Help!! my four yo will not listen! I have done timeouts… corner… putting him in his room. Everything I could think of, and he won’t stop! He does whatever he wants. Nothing works! He has been tested for ADHD/add, and they say its normal. But I have never had this problem. Somebody, please give me advice. It doesn’t matter how many times I scold him or put him in the corner. It does not work. What else can I do!?
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Spank his bottom! He’s old enough to know.
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Take away
all toys
No electronics
that includes tv.
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I feel like this is very normal. My daughter did this to and as she gets closer to 5 years old she is starting to straighten up. I’ve some how implemented counting to 5 even with my 12 year old. It just started working one day.
Sometimes kids are just wild 🤷 my 6yo was the same way from toddler-hood till now. He is hard headed and just likes to learn things the hard way. My other children time-outs have been effected. With my 6yo, i have found out having converstations on why what he did wasn’t a good idea and what could have happened if i didn’t step in seems to be working. Constant reminders.
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Consistency is key. You say I’ve tried everything. Try one thing everytime without fail. My 8 year old does time out like hes in the military because I spent weeks showing him when he breaks the rules that is the consequence. Hes no different than your kid. You have to stand your ground.
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Get a switch. You don’t have to hurt him. Get his attention. You may have to use it twice and then it should all be good
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My kiddo is also 4 and is the same way. He’s been diagnosed with ADHD.
We count to 3 and if she doesn’t listen listen she gets a swat on the bottom, if it still continues after she gets her iPad taken away for the remainder of the day
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Good old fashion butt whoopin will set him straight! Tell him if he acts up again he will get it again and get things he love taken away… just make sure u follow through with what u say… nip it in the ass now or will get wrost as he gets older
Yell. Loud. W your stern voice. Get in their face. Make em know you mean business. You’re the parent.
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make it about the child not the behavior ask how there feeling give them 4 min of your busy attention have a couple moments of what have you done today. whats got your mind racing can we talk
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get a note pad and a crayon ask for photos of what’s in the child’s head… try to focus on the mood. no blaming just facts of understanding the moment
Take things away…stay consistant every time or they know they have you. Make sure they know youbr the boss not them
Do not argue with them. You do not have to justify punishment other than this is what you did wrong so now this is happening. That’s it…do not argue…if you argue they know they have you. Your child is still young but you still need to make sure they know you r boss not them. Period. If you have to smack their bottom so be it. Im not talking beating their ass. Do it hard enough to hurt amd scare them a little but dont go to far. They …again…need to know you r in charge…not them.
. could be the shoes too
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He is doing it to get attention negative or positive its attention. Ignore the fact he doesnt listen and treat him amazing when he does LISTEN, if hes not reacting to anything you are doing then start rewarding for what you want him to do. My ADHD sone THRIVES on pleasing. He was a whiner when he didnt get what he wanted, hes 5, his 3 yr old sister would listen and pickup toys and get a snack and even though the 5 yr old would throw a fit he eventually learned that hey they respom way better when I listen.
Start positive reactuons instead of bad, otherwise they will eventually think its ok to behave when essentially it’s not.
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Is the father around? Some times takes another parent or guardian to help you assist in the disciplining because you Maybe giving mix messages. If he attends a school or childcare talk to the teacgers, reach out to an expert, read a book. You haven’t given everything a try, so don’t give up. Also don’t forget to hug your child sometimes all they are reaching out for is love. if you were screaming then things calm down and he is doing the right thing give him a heart felt hug and tell him he is a good boy for doing the things he does do right. Have more conversations before they escalate to a screaming match or naughty corner.
Consistency, redirection, incentives, take away a, use I language, explain at kid level, repeat, repeat! Be firm, no empty threats cause kids catch on
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Years ago my son was like this. He claimed he couldnt hear but had tubes in his ears so we went back to his ent and the dr told me he could hear but he ask me what he liked to eat. Well he wanted zeigler parti pups and brownies. These were his favorites. He told me he was suffering from Red 40. He told me to take away everything with red 40. He said the first two weeks would be hard but after that I would see a hughes difference. Well it worked. Google Red 40 and just see what all has that dye in it almost everything you eat and drink ( kool aid, kid drinks also shampoo,bodywash , etc. you name it and it has red 40. There are a couple of other dyes that cause kids to misbehave but red 40 is the worse. He told me that alot of times kids are labeled add , adhd, etc when its nothing but what kids are consuming said teachers and parents would rather give the kids a pill than to get to the bottom of what is causing them to misbehave. All I know is that it worked for my son and I always tell people about this when asked like you are doing. So please just give this a try it wont hurt to try it to see if it works.
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Treasure box!! Worked for my daughter. she was the same way that age. Also kept track in a journal of daily activities of what could trigger act outs (snacks she ate, activites she did, nap, etc) she always wanted to know what was next.
Wall sits. That’s what I have to do for my kid. It makes his focus and calm down and he hated wall sits so much he usually straightens up right after
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This is 4. Also, you can’t diagnose a 4 year old with ADHD. They have to be school aged and older than K in order to be accurately diagnosed.
Be consistent and focus on Accountability. My 11 year old was diagnosed when she was 10. I’ve always focused on Accountability with her and the doctor said that’s one of the reasons she does as well as she does. But at 4?? What were you hoping for?
Have you popped him on his hind end?
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When my 3 yo chooses not to listen, I take one of her stuffed animals off her bed, like a small grounding, but she immediately starts listening so I give it right back and have no more issues the rest of the day
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Wait for preferred behavior and use positive reinforcement. Ignore non preferred behaviors. Star chart, token economy system to encourage positive behaviors and increase compliance
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I had to get rid of all electronics, games and anything else “fun” away. I then started a sticker chart with 6 basic behaviors he needed to work on. Each day he gets one sticker per thing. For so many stickers at the end of the week you get a small prize. Reminding him daily his choices matter and he needs to get stickers to get a surprise. We started off with small things like an ice cream, trip to favorite park, etc. This has made my son turn around in a couple weeks.
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Good luck 
i have tried everything. Mine is going on 6. Listens like an angel at school but as soon as she comes home she is a completely different child. Still havent figured it out
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Take EVERYTHING away until he earns it back by listening. You’re the adult, put your big girl panties on and teach him or else the police will teach him.
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A good swat on the seat. Helps Throw out all those books. Do what did before , we all came out just fine.
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I take the tv, electronics, toys, etc away. Spankings are also a last resort.
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Slap his ass, explain why you did after he’s better… don’t be too gentle on him or he’ll grow up to be a disrespectful little asshole
Maybe its his food, or if he is high energy i would structure the day around how his energy levels are, maybe chamoile tea… non caffinated… this difficult when your just tired. I would give options. Not time outs. Like for example either this activity or this area/space to yourself do whatever to get yourself tired out… then try the time out…what exactly is he doing wrong?
How exactly do you give directions and boundaries ?
Buy something the kid likes then take it away.
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My almost 4 yo is exactly the same and it spills over into preschool. He hits and screams and doesn’t listen to anyone. I send him to his room and he pees on the floor! The only time he listens is if I spank him and scream at him and I hate yelling at him because I grew up in a home where my mom did nothing but scream and yell and it has affected me in my adult life and I don’t know what else to do either. Hopefully other parents have some advice cause what I do doesn’t work either. Good luck.
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Positive reinforcement! Make sure good behavior is praised. It doesn’t have to be over the top or dramatic, a simple thanks for listening (cleaning the room, following rules, etc). And take favorites. Snack time is a big one with our oldest two. You have three chances and then bedtime snack is taken. Those two LOVE snack time so it’s a winner. Lol
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What really worked for my 2 girls (grown) and it works very well for my grandkids also, a good old fashion A## whooping. Ijs
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My son gets 3 strikes and I take something away. He is the same I feel your pain
My son is three and had the hardest time with listening. People told me to see a dr and I refused. I looked into better ways to help my son. I created a very firm schedule that works with our daily lives for him and worked with him on how to express his emotions in a cool manner. It sound easy I know but it was hard. There was days my son would just scream at me for hours on those days I told him if he wants what he wants he needs to ask me nicely and I put him in his room with the gate. Also if spanking is no longer an option for you as it has become for me. I now use a time out bench and I am working on talking to my son. If I talk to him three times about the same thing he goes to the timeout bench. It’s in the hall way so he can’t do anything. He will scream and yell and kick but I push through until he stops and tells me he is done “reacting” as he calls it.
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Have you had his hearing checked?
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I would definitely find ways to reinforce behavior you desire. You dont have to ignore his negative behavior but reevaluate what is most important and focus on getting him to do those things. Have very clear consequences for any breach of those specific rules and be consistent. If you say you are going to do something then do it.
If you want him to pick up after himself you make it clear he cant move on to the next activity until he does it. Then you do not move on. Even if it’s a meal…he will eventually give in. If he throws a fit you ignore it as long as there is no danger to him or anyone else…always be clear about the rules and consequences and always be consistent.
My 4 year old is super active and needs tons of attention or he starts acting out. Play-Doh time together, coloring together, helping me in the kitchen etc, keeps him busy and gives me praise opportunity. I Set mine up for praise or he will act up for negative attention.
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Gentle Parents Unite tons and tons of useful information can be found in this group.
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Get a milk crate and put it up high so he see it. Everytime he don’t listen take away one fav toy of his and put it in milk crate. Tell him if you act wright you will get it back at the end of the week. Get some poster boards and make a behavior chart get his fav stickers tell him how many stickers per month he will earn places to go for fun. These are some ways I learn that helps.
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Love and logic. Look it up. I’m telling you, IT WORKS…
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Start walking out the door to the “garbage” with his favorite toys,clothes, shoes, snacks. I’ve been battling with my 3 year old about her picking up after herself and my kids have always been good about it they all have their own storage cubes but lately she hasn’t been so cooperative, right now I have the cheetos, a pair of sparkly shoes, the blocks and a baby doll in the trunk of the car she’s getting the hint and even helped mop the floors today.
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And don’t give in no matter how upset he gets he’s strong but you are stronger mama I know it breaks my heart to see my kids upset but they have to learn.
Consistency is the key. Try rewarding any good behavior. It’ll encourage him to act good to continue getting rewards.
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Gentle Parents Unite has great advice that isn’t ignorant, toxic, abusive and damaging. Guarantee you they’ll help.
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Comments full of adults with absolutely no understanding of a child’s brain development and they wonder why their children are struggling.
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I am 72 and I raised 5 kids, I found you have to start " training them around the time they start crawling. By the time they are 2 and 3 years old, they are set in their ways and very hard to break what you have allowed them to become. What use to be cute has become unbareful
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This comment section is absoloutely disgraceful, how as a society have we become so disconnected from the child’s mind, development and cognitive function, condoning beating a child, segregating them, yelling at them, training wtf is wrong with you people, for goodness sake.
Your little one is going through some important development at the moment, at this point they need some extra attention to their feelings and needs.
Explain you understand why they’re upset angry etc. Explain the situation why you have said no, why they can’t have it etc. Whatever the reason may be and redirect their behaviour to something they’re allowed to do, they’re so young and so new to learning and growing every day, your child doesn’t need to be beaten or left in a corner, ignored or trained they just need their mumma to listen, understand and guide them through this development and growth they’re going through.
Stop expecting, start educating.
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Is he in Pre-k? I’d recommend starting him if he isn’t. He could very well just be bored and need time with other people/ children.
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I feel you girl. My son will be 4 next month and he’s got a biggg personality.
I just try really hard to work on my patience. And pick and choose my battles.
Tap his butt and use stern voice .
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Remember this time is so much learning. I often think parents expect way to much out of a child when they need to learn. Maybe praise more. Maybe your child has found any attention is better than no attention… kids wand to do great for their parents maybe think about positive things you can do with you child. I have 6 kids youngest is 4. Oldest just turned 12 and never did they not listened… good luck
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Patience and consistency. Theres a lot going on for that age and you just have to continue you to reassure your child of what good behavior is expected. Absolutely never yell or scream. Children are people no matter what age, it’s important to talk to children respectfully as we would want to be talked to. I know it’s tough sometimes and its easy to get frustrated but take a deep breath and keep working with your little, Itll get better as long as you keep trying. 
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We started a reward system. If he was good and listened all day or did something extra good (unloading the dishwasher, being honest, helped with a sibling) he got a tally or an extra one. And after so many tally’s he got to go out for ice cream. We also started using a timer to give him a physical representation of time. And we’d tell him in 10 minutes we need to pick up. Set the timer and when it went off he’d 9/10 times start picking up. Or if it was something he really wanted to do “we can’t do that right now. We can do it in 30 minutes” and it stopped the meltdowns
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We do shadow. It’s basically you have the child follow you around until they listen. Child must stay in the room at all times.
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Try rewarding good behaviour instead of punishing bad behaviour. When he does something good, emphasize on how proud you are and thank him for doing whatever it is he did. Maybe start a sticker chart? If he goes through the day listening well and behaving good, put a sticker on the chart and have a baggy with little surprises that he gets to choose one at the end of the week (if he deserves it of course).
I’m gojng through that right now. I found out my son is on the spectrum. Even if your child doesnt have autism. I’d suggest a parenting book.
Focus on the positive and give him more attention for that than the negative… He’ll start repeating the behavior that gets the bigger reaction.
Also try some therapy for both. I love therapy. Everybody should do it…
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Good crack in the ass. Parents won’t give their kids a good whipping. Take any games away and crack him when he gets out line. No time outs
I have this same problem with my son! Tested negative for adhd. I’m going to go get a 2nd opinion though because they did say he was more hyper than the average 4 year old 
go get a 2nd opinion, always! Good luck, I’m right there with ya 
The ONLY thing that works for my child…is to to give him a pop on the bottom to let him know he did wrong… then make eye to eye contact with him to let him know that he needs to behave and stop this because that’s not how you’re supposed to behave or you will get in trouble. And if he becomes inconsolable which is almost always i just have to hold him and just rock him to calm him down…
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We do pows depending on severity of her tantrums, timeouts, pops in the,mouth when she screams at the top of her lungs… Consider me abusive, that’s how I was brought up, and it worked pretty well. My daughter will legit walk up and hit/kick me/anyone when she’s in a bad,mood. Her dad has this lovely game where spanking is fun, as well as,just yanking objects from people very rudely. Often times I’ll just ignore the tantrums. If she’s following me by dragging herself behind me,hanging onto me with the hitting and kicking is usually when she gets powed after telling her for the 4849400473938th time to stop… Once we’ve both calmed down we talk about what the hell is going on.
Uuum spank him, duh! Go outside n get a switch!
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Try taking things from him he likes. Explain to him why you took it and how long you will keep it.
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I found with my children you must be consistent with them.
Talk in your low voice , but in his face
Why not make him a little chart. Tell him he will get a star put on the chart when he is good, but will get an x put on his chart when he is naughty. Challenge him to see how many stars he gets in one day…and praise him for it. Maybe he will see being good will make him feel good. Phocus on the good things. Maybe then he will too.
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You have to find what works. I had one child that hated sentences, one that didn’t want to lose tv,TV, one that didn’t like the corner, one that didn’t like being grounded, and one that could care less lol.
I have the same issue with my 4 yr old. His dad can just give him a look and he straightens up but I can scream until I’m blue in the face and he ignores me
My four year old didnt listen either. Always in trouble and hyper. I started making him help. Put his energy to good use. Once I started wearing him out he started doing better. I started out easy…picking up sticks in the yard. Moving a small pile of pebbles to the garden. Small tasks at a time. I knew I could only ask him to do 3 things at a time. Brush your teeth, comb your hair, and pick up your toys. Then I would go in to the next 3 tasks. I used a reward system once he finished. Simple as stickers on a chart. If he got so many stickers he got something out of the treasure box. Or he could turn it in for tv time.
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Deff try changung his diet. I am a su chef for 10 plus years now . I have watched people and there diets and how the foods we eat make us who we r . And don’t be scared to disapline. The officials would rather see a parent disapline there kids , then to reneforce bad behavior
Diet limit sugar and I have also found the doctors recommended dose of melatonin at night has helped with alot of things it regulates his sleep patterns and helps him be more relaxed at night to hit his sleep cycles and wake up in a better mood in the morning
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Be consistent. If you are not feeling good one day and let him do what he wants and then on a good day try to make him do it right it just doesn’t work. Make the rules! Say what you mean and mean what you say! Raising children is definitley a learning experience.
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How about not scolding him or punishing him, but instead, parenting him.
Kids don’t care how much or how loud you tell at them, after the first few times it happens. Then it just becomes who mom is and what she does.
Explain to him calmly and give him a simple reason that he will understand as to why he is or isn’t to do something.
Kids do not have the cognitive ability to remember rules. Repeating is part of the parenting game, like it or not.
I use to work with kids for behavior. One thing is you make him do it anyway, example, clean up response walks away. You go over grab his hand say no (that’s it dont over discuss it) walk him back and if you have to hand over hand pick up the toys, then you say good job in a neutral tone voice. Once he begins to complete tasks on his own with out assistance amp up the praise. It is constant but throughout time he will know well she is still going to make me do it even if I dont want to.
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I have one child who’s ADHD. You could smack his butt, nothing. You could take toys away, nothing. You could put him in time out, nothing. What worked is I took all toys and friends away. He could read or play with one toy. He had to exchange the toy out to get another toy to play with. I had him play outside most of the time. I’m lucky and have a closed in yard so he could play. When he acted up I had him sit on the wall. I also put a lock on his door. The lock was pointed towards the hallway. In his room I covered every outlet and I made it so he couldn’t get out the window. If he was acting up and hitting me I’d lock him in. Sounds rude but that’s what the therapist said to do. It’s not hurting him and it’s not hurting me. It’s a timeout for both of us. In my sons room was only his bedding and clothing. No dresser, no bookshelves nothing. He did have a few stuff animals. Everything in there was safe for his temper so he couldn’t do harm to himself. I’d set a timer for 5 minutes and then ask him if he was ready. If he was we would sit at the door and talk. I then would explain why he had to be in his room, he’d answer, then keep asking questions. Sometimes kids don’t understand or we aren’t understanding them. We then hug and continue our day. For my son locking him in a safe room was the best and safest thing we could do. It’s not for everyone.
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He’s probably looking for u to reach out to him. Sounds like he night be hurting inside or missing something he’s not aware of because of his age . If it was I, I would try spending time w him doing What he wants to do within reason. And if that don’t work. U can spank kids w an open hand on the bottom a couple of times , then put him on a time out till he can respect others and act as he should
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Take away his favorite toys & make him EARN them back by listening. And doing small tasks asked of him…
I had to do that with my daughter.
Thought my MIL was nuts… But it worked. Fast forward 6yrs … And who’s earnings cell phones & Xbox parts back.
Good luck.
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I have raised 3 boys 2 have autism and ADHD, combined look it’s completely up to you to find what your child is needing. He sounds like a typical 4 year old child. He may be over exposed to the daily grind. His senses and emotions at this age can easily get overwhelmed. Makes it look like they are running amuck. Sit down with them get them to stop moving for a few minutes. Makes things a little bit quieter. Once I got my son in my lap even with resistant and would read to him in a few mins, his body and mind calm down. Many times he would even take a nap. But I have not spared a swat if it was deemed necessary. Take control.
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My 4 yr old girl is the same . They are kids its very normal. They are realising their independence and that they dont need mum and dont listen. It will get better. Have you tried needing his help with things. My son alway wants to help and it makes them feel important and get them listening more. Also reward when he does listen even if its onky for a short time.
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When our was 2 1/2 I had asked him to pick up his toys. He didn’t. The next morning I told him we were going to play a game to see who could put the most toys in the grocery bag. Then I drove to the Children’s Home had him ( alone) walk to the door and give away his toys .He learned if he couldn’t take care of something it wasn’t keeping it. Hopefully he doesn’t have a TV in his room. Bedrooms for Children need BEDS and their toys and books. We didn’t have a strict bedtime routine but we had a winding down time,which was reading. I personally don’t believe in paying for doing chores or good behavior. We are raising Members of Society
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try putting yourself in a timeout when he pushes, in otherwords take a minute to not react…he will probably reach out for your attention let him know your taking a minute to feel better and then talk to him about what you need from him and REWARD THE GOOD behavior like explosively for a bit blow good behavior out of proportion make it a huge deal when he is good and fail to acknowledge the naughty unless dangerous, Praise him when he does anything good including sitting quietly for 3 minutes make it a big deal…good is BIG… naught is normal try to smile and see the genius in the naught behavior because if you let it you will feed it to be what drives him…your a good mom and we all feel like that…youve got this and some day youll see it he wont be 4 for long!
Pray for wisdom understanding patience above all thank God for him .
I agree with Shellie Tovar. You have to physically do it with them. Add additional tasks like vacuuming or making their bed. It may take a few weeks but he will eventually get the point that it is better to do what he was asked and not waste time. When I had a lot of littles, I had a magnetic dry erase board with everyone’s names listed and magnets that had their daily privileges. Computer time, pool time, tv, etc. I would start taking away privileges depending on the behavior. They could earn them back by correcting their behavior, doing what they were asked and occasionally I required something extra to earn the privilege back. Being super consistent gets faster results. Good luck! And remember, other parents have survived this successfully.
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Try positive reinforcement instead. When he does listen praise him, star chart for something he really likes ect. Example 5 stars equals ice cream cone, 10 minutes of his favorite activity and so on. 
I’m old. We got spanked. We are well educated, never had any trouble with the law, go to church and respect everyone older than us.
Our parents told us what to do and took no lip in response.
Just sayin.
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When all else fails, bust his ass. Be a parent, not a friend. Set boundaries. Otherwise you’ll talk to him on the other side of the glass when he gets older.
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Diets r a very big part , very true. I limit soda , candy and anything sugary is a treat or once in a while thing.
I took my 4 year old off of anything with red 40 in it it has helped tremendously also they say yellow 5 and 6
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Try a major diet change. Get away from processed food. Including Hamburg helper. Mac and cheese. No BS presliced prewrapped or preshreaded cheese Instant potatoes. Instant rice. No instant or dehydrated or Frozen dinners and take out. Read all your labels.
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Butt whoopin … Spare the rod spoil the child
Try a snack on the ass, when nothing else works.
time outs? corner? putting him is his room? are you serious?.. sounds like he’s got you trained pretty good, for a 4 year old.
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Oh. And stop trying to label him…not having the cognitive ability to remember what you want him to remember doesn’t.mean there is something wrong with him.
Whoop his ass with a belt.
Just warm there ass.worked for years parents these day suck you got a brat because you let them do whatever they want.