My daughter is 10; she is in 5th grade. She has always been emotional. I recalled putting her in pre-school and were getting frequent calls that she was having emotional outbursts and would disrupt the entire class. Sometimes we had to pick her up. The teacher would even tell me maybe the program isn’t for her. I decided pre-k was maybe too much and withdrew her. For kindergarten, I wanted to try homeschooling because of her pre-k experience, but if I so much as reminded her to dot her “I,” she would cry, so I figured maybe she really needed to be around other kids and schooling was better left to the professionals. Now moving forward, it’s been a common occurrence. Every year, every teacher has had this issue. 3rd grade wasn’t too bad, so I thought she finally outgrew it. (Now I think the teacher probably just tolerated it and moved along with her day) Nope, 4th grade came, and so did the calls from the school along with it. Even more so now, in 5th grade. I feel she is way too old to be acting out in this way, and she certainly does not act out this way with my husband or me. Now she does overreact at home, but it doesn’t lead to the same behavior at school (we’ll hear the “ugh oh my gosh” when we ask her to do her chores or the mumbling under her breath or she fights with her sister about it, and sometimes we see her in full on tears about her 5-minute chores but once she sees us or knows that we are in her presence, she clears her face and fixes the attitude). At school, if she has any minor inconvenience, it seems to ruin her whole day. She’ll lash out and not do work all day. It’s affecting her grades as well. The causes of her outburst vary from things such as she didn’t get to take enough notes in the time she was given (she also doesn’t try to problem solve, such as simply asking for more time, she just throws a fit and lets it ruin the whole day). Sometimes it’s because she would rather do what she wants to do, which is draw, and she’s exceptionally amazing for her age. Yesterday she didn’t like what they served for lunch and cried, threw a tantrum, and threw the food away. She doesn’t appear to have any friends; she never talks about having any. I think she has a hard time making friends. My stepdaughter tells me at school they call her Ms Grouch because she’s always angry. It’s sad that her classmates classify her that way but I also know that she is angry often. It’s getting frustrating, having to constantly apologize for her behavior and constantly grounding her. None of our others behave this way. I don’t know what could be the cause. The school has reached out and we’ve agreed to have an evaluation. I recently filled out 2 questionnaires about her behavior, called EDDT-PF. I don’t know much about it but I’m hoping someone else might or may have had the same type of experience and what kind of help they sought out, what worked and any other advice. Please help!!!
Take her to the doctor, or a mental health professional.
I recommend getting her into therapy ASAP. She sounds like she’s struggling with emotional development issues and or chemical imbalances likely. Poor girl, I feel for her.
Sounds like anxiety
Sounds like she might have a medical problem could be anxiety depression or something else get her checked out by a dr and as a mom try talking to her see how she feels but don’t just brush it off
Start with her pediatrician and go from there.
Get her into a pediatric neuropsychologist. Don’t take no for an answer. She sounds pretty miserable & I can’t imagine how hard that is for everyone. Good luck.
I am not sure what that evaluation is, but I would have an evaluation done to see if she falls onto the spectrum at all. Not being able to regulate her emotions but is exceptionally well at art & drawing could classify her on the autism spectrum. Which if it is the case there are special therapies that can be done so she can learn how to control her emotions & the outbursts are probably just as frustrating for her. Good Luck Momma!!
An amazing teacher will make all difference. ADHD presents in girls different than boys. Her acting out and defiance may be something a pediatrician can better diagnose and treat. Start a paper trail with all school professionals (teacher, EA, principal, counsellor) and get reffered to a pedi
She needs to go to therapy, they can help her learn coping mechanisms for her feelings and can diagnose her if she has something going on that needs more attention.
If it’s miserable for everyone around her imagine living in her little body and mind. Discuss this with a professional please be patient and kind with her.
Could potentially be ADHD along with a mood disorder, Big, fast emotions tend to happen with ADHD (emotionally volatile) stopping and starting tasks can also be difficult and when interrupted can lead to emotional outbursts for some people.
Sounds like anxiety that’s why it’s not as bad at home, definitely talk to doctors for an evaluation. Sounds horrible but I got one younger kid like that and he’ll throws toys or food he doesn’t like so naturally he doesn’t get them back after a few times he stopped
Have they looked into anxiety with her? In my sons case the psychiatrist explained when they have anxiety they struggle and strive to be perfect and something as simple as pointing out a mistake can make them flip their tricycle / end of the world. Sorry you are struggling. You are not alone
Definitely seems to me she would likely fall on the autism spectrum. I would contact her primary physician and get another eval done.
My 9yo has an iep at school. Our route is seeking mental health care, currently just monthly visits at our Dr. Office, but once available interactive play therapy. The doc will benefit from having copies of anything done at school. There are so many possibilities, keep an open mind.
This is my son to a T. Same exact story with school. In grade 2 we finally got referred to an educational therapist and a paediatrician. He was diagnosed with ADHD and since has been medicated and been to therapy. He’s so much better now. The therapist said his frustrations and anger came from not being able to concentrate and express his feelings the way he wanted to. He’s in grade 5 now and doing well. He still has some outbursts but it usually comes from something causing him anxiety. He has an IEP which is very helpful because it gives his teachers an idea of what works for him in terms of learning.
Dyslexia, adhd, comprehensive disorder, and anxiety with chemical depression disorder. Get her checked for everything might also be on the spectrum.
I would talk to the pediatrician, perhaps a referral to a behavioral therapist.also ask for her to get tested for adhd or add, girls don’t always have the typical symptoms or their symptoms aren’t as obvious. My 12yr old son has ADHD and tends to be very dramatic and emotional.
I would definitely try a therapist or talk to her dr and try teaching her about mindfulness.
My daughter was similar. Once she started kindergarten everything seemed to normalize. Then puberty hit and the struggles were coming from every angle. She’s now 16 and finally getting an ASD assessment. I wish I had done this years ago. She could have had the assistance she needed so much sooner.
Prayers you can find the best help for her:sparkling_heart:
I was very similar to this as a kid. It wasn’t until 2015 I was diagnosed with depression and borderline personality disorder. I would if I was you have her checked out physically and emotionally with appropriately trained medical professionals and therapist. You may have to shop around and their could also be a waiting period. I know it is hard for you as her parents, however please be mindful that is 100× harder for as she doesn’t understand at her age why she feels the way she does. Please keep that in mind. It is also helpful to have strong clear boundaries in place regarding what is or not acceptable code of conduct. Good luck.
My son is the same way he is ADHD and had to go through counseling an seeing a psychiatrist for medications. He was always being suspended and eventually it has led to him being homeschooled. I hope you can find out whats going on with your daughter. She may be autistic or have some behavior/anger disorder an cant control it.
I had these same problem I’m dyslexic and have aDD teachers would be so mean to me for getting confused and I didn’t get my diagnosis till I was in 8th grade I hated school before that and would throw fits because some teachers don’t really want to help they are just there for the paycheck
I’m thinking Adhd or she falls on the autism spectrum. She sounds a lot like my best friends child/children. Most of aren’t psychologists or doctors though so PLEASE reach out to her pediatrician or your family doctor with all of this and get some testing going for her. Good luck!
Please have a conversation with her about abuse. Not to scare you, but kids act out like this when they’ve been abused. I started acting out before any actual abuse started because I was being groomed and didn’t know it. Once again not trying to say that your daughter was definitely abused, but please don’t write this off as just bad behavior, there could be an underlying problem. Good luck mama
She may have ADD or ADHD but it sounds like anxiety to me. For whatever reason she is freaking out when she doesn’t feel as if she has had enough time to take notes or if she doesn’t understand something. Yes, a minor occurrence like this can ruin her entire day. Talk to her Dr and possibly get her into a counselor. To you she is being overly emotional and dramatic, to her, her world is turned upside down and spiraling uncontrollably. Please try to stay calm with her in the meantime.
My oldest is autistic and one if his “behaviors” is he gets overly emotional about everything. He will straight up sob and cry over the smallest thing. Like full-blown ugly cry worse than a girl during PMS who just got dumped. Getting her evaluated for emotional/social/developmental delays couldnt hurt anything.
If I had to guess, I’d say you don’t put up with that behavior at home. And because you’re tough on her, she feels safe. At school, she does not feel safe. She may have trouble transitioning so many times in a day (feels unprepared). She fears the unknown (lunch). She may be overstimulated. Our son goes through this and although he is top of his class in most subjects, he goes to a small special Ed class twice a week and can also go there to take a break on tough days. We are told that children commonly act out where their trauma is, i.e. a child abused at home will feel safe at school and behave better there. A child suffering at school with behave better at home.
Not necessarily autistic… I swore one of my kid was but they have ODD, and OCD… and I had outbursts (over emotional) like that myself that noone took “seriously” I learned at 23 I have super anxiety, and BPD along with other things because nobody payed attention to what was going on. Good luck
I would take her to a pediatric psychiatrist
My 6th grade daughter is this same way. We have determined (with her health care provider) that she has a severe hormone imbalance. We had to decrease her dairy intake and I have her on some vitamins with extra D3.
Honestly, the evaluation might give you answers. They are professionals that are there to serve the kids. If they diagnose her with anything, help will be available and I think life will get a bit easier. Hang in there
First, sending my prayers for her and your family . I was the same way, but it was due to me having emotions I couldn’t explain.
Maybe speak with her in private and make sure no one is harming her sexually or otherwise. Sometimes kid’s this age who have had something traumatic happen to them act out in these ways.
Therapy would be the best option though. Again, praying for her and your family .
My daughter is hyper sensitive (as I call it) and very emotional, and as it turned out, she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Behavioural therapy is what was recommended to her and it has helped a lot
Wonder if she has asd? Girls are usually overlooked for this but it sounds like there msybe some traits there.
I was like this when I was in elementary. Even “dropped out” of preschool. Turns out (29 years later) I have adhd… doesn’t mean she has to be hyper… there also inattentive type, which I have. Talk to a mental health professional.
Has she ever been inappropriately touched, has she been physically mentally or emotionally abused? Those things can cause emotional outburst. Maybe it can be something medical like a thyriod issue and she needs meds maybe its mental illness especially if there’s any family history of it on mom’s or dad’s side. Some of the Behavior can be normal preteen stuff hormones you know but definitely you need to figure out what the issue is deep down.
I never post on this group.Or any group for that matter but when I read your post, it really hit home, because my son is the same.
We went for assessments this pas couple of weeks and he was diagnosed with ADHD, he is showing signs of anxiety and emotional immaturity all because he always called the “naughty” child.
After much discussion with my SO, DR and changing his diet. We finally decided to put him on Ritalin.
Yesterday was first day in forever, that I received a message from the teacher telling me how Luke has changed, his mood was good, he started talking to friends, he was so focused on his work that he didn’t even want to take a break.
He is very hard on himself when he doesn’t get something right, so when he wasn’t able to focus in school it took a knock on his confidence.
If was you mamma, I would really try and see if it might not be that.
I am in South Africa, so I have no idea what those test are that you busy with now.
But this was my experience and I feel we going through the same thing.
Good luck, and don’t be hard on yourself.
It sounds like she might have some sort of emotional disability.
Sounds like my son! Cry’s when he doesn’t want to write or when the teacher gets ahead saying she’s “going to fast” loves doing certain things and is great at math and science, drawing. Were going through testing and stuff now but his Dr and teacher suspect he’s on the autism spectrum!
Sounds like autism. Which of course is very hard to diagnose in girls. They call it emotional issues at first. Or say ADD or ADHD is the issue. But it isn’t.
Has she had an autism evaluation or anything?
Maybe she is different than you. You seem cold, detached. She may need a connection with someone who loves her unconditionally
Sounds like your daughter may possibly be suffering with severe anxiety. I’ve had anxiety since I was a toddler and officially diagnosed with anxiety disorder at 13. I’ve suffered my entire life. I recommend taking her to a doctor and requesting some screening and a counselor. I could be wrong but there is definitely something going on.
Take her to a pediatric psychitrist. Def something going on
Sounds like her emotional outbursts have clouded everyone around her . Clearly she has needed extra help or an ea for awhile . Some kids are not good at self regulation. Been there. If you need to talk let me know.
Teacher here it sounds like she’s suffering from emotional distress because school is frustrating and difficult for her. I would start by talking to her pediatrician about what is happening at school. I would also see if you can consult with a private psychologist and or counselor it sounds like she’s having a difficult time
Danni sounds like one I live with. Maybe not to the same extent, I don’t get phone calls but the difficulties making friends and getting upset over trivial bullsh**
As someone who has struggled with anxiety as far back as I can remember even with a positive childhood, it sounds to me like she could be struggling with the same and possibly experiencing sensory overload which is leading to the outbursts. My 10 yo is the same. Definitely get her evaluated and see if she could maybe receive behavioral and/or OT to help her learn how to cope better.
So I was here to say (like everyone else ) that this is my daughter and me. I was very emotional, but could control myself when I had to. She was very emotional and destructive and had almost no self control. I was ADD, no hyperactivity. This gave me more impulse control than my daughter. My daughter’s hyperactivity was off the charts, but after diagnosis and meds (which were life changing) there were still some issues. She was 11 before she was diagnosed ASD (autism). However, what you describe is symptomatic of many neurological and mental disorders, so I think having the school evaluate her is an excellent idea. I’m sad though that no one had thought to have her evaluated earlier. You have no idea the trauma letting these issues go for so long can cause. I have relatives whose child struggles and they keep claiming he can’t get diagnosed and even if he could they won’t medicate. It straight up makes school a traumatic and negative experience that they face every single day. I wish terribly that my daughter had gotten the ASD diagnosis earlier. Even if it could have only changed one thing for her. Now, going without is survivable, yeah. People do it all the time. They just grow up hating school. But so many kids could have had such happier childhoods and carried less resentment, or suffered less long-term depression into adulthood if they had just been properly diagnosed at 5 or 6. I can’t tell you what diagnosis they are looking at for her, but I’m telling you that any diagnosis is a good diagnosis when it comes to behavioral problems because most of them have similar treatment and accommodations in school. This will only benefit her, and I encourage you to take any and all advice the school and her doctors give you. Demand services for her too. Take everything you can get. You may very well see a whole new child by next school year. This is the type of intervention that saves lives. Literally. Not even being dramatic. I’m so excited for all of you. Good luck!
Time for a councler so you can get to the root of the problem
Im not saying its this but deffo worth reading up on (Pda) Pathological Demand Avoidance…Its a type of Autism the child has high anxiety levels and when they feel triggered by demands they respond with aggression etc…My Niece has this and reducing demands is helpful…Seeing her outbursts as panic attacks not bad behaviour
She has a fear of failure. I was like that throughout my life and still am. Try working with her instead of against her thinking that she is Too Emotional. Remind her that it’s ok to feel feelings, and that it’s ok for her to talk to you a out them. Having a safe place for feelings is really important!
Why does she fix her face when you come into a room for her five min chores
My daughter does this. She is on the autism spectrum she is 5 diagnosed at 3.
She has a very hard time regulating her emotions and cries most of the time when shes told no, when she sees others get emotional, when shes frustrated and when its too loud.
My daughter had similar early years. Hindsight I don’t know how I missed it. My daughter has severe anxiety. Medication and counseling made a world of difference.
Get her in to see a counselor. Sounds like she could use some help expressing her emotions in a healthy way. Our son would get very upset over things in school and it helped him tremendously because there were other things going on with him as well which he also got help with from the counselor.
Sounds like Female at Birth ASD. It often doesn’t really show up as FABs are better at masking, other than being over-emotional. This is the age socially when it’s much more obvious and might need support. ASD is often about having too many emotions rather than being emotionless.
Some schools actually have programs that help with social & emotional development. My son had help both years of prek & now even in kindergarten. He still has his moments like everyone does, but is doing amazing! Maybe call around & see if theres programs offered like this?
Definitely lean on the school psychologist and involve your pediatrician.
Asperger syndrome. Just a Suggestion. Hope you and your daughter find some clarity
Its sounds like she isn’t allowed to Express her feelings at home and doesn’t understand how to handle them at school…stop punishing her for it and talk to her give her coping skills let her know ur there to help not just punish.
Since she loves drawing, in the mean time while u are trying to get her help, let her draw anything and everything that she wants to. There may be clues in her drawings. Also let her focus on other things she likes. She is probably scared of whats going on inside her so you need to reassure her that and be patient with her.
Special education teacher here. As a mama and a teacher, I would make an appointment with her pediatrician and a psychiatrist. Sounds like she’s really struggling with something. Once you have a diagnosis, it makes the educational part easier. It sounds like she could benefit from an IEP and a behavior support plan. It looks like she’s escalating and not recognizing her triggers in time to utilize calming techniques or problem solving skills. A special education teacher could really help with that. Ask the school if they have a licensed counselor that she could start seeing as well. One day at a time. Saying a prayer for you!
I’m not Dr. but from what you’re describing it looks like your child is struggling with something that needs to be discussed with her Pediatrician so you can get the right help for you and your child. Hope everything gets better!
Sounds like she has a very hard time regulating her emotions and handling transitions. Could be a spectrum thing, could be an anxiety thing, could be that she needs more connection and understanding. Take her to a pediatric psychiatrist, spend lots of extra time with her, help her understand her emotions and help her figure out ways to handle those emotions.
She needs a counselor, not advice from FB strangers.
She sounds like she has mental health issues. Please take her to a perfessional
Bold of some of u, 2 assume the girl is getting abused or isnt getting enuff attention. Dont assume these things. Ita disgusting and disgraceful. Honestly… If u think the little girl is being abused or neglected, im pretty sure the mom wudnt be on here asking 4 help. If she was guilty, she wudnt put herself out there on FB like this. This is why people dony ask 4 help anymore. Cuz a lot of people assume the worst and judge u. And this mom is desperate 2 help her little girl. She isnt interested in ur baseless assumptions. Either offer help and prayers or leave her alone.
I’m sorry but I’m not sure why you’ve only now waited for her to turn 10 and be in 5th grade to get an evaluation. Also the school district failed this child on every level by not already getting testing set up once she exhibited this behavior in kindergarten. Grandmother here who has had custody of my almost now 9yr old grandson since birth, who is on the spectrum. I got him tested at 19 months. I refused to only have him diagnosed with just that broad one word disorder. He’s showed severe up and down (mad&sad) behaviors since he was small. He’s seen a phycologist since 3yrs old. I completely understand that maybe you don’t know or how to navigate the world of children with disabilities and I’m sorry the system has failed her and you up to this point. Seems her behaviors are now manipulative and no I’m not saying she’s fully conscious of it but it’s what she knows will get her either negative or positive attention, she really doesn’t care which it is. Please follow through and get all the help offered. Find a parents group in your area who can help you find any and all resources available in your area. They don’t just tell you what you need to do or where to go. A child psychiatry office could be a great start after your evaluation. If your not getting help from your pediatrician make an appointment with a developmental behavior specialist (adolescent based) immediately, neurology appt is also a must. The school and your pediatrician have always had access and the knowledge to help your child and her parents with these resources!!! Good luck. Im not trying to sound mean or judgy, I feel bad for you all
Best advice I can give is check on her mental health! There seems to be an underlying cause. Be open minded and think outside the box for creative solutions. Good luck.
Actually sounds like RSD, rejection sensitivity disphoria. It’s very common with ADD and most girls who are ADD just want to draw and be in their own world. My son is ADHD and has some pretty bad RSD, he cries over everything and thinks everyone hates him. He takes Intuniv and it helps to a degree but therapy has done wonders.
Psychiatry eval. Somethings going on. Get her evaluated and make her life less hellish
Is it a personality disorder?
No judgment, but this should of really been addressed when you first noticed it and I really feel as though now it’s just a habit dragging on. You need to be the one to teach where and how to act, as well as dealing with their emotions. If she’s lashing out you need to be the one to deal with that and get her to vocalize her emotions. To me it just seems like she doesn’t know how because she wasn’t taught. So many of you are so quick to say it’s mental illness but parenting skills always make a big piece of these issues.
We have the same issue with my daughter. She is in 2nd grade now and 1 teacher called in emotional intelligence.
She is a very smart kid. But she gets so upset over little things. 1 day she had a complete melt down cause she screwed the top of a bottle on crooked. She also doesnt have the outbursts at home like she does at school. Any sport shes every played shes acted the same she spent a whole t ball game crying in thw outfield. I feel so helpless and so sad for her when she has these breakdowns. She has improved a bit this year but when they happen i can literally feel her frustration it breaks my heart
My grandson did this he. Was diagnosed have what they call panda he see councilor it has something to do with strep affecting brain cells
Maybe a sensory problem or BPD?
This doesn’t sound like normal emotions mama… she may be struggling with sensory issues or some type of processing disorder. She could also be on the autism spectrum based off of some of her everyday struggles. I would definitely seek out some further evaluation and help for her!!
Don’t listen to anyone who says she sounds like she has a personality disorder or that she needs to get checked for one. Children (anyone under the age of 18) can not legally be diagnosed with a personality disorder in the US. However, she may have a behavior disorder.
Your child needs professional help. The school should help you find it.
Put her in softball or something extra curricular. And dont sugar coat everyone’s reactions to her ahe needs to know how her actions are perceived. Offer lots of love and support towards whatever good things she chooses in life
Honestly, I wish I could help because I am this child but my parents offered zero help and I was openingly told I w as a cry baby and sensitive. That just made it worse.
I’m a retired teacher. I suggest going through school resources and possibly an outside professional. If her behavior has not changed in that many years she needs help. This is in no way the result of your parenting style. You are doing the best you can. Let someone help you.
My 4 yr old does this. One thing sets him off. Then he appears to recover from it and if we don’t address it (we do deep breaths to shift his focus and calm him) then literally every small inconvenience for the next hour sets him off.
Some of it is him being a whiny only child but it’s definitely not neurotypical.
We’re waiting official autism testing because he definitely has more sensory issues and now that he’s getting older, he isn’t getting social cues. He can’t tell when something is a joke, and it usually upsets him.
My only advice is to address it the FIRST time it happens, make her stop, take deep breath, get her attention away from whatever is happening and maybe it’ll help you like it did us.
I’m still in the process of deciding what is a meltdown and what is a tantrum. It’s tiring. You’ve got this.
How long has the step-child been in the picture? Sometimes this can be an issue in itself especially if they attend school together and the other child is out-going and has lots of friends or has there been any sudden changes since the 3rd grade that could have triggered this behavior to re-occur? It could be a lot of different areas hitting at the same time and it could be a sensory issue…good luck sweetie praying you find the answers needed just give her extras hugs and love you’s until you do or try to get her to talk about what is bothering her within her own mind.
Talk to pediatrician. My daughter was like this . Once I got the school involved they started testing a wide range of different tests to help diagnose the problem. She was adhd w dyslexia and the meds stopped the outburst . She was always on point w grades so it slipped dby us. I thought maybe that disorder were they r defiant but no. She need to be in therapy and have peds involved . Everyone including the school will have to work together and ur going to have to push it especially w the school. It’s hard to get ball rolling but once it is it will help her. She may need a 504 . All that is is when an episode starts she may need a break from classroom or whatever is going on at home. The 504 might be extra time for assignments or something as little as an extra bathroom break can help. U have to figure out her triggers first and a therapist will help. The school also has one that would talk w her once a WK. Look up vanderbilt forms and read through it an answer . The Dr can give them too u. I didn’t think my kid was adhd but when I answered the questions at the end u add the numbers together and see where she scor d at. I was in denial. The outbursts where worse the littlest thing would make her loose it. She is much better now and getting the help she needs.
I was like that as a child too, I didn’t know at the time that I had severe anxiety and a sensory issue…
Personally I think you should seek child psychology for her.
Try therapy and homeschool
Perhaps the issue is not simply an “attitude problem”? Could be a myriad of different things, none of which she can control without knowing what is happening… How frustrating for all involved - especially for your daughter. I believe having her evaluated is a step in the right direction. Good luck, I hope things work out!
My daughter is this way and she was just diagnosed with borderline personality disorder medicine has helped so much! I hope you get answers soon I didn’t stop until I did!
I started my period at 10 1/2. May just be hormones kicking in early
Talk to a pediatrician and ask for a behavioral appointment tell them about these situations and they will ask questions to point you to the right direction and no not worry they will find help for you and your child. Also you can always get a second opinion if you are unsure.