My boyfriend and I constantly have people at our house...advice?

My bf and I have been together for years. We’re basically living together. Let me preface this by saying I’m an only child of a single mother. It’s just been us. No siblings, aunts,cousins,etc live close by. My bfs family on the other hand lives close to us. He can’t go a day without having someone at the house. Cousin, friends, etc. I’m tired of it! I want to have a night just him me and our child! I’ve told him this but his excuse is he’s working on a car and needs help from them. So it leaves me with our child bored in the house. Like why am I there if you’re just going to do your own thing? Loud noises stress me out, so the constant people in and out is driving me insane. He doesn’t seem fo get it. I’m the one who packs lunch, picks out clothes, brushes teeth, gives a bath etc. his excuse for not bathing our child? “Oh I’m a bigger guy and it’s hard.” I’m sorry that’s the worst excuse if I ever heard one. Sorry for my long rant, I’m just tired.


I’d go back to your own place if you have one or find one. Have some space from each other and let him do things for himself.


I am
So sorry . I would not want people in my house all
The time
And I love people ! We all
Need some
Down time . Maybe y’all can set a couple of days where this is ok but let that be it . Also , he needs to help with the child . Make sure you get a lot of premarital counseling before marrying this man


You and your child are the last thing that he cares about. Stay if you like being last in your man’s life. I would be goneeeee with no hesitation. I need love, attention and affection. Trust me, there are men that put their family first. Lots of them. Good luck :pray:


Devils advocate here…if he’s actually trying to get something done with the car then I’d let him do that. He’s obviously a very social person as well so whilst I understand that you aren’t, you can’t really isolate someone because they are close to people and you don’t like noise.
However…you do deserve to have some down time and time together, that’s not asking too much so perhaps you need to just tell him on x, x, x day we are going to spend family time together. The car and people can wait because it’s important that you and the child are also a priority in his life. You’re not trying to stop him doing anything, you just need him to hit pause for a moment.
If not, then as others have suggested, you may need to think about compatibility here and if there can be a happy middle ground between you two and you all as a family.


You teach people how to treat you.


Get yourself your own life, you’ll be glad you did


You have a child together and you’re only “basically living together”… red flags galore.


That would drive me crazy having people over constantly. Do you have a friends house you can leave to for a few hours next time he does it? Just to prove a point. Don’t even say anything just leave and wait to see how long it takes for him to realize you guys are gone for one, then for two prove your point. I’m burnt out and tired of not being able to be comfortable and at home in my house. I need a few days a week without visitors. That’s what I would say. Luckily my husband is more of a home body than I am so I never have this problem but I would be so annoyed.


I’d be like something needs to change make me a priority for once or I will walk out lol


Send him back to the streets. If he wants to act like he is single and doesn’t have responsibilities or prioritise you and his child then, set yourself free.


I for one hateeeee having ppl over 24/7 so I feel you. Especially weekdays when we work and kiddo has school. Throws off our routine lol. But by “basically living together” does that mean it’s HIS place? If so, leave. Don’t bother going over if he’s going to ignore you and Compromise on a day/days or times he can have ppl over. Even if he has a million and one things to do, it shouldn’t stop him from being a parent. If you’re doing it all alone might as well be alone


Why be with someone who can’t make you and his child a priority? Remove yourself from that situation, because he obviously doesn’t care about you and he’s going to continue to show you that.


Do either of you work? Both having people round all day and being bored at home sounds like he needs a jobs to go too.might help you too, gets you out the house and you can save up for your future. He sounds like a man child, egotistical amd selfish, but it doesn’t seem like you do much other than stay in the house which won’t help.

Go home.

Sounds like he is a family man … but just needs to prioritise which family. I also think you need to try to understand that he has always had family around and it’s really hard to seperate that.


If you don’t “live together” u n baby go home. See what happens…


Go somewhere else when people show up.


Basically living together? If you have your own place I’d pack up all your stuff and baby’s stuff and go back to your place. Tell him since he rather spend time with everyone else and no actual quality time with you and baby as a family ALONE then there is no point in you and baby staying in his revolving door.


Book yourself a weekend away. Just you. No one else

Make a deal and agree with certain family days just you and your child but just because you’ve have not been a round many people and he has why would you want him to isolate himself just for you xx you have to compromise so your both happy

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Love him or leave him. He is who he is and isn’t going to change.


Leave him alone with your child for one night and let him see what it feels like.

If he can work on a car then he can totally bathe his kid.

So when you say “We basically live together” do you mean you actually do, or you’re just over often enough that it’s almost like that. How’s him having you over any different from him having anyone else over all the time? If you live there it’s a different story, lol. It’s your place too at that point.

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Let me just say I went through the same thing with my child’s father years ago and he would constantly have friends over day in and out… and we just had our 1st and only child also. I got sick of it dumped him and moved back in with my parents , got a job and moved on with my life. We coparent fine and now that we’re older I guess he realizes those same friends never really cared but I moved on and so did he :rofl::rofl::rofl:My peace was more important so you need to choose yours


Legit sounds like my ex…
It gets tiring after a while.
He was a good person but it drains you after awhile.
Your peace is important and you deserve someone who actually is there!!
I hope things get better!

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Your child is an only child of a single mother…

You’re doing it all on your own, you might as well be on your own. He clearly prioritizes his friends and extended family over his actual family.

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Buy and open closed sign lmao :rofl: and put it on your front door. That’s all I got sorry … I would stressed out to but I mean I’m pretty straight forward I would just tell the people it’s time to go.

Has he always been this way?
If you guys can maybe do a date night and get a sitter?? So you get a break momma…
You have 2 choices, 1 stay and decide to accept that he will have his family around. Or 2 leave but remember he will always be your child’s father :heart:.
I hope the best for you whatever you choose.

That is messed up
You need to do something because you are sick of the crap
“Silp out the back Jack
Make a new plan stan
Don’t need to be coy Roy
Hope on a bus gus
Don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key Lee

If it’s actually your home then be the bad guy. Politely tell them they can no longer come over during with week (for example) because there’s a routine that their presence is interrupting. If he can’t do bath time he can surely make lunch dinner etc. Don’t be a doormat and accept being used…which it appears he does to his family too.

Not the bathing part but I’m going to play devils advocate. I thrive on noise and people. We live with family and I have 0 desire for it to be just my husband and me. It’s upsetting for me to have empty house. This may be who he is as much as needing quiet and not being able to be at peace with a lot of noise. Thus tou guys gotta find middle ground as neither person is wrong. Ask for every other weekend to be guest free. And split the week up.

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Just leave. He’s never going to get it til you’re gone my ex was the same exact way. I’d make dinner and he would be too busy with his “friends” to even eat it with me. You’re going to always feel under appreciated, under valued, and alone, staying with this man.


You have some big decisions to make…please keep us informed. Someone very wise once told me…”it is better to live alone,than to live with someone and be lonely” so true.


since this isn’t going to change, you have 2 choices…one -stay, 2- leave

I’d leave him with the kid and get my nails done, see a friend, whatever. Or maybe go stay with someone else for a while & see how long it takes for him to miss you.

Definitely couples counseling—go by yourself if he refuses. I’m surprised you had a child with this dude given his putting you last.

But are you hinting or accepting? You have to be firm with an authoritative voice and say what you want. “You’re not going to have anyone over Thursday from 6-10 when we will have dinner and discuss household chores and childcare.” If people come over, send them away. “Here’s a list of chores/tasks I’ve assigned you and me (equal numbers). Let me know if you want to change any with me. I am NOT bearing the whole load from this point on.” “We will have two family nights a week where no one comes over and we spend the time with each other.” “I know you enjoy working on cars, but you can’t do your hobby all the time. BTW, when do you expect to be done with this car?”

Have consequences. “If you refuse to follow through, I’m changing the Wi-Fi password/putting your half-finished car up for sale/not having sex with you/not fixing your meals until you do.” “If work on the car is not completed by X date, it’s getting sold. No discussion.” “If you persist in not prioritizing me and your child, I’m leaving and you can pay child support and deal with all the child care alone on your days with her/him.”

Think of it like training a dog: be firm and resolute, look him in the eye, don’t cave, don’t take no for an answer, speak clearly and a bit loudly, be prepared, follow through with rewards for good behavior and consequences for bad behavior. Keep at it until you are convinced he’s hopeless, three months, maybe.

In the meantime, make a plan to leave, have a consult with a lawyer. You don’t have to follow through, but it’s always prudent to have an escape plan.

I delt with this. I left abd moved in. There was obviously more to it but I needed a man not a boy

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Your obviously not happy you know the answer what to do…

So if y’all don’t live together and he has his own house he can have whoever whenever over there tbh. But the corollary to that is you also have your own place and you don’t have to be there. Set boundaries. Say I’m not coming over if your going to be working on the car with your cousins today.

You guys just don’t sound very compatible