mind you he was 12 but it’s an example of things we over look as they get a bit older , hormones , erections (sorry but it’s true) pubic hair , getting teased by siblings , stinky under arms and just not knowing how to communicate . But your the mum and he’s still the child ask him whaaaat is your actual prooooooblem and see if you can nut it out together .


Mine did this we had him tested and he was autistic

He needs to see a therapist to talk to.

Maybe just spend time one on one with him n other boys one day with him one day with the others…

You may watch Supernanny to have some tips and advice

My ex husband started acting like his daughter one and it embarrassed her so bad she didn’t act like that anymore

He needs private mommy time.

Counseling or a belt :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Just ask him if he wants a new mommy believe that on mine I told them they wouldn’t the toys or clothes they have have stable at just the time belive I know I was raised by people like and tell the little darling it no fun

nothin some hand too ass therapy wont fix


I recommend a child psychologist

Try whooping his ass, just saying…

Slap her she s to old

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Whip his spoiled ass you stupid bitch !!

I had a one on one with my son and it really helped. Not sure if you tried this already. Just an idea.

Has he been checked to see if he’s on the autism spectrum?

I would seek family counseling. Children often perceive things differently than they are. For some reason he is struggling with something that the whole family needs to understand.

Good old fashion ASS whooping…He will learn…Sounds like he does it for attention which is bullshit

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Some of it could be middle child syndrome mixed with ADHD and anxiety possibly. Definitely have a discussion with his doctor, and continue to reassure him that he is loved, if you can plan days that just the two of do something.

I’m a middle child and had similar behavioral problems, therapy did help.

You need to get him into counseling asap. This was me at 12 and I started self harming and other destructive behaviors shortly after. Theres a huge chance he is struggling with depression. Please please get him help.

There are 5 love “languages.” Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Gift Giving. Humans tend to express love to others in the language they understand most. But, your love language may differ to that of your child’s. He may think others don’t love him because they’re expressing it in a love language he doesn’t “understand.” The book The Five Love Launguages of Children by Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell may help…

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Have you look into speaking with a specialist concerning Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)? So many different degrees of it.

Take it in steps. Give him extra attention. Individual attention is important. During this time get to know his interests and concerns. Maybe it’s a small thing you could do daily or once a week/ every other week, etc. If the problem continues, reach out to someone that can help. Public schools have resources available in addition to medical professionals. Good luck mama

Im thinking you and your son need to spend some quality 1 on 1 time together. That alone, could be a game changer. Have him help you cook a meal, or clean up after dinner while you chat about things he likes. Incorporate him into your day more, ask for his assistance, make he feel needed and important. You may be surprised by the results.

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Maybe talk to his teachers and see whats happening at school don’t tell him until you can sit down with him and talk it through

Some children will find was to get attention from people good or bad because it’s attention period .

My middle boy had some issues to so I would pull him out of school an hour early for one on one once a week helped alot

Sounds like he may have a mild form of ODD. Get him into a therapist and have him evaluated.

the way to respond truly depends on context really. If he is doing this to defend himself from not doing something and try to distract from him not doing something like a chore that you asked him to do multiple times and then you got on his case about not doing it, then positive reinforcement will get you nowhere and make it worse. That would be something where number one he didn’t do what you asked him to do and two he’s throwing a tantrum because he got caught. In my family that’s punishable by a timeout or being grounded to his room with no electronics until he apologizes and accepts what he did was wrong. And then he does the chore without complaining. But if he’s just randomly saying this or if he’s trying to have a conversation with you and he’s not feeling like you’re hearing him or paying attention to him then he needs some positive reinforcement. He feels that he isn’t getting the attention that he deserves and he needs to feel like he is as wanted as anybody else in the house. This feeling that he has is very likely not connected to the fact that you treat your kids all equally. To you, you know you’re treating them all equally but to them things will present differently. what we would usually do in my family and I’m not saying this works for everybody but for us, we schedule one-on-one time and we talk, hang out, color in coloring books maybe if it’s a long enough period of time we watch a movie together with popcorn. Just a little bit of stuff that shows that you care and that you are hearing him. Only downside to this is that since you have four children, The others might start feeling left out and since he was the second born, two of your babies won’t necessarily understand if you try to explain to them why. So my suggestion personally, schedule someone on one time with all of them and then maybe schedule a family night every now and then where all of you get together and sit down and hang out and do something. Hope this helps!