My 13-Year-Old Smokes Weed, What Can I Do?

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"So my 13-year-old son told me he smokes weed. Well I asked bc one day I went to pick him up from his friend's house and when he came out he was acting funny. He didn’t want to look at me and was just quiet and when he did talk to me he was looking away so right away I was like this kid is high, then we made eye contact, and yup his eyes were glossy. So I said I’m going to ask you a question and you need to be honest. Are you high? And he said yes mom I am. I smoked weed with my friends. The good thing about him is he can’t lie to me. We are super close. But idk how to go about it now that I know. Bc I feel like I can tell him no don’t be doing that but then he’ll just go behind my back. But I’m also not just going to be okay with it. Idk!?!?!? How would you feel? And what would you do?"

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The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

"There are worse things. Let them be so long as they keep good grades."

"I mean he was honest with you & he could be doing so much worst, I would not make it into a big issue unless it starts negatively affecting him."

"Ground him and don’t allow him to hang out with that friend anymore. However, have a frank and open talk with him letting him know you appreciate his honesty. Only ground him for a day, max."

"Sit him down and explain the pros and cons of marijuana. Also if it is legal or illegal in your state and the consequences if there was ever police involvement. Then you can talk to him about when it would be ok for him to use it."

"Me personally, as long as my kid goes to class and does all his work and is an overall good kid. I would be okay with it. But that’s just me."

"I would just be honest with him. If he’s going to do it he’s going to do it and the biggest thing is you don’t want to ruin your relationship because of this nor the open communication you have. I would express concerns and lay everything down on the table, including where it comes from because some sources will lace marijuana with unsafe things that could harm him. Let him know all of your feelings, and depending on where you live the legal consequences that could come with him being caught with it. (I live in MS so it’s not legal here)."

"Just tell him about the legalities in the situation, in some states you could get a child abuse charge. If you’re as close as you think then he might quit until he is at least an adult."

"Kids are gonna do it whether you say not to or not. I would just tell him to know where it’s coming from and not to be experimenting with other things. Pot isn’t as bad as most people think."

"Talk about anxiety, peer pressure, sleep or appetite issues. It’s not like it used to be. Better than losing him to heroin, fentanyl patches, Crack, etc."

"He was honest, as long as he keeps good grades shouldn’t be much of a problem. There are worse things he could be doing, and if you ground him from that friend he may find other people to smoke with instead. As long as he’s safe I don’t see nothing wrong with it."

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My sister let my nephew continue to smoke weed. He was 16 when she found out he had been doing it since the age of 13 as she thought as long as he was honest and she knew how much he was smoking it was under control.
He ended up having a Psychotic episode and ended up being sectioned. He is home now but he still isn’t right and it’s a long road to recovery. The stuff is evil and does nasty things to young minds

Get the hell out of here with that shit. Weed isn’t going to cause a kid to have a psychotic break. If that kid had a psychotic break clearly there is something deeper going on and he probably needs to talk to a psychiatrist to find out what your sister has been doing to that poor kid. Because frankly it’s not the pot.

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Please understand the frontal cortex isn’t formed yet. Kids should not smoke cannabis until over 19. Also, I highly recommend having your kid watch the documentary with Dr. Sanjay Gupta where he shares the relevance of age and what it does to the brain. It’s a 45 min video but my kids all watched at 14-15 to learn and assess the situation. It’s so important you try to understand their smoking is more curiosity not escape. And to learn the brain.

Sorry to hear you’re going through this. I had the same situation with my son when he was 13. Ultimately I told him I couldn’t stop him; however, he was, in no uncertain terms allowed to bring drugs/paraphernalia into the home. I further explained that if I were to find any … it would be chucked into the lake. I flat out told him that if he felt he knew what was best for him, I’d respect it; but, that whatever he chooses to do will dictate my choices.

There have been MANY items chucked into the lake throughout the years, but he accepted the consequences of his actions. He is now 27 and we have deep conversations about the past. He has told me that everything I did for and/or to him was the best things I I could have done, and that he’s thankful for me setting boundaries in his teens.

I know this is tough on you, as it was me. I didn’t approve of it (and many other things). Not to mention I’m also retired law enforcement. I didn’t rescue him however, and made heart breaking choices based on his immature actions. But, what I will say to you, is this will come to pass. Set up your boundaries and stick to them. I had my foot so far up his rear end for so long, that I thought it’d never come out (so many stories I could tell you). In the end, my disciplinary actions truly helped him to choose what kind of man he wanted to be. I let him stumble and fall thousands of times in his teen years, waited in the shadows for him to approach me, all the while letting him constantly know how much I loved and will always love him!

Good luck!