My 8 year old is disrespectful...advice?

I need some serious help/suggestions. I have an 8 year old son that I am on my last straw with. He is 100% disrespectful towards me and everyone can see it and tells me. I have had a police officer talk to him but that didn’t do anything. He goes to counseling. He is too young to go to juvenile. PLEASE HELPPPP


Put your foot down and parent him? If he mouths off, take away his devices. Ground him. Remove everything from his room but his bed and clothing and send him to his room with the only exception being he can come out for meals and the restroom. Make him earn back his stuff or screen time by improving his behavior.


Act now and act fast. Be consistent you can NOT let your guard down at all for anything. I know a boy who has completely gotten out of control. It’s not good.


Have you reached out to your son’s doctor? Any behavioral issues should be noted and it’s ok to seek out professional help like therapy and potential diagnosis. No offense but a police officer isn’t going to help an 8 year old that’s having a behavioral problems. He doesn’t need to go to Juvenile, he needs helps so get him the help. Therapy can be a great tool for the both of you and help you with your parenting style.


Do you spend time with him? Listen, Talk etc sometimes we as parents are so busy with our lives working, house cleaning cooking and leave children to fed for themselves, sometimes they act out from not having a parent showing them
That they care…


Apply the board of education to the seat of understanding.


Have u checked if he has some type of autism. I ask because a lot of times they have behavioral problems. But get him checked there might be a reason behind it. If not give him a good spanking. Js


If he can’t respect you or anything you do for him then take it, you’re only required to feed him clothes and a roof over his head. Until he can act respectful towards you then he can have a bed and his clothes. No tv no iPad no games make him earn it back. Now the older generations would tell you a good pop in the mouth would clear that up but that’s not cool in 2024


I say give him the basics in life , food but not what he likes , no extras till he thinks he wants them and behaves accordingly.


INTO books? Check out a few about the topic. Or videos? You tube has a lot, Sorry can’t suggest specific titles, ppl, been awhile.

How is his diet? Is there lots of sugar and preservatives? Optimal nutrition is key. Is he getting adequate sleep? Make bedtime earlier. Too much screen time? Ditch the devices and get outside. Is he struggling in school? Bad grades or bullying? Sometimes, there is an underlying issue that you know nothing about. Are there times your kid will open up,like a long drive? Try to get that line of communication open,you may be surprised what you find out. But most importantly, make sure that you’re taking care of yourself so you can handle this situation with great care. Childen know when we’ve got our shit together or not. No way this is your fault,but kids pick up on everything and worry about things that we couldn’t imagine they would.I get everyone saying to spank,but i would only do that for a last resort like if he physically hurt someone else or if he’s going to get hurt himself. Hang in there,momma,most likely a phase that will pass.

What do you mean disrespectful? What exactly is he doing? I need more information to be able to give advice on this situation. Is he saying nasty/mean things to you? Is he refusing to do something after you asked?

I will tell you that when my kids are rude or disrespectful to me I talk to them. Therapy also helps. My 6 year old was having massive melt downs and I needed someone to help ME to help her if that makes since. You need to lead by example. Tell him how it makes you FEEL instead of getting angry and telling. Tell him that you are not going to be around someone who treats you poorly and then leave the room. Good luck!

Maybe try talking to your son? Ask him what he needs or wants? Compromise with him. He needs a routine and something to look forward to. Appreal to him, most reasons a child acts out is either not enough stability or ( As an autistic person myself with many issues) it’s something mentally incorrect. I would get him tested for autism, depression, anxiety. The tests are covered by insurance. Reading some of the comments, I would suggest getting him mental help BEFORE you start taking away the things he loves to do. It could cause even more problems. Family therapy I believe would help a lot. There is a lot that goes into a child’s behavior.


I’m sorry for your struggle. I say this with love; kids learn behaviors. Who is he spending time with that acts that way? Or what is he watching on tv? Maybe it’s time to take a serious inventory of the people and situations in his life and make some adjustments. Maybe he no longer gets to play that video game. Maybe he doesn’t need to spend time with that relative everyone knows is angry or rude… just for some examples. Find the external force that is teaching him this negativity and banish it from his life. You’re his parent, you have that ability. Good luck and God bless you. :four_leaf_clover:

Sounds like you did not hold your ground on respect from the time he was little and now. It is up to you mother.

Definitely should get him seen by his doctor. Have them check for ADD, ADHD. Than go from there. However to get respect u have to also show him respect. I have a 10 year old adhd boy. He has his days. But when he’s having a bad day n really mean I start taking the things he loves the most. He gets grounded for a day or However long it takes. Don’t give in no matter what.


Taking all electronics including tv helped my son so much. And SPORTS!! Take him to the library, church, play board games or cook together, etc.
fill that time with positive time
My son needed connection and exercise, sunlight. Doing theses things completely changed his attitude for me


Can you get him into Therapy?


I agree with the people saying go to the basics. Bed, blanket, books and that’s it. Bore the defiance out of him! And never give in. Be consistent with everything you do and all boundaries set


Have you heard of board of education on rear

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I have a granddaughter 8 years old,that’s the same way. I’m old school I spanked and I told them if I could talk to them then no spanking.Children now don’t have any consequences, my oldest granddaughter told me that when she was younger she is 36


Mom youst to pop us on the mouth that cured most of her problems

I make mine wash dishes and do housework - the level of disrespect is weakening. If he doesn’t was the dishes we don’t have plates to eat off


Basic needs and that’s it. Take his door off his bedroom door. Give him a mattress with bedding, tooth brush and paste, maybe a lamp and nothing else. Stick to your grounds and don’t give in or up. Raising kids is hard, really the hardest thing you will do in life.


I read a book The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell. Your child not receiving love in a language he understands, could cause him to act out. It’s worth the read…

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First off, well done mama for wanting to sort this out now before he gets older

And my daughter was the same. Through some tears and more ups then downs we finally got there.
There is no easy answer and trust me you want to give up but please don’t .
Hang in there mama


Pray for him and the situation.


My honest opinion is it truly depends on the child. The goal is never to hurt the child but have them understand that there are actions and consequences in the world. Every kid is different, for instance, my child I could take everything electronic from him, not let him go outside, all that but he didn’t care. If I gave him a slight tap on the back of the head (think a Gibbs slap from NCIS at 5%power), he would stop and understand what was going on. There is no right answer, learn what works with your child, be stern with the house boundaries or what you expect of them, but know they are their own person and you can’t treat them the same as perhaps the kids next door

Be sure not to become a reactive parent, don’t discipline from your emotions. Our child doesn’t need to process your emotions but theirs. Watching some old TV shows helped my middle child, the more wholesome lifestyle with morals, values, and MANNERS! Showing him Socially acceptable behavioral responses.


:pray: :pray: for you. My grandson and my son was like that .Son changed but it took him several jail trips and turning 40 .Grandson 23 has lady at mental health to talk to but hasn’t helped .Started when he was in second grade.

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I have a 13 year old who is going throu the Juvie system all my others never had that issue all I can say therapy and being open minded my son is autistic but so is my middle son and youngest daughter is adhd some have more issue or struggle and issues with authority all I can say is have his back try to understand my oldest thou lives with his dad long story my other children do not so it alot can do with environmental or ppl he’s around friends family there is no telling therapy and getting evaluation is key


A good swat across the bottom


I will ad, that took away my kids gaming and internet for the whole summer, and guess what, I got my son back :heart:


Counseling and maybe a change in schools. Being bullied can lead to that behavior and so can having the wrong friends. Kids act like who they’re with and if his friends are rude he will be too.

Change his diet. Cut out dyes and artificial crap and see if that makes a difference and also put him on a vitamin regimen. Maybe he is lacking something. You wouldn’t believe how many issues stem from gut problems.

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Take away everything.
They said we had to be parents they didn’t say we have to spoil these kids.
Also if he’s using disrespectful words I’d absolutely pop him in the mouth. :woman_shrugging:t2:


Such a hard place to be, praying for you. It’s not easy to correct

Pray, be patient and persistent. Consider marital arts they teach self discipline and respect.

Take away anything that he likes untill he can treat you with respect

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Take your power back and lead by grace.
Read wild things, how to nurture boys in all their stages
Take away all electronics. Absolutely no more fortnight.
No YouTube.
Prioritize proper meal schedules and enough sleep.
Strict bedtime routine.
Instill the Lord in this child’s heart and sow confidence and stability into him.
No job, boyfriend, husband, NO ONE but the lord is more important than raising this boy.
He is rebelling, because he has too much freedom without guidance

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How does his father treat you?

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Look at what you’re feeding him. Sometimes that creates monsters.

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Have u ever watched super nanny. She’s a behavioral expert. But watch it alone not with kids ,seriously

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It’s hard but I hate to be this person , some kids need an old fashioned u know what……. Seriously. Take what u will with this info

Make a chore chart with behavioral goals. Give gold stars for going X amount of time without sassing, remembering to say please and thank you, getting chores done in a window of time, whatever behavior you’re looking for. If he achieves a certain number of stars by the end of the day, he gets a reward like staying up an extra 15 minutes, getting a bubble bath, picking out something for dinner, or occasionally a snack treat.

Once he starts to improve, up the number of stars required by one per month or go to two days for a reward. You have to be absolutely consistent in rewards and consequences, and if dad or someone else is in the picture, you have to agree and be a unified force.

Go to the library and read up on Oppositional Defiant Disorder and lots of parenting books. I found “Your Difficult Child” to have a wealth of information. Watch Super Nanny and America’s Super Nanny shows.

Spend time with your child and do fun things together. Be active together and tire him out while gaining stamina. Learn meditation, yoga, tai chi, breathing etc. and other ways to calm yourselves. Apologize when you lose your cool or feel you’ve parented the wrong way in a tense moment. Add joy to your lives so it doesn’t seem like you’re always mad at each other.

Talk to his teachers, coaches, counselors, and others who interact with him about what works for them and their observations. Often an outside person will have a different perspective.

I know it’s really hard work for you, but it WILL pay off. Also, have a family meeting once a week to discuss concerns. Put an agenda on the fridge and add to it whenever there’s a problem/disagreement. Don’t try to handle it in the heat of the moment. Both of you think about solutions, ideas and compromises for the agenda items during the week.

At the appointed time each week sit down calmly. Let him speak first UNINTERRUPTED and listen. When he’s done, rephrase what he said and ask if you understood correctly. If not, keep asking questions until you get it. Ask him if he has any solutions/suggestions. Agree to all or some of what he’s asking for or offer other ideas. If you can’t find agreement, table it until next week and think about and research it more.

Then it’s your turn to talk about a problem and make suggestions for a solution. Ask him to paraphrase what you’re asking about to make sure he understands. Keep letting him ask questions and you keep answering and clarifying just like he did with you until you both understand the situation in the same way. Then come up with solutions. Write down what you agreed upon. It’s often helpful to have an object to hold while speaking and only the person with the object can speak. NO INTERRUPTIONS ALLOWED. If he gets mad and wants to smash plates, there’s a bean bag-like thing you can throw against a wall and it makes glass breaking sounds. Or he can punch a pillow. When you lose your cool at his behavior you can do the same.

Record his disrespect on your phone and show it to him later. Ask him how he thinks that makes you feel at a time when you are both calm. Do you give him respect? It goes both ways. Let him record you too. Do you expect him to be perfect or to jump when you say jump? Do you ask nicely or issue orders and yell? Might be worthwhile to set up cameras and later review how you interact.

It’s hard, mama! But if you change your behavior he will change his. Learn to de-escalate and calm down when there’s a power struggle. Catch him doing good. Praise him privately and publicly for something he did right to show he’s not hopeless or a “bad boy.” Role play and practice good behavior so he understands the right way to react in different situations.

Give him choices and some autonomy. If he feels like you run his life and he has little say in it, of course he’s going to push back. Maybe he doesn’t need to line up his toys on a shelf, but could toss them in labeled bins. Let him pick out his own clothes. Pick your battles and let him win when the stakes are low. If he feels he has more control over his life he won’t battle you for it.

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Well I can tell what kind of parent you are by saying I had a police officer talk to him. Have you tried to figure out the why instead of just punishing them? Kiddo is 8. Still very much a little kid and home life as a lot to do with attitude. Are you doing things that deserve respect? If you aren’t respectful of him why would he respect you?


Sounds like my kid with ODD

Hit um upside the head with that act right lol

What are the family dynamics? Has there been a divorce? Does he have a male role model? Is he harboring resentment towards you for something? What is your parenting style? Are you dismissive, too lax, disconnected, assertive, aggressive??? Oftentimes we have to be honest with ourselves in what we could improve before our kid improves. He can get all the therapy in the world but if nothing is changing in his surroundings it’s going to be a really hard change


I’m sure there’s more to this story 

Might not be a comment people will agree with but ignore him totally except for stuff you legally have to do feed , house and supervision. When he realizes you are not going to engage with him except doing what you need to maybe he’ll say oh cr@p she isn’t even talking to me or doing anything I want her to do for me and change. Some kids need that might take a bit of time but …


Sometime they need to be tested for the spectrum.
Does he behave at school?


My dad had a belt. He used it. Talk back, butt whooped. Talking down to an adult that didn’t deserve it, belt. If you don’t believe in spanking, your child will be corrected by the prison system.

Push ups.

Start with five.
They argue?
That’s six.
Still arguing?

Mine got to twenty before they realized they were digging a hole they couldn’t get out of.

For every time they put their knee down - we restart the counting.

Half way down and back up doesn’t count - if you try me I’ll restart counting from one again.

And we do it where the offense took place.

Disrespectful at the grocery store/gas station/grandmas back yard? Drop and give me five where you stand.

Seriously WORKS.

Lord y’all about to be mad, but there are times a good old fashioned ass whippen is needed. This is that time, you are the momma not the friend. The kid is 8!! Clean that mouth, zest works pretty good I hear.

Take all Electronics away. He must earn them back.
Do playing with friends.
No going over to the friends houses.
Bedtime routine and schedule.
No tv.
Most importantly, put your foot down and men what you say. Let him know that there are consequences for his actions.

Turn that bedroom into a cell. Books, bed. See how long it takes him to be respectful. Let him know it’s what his future holds.


Teach him how he’s hurting other peoples feelings. Consistently …Discipline him and stick to it. Dont give in. No fun activities till u can act ur age. Don’t go to far bc he will just turn rebellious and do things out of spite bc he can’t sort through his emotions. So he could possibly do things for attention. Thats the key. Teach him and ur self bc I didn’t know either till I did research about a kids brain at this age & teach him to sort through and deal and control his emotions. Ex: Why r u feeling this way, what feelings are u feeling right now, what can mom do to change this behavior, then ok ur feeling angry and frustrated ? Ok…what can I do to help u find a way to resolve ur problem. Then let him know next time he’s stuck on something to approach u ina respectful manner and u will have no problem helping him. Suggest some ideas to help him through his emotions. Also little mister it’s time u understand ur a child and not supposed to treat ur parents/elders disrespectfully bc it’s a reflection of how you raised him. Let him know that’s all on him. He’s becoming a man and u don’t want him to turn out to be a bad man when he gets older bc he can get into a lot of trouble with the law…so he needs to learn to correct his behavior now! Tell him these things despite him being 8. He needs to hear these things. Can u give an example of how he treats u?

Stop babying him. If you’ve truly tried everything he wouldn’t be disrespectful. So I believe in corporal punishment. If you aren’t willing to try that don’t be mad when he ends up in Juvie. And just so you know. Age 11 is the youngest … in my state… a kid can go to Juvie.
Tough love works.

Ignore all these “call your doctor” posts. If he throws a fit, stand firm. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, GIVE IN, NO MATTER HOW BAD HE THROWS A FIT.

Kids will test every possible boundary just to see what they can get away with. They are mischievous. Give wholesome positive reinforcement whenever he behaves the way he should. Reward the goed behavior, acknowledge that he’s a good kid but point out the bad behaviors. The kinks will work themselves out.

But seriously, do not give into the neurodevelopmental bullshit. All it does is give kids an excuse to continue to misbehave and parents an excuse for not being a parent to correct the behaviors. There are entirely way too many people with legitimate cognitive disabilities that behave with grace for that to continue to be some people’s idea of escaping parenting responsibilities.

Prayers in Jesus mighty name :pray: :heart: :blue_heart:

Take away all devices. Don’t give in

I’m guessing you have removed all devices and privileges? Take away any sports he’s involved in and let him sit in a bare room.

So have you taken him to a psychiatrist yet?

Or are you just going to try to beat it out of him like my dad did??

Something is WRONG. Stop being a asshole and get your kid in to a psychiatrist.

Also I also suggest you make an appointment for yourself too because that stuff is genetic and you not putting together’ A’ and ‘B’ sounds exactly like me. And I have multiple diagnosises

apply the board of education to the seat of understanding and be consistent!!

Ive a 6 yr son like it but swearing and more

At 8yrs old it’s definitely a parental fail.
Seriously address your parenting style first.

Should have started young with punishment. If taking things away isn’t working. When he’s doing something he shouldn’t, make him clean. Baseboards, walls, windowsills, doorknobs, etc. Make him do push-ups etc.
When that don’t work, beat his a**. That may have helped from day one. Worked for us.

Send him off. No being mean but maybe he needs a school or something like that for behavior do a Google search I know how much u luv him and it will hurt to send him away but by ur post it looks like y’all might end up hating each other and it won’t make things easier

Here come all the people saying “ it’s an illness or a disability! It’s a disrespectful child! Period! Punishment by any means is necessary! Take away his favorite things ! Give him some old fashioned straightening up! If you know what I mean! It worked for millions of of parents and children for centuries!

Timeouts in a chair for a hour , take away the TV No tablets video games etc . Take away the things he enjoys or loves for one day. If he does it again Timeout
Two hours in the chair and two days with none of his electronics. Keep increasing the time on both . He will finally get it . Just say do you understand every time you are disrespectful. I am adding days to the removal of your games and adding a hour to your time out chair . It works . But you have got to be consistent and never ever give in to the amount time he sits or the removal of his games . If you let him up early from timeout he will consider you a joke . Same with the toys or electronics you take away.

Have you considered being a better example