Why doesn’t she want to go? If all she says is she feels unsafe and nobody has tried to figure it out, I suggest that be your first step and then regarding the reason, go to court and try and have the PP modified.
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If she has her own lawyer she/he should be defending her say plus if 12 and in ma she can tell the judge what she feels is best for herself. You, as mom knows her best and has to keep her safe. I wish u the best for your daughter and yourself
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You need to listen to your daughter theres probably stuff going on at her dads house that she doesn’t feel comfortable talking about and the fact that so many officials have been involved in this there’s something not quite right and is slipping through the cracks. You need to question what it is that’s going on that’s not making her feel safe, is it abuse physically or emotionally or mentally or is he brainwashing her to make you the “bad guy” also is it an attention thing? Maybe it’s time to get her into a different counselor or psychologist to find out what is going on and they can help to act as her advocate if she is being harmed or not safe
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Talk to your lawyer! Otherwise you can get in trouble!
Go back to court, shes 12 she now has a say, and can opt out of visitation.
Idk if it would work in your state. But my daughter had a friend that didn’t want to go to her mothers and when her dad would take her to the meeting place she would just refuse to get out of his car. The cops were called and they wouldn’t force her to go if she refused. He could not be held in contempt because he at least tried to get her to the meeting place but she would NOT get out and go. Eventually he won full custody.
To start with why dont she feel safe there ? Is there a good reason or she going by what she heard you say about the ex??? As it stand you need to folllow the court order and explain to her why… You not doing her good by teaching her to disobey the rules of the court. If your ex wanted to be mean about it he could have you locked up… Then what your daughter going to do
Court. She’s of age where her voice matters. I hope it gets sorted and your girl feels safer
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Unfortunately she doesn’t have a voice until she is I believe 15. I am going through the same thing with my younger boys and a judge told me if I don’t make my boys visit their dad when it’s his time to have them, he would make me do jail time. It isn’t fair I know.
Listen to your daughter. I would never make my girls go anywhere they didn’t feel safe.
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What I learned through court was that if there’s a court agreement, you need to hold up to your end. I was told if the child needed to go to the doctor and they did not want to, you’d make them anyway. Or if they did not want to go to school, you’d make them anyway. Dads house is no different. But i was told if safety is a concern, well being checks can be done at anytime. I had to hold up my end until it could finally be changed.
She is older now she can voice her opinion to the court and they will listen
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Your the mom. You need to listen to your baby. And protect her. 
Do what you need to do to protect her. And she needs to keep a journal why, (and you can’t influence her writing). So when the time comes there is evidence as to why. She will have a voice soon. Until then you need to do good by your child.
My mom would always say “you need to protect your kids. You are their voice until they have their own”
Good luck.
Listen to your child, usually there is a reason
Im in IL and at 12 you’re able to decide if you want to go or not in most cases. My friend was able to say her mom was insane and it wasn’t safe and they said okay and stopped visitation.
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Depending on your state the judge may listen to her when she’s 12 and let her decide ( I live in TX and this is what my attorney advised us). If she doesn’t feel comfortable don’t send her. She’s 12 not 5. They can call the cops but cops won’t get involved
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You can be held in contempt by allowing her to stay home. However, I would have your lawyer request an emergency hearing due to her saying she feels unsafe so you can get in front of a judge quicker and hopefully get the order modified so she can choose to go or not.
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When my sister was around 13 she kept telling my mom she didnt want to be around her dad. That she didnt want to go visit him. And she begged not to go. Well truth came to light when she finally told my mom. He had been molesting her for as long as she can remember even when him and my mom were together. That the earliest she can recall was 5. And yes he is her biological father. You may never know what’s truly going on until they tell you. (He was my step dad not related to me at all. And my mom was always working 2 jobs she was never home. He was very abusive towards us and an alcoholic and druggy it took her years to leave him.) I even told her he touched me too (just once) when I was 9 (I told her at 13). I guess she didnt believe me because she kicked him out for a week and he was back. Luckly for me I started not wanting to be home all the time. And even went to school during the summer and stayed after school programs to avoid being home until it was time for bed. I guess my mom finally believed me as we all got older and my sister told her at 13 (the same age I told her). Its really alot but sometimes things can be going on that you dont want to see or think. Please take it to court. Ask her if there is something going on. She may feel uncomfortable talking about it. It took 4 years for me to mention it to my mom. It took my sister longer. One might never know
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Always listen to your children! If she doesn’t feel safe, do not make her go.
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Taking the violation is easier said than done. Unless perhaps you like the idea of going to jail. You need a lawyer asap. That way they can guide you. Plus it helps when in court to know you were under a lawyer.
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I have a 12 year old son and his situation is similar. I was also a child of divorce and was about 11-12 when I started to voice that I didn’t want to go to my fathers house. While my mother stuck to the paperwork and wouldn’t go to court or discuss with my father to change it, I choose to do differently with my own son. I will not force him to go anywhere he does not want to go. If he feels that strongly, then I stand with him 100%. Ultimately it’s your decision, but if it was me, I wouldn’t let my daughter go if she was voicing that strongly and to that many people that she doesn’t want to. Just my opinion though.
Why doesn’t she want to go and why doesn’t she feel safe ? And if she telling all these people and no one is listening… then is it she being coached? Is her dad strict and has rules ? Like I don’t get it
I guess I would look at the situation and if he hasn’t hurt her or caused her harm or put her In harm’s Way She doesn’t have a choice that’s her dad if he’s hurting her that’s a different story
What is the age where you are that kids can decide where they want to live ? I think that is possible?
I absolutely would not send her!
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You have to take it up in court. The counselor could request emergency removal if your child feels threatened enough or unsafe, but being just “I don’t want to” isn’t enough for them to make that call. It’s better that you don’t get a violation just before court. The judge might think you’re influencing your child against the father. I know it’s sucks, but your lawyer should make the motion for custody change and be able to get it in front of the judge with all the information you have and witnesses of your child wanting to stop visitation. Plus at that age the judge will consider what they want.
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Follow court order and take him to court to change it.
If you take the violation you can lose custody. Do it the right way. Period
Take it to court, it should be her choice. I stopped seeing my father at 13 because he was trash.
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She doesnt feel safe, her words? Yeah, shes never going back there ever again.
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Go modify the order. She’s old enough now to sayif she wants to go
If she’s 12, she’s old enough to speak on her own behalf. I’d request a modification with the courts to change the order. That way, you cannot be held in contempt.
Your child is old enough to speak for herself in front of a judge either in court or in Chambers if you have all the people that have heard her say that she does not want to go in willing to testify also you should not be held accountable. Your daughter has the right to feel safe in her home and if she does not feel safe there she should not have to be forced to go. I personally would not allow my child to go anymore if they did not feel safe and I would go ahead and take the hit in court if there was one. Because no matter what at the end of the day that’s your child and that judge truly has no clue what is really going down and you have to inform them
I know the instinct is to not send her and take the violation, but in most states, violating a court ordered visitation can mean arrest, jail time, and fines, and that will make it easier for him to more visitation or possibly custody.
The age the child has to be to decide depends on each state. And even if they’re the age your state has set, you still have to go back to court to have the order amended or closed. I know because I’m dealing with a similar issue. My oldest two are 16 and 11, their father tells them they have to go with him during his visits or he’ll call the police on me for violating the order. Our county told me I have to keep sending them until the order is dropped or amended, or the kids are 18.
Dont forse it shes old enough to make that choices, if you have a court order id take it back to court and have to explain her whys.
12 is not the magic number. Like In Florida, a child has to be 18. My husband and I are in the middle of something likable this. Per our lawyer, he said that in his 11 years practicing family law, he had only seen the judge talk to the child twice.
Get an emergency hearing.
Going through this right now.
Too young for the judge to listen unfortunately. Talk to your judge about a Best Interest Attorney for your child. That’s what my judge brought up doing for my kids.
I can’t and won’t risk breaking the order because I am no good to my child if I’m in jail or going broke to fight a fight that didn’t need to start.
Cps is a joke. As my oldest says “they are to protect the adults in the situation. They are not there to protect the children ever.”
The courts told my mother if my sister didn’t go to her dads for his schedule weekends he’d arrest her and place my sister with him indefinitely. Long as he isn’t saying he’s going to get your contempt I would continue on. Maybe get some kind of recording device she can wear. They make cute little heart necklaces that record audio I know. Maybe she can use that to capture proof of why she isn’t wanting to be there. That is a scary and awful position to be in.
My sister was 15 at the time.