My 3-year-old has been throwing tantrums for no reason...advice?

I have a 3 year old who does pretty good at communicating. Of course she’s 3 so still has tantrums but lately she has been so argumentive. About the oddest things too! Today I spent all day with her, playing with paint, chak, shaving cream, going outside, swinging, bath play… Just now I’m telling her “I need to sit down and relax and need some quiet” she flipped out and screamed at me and whenever I start to ask for some space she freaks out. Then she’ll say “leave me alone!!!” I’ve never said that to her so i think she learned it at school but still it’s a fight to pee alone for a second of peace and idk what to do. I honestly don’t even understand why I get so triggered by her what why why why why why when when when why where what who who who like I could just answer the questions or comments but I just want some freaking brain to think for myself!!! For 1 min of the day!! Without a huge fight ighhhhh idk if that even makes sense now… I’m just crying bc I feel so bad!


She may still be learning that she is her own person. I would start by finding little things for her to do, and start teaching independence. Sit down and color with her, after a few minutes say nothing just get up and “goto the bathroom” see how long it is until she either finds you or screams. & tell her “I was just going potty” and continue coloring or whatever, got to start a load of laundry. Eventually, over time she will stop screaming or looking for you because she knows you’re coming back and will realize she is capable of doing these things by herself. Don’t make a big deal of her tantrums, it’s the attention she is looking for. Stay calm. I’ve always told my kids “I won’t talk to you while acting like that.” It helps them figure out how to handle and react to their emotions and it will help you as well.


Do we have to same 3 year old.

We have a 5 yr old and 19 yr old…good luck with private, quiet time…it doesn’t get any easier…if you can (i cant) , take a night by yourself, relax

1 Like

There’s a book called Love and Logic
I suggest you take the time
It’s a good read :+1:t3:

My daughter started doing the same thing right before she turned 3, she’s almost 4. She has calmed down a lot, but will still throw a huge fit when she doesn’t get her way. It’s normal. I just put her in her room or the hallway and let her have her fit. Sometimes it’s over in a few minutes and sometimes it’s over in 30 minutes or more. It mostly depends on how tired she is.

Yeah my daughter went through this. She’s 4 now and has chilled out a lot since then, but still has her moments. Stay firm on what you say and do. If you are telling her it’s time to rest, do that and do not give in to her when she is throwing a tantrum. After she gets done throwing a fit and settles down, you can explain to her why you need to rest and why she needs it too.

And like someone else said, definitely find some time to yourself outside of the house. This helps my mood so much and I’m able to parent better afterwards.

While many others are experiencing this and letting you know it’s pretty normal, I’m going to give you the advice to allow yourself some grace. I find that when I take time to myself outside of the home, I have more patience with my toddler at home. Book a message, a mani, a pedi, or just go to your local bookstore and read a book for an hour. Get away and breathe without the noise if you can.


It sounds quite normal. You’re going to have to keep trying to get that time to sit down. Set her up with something to do, play with her for a moment and then walk away and do what you need to do. She will cry and throw a fit but you have to keep doing it. Then when you’re ready, go back to her and give lots of cuddles and play again. She will eventually learn that you always come back and it’s okay for her to play on her own for a bit. It’s not a perfect system. I have three kids and they all still have a hard time leaving me be when I want to sit down or do a chore but you just have to stick to it and tell them you’re busy. You are a person you are allowed to have a moment to relax or do something and your child does need to learn that.


I was never one to be an activity parent. I just didn’t have the energy and had too much to do. I’d set Lilly up in a little roll out chair on the floor with a pillow and a blanket and some snacks and put on a movie. That’d get her to relax for a bit. And sit seperate to me. Cause you get so touched out. It’s exhausting. And I’d set up a clam pool just outside the door so she could see me but I could keep doing things inside. And I had a mini playset with a ladder and slide and you could crawl through it, set up outside so I could hang out the washing or have a cuppa but I was right there without having to do anything. My mum had this great game of show me how fast you can run around the house. And she’d do so many laps, while we sat down and had a cuppa. Then you just make up a number like 19 seconds. That’s amazing! Show me again.

Boundaries…you need to set some!! She is 3…she is not the boss…and even with her only being 3 there should be consequences to when she throws her tantrums…you reacting when she has said tantrums is what she is looking for…you giving in doesn’t help…when mine would have a meltdown I would just walk away…no reaction until they calmed down…testing the waters to see what they can get away with…stay strong momma they are only little for awhile

It seems like you are such a good momma. To continue to be your best you do need some-me timehome and away if possible. I think when children are becoming more independent. They act out because they feel some fear and unsureness. I think the more a child feels this the more difficult they become. In essence they are trying to see if you are really in charge. If they can trust you to lead. It is not you are a bad parent. There is nothing wrong with saying .I don’t know but I’ll find out or after I have a few min to myself we will talk. I’m glad your little girl has a mom who cares as much as you seem to good luck.

Sounds like she’s tired. Ignore the fits and she’ll learn they don’t work to get her way. I would say, “ok when you’re done let me know.” Totally ignore it, walk away. She can’t cry and throw a fit forever. She’ll tire herself out and probably take a nap.

Maybe try teaching her to play by herself a little. You won’t always be available to be her playmate. It’s hard, but sometimes a play stove or a house with little people or even cars on a track works to let them play alone and use some imagination.

Just say Mommy needs a timeout for a rest! She needs to learn to self sooth and maybe be independent for 2 minutes without u…

Ohhhh… All y’all saying waiting until 4-5… 12-13 is where your patience and life will be tested ! Good luck mama. Just remember she’s got all of the emotions and no idea what to do with them or what they mean. You’re doing good!


I’m 19 years in and this child of mine is as demanding as she was when she dropped out the womb!!

Mommas will never have alone time… ever!! Lol

1 Like

Stand your ground. Patience

This won’t change until they move out! Buckle up mama

First thing you need to know is, YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID AND YOU DO DESERVE ALONE TIME. Being a mum can be so mentally, emotionally and physically draining. I wholeheartedly feel you on this one. Do you have a good family support ? Maybe a weekend away with your partner or friends might be in order. Mumma needs to be at her best to be the best mumma she can be. We definitely need down time.

As for miss 3, unfortunately it’s very normal. I found between 1.5-4.5 to be the hardest in terms of defiance and communication. Obviously at that age they can’t self regulate emotions and or communicate at a great capacity so lots of tears and big emotions. Hang in there mumma, you’re doing amazing :heart:

Your doing good mamma… we all experience that. Talk to her dr has anything changed in her life? At school ? Kids become attached and it’s hard but they need to learn boundaries.

1 Like

You pee alone? Lol mind would get a stool and a toy and drag it in… she would say “I need to keep you company”… Kids go through hills and valleys with emotions at that age. For mind some times she seemed more clingy after spending time at daycare/ school…

You need a break asap !!!
Maybe a weekend away or something

Your alone time stopped 3 years ago, sorry to say, hard to say if you’ll ever get it back.
My doctor told me years ago
They ask when and why a lot because that how they learn things is by asking.
Also remember just because it isn’t important to you at your age it’s important to them at their age.

1 Like

Welcome to parenthood. :roll_eyes:

She’s testing to see what she can get away with. You need to show her that behavior is not acceptable.

Time for mommy to show her who’s in charge. The problem these days is that parents want to be their kids “friend”. If you don’t take care of it now, you are letting her know that YOU can be controlled by her acting up like that. Do yourself a favor and teach her that bad behavior will not be tolerated. If you put your foot down NOW, you will ultimately be teaching her better ways to get what she wants. SHE will then want to please YOU. I know it’s hard to be firm…been there! Sometimes I even doubted myself for setting boundaries…but the end results were most rewarding. Good luck with your little screamer! :slight_smile:


Send her to her room tell her it’s her quiet time in your quiet time. And do not let her come out until you’re ready for her to come out and you’re ready that your time to yourself is over. Don’t let a child control your life

Make sure she gets nothing with red dye which is in a lot in other colors too

Honestly she is still scarcely more than a baby and doesn’t have the capacity to reason and work out her emotions as that part of her brain isn’t in operation at the moment. Her needs are very different from yours and telling her you need time to relax makes no sense at all to her, she just sees that as you are rejecting her. Its not a mystery that she doesn’t understand your need to go to the bathroom alone as it’s likely that someone always goes with her a lot of the time and it’s the same with everything else and you get triggered by her because you struggle to understand how something so small can mean the world to a child and that’s completely normal your an adult. You know the saying ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ it doesn’t apply to children at all, your time for you only happens when they are asleep and not always then, your doing a great job and it’s hard hard work being a parent, especially a mum even if you have a supportive partner as you still do most of the work yourself. Please don’t feel bad about crying and letting out your emotions but do remember that is just what your child is doing but she doesn’t understand, all you can do is move on and try, try, try again tomorrow.

She is 3. That is what 3 year olds do,

It called growing up
Mine followed me everywhere
Both of them just count to ten and give her a hug

Terrible 3’s just preparing you for the f**ked up 4s… it doesn’t get much better lol


I never believed in terrible twos but man the threenager phase was awful!

The worst ages for my kids was 3, 11, 13, and then 16

I think it’s a stage thing
Our grandson turned 3 on the 21st of June
For about month we have been dealing with same stuff
We keep him as busy as possible
But as soon as we sit down to do anything
He’ll get into everything
Throw fits and scream go away and leave him alone
We go away and leave him alone
Once he stops the fit
We try to talk to him
For most part he’s very independent toddler for 3
He goes through stages some are ok the other not so much
I have no clue what to do for him when he acts like this other then be patient

Everyone always talks about the terrible 2’s. 3’s are WAY WORSE!!! They’re more verbal, more independent. She sounds like she’s right on track


They call it 3ager for a reason… teenager hormones in a 3 yo lol :joy: your not doing anything wrong. Just be patient and reassure her and if she continues having her meltdowns then give her space.

I thought 3 was bad. Wait til 5 :woman_facepalming:

Let her know you are the mom and you are in charge. I raised four daughters. I don’t understand why parents let the kids rule them.


Yea a three year old has no concept of “needing space” she just hears you telling her no.

When my daughter threw a tantrum I laughed out loud and left the room. She never did it again.

A three-nager…hang in there

First off I don’t mind telling my kids I need them to leave me alone, unless it’s an emergency, a few times a day lol kids need to learn how to give people space. Anyways, can you set her up on a tablet with headphones next to you for a bit so you can get some quiet time and she can still be near you? My 4th is like this (she’s 4yrs old) and literally lives up my @$$ every second of every day.

I think she might need the company of other children.

Ancestral is now Canceled in Jesus mighty name Amene

We had 4 boys 1st…omg they were bliss…then at 42 the universe decided I hadn’t parented yet…so it handed us our girl…she is dad’s girl…me and the boys look in complete shock when she has a moment…she is now 8 thinks she is 18 with some things and 2 with others…they tell me girls are easy…no bloody way they are…dreading when she does get to get teens, will be interesting and her brothers will run for the hills…so when anyone figures out this girl thing please help a mother out…breath mum coffee helps…but that’s all i have on the girl front…:):)…

Sounds like a 3 year old :woman_shrugging:


The only issue I see here is you actually telling the kid you need space/quiet.
She’s being a 3 yr old.

Between 3&4 all 3 of my grandsons showed terrible behavior. Tantrums that increased as time went on. Mind you this seemed to begin all of a sudden. Arguing Increased and there were days that were borderline violent. Throwing toys and such. Most of the time over getting their own way. Most of the time I was confused by the outburst and the behavior. The behavior often was preceded by what I would call hyper activity. One thing that was consistent with all 3 was while having a conversation he would not be able to stand still. He would eventually end up feet on the floor, bent over at the waist , face down on the bed or couch and then straighten up. This action repeated over and over. Most often getting more and more forceful til it looked as though they were slamming their face onto the bed or whatever. They seemed unable to stop.
Turned out (after researching this type of behavior at this age group) the artificial food colorings were the culprit. ESPECIALLY red dye 40. One of the boys actually reacted very negatively to most of the food colorings. I didn’t believe it at first. But I tried eliminating them from the kids diets. Mind you because of their ages I only had to deal with the oldest first. It was difficult because almost everything that’s geared for young kids has red 40 in it. But I did manage to eliminate it. What a change!! Practically over night. It’s been several years now. It’s getting easier to find foods with only natural food colorings now.
So you may be wondering if removing red dye 40 made all that much of a difference why was my 2nd grandson allowed to have it? Well he wasn’t. However he DID react to the other artificial colorings. So no artificial colorings are allowed in food at grandmas house!!
So far my youngest grandson (31/2 years old) is ok. Hopefully it stays that way.
If you’d like to know why these food dyes affect our kids, Google it. They’re made from petroleum. They directly affect the chemical makeup and responses of the brain. Keep in mind the age range and the stages of actual development of the brain.
If you don’t believe it’s affecting your children because you don’t see this terrible behavior, ask yourself what is their body DOING with that petroleum ?
And what can’t I see?

Screw the terrible 2s, the Tyrannical 3s are horrid

This is what I’ve always reminded myself when mine where little n even now w my grandson. Kids go thru life just like us n have all the same emotions n issues. They can’t fully explain so we have to just do the best we can and make sure that they feel heard. She might not be able to fully explain what’s wrong.

That’s just how children are. You spent all day with her, why would she want to be alone now? At 3 they don’t understand personal space or a need to relax, unwind, and have quiet time. They just know you’re their person.
As for the constant questions, I suggest you learn how to tune things out lol. It never ends.

  1. You are putting too much pressure on yourself to be a perfect mother.
  2. Release some pressure dear.
  3. Saying no does not make you a bad mom, it makes you a sensible mom
  4. Once your child gets used this habit of yours, she will never take a no from you, and then you will regret stopping yourself long before. So do it now
    5 . Kids need to Learn to be grateful for their parents for everything they do out of love, they cnt depend from parents and treat them as servants.
  5. I understand you are doing it all out of love, and out of fear that nothing should hurt your little princess, but it’s important she should learn to respect you and give you space
  6. Contact Me if needed. Don’t cry

Is the father in the picture? If so, can he or a trusted family member give you a little break once in a while? While this is normal for her age, you still need a little break here and there for sanity if you can. Being a parent is the hardest thing in life but the most rewarding. This will pass and you will turn around and she will be grown and on her own and you will wish for those times back…for a bit. Hang in there mom. It will be fine. Just take an extra breath and get a little help if you can. Sometimes just to poop in peace is a wonderful thing lol

Set boundaries now. Tell her it’s time for to pick an activity she can do for herself so you can have a few minutes. You are the boss not someone who is 3. Granted they want to be the boss.