My boyfriend and I's kids do not get along: Advice?

Sounds normal. It can be disheartening for sure but all siblings argue, blended or not

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My opinion you can not force people to like each other. Maybe you should not have moved in together and forced kids into a situation they did not ask for. Personally I am one who believes it is not right to force people on kid. (yes I am a single mom).
I have a policy my kid does not get introduced to anyone I date Until I decide where the relationship is going and only if I plan on getting married at some point will I introduce my kid to who I am dating. He does not deserve to have a men in and out his life. I will not live with someone with my child unless I am married again. I do not feel it’s fair to my child if it does not work out. So unless were committed enough to make it legal it is not happening.
The other thing I will not do though is marry someone that my kid does not like or who has children that I would be helping to raise that my kids hate or can not get along with. I am sorry but life’s too short for that type of stress.
My child did not ask for his dad and I to get a divorce. we choose that. so as good parents it is our job to put our children needs forefront. until he is an adult. That does not mean we do not have adult relationships it mean we do not involve our child in those relationships unless its a legal one where we get married.
FYI punishing them for not getting along for something they were forced into will only backfire and end up with kids resenting you. If you plan on keeping this relationship maybe you should involve a counselor to help the kids to sort out the feelings and to learn to live with one another so that there is someone that is not going to be taking side. Both of you will one either tend to take your own kids side or you will tend to take the other kids side to prove you do not have favorites. Neither situation will work so you need someone to help you all figure things out who is not in the situation and do not have a relationship with either you or your boyfriend.


Don’t date anyone with kids

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Your guy shouldn’t even try to discipline your kids or correct them or criticize them. That’s only for you to do. If he will back off trying to “ raise” them then they can become friends eventually. You can’t punish his child either. You’re “blended” but your kids don’t see it that way

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I agree with the majority. I blended 7 children over 20 years and it eventually stops and they grow to love one another with encouragement and giving them the required communication skills Bordem has alot to do with attention deficit. Try time out works well for negative behaviour and reflection cause and effect… it can work after two weeks of implementation it does and can work positively in your favour. I give 3 warnings when it’s really bad, then when broken same rule for all They then come back to you after about agreed time (call a family meeting to address it) 3 minutes for a 3 year old 15 for a 15 year old and repeat and keep repeating until it stops. Next to that warn and take away…treats trips takeaways extras. & last but not least dont let it effect your relationship with your partner. Leave them sometimes to sort it out and remove yourselves for time out so they cant and don’t manipulate and put strain on your relationship

One last tip is try too pair them to do activities together separately and rotate them
Some will pair up more naturally older and younger to learn to care rather then bicker…talk talk talk be honest with them they are all regardless of age intelligent individuals
. Good luck it’s not an easy job but rewarding after years of been consistent the children grow to love you because you had expected levels of behaviour management.

Treat them the same. Same punishment, same rules and don’t play the yours vs mine game or you’ll all lose. Work on team building- you can’t throw kids together and expect them to just blend. They have to feel like they are special individually and that the family is important together as one. Where you will find issues is when you have a jealous/bitter ex on the opposite side making it toxic for the child. I’ve dealt with the insanity of the bitter BM telling the kid if they liked me or mine that meant they didn’t love her etc and it made the kids act out. Young children should learn coping skills and adjust easily, if they don’t you need to find the reason. One thing you have to keep in mind- kids don’t always get along… some parents feel more like a referee between their kids when they struggle with discipline. Not saying that is always the case, but if you and the BF or the EX discipline differently it will create an issue. Another thing to consider is what type of relationships these children have witnessed. Have they grown up with people yelling/fighting and this is the behavior they are mimicking… there’s a lot of factors to consider before you can get to the root of the problem. If you and your BF have been rocky and back and forth Or been in and out of other relationships are the children having an issue adjusting bc they are scared to get attached and lose someone again? So much to consider… step back and look at the big picture.


You and your partner sit them all down and ask exactly what the fk is the problem?? Let them know “you don’t have to be friends but you will be civil in this house” both of you need to be on the same page and let them know the foolery will not tolerated from either of you.

Sounds normal to me. Me and my sister are that far in age and we fought so bad growing up. We started to get along when I turned 18

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I have 2 6 year olds also and a 9 and 11 year old and they all fight like cats and dogs I mean you can try to find things they all have in common and build on that but at those ages there’s gonna fight

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I have 4 children of my own ages 7,10, and 2 months. The older 2 never stop arguing. So if you figure out a way to get them to stop. Let me know

My 2 kids fight so bad. This isnt anything you can help or change. This is part of life. Kids fight. Its up to you how to fix the fighting with discipline

My kids are biological siblings and do the exact same thing! I just think it’s the nature of the beast with kids. We usually redirect them from the activity that is causing them to argue and force them to do something else or do something separately

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I am a mom to all my kids. Including the bonus kid. He was an only child and did what he wanted. My kids were always told you are not the boss so either get over the attitude or be grounded. So my bonus kid went from being an only child to 5 siblings in 1 year at the age of 8. I have 3 His bio mom had 1 too. And me and his dad have 1 together. He hated it. I had rules i stood my ground and told him those rules and enforced the rules. My kids knew mom was in charge. When he went to bio moms over the summer mom didn’t pay a second of attention to him. He felt replaced. Thats what he figured dad was doing too. So after a year of fighting and proving that I am not going anywhere that I was sorry his bio mom didn’t want him. I loved him and if he wants attention he can come join us in the game or kitchen or outside. He is 11 and I am just now earning the best step mom title. It took a lot of work and he still tries to push me away. He fights like a typical sibling with my kids. But we have stopped pulling out knives and throwing things. Knives were his go to because he was never taught it was wrong. So when he didn’t want to do something he would use the knives. We locked up anything sharp forks included. The only thing he was allowed to use was a spoon. After several weeks he got the point. When we had steak. The fighting between my kid and him stopped when I told them that every time they fought they would have to stand nose to nose and say nice things about each other for 45 minutes straight. They also were forced to eat beside each other. Did everything with each other minus going to the bathroom. Boy girl or they would have done that too.


Its normal… mine and my fiance’s kids did the same thing for years … now they are best friends… they facetime every night!


I think it’s normal for some kids. Maybe try to get to the root of each argument and figure out how to help both sides? Make sure you aren’t defending one side too much too. It might be fun to take them out as a family somewhere they can play together or interact together in a fun way. Like bowling or something! My siblings and I fought a lot but we are super close now that we are grown. I think it’s normal to argue.

Its called being siblings and when they fight you separate them send them to their room’s you and your boyfriend has to work together on this it doesn’t matter who kid who you two gotta agree on a discipline and stick together on it you both have to let them know yall both love them and no matter what give them the same treatment


My two are biological siblings. They adore each other. But we’ve been in quarantine for 2 weeks (with another 1.5 to go).
They’re cramped in the house together. They’re not getting any social interaction aside from us and each other…and it’s taking its toll.
It’s been nonstop bickering for the last week.
This is a kid thing.

The first thing I’m going to advise is to find a way to separate them all they need time away from each other and to get thier minds off each other and having to share constantly and whatever else is troubling them.
It’s not enough to just send them to different rooms, they’ll get bored and gravitate back to each other.
Send one to thier room. You take a kiddo into one room and do some kind of activity. Cook. Clean. Do homework. Read a book together. Do a craft project…something.
Your partner needs to do the same with another kid.
Then rotate kids. The one who went to thier room goes to you or your partner. One of the others ones goes to thier room. And the other goes to the opposite parent.

Next find a family activity for all of you. Find something that forces the kids to work together. Maybe some kind of scavenger hunt.

Next, encourage activities that are meant to be shared. Particularly physical games like twister. Set up some kind of indoor obstacle course.
Kids have a lot of energy and arent meant to be trapped indoors or confined like they have been due to covid.
100% can and will contribute to many many behavior issues.

Now…if these things fail (these arent a cure-all). Make sure you and dad are on the same page. If kids are bickering over a toy. Take the toy away for the rest of the day.
If they’re bickering over what show to watch pick something none of them are asking for or turn it off.
Trying to figure out whose right or whose wrong or whose turn it is, will always leave one kiddo to feel like they’re not being heard or understood. The best thing you can do for bickering in those situations is to take the object of bickering away.
Eventually they’ll be without things to bicker about or they’ll learn to solve thier issues in a more constructive way.
This also helps keep you and your partner on a better page, because there’s not going to be any “well your kid did this”
Which happens…and it’s normal. Parents are so used to having to advocate for thier kids, this practice takes experience and self-reflection to break.

I have 9 kids ages 14 to 2yr
…fighting is normal :joy::joy::joy: goodluck.

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Mine do this on/off all day. It wasn’t even 8am and I had already told them that I wasn’t dealing with their crap today. Glad the neighbors got to hear my crazy while they were sipping their coffee.

Something that may help is making sure each child gets some 1 on 1 time. On weekends switch who gets to choose an activity. Kids fight anyway but part of it can be that they were used to more individual attention.

Let the kids work it out on their own

No kids get along, step siblings or otherwise. As long as you’re treating them all equally you’ll be fine :slight_smile:

My 4 kids are all biologically mine and they fight constantly so I think that’s just how it is 🤷

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Even biological siblings fight a lot, my brother and I often got into screaming matches whenever we were in the same room as each other. Sometimes siblings get along well their whole childhoods but those are rare ducks.

It’s the ages. They will bicker for years to come. My oldest and my middle fight all the time. And my middle and my youngest fight all the time. Never ends yall need to have an adult conversation about how to deal with it🤷🏼‍♀️

Sounds like someone needs to have a family meeting. And discuss rules, boundaries and expectations and consequences for not following them.

Welcome to parenthood. My son 10 and now daughter 6 fight all damn day they have different dads but I raise them and they never shut up lol. I hope he and u understand that.

I see everyone agrees with me

My 3 nieces fight all the time… I think kids are just annoying little bundles of joy :joy::joy:

Hey a giant shirt and write “our get along shirt” on it. Make them use it when they fight. :joy::joy::joy::joy:

My guy came with 3, and i came with 3, then we had one together. Luckily not all of them are with us all the time but golly do kids fight 24/7 for no reason. One of them was breathing toward my daughter and it was hell broke loose :joy: have you tried the peanut butter trick? Where you have a conflict so you hand one a spoon of pb (frosting works too) and get the others story, then switch to get the other side of things.


The rule in my house was that I didn’t need to hear about it unless there was a lot of blood or someone was dying. If I did hear about it everyone was getting punished. Most days I had my 2 boys along with my sister’s 2 boys, so bit of a circus to say the least. They were loud and very active and fought often but I rarely had to referee.

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Siblings and really any kids that age are gonna fight. I have 5 kids. They fight. Their friends fight. It’s like I’m a friggin bouncer. Once they are teenagers it gets worse because boys get stronger and you can’t just pick them up and remove them from each other. This is life, parents need to be vigilant.

Depending were u are u can always get family counseling if ur in or near London call Vanier children center they offer alot programs on behavioral children and help parents worth a try anyways if not around here than they may be able to find one close to u they offer counseling if that don’t work and ur bf isn’t stepping up helping solve problems then maybe it time u just have seprate house holds doesn’t mean u have live together to be together but I’d try see if u can get family counseling

Hate to say this and it’s not really jalpful but my sister and I dough bad, every sentence turned into a fight. It didn’t change til I moved out of home at 21 then we became best friends.
On a more helpful note… Could you get them to write a list of things they love to do and are interested in and hopefully can find one common interest to go with. Or try taking them out for family bonding. Do random fun things together that might spark bonding and a connection. Practical jokes at home. Parents vs kids where the kids work together as a team to create practical jokes again the parents.

Um my brother and I share the same parents and until both of us got into high school we wanted to kill each other. Like we drew blood, black eyes, we didn’t just yell, we straight up wanted to kill the other.

Once high school hit we just stopped. We hung out did stuff together. I moved away and he became my close friend. He’s my Child’s god parent. And he visits us all the time.

Don’t blame the kids

I think you have to realize kids will argue even if they are blood or not. He has 3, I have 1 and together we have 2. My oldest is 11 his is 13 and they argue so much. You just separate them till they are ready to behave or just have them hug it out. The giggles will start instantly. Trust me. Do not fight over the kids being kids. Sometimes all it takes is to tell them to go play outside.

My kids are biological siblings and fight constantly! It’s the age.

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I know kids hate writing but get them each a little journal and tell them that when they’re angry at one another they can write it in the journal instead of fighting and arguing.

Put them in their rooms , every single time…they argue, in their room. They complain then say when u idiots stop arguing you can come out.
When my daughter was a teen , I told her u want to be an a$$hole? Go in your room , don’t ruin my day , cause if your dad comes home to me in a bad mood its gonna be on u :rofl::rofl:
Only took a few times

No wonder kids are brats nowadays and have no coping skills. All the comments I have read have been leave them alone, they are just kids. Let them figure it out on their own or separate them with their laptops. As a parent you have to get them to come together and guide them on how to cope with conflict and how to repair it with communication and compromise.

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It’s completely normal. Kids are going to argue and fight . They are going to do it more if they see it annoys u .

Get a big ass shirt and make them wear it together. Write “our get along shirt” on it. Tell them if you have to solve the problem them they have to wear the shirt until they are ready to be nice to eachother. Nothing is worse than this and they will avoid it at all costs. My mom used to make me and my brother hug it out. Part of it is so ridiculous that you cant be mad anymore because you have to laugh. Knowing that shirt might come out creates a mutual bond of not wanting to wear it and trying to resolve issues on their own


I don’t know too many siblings who don’t fight & argue. Just got to make sure nothing physical comes from it & keep living!

My kids are 16 months, 10, 12 and 18, all mine and damn the older 3 are always going at it, they only ever got along when they were like 2,4 and 10 :rofl::rofl: there is no trick, just put your foot down (both of you) and tell them they are disrespecting both of you and start giving consequences

Its kids. Siblings argue and fight.

Maybe you should sit and talk to your boyfriend on how to fix the problem.

Pray always and believe jesus jesus is our hope i really believe I struggle my life before now im happy i have a good family

Kids being kids…

Let them work it out

You may find most families have battles between their kids, wether they are blended or not. And 6 year olds often are like the terrible 2 year olds, stage. As a couple work together back each other. But also reassure your kids , regularly how much you love them. Even when you have called them out over bad behaviour. Which could be being caused, by the loss of the mum or dad that isn’t there, and them not understanding why, not deep down. At your kids ages it’s not so easy to adjust to a very adult concept.

First of all kids fight…lord u would think my 4 yr old and 6 yr old wanted to kill eachother. I just separate them in time out and i punish both. Takes 2 to fight, and then seperate them…by making thrm play alone. After a while they end up back together for a bit…then ALL over again. They will grw out of it. Main thing is dont pick sides…punish ALL

Make sure you’re not setting the example.The kids probably seen fussing fighting and arguments from the previous relationships. Set a good example and they will follow

Try a get along shirt. The two arguing must wear the shirt at the same time. Wotked for mine!

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Get a x large shirt and put them in it together everytime they fight I hated that as a kid but we stopped fighting with the step siblings lol