My Bonus Son's Mom Doesn’t Tell Us When He Is Sick

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"I need some advice and I need to see if maybe my thought process is on par…Scenario: Around 2pm yesterday my boyfriend’s ex wife gets a call from her sons school and he is throwing up. Basically he finishes out the school day. It is our weekend to get his son. She doesn’t tell us until I pick him up of the situation. So we have a sick kid who is throwing up and is running a fever. Is she in the wrong for not telling us sooner, should she have cancelled his weekend with his dad? She does this A LOT and personally I think she is a selfish parent… let me explain…In 2020 when Covid first started she sent him to us when she was in quarantine for being within 6 feet of someone who had Covid, which meant she had a high risk for catching Covid she did NOT tell us she was in quarantine, I got Covid due to this (I have a weakened immune system) her son was supposed to quarantine with us for 2 weeks according to the health department and she insisted he come home immediately even though he had been exposed, she took him to the DR for a physical and lied about his Covid exposure. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, everyone in their house was sick, fevers, runny noses etc. Well they all tested positive for Covid and before they were tested she sent her son here for the weekend where we (my boyfriend and I) contracted Covid as well. Am I wrong for thinking when the boyfriends son is sick he should stay home until he is well, or am I the a**hole for thinking the boyfriends ex wife is selfish and that she does this on purpose so she doesn’t have to deal with a sick kid? We get him A LOT we get him during the week and sometimes every weekend just as a reference."

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The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

"I don’t understand what’s the difference between him being sick at his dad’s house or his mom’s, I think she should give you a heads up but the kid being sick is not a reason to deny him"

"It’s not like sending him to friends it’s his dad. He should take care of him sick too"

"I get the whole Covid issue but he can still go to his dads house sick … that’s his dad. His dad can take care of him."

"You’re still a parent even when the child is sick. A heads up would have been nice yes, but no reason you shouldn’t have the child on your time."

"When a child is sick they usually still go for their visitation. Of course it’s up to both parents being okay with this. My son stayed home once from a visit and while his dad said that was okay he took it to court where the court said he could go sick and have his biological father care for him. Depends on the court order the communication between parents, but I’d say as a girlfriend you should let his father handle this"

"I get being upset about the covid thing but the latest one? You guys are his home too. When coparenting like this, you too should be taking care of him when he sick. Not just mom"

"It’s your boyfriends responsibility to have his son, regardless of his health. Sick or not. I do think you should be informed, especially with the current situation. If covid is in one home and the parent is able to keep the child, of course that is the ideal thing to do. No sense in spreading it if it’s possible not to."

"When I was sick at my mom’s, she took care of me. When I was sick at my dad’s, he took care of me. Sure, it wasn’t responsible of her to just let him sit at school throwing up but that’s not a reason for him to not see his father. Sounds like the two of you (you and bio mom) need to work out the immaturity on both parts and grow up."

"Your boyfriend is the childs dad. That means he should also be looking after his child when hes sick. I get that she should have kept him when he has Covid to stop the spread, but other than that the care should be shared"

"I’m 50/50 on this one. No she shouldn’t cancel contact cause he’s sick. He’s his dad. It’s half his responsibility. On the COVID thing, I agree with you. She should have said and he should have sat his isolation out with the parent he was exposed with, which in this case would have been his mum. Illnesses and contact, It’s a hard thing to navigate tbh."

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