Any moms have tips for potty training a difficult boy that aren’t the normal suggestions? My son will be 4 in March. He absolutely refuses to poop in the toilet. We’ve eliminated pullups; he is only in underwear. But he will hold it so long that it gets incredibly large and HARD to the point of bleeding and he’ll hide somewhere to go. I’ve tried stool softeners and things, but it doesn’t help when he holds it in for so long. I’m completely at a loss. We’ve tried rewards, praise, punishment ect over the last year and nothing is working. His doctor doesn’t have any advice that we haven’t already tried. Surely I can’t be the only one who’s had this struggle!
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I bribed my son with what he wanted most, wee tee baseball. You’ve got to figure out what he wants most.
Let him pick out a surprise when he goes. Show him that you go #2 on the potty. Or get him a little potty and use that
I made my son clean up the mess. It only took once. They completely understand at that age. Good luck mama.
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He’s probably just not ready to poop in the potty yet. It’s scary for a lot of kids.
I would make him clean up the mess rinse his own underwear out. My son was same way until i began making him clean up himself and his underwear of course i did it properly after him.
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Smooth move tea,swiss kris?
Get him a small potty! The same thing happened with my 3 yo. He was potty trained almost fully, then we moved and discovered he was afraid of the new toilet. We got him a little one and he hasn’t had any accidents at all. We were at my moms and he had an accident, she pulled out a mini potty and he hasn’t again!
He’s probably constipated and it hurts when he’s sitting on the potty. We went through this with our grandson and took him to a specialist and he was really backed up. So check with his doctor for advice. Don’t punish him because it could be underlying situation you don’t know about.
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We just went through this with my 4 year old.
He has been potty trained for almost a year however, he never wanted to poop in the potty.
So he would hold it until bedtime and poop at night.
He was terrified of the potty but would just say I don’t want to go on big potty.
It took alot of encouragement ( even when putting him on the potty) holding him and saying it was ok etc.
Give it some time, encourage like crazy even if it means you sitting right next to him(plug nose lol) he will get there. Try not to get frustrated cause kids can regress
Mineral oil will help it slide… our dr just recommended this for our 2 year old
Ughhh. My kids are 27 & 20 and I’m helping with potty training my 2 year old granddaughter. I don’t have advise just hugs and support. It’s been a long time since I had to do this.
My daughter was crazy scared of the “plop and splash” that happened. She didn’t like the water coming back to hit her bum. So she would use a little potty… Then we would put that little potty on the toilet and got her used to the toilet without the splash… Over time we added water to the little potty catcher, so she slowly got used to it, then eventually removed the little potty. Mommy had to be there so she could hold my leg the first few times, but quickly got over it. And she cleaned up any and all her messes (with adult support) and she hated that.
Bribery worked for us. He wanted a 40 dollar fire truck, we did a sticker chart 3 weeks long and he started pooping on day 1
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My 4 year old just broke through this week…he has been trained for over a year but refused to poop on the potty. I told him he had to sit on the potty even with a diaper on to poop. After a few days of that I cut holes in his diapers. I was very sneaky about putting it on him and quickly setting him on the toilet. He freaked out once he realized his poop was in the toilet but within 2 days he was going on his own and telling everyone about it.
My niece had troubles with pooping and honestly they ended up just leaving her be and letting her come to it on her own time and ultimately she did. She was over 5, so obviously it’s not ideal for the parents, but I know in her case the pushing was just making the issue worse🤷♀️ He WILL do it eventually!
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Put the potty somewhere he can have a little privacy and when he goes get all excited, give high fives, and/or a treat. When my son first went to the potty he put a chair, a tall laundry basket, and hide in the corner of a coffee table to hide himself and he did it by himself.
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Put a potty in the bathroom and have pooping parties with a parent. My kid loves examining (from a distance haha) her poop and it’s super exciting when she can compare it to someone else’s.
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My almost 4 year old (January) broke through just this week!!! We have been talking about pre-school-he wants to go but has to wait til the fall. I also told him he could choose an outing like roller skating or bowling… He has been pee trained for close to a year. It just clicked one night with his dad. Be patient. And hugs.
I’m with you my boy will also be 4 in March and no desire at all and I’ve tried everything! It’s just a fight and I dont have it in me to fight so I’ll wait it out. You are not alone!
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My daughter would do the same, I got fed up one day and made her clean up the mess and scrub out the underwear. She stop very quick
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Feed him papaya - juice or the fruit. It’s the best for pooping but does not cause the runs or really soft poops. It’s all about control, he won’t have a choice but to go with papaya on board!
My ten year old step-son hates pooping. He will hold it until he is incredibly constipated. I try talking to him about it but he still fights it.
Have him go on a small potty seat with water in it and then I got a 2-in-1 potty seat for the big toilet on Amazon, it has the potty seat built in.
My son wouldn’t poop on the potty till we gave him an old cell phone to play with. His pediatrician suggested a tablet but we didn’t have one at the time he said sometimes its just a matter of getting the kid to sit on the potty long enough. We only had to do it a couple of times and he didn’t have a problem after that.
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Use a training potty or a potty seat until he’s comfortable on the big potty.
My son wouldn’t poop on the potty either till we were sure he really needed to poop and put him on with the iPad.
Give his ass a cold shower if he poops his pants next page that shitt work my husband did it to our sun even though I yelled at him and he doesn’t poop himself anymore
Let him sit on big boys toilet see if that works
I had a stubborn one. I made him clean his undies a few times… He decided he didn’t like that and finally started going on the toilet…
Make him clean himself up… Trust me, ONE AND DONE !
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My 3 yr old is the same way he can pee in a toilet even got him his own and he refuses to use it hed rather poop in the floor than in a toilet i even had to go get pullups because he would purposely poop in EVERY LAST ONE faster than i could clean them
Leave him alone - he will learn when he learns, all kids are different. Sure, it’s a pain in the ass for you but the kid isn’t going to go off to college wearing a pull up. He’ll figure it out. My oldest was 4 and a half but my middle was 2 and a half. My youngest is 3, still shitting in a diaper. Don’t sweat it, it will happen.
I think is important for their feet to be on the floor, OR a step stool, for them to be able to push. Dried plums and apricots help keep them from getting constipated…
How about telling him you’re going to bust his ass if he don’t go on the potty
My daughter went through this when she was 2 . She ended up with a bowel blockage which is very dangerous. Can’t remember how long this went on but it was months I know. They had her taking miralax until she got over it. One day she pooped and never had another problem with that. While she was going through it I completely stopped potty training her and then took it back up when she was better. She’s 21 now and remembers the experience. She says she had a poop that hurt so she would hold it on purpose cos she was afraid that it would hurt again. Idk everything but you can talk with him and see if he’s afraid to poop cos of pain. You can tell him that if he poops everyday it will stop hurting and make sure he poops everyday . You could take him to a child psychologist who would know the right things to talk about with him. There’s also a book for kids on potty training I think it’s called the poop book. Just make sure he doesn’t get impacted /bowel blockage it’s very dangerous thing. Best of luck !!!
Also he could sit facing the back of the potty if he is afraid of it. I did that with my nephew.
Like most kids they don’t like to sit long enough. Maybe try putting a happy book up behind the toilet. Next have him climb into the toilet like he’s riding a pony or horse. Sometimes it that fear of falling in.
My grandson was the same we tried everything one can think of and I mean everything prizes, bribery, games, etc etc nothing worked we gave up and said he will do it on his time. And that’s what happened one day he said I’m going to try going and he did 
we didn’t do anything or say anything special just said there you go you did it. From there on it was every day not another pull up. Good luck honey it’ll happen sooner or later.
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After a few bad and painful experiences, kids develop a fear of going. I waited until after their bath, when they were "relaxed"to try to get them to go. Worked every time.
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My oldest was terrified to turn his back on the toilet so he would not sit on it and go #2. We tried literally everything even the laxatives the Dr suggested at his 4-yr appt when I told him he was holding it for days. All we got from that was a BIG mess. He FINALLY did it when he was 6 years old and by that time I was pg with my 4th child and his 2 younger siblings were already potty trained so you are NOT alone. Good luck!!
I did penny’s for potty. 2 each time they poo and then at the end of the week/month a trip to dollar store.
I found the problem with mine was that he was scared and also he would get bored sitting there waiting. I would put him on the toilet after bath time and play a game of “I spy” until he went. It took his mind off of everything and relaxed him enough to go!
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We had this same issue with our 4 year old. What worked for us? Just saying, “Oh. Ok. Let us know when you’re ready to be a big girl.” Then, one day, she asked me if we could buy “big girl panties”. We went and purchased them, and literally, has been using the potty ever since. Each child in their own time. Strong personality types tend to potty train extremely early, or extremely late. But either, is ok. Give him time and my best advice to you is let him go when he’s ready. I found books and toys were very helpful in gaining interest as well.
My oldest son was very hard to potty train. I tried bribes, rewards, punishment… What worked for him is to pretend like I didn’t care. I acted like he was potty trained. He wore underwear and I never showed him that I packed extra clothes. I would casually say, go potty before we go out, or before supper. He would go by himself and If he ever said he didn’t want to I said ok. When he did potty we just kept going with our day and didn’t make a big deal, then when he messed up, we did the same. Cleaned up and went on about our day. Sounds awful, but he didn’t want a fuss, so that’s what he got. One day I realized that he was potty trained!! We had a picnic at the park to celebrate and he loved it!! So, I guess what I’m saying is you just have to know your child and do what works for him!
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We made a game… everytime our granddaughter went in potty she got a quarter… when having enough got to buy something.
I usually give out 1 mini marshmallow every time they pee, and 2 when they poop. So far it’s been working lol
It’s a difficult job to master.
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I had a granddaughter who was scare too poop in potty and toilet she would find her a spot to Pooh then one day she just started using the bathroom by herself
We all have the same problem smh
Poops on that’d be a mess to clean up you mean poop in! LMAO 
Honestly it’s hard to train kids so whenever I went they went and sat for 10 mins rather they to go or not
Sit him backwards facing the lid and let him draw on it with washable markers
Set him on the toilet backwards
Normal all my boys were like that my youngest to but I don’t force it he’s in pull-ups still at 5yo but he’s nonverbal
Make him clean up his own poop.
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Reward system maybe? Build it up like 2 poos in a week on the toilet is a present x
Monster Trucks. Find something that your kid likes more than his fear. My son was terrified of the way it felt when he pooped. I also gave him lots of foods that made pooping easier on a regular basis so he felt like going. White grape juice is awesome.
This was pegged as a sensory issue with my middle daughter. Ask your pediatrician for a stool softener. We used miralax daily for a month or two until she was more comfortable.
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When my son was potty training he peed everywhere BUT the toilet! He would poop the pullups…Our dr told us he will go on his own when he is ready so we didn’t constantly ask him to potty like we were doing and it didn’t take long for him to start going in the potty! All I can say is be patient! 
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Ask him why he dont like using the potty to poo? Let him come up with the “reward” for going in the potty?
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We had to explaine to my daughter that keeping her poop in would make her sick and eased her into pooping on the potty, it was hard a lot of crying and screaming…she had hard big poops too but now that she’s 5 and in kindergarten it helped. That was another thing that helped, telling her she can’t go to school unless she uses the potty with out help. You’ll get there.
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I went through this with my youngest son. He was about your son’s age now. I found rewards dont work, either. It was never about fruits, veggies, and stool softeners. He was literally scared of pooping. Here’s what I did:
I got a stack of his favorite books by the toilet. Every two hours, or so, I sat him on the toilet, and read. He had to at least try every time. We read a LOT of books. Once he knew I would be there every time reading he didn’t fight it anymore. He would sit, and listen. Eventually, his fear dissipated and he would poop. Be patient, momma. You’ve got this!
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Sounds like you’re stressing him out. Back off and try again in 2 months. But whatever the outcome is… do not punish him. That’s the worse thing you can do since he’s still in the learning stage.
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I’d say “ you cant be a big boy and go to school until you poop in the potty. “ make it gross. Tell him about how gross it is to want poop in his underwear. Tell him “ big boys don’t poop in their pants. “
I tried literally everything with both of my boys, they had to do it on their own terms. The more I pressed or bargained the more they’d refuse
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I think at just about 4 years old you can put a firm foot down with him. Don’t give him a choice. Tell him you can’t have him pooping his pants and that big boys go poop in the toilet. Tell him firmly that you expect him to poop in the potty. You might ask him first why he won’t go in the potty and see what he says. Maybe his reason is something you can easily remedy. If so do that other wise just be firm with him and if he poops his pants have a predetermined consequence. let him know what will happen if he poops in his pants and then follow through on it. He needs you to let him know what you expect him to do and he needs to know that it isn’t a choice. Good Luck.
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We gave a hot wheels car every time he pooped. He got quite a collection but it worked.
I’m absolutely in the same boat. Even with doctor’s advice, he still won’t do it.
My son was like that. He would wait until bedtime when we put a diaper on him to go and it would be hard. I kid you not my husband downloaded some app on his android phone and spent three days playing it with our son on the potty and he started pooping in the potty with no issues and we haven’t had an accident since. Lol.
Look up encopresis or bring it up to your doctor.
Lots of patience. I also incorporated prune juice (with a teaspoon or so of dandelion tea), probiotics (through culturelle, gummies & yogurt), and used epsom salt baths(only as warm as is comfortable) into our daily routine and nature can’t help itself…read books or just talk while on the potty…we are more successful now and every good poo is a celebration🎉
Currently going through this with my 3 year old and it’s frustrating cause he will hide and poop in his underwear come to his dad or I and turn around saying stinky his way of saying he pooped literally right after he went. But will pee in the toilet like a champ I just don’t get it 
Same here with my grandkids ! Just be patient
Fiber advanced gummies for kids , work amazing for my daughter she withholds poops , not sure why . But fiber advanced gummies every morning helps her . So even if she wilt holds it doesn’t get hard and painful .
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Unfortunately I never had this problem so no personal experience but one time my aunt told me what worked with one of my stubborn cousins. He absolutely refused to go in the toilet so she told him if he pooped his pants one more time she was going to rub his face in it. She melted a baking chocolate bar in the microwave & smeared it in a diaper & rubbed it on his face. He was so disgusted & never wanted that to happen again & he was instantly potty trained. I’d personally give him lots of fruits like grapes or cherries & let nature take it’s course.
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I tried everything my boy turned four and was still pooping pants. Nothing worked just like you and everyone kept telling me “he’ll do it when he’s ready” and every time I rolled my eyes and well quite literally one day he just stopped pooping his pants and went on the toilet. Three months of no ‘accidents’ and he decided himself to ditch nappies at bedtime
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We set up a table in the bathroom and my son either watches the iPad, plays with some of his toys or reads a book. He can sit there for hours if we let him we often have to remind him there are more comfortable sets in the house. Gives him something to distract him and eventually he goes.
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Mine was hard headed too. Clever little booger would hide pull ups for when he had to go. Then one day he just used the pot. Wiping was a whole different ball game but eventually he got it. NOW I cant get him out of the restroom lol. Good luck.
Maybe put him back in the pull ups and let him come into it in his own time 
is it ideal? No… But neither is your baby having a sore bum out of fear or whatever is holding him back. Keep trying with the pullups so he knows you mean business and it’s time to be a big boy but also show him you’re on his side. Either way unfortunately you’re gonna be cleaning poo it seems 
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My son refused as well. He was 3.5 I asked him one day what it would take for him to poop on the potty… I said if we go buy you a toy will you go? He said yes. We went to the store right after (didn’t wait around)… got him a set of transformers. And I told him if he poops his underwear one time I will put the toys away. He has been going on the potty ever since without one accident. Now I have a 2 year old daughter that is also refusing to potty train… won’t even sit on the damn thing
I would get a new toy and put it in the bathroom one that he would want to play with so bad …but the only time he would get to play with it was in the bathroom when pooping and it would stay in the bathroom so he would get excited to go in for that 1 thing …you could call it a poopy toy ,? And get everyone in the house something they only can have in the bathroom and show him that you all also only get when going number 2 but have to leave it in there when done
I didn’t give my son any sweets, candy,etc.when potty training. Only if he pooped in the potty I would give him m&m’s. He would sit on the potty for hours trying to poop so he could get them lol. Lots of patience and lots of praise when he would go poopie. Good luck.
I dont get this, why is a 4 year old not potty trained do they not go to school
My son didn’t like pooping on the toilet. To begin with he was always so constipated and his poop would be hard so he was only comfortable pooping standing up, so we would put him in the shower to go. Eventually he just started using the toilet. He definitely thought it was the coolest thing ever to flush the toilet and watch his poop go bye bye
My daughter is 4 and we have that problem with her sometimes
… after the pediatrician and GI Dr went to a shrink.
She said its perfectly normal up till 8!!! Her 2 main points of advice were: make them clean themselves. Make them clean out the underwear in the sink even they wipe (then you check of course) and then 1 hour after eating dinner have them sit on the potty for up to 30 min.
My daughter got her game phone back and plays that on the potty (which the shrink said was fine). If she refuses to clean herself goes to her room till shes ready to.
She was holding it we tried the miralax and exlax even and the shrink said dont do that but same deal- she holds it till she cant anymore. It’s been about 2 weeks and shes been going on the potty again (we ve gone back and forth several times where she will go on the potty for over a month even then back in her pants). She also said the only punishment should be having to clean up their own mess
… Shrink didnt even want to see her…
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I’m going through something similar with my almost 4 year old daughter. Only she holds it and will hide but then she will run to the bathroom when she has to go and often misses the toilet and gets it everywhere. Underware, clothes, legs, hands, toilet. I’ve heard several moms make their kids clean it out of their clothes. I have yet to do that but maybe next time he does it make him clean it. I made my daughter pick it up when she would go in the shower she now no longer goes in the shower. Let me know if it works.
My son got a sucker for poops in the potty. But we started by letting him poop outside in the backyard. Gross, I know, but it worked. Then he realized there was no reward for random poops so he started going on the potty. Took us all summer. He will still occasionally pee outside though
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I hope this problem gets resolved quickly! My son became impacted and the doctor had us immediately take him to the hospital. He was there several day and it took a lot of enemas to clean him out. Tough to go through, but problem was solved! Good luck!
It’s all about control. It could be the parent and the kid is rebelling or could be the kid and the parent is trying to solve it.
I got my daughter to start going potty in the toilet with no accidents in 2 weeks after I told her we would throw her a another “birthday” party for being a big girl. She never wanted to use the potty before even with all the tricks like a price of candy for each time or stickers on a chart even watching potty training videos didn’t impress her lol but she really wanted that extra birthday party and all we really did was get a cake some balloons and one present with just her dad and I there
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I asked my son to take his poopy underwear off and toss it in the washer he was grossed out so he stopped popping in his pants
My son was scared of falling in the toilet butt first. His balance was not good. I put a stool at the bottom of the toilet for him to climb on then have under his feet while he went poop. He felt like he was not going to fall in and balanced. I hope this helps you.
My 2 year old daughter hates pooping in general. She would cry when she realized she had to go. Even when in a diaper. But pooping in the toilet was just a flat out no.
She has no issues peeing in the toilet
She would hide and poop in her underwear. Then one day pooping wasn’t an issue anymore
My daughter was diagnosed with a condition that caused her to hold. It’s a genetic condition that makes her clench her muscles down there when stressed. I had to teach her to squat. She’s almost six now and must take a bath to poop. Try the squatting. They can’t clench the muscle in that position. I even built her a potty chair where she had to squat to go. Worked 100%. Now she does meditation water baths to relax.
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Try probiotics? Might help regulate and schedule.
Step 1 if he’s going to go in the diaper make him go in the bathroom to do that. So he understands the bathroom is where we poop.
Once he doing that consistently.
I would get one of those potty seats that make a hole in the toilet not so big. But not a whole separate chair it seems like you just add an extra step if you do that. You still have to clean out the chair!!
Step 2 put a diaper on him but cut a hole in the bottom so he has to sit on the toilet but still has a diaper on. But the poop will go into the toilet.
A BIG reward for that!!!
Sometimes sticker charts help to keep consistency. Lots of patience.
Don’t let it become a battle he will win you can’t control this so don’t pick the fight!
Good luck
I agree with making him help clean his underpants. It will do him no harm. Have him kneel next to the tub and scrub his undies. He’ll get tired of it
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Following because my daughter does the exact same and she’s 4
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