A lot of patience,Books, my little one (2 years old) was the same way and I have learned he has to have both his underwear and pants off so he can straddle the toilet and the door shut with no one in the bathroom and he is not a big fan of going at houses that he is not comfortable at or there isn’t enough privacy , I have tired several listed things above like miralax and rewards and telling him paw patrol ( character on underwear) don’t like when he poops on them , it happened when he wanted it to, he had to have it a certain way in order to go
Ask your doctor to refer you to a paediatrition. The problem with holding it in damages the bowel. He needs to have a full clear out and have a plan in place to keep him regular. I also found a toilet seat with a large and small seat was great
i was going crazy with my little one 
she would tell me when she needed to poop and I would put on a diaper for her… she refused to poop in the toilet because she said it will hurt… so one day, after thinking and looking for ways to get this over with- I just put her on the toilet when she told me that she needed to poop, and I put on the HAKA DANCE and danced for her like a Haka cheerleader xD THE BEST MOMENT EVER! IT WORKED! but she loved the haka dance ever since she saw it in a cartoon
1 Like
Encourage him to maybe sing whilst pooping on toilet, it may encourage him to try. My nephew did this
1 Like
Potty watch worked for my daughter. It beeps once every hour as a reminder to go sit on the potty Robot or human?
If he is hurting every time he poops then he won’t want to go. Let him use the pull-ups until he isn’t hurting to go. Then don’t buy him anything special at all. No cookies no candy no chips no toys. Nothing at all. 4 year olds understand. I teach 3 and 4 year olds. Tell him if he wants something he needs to show you poop in the potty. Otherwise nothing. You need to be consistent. It will work. But not if it hurts. When he eventually goes make a big deal and he gets a surprise immediately. Have something he really likes high up where he can see it. Then have him earn it. Until then have him poop in the pull-up. Have him change himself. Put it in the trash bag wipe himself and throw it away. He is a big boy. Big boys poop in the toilet. Don’t be mean. It’s gonna be a lot of work. He will cry throw a fit. Just watch him and keep repeating the instructions. He will get it.
2 Likes
My son wasn’t having it until grandpa showed him how to wipe his own butt.
He thinks pooping=pain so thats why he’s scared of it. But he doesn’t understand that holding it is the one causing the pain! Make sure to hydrate. Lots of fruits,fiber and fluids every day! And always keep your poker face on in times of accidents and mess Because if you lose your cool then he will hesitate more. You have to find a way to make him connect pooping=good=no pain. Break the mentality so he will get it. Lots of patience!!! Best of luck! 
1 Like
Set up a time for him to go everyday-10-15 minutes after meal time where he has to go sit on the toilet and try.
If he refuses to try then he goes to timeout until he complies with your request.
If he tries to leave timeout. Bring him back as many times as necessary without talking/making eye contact. Or have a repeated simple phase like “you can come out with your ready to try the potty.
He probably holds it because it hurts when it gets that big. Give him a stool softener until he is having normal sized soft stool.
My 3year old boy won’t use the toilet at all
My son did this and we wound up telling him if he would go on thw potty/ toilet we would give him a quarter and then with all his quarter he could buy something lol
1 Like
He will go to the bathroom in his own time
Some children are frighted by the flush or just plain frighted to do 1 and 2 in the toilet
Let him be he will on his own
My mom made my brother clean himself up, when he refused to use the toilet. He said “but it’s nasty” “well it’s your’s”. He didn’t do it anymore.
Omg did I write this post ! Every single thing you said is us rightnow !
I had my grandkids way good bye to the poop. They thought it was fun!