Parent them … kids need boundaries, structure, positive reinforcement and consequences. If you are consistent, then you won’t have these problems.
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Time out, a swat on the butt (they won’t die) time out in 2 separate rooms, talk to them they know right from wrong at this age
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Sounds like they are past the point of a spanking. Maybe get a bag and take away all there favorite toys and dont let them have games, toys, anything they consider “fun” take it away for a few days till they get the point and start showing a little bit of respect. Start slow, take a few things away and when they start behaving better give them there stuff back. But make a big deal about it when they do behave well, tell them and show them how much YOU appreciate them behaving good and they to be positive. And the main thing is be consistent.
I dont recommend spanking, if it’s a constant behavioral problem. Spanking isnt going to help that just teaches them it’s okay to hit. and putting them in a corner isnt helpful either
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thats whats wrong with kids today they dont get their asses busted…I did and it showed me to give respect…I turned out just fine
I can guarantee you haven’t tried EVERYTHING!!! And they’re 4 
it’s the prime age for pushing and testing. Patience and consistency is GOLDEN right now!
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Sounds like my 4 year old. The sass is strong with that one. Be consistent in how you discipline them.
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Ground them. Put them in their room. Take entertainment away and it needs to be for a week or 2 not half an hour.
I would start with time outs. Then taking things from them be consistent. Make rules and make sure they follow the rules. Being disrespectful would get them a double punishment. Be firm strong take charge of your children. When they figure out that punishment is a real and consistent thing they will come Thur with better behavior.
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My son is 4 and I have tried everything as well he doesn’t listen and basically does things because I tell him not too. And his behavior when we r out has been horrible lately but I just had a baby 2 months ago so I think that why. But the ONlY thing I found that works for the most part is taking things they love away. I call it grounding. Like his phone and tv. I took both away for a while day and he hasn’t acted out like that since. Yeah he still doesn’t listen the best but it is def better than before I grounded him.
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You cant try discipline for a few days and then give up.
Take EVERYTHING away. All toys. No tv. No going outside to play. No coloring. Nothing. And tell them good behavior is a way to earn their things back. Be strict as hell.
Also, kids learn from their environment. So them learning to say fuck you is something they learned from you or someone else they see. So I would find out where that is coming from and nip that in the ass.
Have them earn their stuff. Put out simple blocks, coloring stuff.
In their rooms nothing but their beds,dresser, and decor.
If they want their favorite toys then they have to give respect, and listen!
They act up then go back to the basics again. Don’t let the tv be on all the time either that shouldn’t be a given.
When my kids act up, i shut off our tv and that makes them see how rowdy their getting.
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Routein routein routein
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Watch those rescue nanny shows. It gives good tips you might be able to try. Good luck
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Put them in an activity that shows them discipline. I promise having an outside influence helps. I see 4 year olds at my daughter’s karate school that have better control and have learned to listen very well compared to kids that aren’t in an activity or are older.
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You shouldn’t have left them get out of hand in the first place
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Be a parent, spank those butts
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Spare the rod spoil the child
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I have 2 , ones 4 and ones 3 and they do the same exact thing. Im pretty sure its normal for every toddler at SOME point. It can be corrected, lots of work. Keep your head up! It will get easier
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Consistency is so important
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Parenting classes. Luckily my daughter listened well ect. But you need to be firm its like raising puppies almost. You have to show them who runs the house and who is in charge.
Look up the 123 magic course, it can work wonders if stick to it and be consistent x
Think it’s a twin thing 
my four year olds were the same. They’ve started school now and that seems to have helped a lot. My singletons weren’t like it at all
Its definitely the age, when I was their age my mom would either put me in a timeout for 4 minutes, anytime I got up it added on 10 more seconds to my timeout (which to a 4 year old is just forever) then talk to me about why I had that time out in a way I could understand then she would tell me I could come out of my timeout when I chose I could be nice to others. It took a bit but I gradually got better. They’re young and still learning and at 4 they want to test the boundaries. Just stay consistent in what your doing and consequences (my mom never called it punishment she always said consequences to your actions) also remember to try and not tell them they are being bad but explain to them that what they did was bad.
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They are both in control and they know it!! You need to stand united and not back down. Not for a minute. Let them earn back their freedom and precious things.
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A hand across the butt and a butt in a chair works most of the time I DO NOT MEAN BEAT THEM …I MEAN A COUPLE OF POPS ON THE BUTT AND ABOUT 10 MINUTES IN THE CHAIR IF THEY GET DOWN ADD 5 MORE MINUTES AND STAY WIYH IT SO THEM YOUR THE MOM
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Sometimes you have to do what you say your gonna do. If you say your taking something away if it happens again…you have to do it. Show them you mean what you say. Alot of parents just talk from across the room. And don’t follow through. You have to do what you say. Or put them in time out. Just stick to your words
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They empower each other it’s 2 vs 2 had you triplets they’d call a mutiny lol. Breathe sometimes it’s best to conquer and divide. Hold each child separately accountable for their actions. Let the other witness this and vice versa. Always make sure the punishment foys the crime too. Don’t be outrageous and blurt out a punishment at the height of your anger because you more than likely will end up not following it through all the way. Just breathe a few mins before deciding a punishment
We have 4 daughters
16,15,12 and 5
Each one of them are VERY different!! What works for 1 child might not work for the next
One child if we yelled at her she would be crushed and another you literally have to threaten her life to make her snap out of the teenage attitude
You have to figure out what works for the child
Over the years it is few and far between that we spank but YES we do
- Time out
- no toys
- no TV
- still doing the same thing you get a spanking
We always use a belt on the butt and never spank out of anger and reinforce that we love them but do not like the behavior
Most of all Consistency is they key
You have to stop the behavior EVERY time no matter how tired and overwhelmed you are
They sense fear
We call it Negotiating with terrorists lol
We also reward for very good behavior but be careful it doesn’t turn into bribery for them to behave
They are supposed to listen and behave
You don’t get special treatment for doing what you are supposed to do
Hope it helps and good luck
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Slap their mouth or wash it out with chillie when they wana cuss. That’s learned behaviour so you’re reaping what you sow unfortunately. My twins are now 18 and they still dont listen
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Are they boys? Sorry to laugh, but that sounds like my boys at that age. Mine are 7 and 6 now and are getting so much better. I think they’ll grow out of it if you keep reinforcing and stay consistent. You and your husband both have to be on the same page with discipline and such or it’ll confuse them. Good luck! God gives twins to those who can handle it!
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Time to whoop some booty, start taking away toys, time out ( no matter how much they scream or try to leave the corner stick with it and time restarts for standing there everytime they turn around, talk, and time doesn’t start until they stop crying) and a special thing to help you is a glass of wine or a small mixed drink. Not enough to get buzzed/ drunk but enough to take off the edge
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O lord u better get a hold of them now before they start whooping y’all ass
And no child at that age fully understand right from wrong because if they did they would listen because it’s the right thing to do. Instead it seems they do more wrong than right because you eventually give in and kids are smart and will play that well. They know how to use your emotions against you. They see you getting flustered and overwhelmed so they push until you finally give into their demands.
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Welcome to the fearsome 4’s. One solid swat on their behinds will get their attention & show them u mean business
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My oldest was like this. His pediatrician had me take away everything except books, educational/developmental things and outdoor play. At the start of the day, he would start earning privileges, like a toy he wanted to play with, or TV time. If he started up again and didn’t correct the behavior when given the chance, it was taken away again until he could behave and listen. It worked very well.
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Alright, go ahead and crucify me, but if that’s how they’re acting they’re old enough to get their butts spanked. Hand, belt, whatever - either you put your damn foot down as a parent, or you just become a rug for them to walk all over.
When they aren’t behaving, explain to them why their behavior is unacceptable and tell them to stop. If they don’t, punish them by putting them in time out or taking away toys/privileges. My 4 year old will do anything not to lose her ipad for the rest of the day.
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Mine are 9, good luck
Have you tried ignoring some of the bad behavior. Don’t react to it as much as you would have in the past. You can say things to let them know you don’t approve but do give it too much attention. Then focus on reacting to the good behaviors. If they do something like put their toys away without being told make a big deal about it. I have 4 boys. My oldest was difficult and no amount of “discipline” seemed to work. We started counseling and that was my biggest change as a parent was trying to point out the things I expected. I also have twins who are now 6 and it’s something I just do for all of them. It took a change in me to see a change in their behavior.
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I am so sorry. My kids are the same.
My grandmother always told me dont hurt them but make them think you will meaning I can give my kids a look and they know it’s time to chill
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First off, don’t listen to the “negative nancy’s” on here… I detest women who are rude to fellow mamas. Women are supposed to empower each other, not tear each other down.
I would probably talk with their pediatrician. See what he/she would recommend. There could be something they’re expeiencing that you don’t know about. Most likely though it’s just the age… if positive reinforcment, time-outs, groundings from their favorite things, and/or a slap on the tooshy isn’t helping, it might be time for child therapy. Some kids are more of a handful than others.
Good luck, mama! <3
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Time out w 1 warning, be consistent anytime/anywhere, don’t threaten w/o follow through. Get a visual timer. 1 minute for each year. No interaction after the explanation of why they are going in timeout and what that means for them. If, to start, you have to sit them in your lap for the entire 4 mins and hold them in place (facing away from you with no engagement or interaction) then do that until they can sit there themselves. I realize it’s much harder with 2. You can put them in their room instead, just don’t keep toys in there, and then hold the door shut after you set the timer and put it up high. Then wait until it goes off. Use short simple words and phrases with them. “Mommy is putting you in timeout for hitting your brother after I told you ‘don’t hit’. I will set the timer for 4 minutes and you can come out of timeout when it turns green. We don’t hit.” Wait the 4 minutes. “Tell mommy why you went in timeout”… “Next time please make better choices. Give mommy a kiss and go say sorry to brother.” If they are screaming, or getting out of timeout, reset the timer and put them back with no talking. If you don’t do the same thing EVERY TIME, it doesn’t work. If you threaten and don’t FOLLOW THROUGH, it doesn’t work.
You can also put their favorite toys or blankets or stuffed animals or tablets in timeout instead, if that’s easier. Some kids don’t care and they find other toys. Whatever you do, be on the same page as Dad, and be controlled, don’t get mad and scream. Helps you vent, but they’ll stop taking you seriously. Parenting is hard. Twins are harder. Good luck.
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1,2,3 magic look it up works good for my super defiant jerk 4 year old. Also consistency if they get off with it once they will continue to push.
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They are FOUR. Be the adult and parent them. YOU run your home, not them. Discipline and be consistent, which does not have to mean spanking, but whatever discipline you use has to be enforced every single time until they figure it out.
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As a mom of two older kids… they are just threenagers. The shit don’t stop till atleast 5/6 and even then they start a whole new concept of bullshit
I had twins too. With any children, YOU RUN THE HOUSE. Make them know you’re serious if you cant get them to listen now you’re in trouble
A little switch does wonders don’t best em .just let them know discipline
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NOOOOOOOOOOoooo. You must be kidding.
as a mother of twins the only punishment that worked was to separate them for about 15 minutes. one in one bedroom other in another. no toys…they will miss each other and can’t play together
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I use a sticker chart reward program for my four year old daughter. She has to clean her room, brush teeth and put on her p.j.'s. Bonus stickers for when she does something extra special. Also she has to get stickers every day of the week before she gets her prize. If she wants a special toy it’s her whole month of stickers to get that toy. She has to"earn" it. So far so good. I only remind her occasionally that If She doesn’t do what’s required, she won’t be getting her sticker. Suddenly she wants to do what she’s supposed to do again. Lastly, I use one of those little sand timers so she learns time management visually until she gets the hang of it. That works well.
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I have taken their favorite items, sent them to their room with no toys, and a spank if needed as a last resort. Every child is different, I hope you find something that works, we are going through a spell too right now 
Spank their butts. It’s not abuse. I’m not saying beat your kids, big difference. Talking, negotiating, being their precious friend, NOPE NOPE NOPE. You are their parents. Spank their little behinds and send then to their rooms, or a corner.
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Perhaps they are bored. Enroll them in a sport, take them outside and let them run. Kids are shitheads, you just have to stand your ground and find new exciting(to them) ways to stimulate their minds.
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That’s when you start chucking toys out the front door as they tell you noooo and stick to your guns. I was fighting with my 3 year old to get her things put away, she has a cubby for toys, books and shoes that’s all she’s responsible for I am not going to be picking up after my kids or arguing with them. Sorry, not sorry.
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Spank those tiny butts
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Super nanny. Jo frost
My soon 4yearold is in this sasshole stage too.
Gotta stick to it mama even when you’re tired… they’re just learning their spot in the family it gets better 
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I’d put litteral soap in their mouths for cursing like that they won’t like the taste and if trey do it again soap goes back in the mouth! As for the other stuff take everything away not just for an hour a whole day that doesn’t work 2 days and so on and so forth they will get the picture
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Physically stop them, then separate them in timeout. Be consistent. You don’t have to spank them, but you do have to be consistent with your punishments. Don’t let them go early for good behavior in timeout. Also, talk to them after their timeout is up. You’ve got to explain to them the reason why what they did is wrong and make sure they understand, otherwise they’ll keep doing it.
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I’m a grandmother with permanent guardianship of a 12 year old now who has many mental issues. I have had my biological granddaughter since she was 3 1/2, when she was younger and acting up and telling me no and being disrespectful etc. etc. etc. I did nothing cause she was little and I felt bad for all she had seen and been through for a 3 1/2. I wish now I would have been more stern more consistent had disciplined cause at 12 years old she tries to run the show. I have had to call the cops she does not like the word no and when she is mad at me I’m abusive lately she has started biting her arms and saying I’m bruising her it’s scary and it has me thinking that maybe I won’t be able to do this. Take control now before they run you you do not want to be where I’m at.
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Trying everything means if something doesn’t work then you change it up so there really is no consistency. They are going to push you it’s what kids this age do and it’s on you to respond quickly and consistently. Pop that butt and if they get up and try to do it again then pop that butt again and make them sit down in time out. If you don’t take control now it’s only going to get worse cause they will know they can run over you. I’ve raised 4 of my own and 3 extras and I maintained control of the house and they grew up knowing how to respect themselves and others and are now doing great as adults and now I’m raising one more, he is 3 and he knows the limits and he is a happy little boy.
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If you don’t like the spanking advice , I’ve read lots of articles recently on raising strong willed children. A quick search on the web will pull lots of articles with advice for you . I also love the natural parent magazine on FB , they have a lot of articles on gentle parenting. I was a strong willed child and teen … I personally think the methods would work.
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Spank them! I tell my son alll the time that I do not negotiate with tiny terrorists. Spanking and beating are two entirely different things. Take toys away. Ground them. MAKE them stand in the corner. Make them do age appropriate chores. YOU are their parent, not their friend. They get away with what you allow. Either put your foot down or deal with this behavior all their lives. I🤷🏻♀️
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I want to start out by saying this is super relatable. You’re not alone, nor is this uncommon, especially for their age, so don’t let anyone try to shame you for it, especially when you’re trying your best.
Like some others have said, staying consistent is key. Find a form of discipline that works for your family, like time outs. Do not put them in time out together though. Maybe one twin goes in their room, and the other goes in yours. Make them sit in bed until they calm down. Communicate and tell them exactly why they’re going into time out, what they could do better to improve, and try to stay calm while you do it.
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Ah the" little fucker 4" stage!!
Put them in time out until they do better. You can also take away something they like until they do better!!
Show both what happens to a stuffed toy that talks like that, that will stink in!
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You will have to pick them up & put them in different time out corners 100 times (no exaggeration) for one infraction sometimes before they get the point that you’re not backing down.Use 1 minute of time out per year of age and the timer re-starts each time they get out.
It is truly exhausting and crazy-making, but you HAVE to stay strong and consistent. It will get dramatically better as time goes on, but yes, you have to be super consistent and persistent. You may want to have reinforcements on hand to help you catch them repeatedly & force them to their corners, as you have two.
Also, after everyone is calmer, ask them what the better way to behave would be. Praise them for picking a better option and tell them you’re proud they know how to behave right and will do so in the future. It will empower them to feel they know how to make the right decision.
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A good crack on the ass about the time they give you the “f off” look should do it 🤷
I think a lot of ya’ll could benefit from this.
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When top behavioural scientists say it causes literal brain damage to children, maybe you shouldn’t spank them. All good to pick and choose what you want to believe from scientists until it’s abusing kids right
I have twin sons and the biggest punishment and effective way to make them behave is to take their brother away
Also keep them in activity. A routine schedule works best it leaves no room for horseplay. Put them on routine . Hang a list of daily activity hour by hour