So my eight year old has been lying more frequently lately. I’m wondering if anyone has advice to help stop the lying.
Good luck. Pretty sure it’s just the age, I always call mine out, every, single, time. Then we talk about the truth and the importance of not lying… couple times I’ve lied to her (about small things) so she knows how it feels… she didn’t like that.
I think it really depends on what she is lying about and why.
It’s the age but when I was a kid I use to do the same and my dad would tell me " if you lie and I find out that you lied you will be in more trouble then if your honest and we talk about it and you deal with the punishment" trust I was so afraid if I lied him finding out the truth and usually my punishment was being grounded w/o the phone… that killed me … cause I was a big phone talker
I tell my almost 4 yo: if you lie to me about his then I can’t believe you when you tell the truth and that’s no fun
We told the little dudes in my family that lying makes Jesus cry. It only worked with one of them. Lol
Read the boy who cried wolf-told them if they lied and I found out they would be in more trouble than if they just told the truth- the truth always comes out, and lastly show them how it would feel when they were the one lied to even if it’s a little lie.
Mine does this…about the stupidest shit too…i call him out on it. Eventually he’ll stop
Depends on what you want to do about it. I Discipline my kids for lying. Taking away electronics, favorite toy ect. And praise then for tellin the truth. I dont want them to turing into lying Jerks as adults.
I believe its a parents job to teach right from wrong. Parents 1st then friends. But also very important to be loving
Tell him a big lie that makes him happy (like going to Disneyland) then reveal the lie weeks later to drive home the point: You cannot trust a liar. You should be able to trust your family and friends. Lies hurt those who love and trust you. He will be questioning everything-wondering if he is being lied to. Each time he questions the truth, another lesson emerges… It worked for my daughter.
Dealing with it with my 5 year old nephew who is here a lot. We always point out we know he’s lying & he gets punished right away. I then tell him why would I believe anything you say to me when all you do is lie… yes it makes him cry but it gets my point across. We then have a conversation on why it’s not okay to lie & if he keeps it up knowing it’s not okay the punishment will get worse(I haven’t done it but I tell him ima gonna wash his mouth out with soap. Generally speaking that kills the lying while he’s with us then the process starts over after he comes back from his moms) it’s an odd situation that we have with why we have him as much as we do but it’s just a trying process of getting him to act right again for both sides.
Reward or praise when shes honest or you get her to tell the truth after the lie show her truth is better and lying isnt good
Got my daughter to stop doing it so often was teaching her if she told the truth after a lie she wouldnt get a punishment because i respected and liked that she told me the truth and was honest
I tell my son that when he lies, his ears turn red. He has stopped lying to me lol
What is she lying about? Depending on that determines how to handle it. My 7yo and 4yo will slip up every now and again. If they’re afraid of getting in trouble or something similar I talk to them and remind them we don’t lie. If they are honest they will get in no trouble or very little. But lying gets you in big trouble so we shouldn’t do it. If they’re lying just to do it they get a little taste of soap and we move on.
Not quite 8 but I have an almost 6 year old and when she lies, even about something small, I call her out and tell her explicitly “you are lying, thats not okay, either tell the truth or you will be in trouble for lying to me” and if she doesnt then tell me the truth she goes to time out. I dont want my kids to ever think they need to lie to me, even if its something small or not important. I want my kids to grow up thinking that even if they are at a party I said no to, and drunk off their butt, that I won’t yell at them for calling me to help. They need to know that trusting someone means that you have to be truthful, and also that they have to be receptive to the truth.
My parents said I wouldn’t get in trouble if I told the truth. It worked with me. Of course they talked to me about what I had done. Kids usually lie to avoid pain. If you take away the pain, you take away the reason to lie. Just calmly involve them in any atonement (unclogging the toilet, cleaning up the broken lamp, apologizing to another child, doing the homework or accepting that they earned a bad grade, etc.) Bonus is it also teaches them to be calm when things go badly. Think about having a boss more focused on fixing problems than affixing blame.
lying to your child about lying is ridiculous. Lying is a normal behavior that will be learnt now or later when they need to use it to survive
I told my kids their ears turn red when they lie so now they hurry to cover their ears when they lie idk if that would work randomly with an 8yo, but my son is 8, it works but I’ve been saying it his whole life.
The Boy who cried wolf is an amazing story and lesson. This is normal though at this age. Harsh punishment only teaches to lie better. They can’t be afraid of the outcome if they tell the truth. Explain trust and how important it is to be able to believe every word they say. Also set the example. I do not lie to you I expect the same respect. Ugly truths are better than pretty lies.
Explain to them what it does to the relationship between the two of you and anyone else the child interacts with in regard to trust. Just as importantly calmly find out why they feel like they need to. Usually, it’s fear, anger, or frustration.
Lie to him, but be obvious about it, when he calls you out tell him you thought that was the cool thing to do. Tell him you will respect him by telling him the truth when he does the same for you.
Read him the story of the boy that cried Wolf
Make him
Write I will not lie mine hate to write
I was/am worried about my 6 year old lying. My pediatrician said when the consequences are severe enough the behavior will stop, and that usually is when they start losing friends because of lying
Some children fear displeasing others & have conflict issues & will tell you what they think you want to hear, whether it is true or not. Therapy helps, but it is a lifelong battle.
All good advice here. The only thing I have to add is to be sure that you are painfully honest; always. Don’t let your little one hear you telling little lies. It makes them think it’s grown up and ok to do.
I have done a few things. One is to reward honesty. I have one kiddo that it was her default to lie. Didn’t matter what it was about. She lied. I started to give her a second chance to tell the truth. As in, if you tell the truth now, you will be in less trouble. Once she had taken a charging cord from one of her siblings. She started to lie then just went and got the cord. Instead of a week without her phone for lying and taking something I only took the phone for a day.
What is she lying about? Is she afraid of consequences? If so, explain that when you “catch” her in a lie, the consequences are going to be twice what she was expecting if she does not tell you the truth. i.e. two weeks without her favorite pastime instead of one, etc. Are her “lies” her exagerating (darn I cannot spell anymore), or denying that she did something? Not that both are not wrong, but it may help to learn why she has developed this behavior.
I posted signs stating that “Liars get Caught”. It worked. But now my son is 25 and has starting lying again or just not communicating. Unreal, and he knows better!
Explain how hurtful lying is. Then, show the child how hurtful it can be. For example if the child likes a specific dessert after dinner tell them yes but after dinner you don’t give it to them. Or going to the park or store & then they can’t go. They feel that hurt & sadness.
I wish I had some witty advice for you but sadly I don’t. I’ve tried everything thing under the sun as well with all my children and grandchildren and out of 13 of them I can honestly say only 2 of them will tell me the truth no matter what I ask or what the consequences may be. Now they don’t always lie but they sure don’t always tell the truth either.
I would tell my kids , I can forgive the truth but not a lie . It work for me . Washing out there mouths with soap sounded a little to harsh to me … we all at one time have lied .
My 13 yr old, nothing worked…you could watch him do something, ask him why he did it and he would tell you he didn’t do it and nothing would help as he would bring hell with him. (Lives with grandma now) my 5 yr old gets 3 chances to tell truth and not be in trouble except “don’t do that again” or sitting for a few. Normally she breaks but if not (same thing…can watch her do it) she will get soap in her mouth. Seems to work for her at moment.
I always told my kids it was easier to to tell the truth and than you didn’t have to remember what you lied about it worked
Grandma here parents!! Explain around 4-5 years old very simply what lying is and what it means at that age they do not understand the concept keep explaining and consequences for not telling the truth take away a toy older it’s the electronics this is a never ending job for parents to explain however the next part is for them to explain what they just heard and IF they understand and their consequences also let them choose a consequences you will be surprised what they come up with might even be harder then what you might choose ! Start early it’s learning to solve problems!
My son lied alot when he was little and when I would catch him lying I would wash his mouth out with soap it only took about 3 times and he stopped
Generally when a childs behavior changes drastically and negatively there is an underlying issue. Bullying, abuse of some kind, new sibling…ect. Definitely keep your mom radar up or even ask if they are experiencing problems. Soap is always a go to for lying and cussing.
Try to determine why they are lying: anxiety, fear of getting in trouble etc.
I had a talk about trust-losing it, regaining, love you no matter what-can come to me… and your ears turn red when you lie.
I told my greatson when he was 4 and 5that if he liedthe devil will come up from the ground and take you to hell with him. A coupl of lies later he lied about something and i didnt say much to him. About 5 minutes after he lied to me i seen him go in his room and he was looking down at the floor and saying “i didnt lie devil i diddoit. Dont come get me” hes 7 now and hasnt lied to me at all.
With all three of mine if u lied you got in twice as much trouble. It stopped quickly
Conviction, it’s the only way. Every child will lie until they are shown that it’s wrong. Take the child to Church Sunday school.
My 7 yr old does the same thing do not know why
Wash their mouth out with dawn dish soap
I also charge money sometimes. You lied…I get your phone or whatever privilege is taken away and I get $5. Don’t have $5…here is a list of things that need done and you can earn your freedom.
Beat his little ass. Damn, all these “tell him lying is wrong, blah blah”, he’s 8, he knows lying is wrong. Beat his ass, take all his electronics away, put him in his room and he can only come out for the bathroom, school, and meals. Did it to mine once with each of them and they haven’t done it since. (I mean spank so all you Karen’s about to say I’m abusing my kids can stfu before you think you’re smart)
Doing chores or taking his allowance each week. That works for me and my fiancee with his daughter. We catch her doing something wrong yeah she has to either give us 5 dollars in the jar or do chores. She hates cleaning house
For the next week don’t believe anything he says. If he wants hamburger for dinner make hot dogs and baked beans. If he wants bacon &eggs for breakfast, make pancakes. If he says he wants a shirt or particular pair of jeans give him something different, but nice. Tell him that since he has been lying to you you don’t know if he is telling the truth about what he wants when you ask him. It worked for my kids.
In addition when my kids realized I wouldn’t let them lie we discussed and agreed on some rules. I they told the truth if they did anything wrong or against the rules I might not punish but we would discuss what they did well before andif any punishment was administered.
We also discussed when a “white Lie” could be allowed. I used the example of a surprize party that you told that person wasn’t planned but it happened. I said a small fib that would be found out soon could be acceotable but a lie to de eve wasn’t nice and shouldn’t be done be Use soon aier couldn’t keep up with all their kirs and would slip up. This was a discussion we had many times when my kids were between 8 and 15.
It’s a phase… But you need to let them know every time you catch them in a lie…
It’s normal. Pushing the boundaries and testing themselves and others.
I liked to read books to my kids that dealt with issues; which in this case would be the boy who cried wolf and there’s more I’m sure. Also, Always praise honesty, even if they did something bad but told the truth.
Middle schoolers lie. A parent can help by asking questions differently. An example, instead of saying did you do your homework? (Because they mean to do their homework, plan to do their homework and know they will get into trouble if they say no, so they say yeeeessss). Say, "hey we have 45 minutes, can you take out your homework and see how much you can get done in that 45? It takes away the opportunity to lie, which is really just a coping mechanism to not get into trouble…
Give her a taste of her own medicine. Tell her tomorrow we’re going to the zoo, tomorrow tell her no I lied and when she throws a temper fit tell her you didn’t like that did you? I don’t like when you lie either.