I’ve just had baby #3 5 weeks ago and for the most part I’m not doing bad mentally. However my 7 year old pushes the boundaries, purposefully breaking written rules. Telling her off, naughty corner etc. I’ve tried positive reinforcement, reward charts etc… Nothing is working. My biggest bug is she is constantly trying to pick up the baby or always touching her when she is sleeping, thus waking her up when she knows she isn’t allowed. I tell her gently to leave her be, she just smirks and continues. This happens 5 to 6 times before I have to pull her away. She also never listens to me in general and thinks she can do as she pleases. I know she just wants to belong and loved. (Bad history with me and her dad) But this is just killing me. I need help!!! Just to add I also have a two year old
Is there a way you or close family can give her one on one time.
We do wall sits and stuff like that when time out doesn’t work. You’re the mom, you set the rules. You might also try to get a sitter and spend some time with your oldest. She might be having a hard time with the newest member of your family. Get her to tell you how she feels. Good luck
Sounds like she’s having a rough time adjusting and is looking for attention any way she can get it. I’d give her some extra one on one time.
Quit haven kids problem solved
Agreed. One on one time. Even if it can only be 10 minutes of undivided attention for her. Eventually you will get a rhythm of 3 kids and can give her more than 10 minutes. It may sound insignificant, but it will mean the world to your 7 year d!
Do a day of just the two of you. We do that with my 9 year old. We have a 2 year old as well.
Maybe your consequences aren’t severe enough. I thought maybe she’s testing you by pushing boundaries, but with the smirk it sounds like the easiest way to get attention. Baby takes up a lot of time and she feels left out, and not quite big enough to help. I’d try to allow her more time holding or helping with baby, and make stronger consequences for breaking rules. She’s old enough to understand rules are for everyone’s safety, so breaking them is dangerous. No means no. Good luck.
Sounds like normal sibling reaction. A lot of kids act up when a new baby enters the home. It can take awhile for her to get over it. It’s about including her in stuff as much as possible. Dont be negative or harsh towards her, it will make it worse. I have 3 boys, all went through a similar phase.
Bad attention is better than no attention maybe you should try to spend time with only her and see if that helps. I know it’s hard with a new baby but your 7 year needs your attention too. I’m not saying you don’t give her attention but maybe in her mind you don’t.
I’ve got 7 kids between myself and my other half (now they are between 27-7). Whenever we had another kid, I always made sure to let the kids know that if they needed to spend time with me to let me know. A baby is a big responsibility and while they could help me out, I knew they needed their own time with me as well. It’s tough to deal with but prayers it will get better.
Sounds like she just needs more attention that’s why she’s acting out. Maybe some one on one with just her
Whoop that ass and send her to her room
It sounds as if that 7yr old needs a butt whooping instead of what it is you’re doing! It’ll be a wake up call!!
If you tell her 5 or 6 times before pulling her away theres the problem. The very first time she doesnt listen she should be delt with.
But i agree shes probably having a hard time adjusting and needs some one on one.
At 7 she is old enough to know what shes doing, If it were my 7 year old I’d put her in 7 minute time outs everytime she did it, (my time outs are not sitting in a chair at the table where they can see everything, they’re nose to the wall with hands behind back so they’re bored as heck, and feel like they’re in time out) but I’d also make sure I did alone time with her so it’s not acting out because she feels left out.
That smirking while breaking rules alone would warrant spanking from me and a time out completely zero attention save for making her stay in time out she’s old enough to ask can I help or mommy let’s do something together
There is 6 years between my kids, who are now 39 & 33 years old. I am sure so much has changed since I raised my kids. I had some of the same issues you are suffering through. All I can offer is time? When I finished nursing the baby I was so tired. Just no strength to play. I wish you well and hopefully some moms can offer you some great advice? I felt like a terrible mom for years, now I know one person can only do so much. Hang in there I can tell you are doing your best. 
Sounds like she’s just being a 7 yr old sibling she’s curious or jealous 
sometimes we pay more attention to new borns who really don’t need so much attention then the true attention seekers the older kids who really need all the attention. Give her some one on one time
I was going to say she wants more attention but the smirking would piss me off and she’d get grounded to her room for the day. She may just want more attention but her behavior shouldn’t go unpunished. Shes old enough to know better. If you can, maybe take a day or 2 out of the week and take her out for a girls day. Just you 2.
“She isn’t allowed” “you have to pull her away” “your biggest bug” all I’m hearing is negative negative negative. Try to give her some positive attention. And letting her be involved with her sibling?
Is she helping with the babies a lot? Because it kinda sounds like she might be helping out too much with them
Spare the rod spoil the kid
Sounds like she is jealous
When a new baby comes into the family. Most little kids act up.have ur time with her while the new baby and the two year old are taking there nap. Read stories to her. Or get coloring book. And color with her. Or let her pick out a movie and watch it with her.its good for babies to take naps after lunch. And u might get someone to watch the other two and u and the oldest go out for lunch. Good luck.
She wants attention! Give her some one on one!!!
How long has this really been going on?
If it’s this constant, it’s time to ask for some help.
Behavioral therapy is a good start, they can help you figure out a plan of action to implement with her. And if more help may be needed they can point you in the right direction.
Maybe do something special for them together. Get them a matching “sister” shirt or matching bears or something small and sweet. Maybe she is really just trying to connect with the baby. I know when the babies are little we try to tip toe around and nobody can disturb them but maybe it could help. And if she is still doing naughty things that talk to her like a mini adult and not a small child. Reward charts and naughty corners are for littles. Not a big girl. She needs big girl consequences. Also please don’t feel like I’m attacking you. Hang in there mama
She’s acting out because she needs some one on one time with you. Maybe do something just you and her on Sundays for a few hours.
Instead of just punishing for her behavior try to get to the root of the problem.
Has the 7 year old been acting out since before the baby came or is this brand new negative behavior?? If she’s been a discipline problem before the baby came, you’d have to get real serious with this kid because she may end up hurting the baby. It doesn’t sound like she wants to interact on a positive note.
Sounds like he wants attention. Whether it’s good or bad, he feels like atleast hes getting it.
Literally my exact life rn
Let her love the baby. She wakes her up, she comforts her… She’s old enough. Just observe. And if she can’t then explain to her why the baby is crying… Also, babys cry. Give the sister some slack.
Maybe she needs a mommy daughter date. I’m sure she’s feeling jealous. Need some mommy alone time
Search for “Gentle Parents Unite”! They have INCREDIBLE advice and I promise they will help. They’re lifesavers
Wow I don’t think I have ever had to do any of that in my years of motherhood, probably cause I let my kids love on our babies from the day I brought them home from the hospital.
Mom you are doing. Nothing wrong. Jealous Make a day for you and her and no baby. Praise her and laugh smile and enjoy. She’s feeling left out. Include her with taking care of her sister. Feeding bathing and etc. she will come around
I would try letting her help you with the baby. Maybe with the diaper changing or running lotion. Simple task so she isn’t feeling left out. Asking her if she would like to hold the bottle for the baby. Asking if she would like to help find outfit,socks. Maybe make the bottle just make sure you are right there to guide her.
Shes just feeling left out right now, let her be a part of it and she and u wll be alot happyer. This is suppose to be a family thing, it would help u if u had someone to help u, wheres u mother.
I agree with all the fluffy mom posts about having her help with baby…but with a 2 year old running around, a 5 month old and lack of sleep…what movie are you all living in? Healthy boundaries. If she isn’t listening, swat her bum the first time. Only takes once or twice until she’ll take the rules seriously. Then you can have your mommy daughter time to balance. Doesn’t need to be a “date” maybe just 30 mins-and hour after baby is down for the night. I always wonder who these parents are with the “book” advice. 
I have 4 kids and most of this advise isn’t our actual reality. All sounds good in theory…
Less warnings more action. You don’t follow through on the “punishing” part then she’ll keep being a brat about it. She probably just needs one on one time.
Give your child some Attention
My 3 yr old doesn’t listen and has been acting up like this for awhile now (she’s an only child) but will look me dead in the eyes and do what she was told not to. When you find out what works best, let me know too 
How involved is the 7 year old with both siblings? How often does the oldest get mommy and me time? Does she get to help with baby at all? When you go shopping for any of them, does she help to pick out a toy or outfit for both of her siblings? Try something new with her. Every time she does good or helps with her siblings give her a reward. It can be a small dollar toy or candy or money/change that she can use at the end of the week for a toy or something small at the store. Reinforce the good behavior and as long as she isn’t hurting the baby, ignore the majority of the bad behavior. It sounds like jealousy. Make sure she feels loved, even if you think she should already. Sit her down at nap time and talk to her about it. She’s old enough to express her feelings to you. You just need to listen. When she touches baby and wakes the baby up, ask her why she did it but be calm. My 5 year old likes her tantrums. But we sit down afterwards and discuss why it happened, what should have happened and how we can fix it in the future.
She’s jealous of the baby give her some mommy time she should be ok
It’s just jealousy hun, rather than telling her no involve her in stuff like nappy changing baths, changing clothes cuddle time! If you keep telling her no she just revel more! Your doing nothing wrong so don’t worry! I personally would sit down and explain she’s a tiny baby but this is what you could help with providing mommy is there!
Children feel so pushed out when there is a new baby so she is just probably trying to get your attention whether that’s something good or bad she just wants mummy
Go see a family therapist. Sounds like ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), my son has it as well. Therapy helps immensely
My daughter is now 9 and my son 5 and my daughter still does things to my son hitting, biting you name it shes done it and steal his food and break his toys I spend more time with her than I do my son. I miss out on some activities with my son parties and things as my daughter just kicks up too much fuss if were attending for him x she is 9. I’m telling you bab do what you think is right and dont let her grab all the time from the other siblings as my daughter still doing this 5 years on and my son now tells me he misses me been there. He also says which breaks my heart she had you on her own and I never will so now can we play at home and she can go. It hurts but it’s the truth so this weekend I’m pledged to spend it doing what he wants and not her. See If to be cruel is to be kind.
Her world has changed and she is telling you with her actions that she’s scared. I’m somewhere in the middle with my advice - yes, she needs to be given jobs that let her be involved with baby and promote self confidence as well as feeling included but she also needs to know that you are a stable force in her shifting world and the rules aren’t changing. You are still Mom and “No” still means “no”.
A few tips: find special ways to keep her busy when you need to be focused on the baby. Like if she’s approaching you for attention when you’re feeding baby, tell her “right now, it’s baby’s turn but as soon as s/he’s settled, it’s your turn. I need you to be my big, patient girl.” Keep your word, settle baby somewhere safe and follow through with your daughter. I do home child care and started caring for a 3 month old when my very clingy little girl was 19 months old. We’re also expecting baby #4 in December (we have 2 older teens as well). It’s been really good practice for her to learn to share me with a baby. I had special toys that she could have only when I was busy feeding or changing baby and she wanted me to hold her. Now, 4 months later, she just approaches the side of the rocking chair and I lean down and give her kisses 
(that approach might help you with your younger one if you’re having issues btw)
I know it’s hard, but do your best to pick a time each day for one on one time. Just a half hour. Also, try to avoid phrases like “I can’t because I need to feed the baby”. Use phrases like “it’s baby’s turn right now, but next it’s your turn”.
As far as defiance, when she directly defies you, she needs discipline. I would say baby should be in another room to sleep if possible since it’s almost impossible for a child to go about living and playing and not disturb a sleeping baby. If that’s not an option, then be firm. Tell her she can play with baby when baby wakes, and follow through, but until then baby is sleeping and she needs to give her some space. You can tell her that if you wake up a sleeping baby, the baby will cry and hurt everyone’s ears. Then suggest something she can go and do instead. You can also tell her that if she wakes up the baby, then you 2 won’t be able to do x together because you’ll need to help the baby stop crying instead. If none of that works and she gets near baby to mess with him / her, look her dead in the eye and tell her “no”. If she does it anyway, she needs to sit in timeout. Tell her that everyone deserves the chance to have a good nap and if she’s going to disturb baby’s, then she is going to have to sit in timeout.
When baby is awake, give lots of invitations and opportunities for her to touch and interact with the baby. Let her pick out clothes, bring you diapers, etc. Also, find times to put baby in the swing or bouncy seat and do other things around the house and have your “big helper” help you.
Good luck to you!
I have a 7 and 2 year old too, my oldest acts out alot, she screams, throws fits and constantly picks fights with her little sister. I dont have any advice because i haven’t found anything that works but i just wanted you to know i know what you are going through 
Honestly it sounds like she may be aggravated because of the baby amd emotionally shes acting out. Try splitting time when possible with her alone amd try letting her help more with the baby
does she get one on one with you? maybe this is her way of getting your attention… doesnt matter if its good or bad attention is attention… try putting aside an hour a day for just you two… no little ones just you two… play time… this will help tremendously… let her know when its scheduled to happen assure her it will happen daily and stick to your word…
Doing something 5-6 times without a consequence sounds like your problem. 1st time warning, second time consequences. Also sit down and discuss with her why she is doing this. Make time for just you and her. This is a stressful time for her I’m sure.
Wipp that ass didn’t kikk
My experience was like this with my daughter with new sibling i was in a bad situation as well with her dad does dad see child at all as this could be another reason for her behavior
Let her help with the new baby so she will feel connected to her making her feel she is the helping Big sister and teach herto be very gentle
she wants to be a helper
I was 4 when my sister was born. I adored her, Mom let me help with everything. I had to sit down though if I wanted to hold her. Maybe include her in caring for the baby. I wasn’t a defiant child though before my sister was born so that never came into the equation. I always protected my sister.
I honestly believe she is jealous of the new baby. Try getting her involved with you taking care of the new baby and the other little one. Also asap get her alone just you and her. She needs to know you still love her. Explain that being a big sister is a lot of responsibility. And that you need her help. The more you pull her in the better she’ll feel. God bless your family!
When I had my second child my oldest became dependent which she was always independent before my second child came. She would always want to do something pertaining to the baby. One day I was like ok you can watch her while i run to the kitchen right quick. I would be right there peeping in to see if she was doing what she was suppose to be doing. She proved me wrong she was a 7 year old that wanted to be trusted. She was so mature at that age. I started her out helping me wash her sister, making bottles together, and even watching tv together (never long). I can say to you to bring her in don’t pull her away. She is trying to find her place in the family. Let her help and build that bond with her sister. She’s not gonna hurt her just keep an eye on her when she is alone but not alone with her sister.
Tell her if she lets the baby sleep , it can be your and her special time to talk , watch a movie , bake some cookies or just cuddle
i would try to find a big brother or sister to spend time with her or him ,just looking for some one on one and this does help alot
Sounds like a case of the Uber jealous older sibling. My oldest has took everyone through the ringer. Even told us he wanted to be the only child . It does take a lot of adapting when a new baby comes in for everyone. Try taking some you and older sibling time to do something meaningful to you both. I know it seems really bleak but there is a light at the end of that pathway and once she’s adjusted to the new sibling and seeing that mommy is taking the time for each one individual and undivided attention things will look up
I’ve been in a similar situation and it sounds like there may be a bit of jealousy and testing your boundaries. Kids sometimes want attention and if they can’t verbalize it, they’ll act out to get any kind of attention, positive or negative. Each child and family is different but I made a point to have some one on one time with the older one and also encouraged her to help with the baby as much as she wanted. Then I let her know how much I appreciated all of her help. Getting her involved seemed to help a lot. Good luck!
I bought my 4 year old a big sister kit. There are a lot of things kids can’t do to help with the baby but if you think about it there are a lot of things kids CAN do with baby to make them feel important and involved. In her kit she had a book to read to sissy, a thermometer that you just barely touch forehead with and it lights up green yellow and red so easy for her to use, boogie wipes for if she has boogies, a toy stethoscope cause well she likes to play doctor, binkies, soft toys, diapers, (if she noticed sissy needed a diaper she could bring one of hers from kit and help mommy closing the tabs) burp rags for if spit up, I dont remember but i basically just gave her her own set of all the things she could use to help with the baby and we talked about the things that were her job as big sister and things that only mommy can do for now. She didnt HAVE to do all those things for sissy but she could and as much as its easier for you to do if its safe for sissy to do and help and as small as it may be its big for them… I’m fortunate to not have sister issues (yet) with my almost 5 year old and 10 mo th old but i do thibk its because I made my older so aware and involved in every thing i possibly could so there wouldnt be any jealousy. One time I noticed her getting frustrated that she couldnt help as much and i realized I hadnt taken the time to slow fown amd let gracie do as much as before and even now with ariella lesrning to walk she still has to hold on to thibgs and isnt quite fast yet gracie just wants to help her so badly that she sometimes rushes ariella and I have to remind her that she helps sister more by going at her pace so if your oldest is trying to help but isnt before taking away that privilege and responsibility she so badly wants just maybe remind her how doing it this way helps baby more and im sure she will change the way she does it to help the baby and even if she gets frustrated I would remind her we are all learning the new baby and it just takes practice but she would love if her big sister helped him/her
I have gone through this with all six kids (two of which are special needs), they starve for more attention if not to be the only one getting it. We share all chores and make a game out of it and once a week each kids got a ~one on one day (didn’t last all day cause they wanted to play with friends).
Prayers for you and your daughter.
She is testing the boundaries,something I always told my daughter with my granddaughter,pick your fights
Also it helps when people come to see the baby to bring the other two a little something…crayons and o coloring book… 2.00 at Dollar Tree
She may just want some attention just for her,without baby around,is there anyone that van take baby and 2 year old for a few hours,so you can spend one on one time with the 7 yrs old?
How do you have 3 kids with a man you dont like 
She just jealous u need to pay attention to ur older one more and not ur newborn as to your 7 year old is seeing every thing and notices your giving the newborn all the love they tend to feel left out include her in all bottle makings and and diaper changing…
You need to start somehow having one on one time with her . She is feeling left out whether u see it or not. Making sure she feels just as loved. New babies are hard sometimes and juggling your attention becomes harder.
We’re going through that with my 9 year old step daughter. She lives with us full time. Her mom is about to have a baby and she can’t stand it. She super jealous that mom will get a new favorite.
I have a 3 month old daughter and an 8 year old daughter. My older daughter doesn’t take much of an interest in the baby quite yet, but she does not have any volume control over her voice or whatever she is doing so she wakes the baby up all the time. I divorced my big girls dad 2 years ago, along with moving a couple times and switching schools, and her dads rocky romantic relationships, I decided to get my girl into a counselor. Currently she goes once per month and it has helped tremendously. I also am trying to do more with just her and I because she feels left out in the love and attention area. Kids have big feelings about things and their brains are not developed enough to cope properly. I’m learning not to meet her fire with my fire.
What always worked for me was to find something they are doing right and saying good job I’m so proud of you. Not giving any attention to negative things at all after about 2 weeks youll see a whole new kid. It’s definitely worth a try. Mine are 23 and 15 and I still tell them how proud I am of them. And great kids they are good luck
Girls day out. Just you and her… immediately. Something even that you can do once a week she has to look forward to. Then… a gift from the baby to her and extra cuddles.
Ask her to help , please can you read to the baby, you’re the best at it etc
baby number 6 on the way, I have been through this lol
Enlist her as a helper. She’s feeling left out. As a ‘big sister’, there are certain things she can do that the 2 year old cant. Make sure to praise her as much as possible when she’s doing right and helps.
I wouldn’t give her 5 or 6 chances before pulling her away from the sleeping infant. Find ways she can help with the baby, and try to give her one in one time with you.
You’d be surprised what 5 minutes of giving your undivided attention to your 7 yr old daily will do to switch her focus from seeking negative attention. Attention is attention to a child whether positive or negative. Having your own support in place to give yourself time for just you would be of high value as well. Even if it’s an hour a week instead of 30 minutes a day.
There’s a wonderful book called The Nurtured Heart Approach by Howard Glasser that I found immensely helpful.
Maybe include her on simple things for the baby! She’s a little jelly😉
Pay attention to the kid more. Problem solved.
I am in the same boat except mines is 5 and my 8 week baby no jealousy here tho 
Include her in caring for the baby, reading , changing, making bottles so she is helping and included.
So, in five weeks what could have really been implemented and allowed enough time to actually work? Your 7 year old is screaming for your attention. Take her out on a mommy daughter date once a week. To the park, get ice cream, take a hike, get your nails/toes done, take her (just her) grocery shopping (maybe even give her the list or cart to be in control of). There is a lot going on here and the focus seems so much on her behavior being “bad” and not the motive behind her behavior… attention.
The baby is new to her too. She is learning about her new sibling. She needs attention so she probably feels neglected. Hell my kid gets jealous of me holding another baby.
Let her hold the baby and bond with it. And don’t panic
Beat her little butt. You know a SPANKING
I would definitely suggest that you ask your 7 year old for “help” with the baby (like grabbing diapers and wipes and/or bottles etc. maybe even help pick what outfit the baby will wear today)
Try including her with the little things with baby. Diaper changes, preparing bottles, dressing, bathing, etc. Be sure to tell her how much of a big help she is!! Then set aside a little time for just her and you (maybe when baby is napping), read a book, draw, paint your nails, etc. include her in helping prepare dinner. She’s the oldest and I’m sure a lot of your time and focus is turned towards toddler and baby cuz they are smaller and need you more. She’s probably just feeling a little left out and trying to get attention whether it’s negative or positive. That usually happens with the oldest child. Keep your head up momma, you got this 
Give her more time with the baby. Act like you can’t do it without her. Don’t exclude her. Include her more.
Let her help with the baby sometimes
Whoop her butt! What you think? Shaquayle Ward
Like everyone said include her in helping with baby, you need wipes ask her to fetch it you need diapers ask her to do so too; you just bathed baby ask your kid to pick her out some clothes. And stop being so lenient when she bothers the baby while she’s sleeping
Buy her her own baby dolly and tell her that mommies dont hurt babies or wake them up
I got the same problem I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. The 3 year old just don’t listen
Sounds like she needs a smack if I’m honest with you love but I know not everyone slaps their kids. But if kid is looking and smirking she knows what she’s doing is wrong and if you don’t show her who’s got the authority she’ll be 18 and running riot and that’s the problem with today’s generation pussy footing around them parents too scared to smack kids when they do something wrong and it’s fucked years ago you wouldn’t even speak unless you were spoken to call me old fashioned but kids got no respect for authority today back then you knew what was what and if u did something bad you had consequences which is why you probably didn’t do it again. And if no one likes my comment that’s a shame I’m here to give my opinion
She wants too be involved , let her help you with the baby and bond ,
Maybe I’m wrong but I think maybe 7 is a little old to be acting like that? Try taking her on her own little date or just sitting down alone with her and talking. Theres nothing wrong with a smack on the butt and going to her room for a time out.