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"My grandma has been trying to push me to tell my blood mother about my three month old son and eventually agree to let her see him. Long story short, my mom’s in prison and won’t be allowed around children when she eventually gets out. I don’t want to let her near him both for that reason and the fact that she broke almost every promise she made me over the years… I don’t want my son to go through the pain I did of wondering if she’d call or show up. My grandma and her husband were told at the beginning of my pregnancy that I didn’t want her knowing about it. It took all of two months after he was born for her husband to ‘forget’ (blamed it on old age + bad memory) and tell her… My grandma has preached forgiveness to me… Am I overreacting by telling them the only way I’ll allow my son to see them via vid chat is if they respect my boundary of not telling my mother about him? Edit to add, my grandma has a habit of guilt tripping me saying she won’t be around much longer and wants me and my mom to fix our problems"
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"You know what is best for your child. And if all these happened I wouldn’t want her near my child either. If you think she’s toxic. Leave her in the past."
"It is ok to not associate with toxic family, take care of you and baby."
"Stand your ground momma! Never let someone guilt you into doing something with YOUR child that your not comfortable with. “Family” or not, nobody is entitled to be part of your life if they do not bring you joy and happiness. You do not have to accept negativity and toxic behavior in your life . And the fact that she is in prison and NOT allowed to be around children when she’s released means she is no good to children and doesn’t deserve to have any child in any part of her life"
"Toxic is toxic regardless of it being family, tell them that’s your decision and it’s final and if they don’t respect it leave them in the past also."
"Why TF is it so fucking how for others to respect boundaries. It isn’t that fucking hard. You need to put very very clear boundaries and STICK TO THEM. I’m sorry it’s your grandparents but you don’t keep TOXIC people on your life. This isn’t about you. It’s about that’s baby…… no. BYE GRANDMA AND GRANDPA until they can RESPECT your boundaries. It isn’t her job to teach you forgiveness. That’s not her job. If you believe in God that’s his and your issue. Not hers."
"I felt with a similar situation with an ex mother in law, if you give an inch they take a mile… Stand your ground"
"If shes prohibited from being around children then stick to it. Someone could find out and call dhhs,dhs or cps- whatever your area calls it and you could be charged with endangering a minor- so best to not do it and you can tell your grandma that too."
"Toxic is toxic. You have every right to cut those people out of your life. Even if its your Mother. Trust me"
"Since your birth mother won’t be allowed to be around children after prison then your grandma needs to butt out of all this at this point cause she’s doing more damage than good. Stand your ground n be very blunt with your grandma saying if she keeps bringing it up then you’ll have no choice but to cut her completely off for good from your child too."
"Put that baby first!"
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