My boyfriend and I's kids do not get along: Advice?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2years. We live in a home together with three kids. One being his from a previous relationship, and 2 are mine from a previous marriage. So we are a blended family. 2 of them are 6 yrs old, and one is 9yrs old. The problem is the kids don’t get along, and it’s coming between our relationship. It is like they just want to argue back and forth all day, and I’ve tried everything I know to try to fix it, but I need help and advice of how to get them to stop arguing so much. Our home is in total chaos, and I really want to work on improving it. Thank you in advance.

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They need to spend more time on their own. Even siblings can argue often. Give them a lot more space from each other.

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Have you tried family days? Like spending the day doing fun activities together, associating the kids with the other kids with “fun” and “happy” memories.

Maybe get each of them to make something nice for the other kids for Christmas! Make it a fun thing.

Always talk about how important it is to love each other, to be there for each other and how special it is to have siblings!

Allow each child to have their alone time too, everyone needs it and sometimes it helps when they know that their time is valuable. Teach them to express when they want alone time and also show them how they can do that without hurting the other kids feelings or arguing

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Your whole family and each one individually needs to be some type of counciling. You and your husband need to be the adults and lead the family.

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We had this issue with an 8 and 13 year old. Girl and boy. It was constantly fighting because one did something or trying to get “their” parent to only pay attention to them.

My partner and I both sat them down told them they have a long time to deal with each other and instead of us fixing the issue they would have too on their own. That we didn’t want to hear about it unless it was something serious. If we did they had to give up their favorite thing for the day.

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It’s kids my kids are blood and never get along

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Are they each getting enough individual attention from the biological parent? As well as the bonus parent? Feeling slighted by or having to sharing everything with another same aged child is rough.
I was in same blended family situation growing up, I’m the big sister of 2 same aged brothers both two years younger.
It was super hard on my stepbrother because he had been an only child.

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Make them all lock arms and walk around outside for 15 minutes. If they let go or argue they get to do it for 30 and clean the house. :rofl: if they’re doing something they hate together they all got something in common lol.

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My sisters grandkids where basically doing the same thing. She made that walk laps around her house for like 30 minutes at a time. Only took a couple of times and life peaceful

That’s just siblings and different personalities. All siblings fight. Especially blended families with different upbringings. Family Councling would benefit all of you.

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Don’t put the pressure on it like “his kids aren’t getting along with my kids” because thats not productive; “our kids are not getting along” puts everybody on the same team- because you are! You are a family so it doesn’t matter where the kids came from, they’re all yours and they’re all his too. You’re the heads of the household so the unity or division starts there. :heart:

Figure out why they’re fighting so much, spend time as a family bonding, take up family counseling (everybody should go to therapy in my opinion), see if the 9 year old just wants some space, see if they’re bored, how are they sleeping, how are they emotionally, etc etc.

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I did this with my siblings and we are full blood relatives. Celebrate the moments when they are getting along and being nice to one another.

Have you talked to the children? Maybe there’s a reason they don’t get along such as bullying or hurt feelings.

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Kids fight…try understanding why they are fighting instead of punishments…I’m sure jealousy is happening…quarantining is hard…especially on the kids…

Siblings fight. Dividing your family into “his” and “hers” is probably making things worse. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Kids argue… all the time, everyday… ok not all the time. But literally everyday… it’s normal and if y’all can’t handle that shouldn’t be together as a blended family ig…

I discovered that if I am doing crafts or games or anything really they get along better. We have 8 kiddos 6w 2y 5y 6y 7y 9y 11y 13y. We are blended 5 his 2 mine 1 ours. We have dealt with our fair share of disagreements. Our biggest thing is chores.

My kids are all blood &they fight day in and day out. They’re 10 and under

Split them up for a couple days here and there

Go to therapy. Deal with your own feelings about it and learn how to help them regulate theirs too.

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Siblings fight :woman_shrugging:t2: that’s just what kids do. Lay down the law and treat every kid the same with the same punishment for the same crime. For example, if one kid hits the other, the other gets to hit back just as hard one time, hitter is sent to their room, etc. Consistency is key

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I have 6 kids all by my husband and my kids do this every day.i was told it is one way that they try to Express their feelings because some kids don’t get exactly how to do it.

My parents use to make us hold hands facing each other and stand together until we all apologize for exactly what and said we were done fighting we couldn’t sit or stop holding hands until we did so
Don’t point out my kids or his kids it OUR kids and they will fight like siblings if they live like siblings make activities to bond talk to them figure out issues and nip bad behaviors with punishments stand in the corner hold hands do chores until they can be nice

they probably don’t feel connected enough and need some bonding time. the holidays are a great time for this. look into some good ideas for bonding activities for siblings and get them working together and finding the things they have in common. actively help them build a relationship, every day. step siblings do not spontaneously love each other, they need time and positive experiences to build a good relationship.

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My 4 kids are all mine and my husbands together and they do this ALL DAY LONG, so if anyone has good advice I’m all ears too lol

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When my son told me way later in his 20’s he said he reacted to how I reacted if I got mad or didn’t like them then he didn’t either They watch you and listen more than you ever know. If u love their kids and dad show it and they will do the same . Good Luck💜

My daughter got temporary custody of my granddaughter years ago when her and any of my daughters kids would miss behave she would sit them on the couch and she would sit in front of them on a chair and they ,would have to look at her for ten minutes if they still didn’t listen it would be longer, she would tell them if I don’t get the house cleaned because I had to sit here all day, then you can explain it to your dad. it wasn’t long and they stated listening.

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I have 2 daughters (11 and 13) and they like to bicker. That’s what they do. That’s what I did with my siblings and we are :100: blood related. Give them time.

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I’d need more info to give good advise. Siblings fight. Even though they’re not biologically related they’re living together as siblings. You & your bf put them together. They didn’t choose these relationships. You can’t expect them just to be friends. On the other hand does it seem that 1 bullies the other? Or is there a situation where there can be jealousy of the other parent? For example his child’s mom spoils him. Or your kids get to see their dad & his child doesn’t get to their mom? In other words try to figure out the source & work on that. Find a way to make the bullied or jealous child feel special. Listen to the kids even if you don’t want to hear what they’re saying.

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That’s natural to an extent but sounds like the whole family needs to build bonds…when my mom got remarried i did NOT like him but then we took a family vacation to Disney and did Universal too and he and I got along wonderfully…take a family vacation, or do family outings/activities that involve competition of kids vs parents…

Whoop that ass. Kids don’t run the house…wanna fight? Good night…

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OK just so you know its not because they are step siblings it’s because they are kids and it’s completely normal and honestly does not just happen at your house lol They are the same age also so going through the same stage of life. Don’t think of the kids as your kids and his kids think of them as just THE KIDS that might help you a bit to deal with the constant niggles. I do understand I have ID twin boys they are almost 12 and it feels they are always fighting but I know it’s just a phase and won’t always be the way. I have 9 in total ranging in ages 6 bio and 3 step.

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Id say maybe try to do some fun things with them as a family. My kids are full siblings & fight all day long as well. Theyve been in the house alot bc of this pandemic & i know its been alot on them… & yes, it is ‘our’ kids, not yours and his. It should be the problem vs you guys, not you against eachother. I hope it works out soon❤️

Don’t divide & basically have sides in this situation. Mom & her kids vs dad and his kids. Come together as parents and deal with this. Treat every child the same… mom and dad together as a team dealing with these problems.

Make them hug when it starts till everyone is quiet.

6 kids here…my husband had 3 when we met they are now (2 girls) 17 & 15 & (1boy) almost 13. Together a 9 year old (boy) and almost 6 year old (boy/girl twins). It is none stop arguing!! I’ve threatened to take everything out of their rooms and all they will have is a bed and their clothes and they won’t be leaving the room till they can get along. They’re kids…it’s unfortunately going to happen.

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My daughter and my son fight alll the time. From sun up to sun down. They are siblings, that’s what they do. I wouldn’t put a seperate “his kids”, “my kids” they are both of your kids if you, being adults are in a relationship with each other.

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2,6,&9 and you want them to get along lol those are all turbulent years and 6 - 9 is a big difference. Are they forced to hang out or anything? Honestly sounds like typical siblings going through it :cat:

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Sounds like regular siblings to me! My two always fight :joy:

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My kids fight all day long lol I thing it’s normal for some sibling rivalry

Sounds pretty normal. Hugs

Make sure you two agree on discipline and stick together on it. Make sure the kids know you love them but two are a team…and no matter what they all get the same treatment…I grew up in a family with my step dad and blended kids…my parents did the opposite… and it drove them appart. Be a team and support eachother.

Lol they’re kids, kids fight and argue. If they can’t get along send them to their rooms

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Move out and take your kids with you! I went through the same thing, except my partners younger son was just a plain b…! It worked well we are still together 8 years later and we share 2 kids together, was glad when the younger one left his fathers life thanks to his mother! :pray:t2::love_you_gesture:t2:

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Normal sibling stuff especially at that age. Let them battle it out don’t get involved unless anyone is bleeding. Just yell at them to be quiet Works for our 3 girls :rofl:

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Siblings will fight. You and your bf need to find a way to come together and example compromise.
Start family meetings where once a wk you sitdwn to food a snack or just in your living rm and talk. Set rules as no one interrupts each other as they speak, no fighting allowed and they have to say something … At first mine didn’t want to talk but if they just talked abt any old thing then they’d start to open up.
You could try to do a puzzle together while your listening.
And everyone has a chance to be heard- even mom n dad- then you all wrkout compromise… Or w.e. you guys have to settle.

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Take the electronics away
Give extra chores
No dessert
No Christmas presents
Believe me that will motivate them to get along … it will take months for change if u cave.
Work on not talking bout problems when it’s just the two of u. being a parent shouldn’t consume ur every thought
Spend one on one time with ur bf
Eat dessert infront of kids
Kids act up on purpose and they will continue to not see their fault if there isn’t any consequences. and they take every ounce of energy if u allow them to do so.
Put them to bed early
Focus on eachother. It works. I’ve been there.

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Family group counseling. A safe place to actually say what is wrong instead of just being mean and spiteful towards each other. They probably have mixed feelings and emotions and not sure how to express them

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My kids are 2 and 5 and they are constantly fighting, that they make me want to run out the door lol but they’re kids , just let them be… unless it gets serious then get involve until then just ignore them and they’ll eventually stop

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Same lol. Blended families are hard for real. Remember, when they are gone it’ll just be yall two. Yal just gotta make it till then

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If I could help, I would! lol I’ve got two that’s 8 years apart. They’re both mine, and they’re adults now. No matter how long they’re apart, after a few days together, they still argue just as they did when they were younger! The problem with it, my oldest has always talked to her sister as if she was her mom. My youngest can’t stand it. No matter how many times I asked my oldest not to do so, it don’t do no good.

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I have a friend, Laura Del Grosso Petherbridge, she has written books and given seminars from “The Smart Stepmom”. Try looking her up. Good luck!

This is N.O.R.M.A.L as long as discipline is equal and parents are on the same level itll be okay. (Oldest of 4 with mom and 5 with dad, also parent of 1 daughter and a bonus daughter)

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Ummm I come from a family if 8, same mom and dad… we didn’t give a dam we were full blood/related, we still DIDN’T get along! Stop blaming his kids! Kids don’t give a dam! They gonna fight regardless of they came from your vagina or not lady.

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My kids fight alot I try to keep them seperated an have their own space when they start fighting give them their tablets an call it a day.

You need to realize the child may be rebellion because his father has two kids with him and he’s now the outsider. You have to make him feel like that is his home just as much. His space his bed and clothes. Decorate the room to his likes so he knows that is his home too.

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I raised 4 boys and 2 girls. Some I made, some I didn’t. They ALL fought each other at one time or another. It is normal for kids to fight. Unless it comes to blows, let them figure it out. Don’t play the his or mine game. They are ALL kids being kids.

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Whenever my boyfriend brings his 5year old son for weekends… Him and my also 5year old daughter fight like cat and dog all day long!
But when they are apart they are always asking for the other one… Right now my daughter keeps asking me when he’s coming over and she promises not to fight… But they still do anyway…

Kids fight whether they are blood related or not. You probably wouldn’t be ruining your relationship if they were all both of your natural born children. Parents may need counseling. Kids sound normal.

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Maybe u can try family counseling

What u can do is find something they mutually enjoy .make them do it together chores as well the more te they have to work together help each other they will be auto start to get along bit not at first they will do this gradually and most of all PRAY and let them pray together and read bible together as a family for about 15 or 20 minutes they will gradually unknowing that they are making changes I have 4 kids myself I know what it feels like the are grown now hope it’s se helpy and show love :two_hearts:

Kids are always gonna fight, argue, fuss about some BS. I have three boys 8,6&2 my dam house is crazy at times. But they also have their moments and play great together.

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I think you people are the ones looking at it in a wrong way. 6 year olds they were going to fight even if they were full siblings… do what you would do if they were siblings. Which is LET THEM BE.

My son 4 with my niece 3. The way they fight is too much wrestle mania . As long as I keep trying to stop they they won’t. Let them be they became each other’s better half.

Dont get involved.

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Didn’t get along with my sister. 2 completely different personalities. Eventually we stayed to but we were adults. Siblings don’t always get along especially with all the stress going on right now

There’s fighting and then there is bullying.
If their behavior is a issue. ? Family councellers can help.
What is your husband doing to help?
And is there another parent in the background?
Second relationships can fail because of the kids.
Stand your ground and talk to your man.
Which child is the problem?
Its hard with blended families if the kids dislike either adult or other kids.
Sit them all down and read them the riot act and
Let them know that their behavior isn’t acceptable.
Good luck. Bickering kids is so hard on the nerves.

First, individual counseling, then couple counseling. If the child need it, a good therapist will recommend or he/still can counsel kids then that as well.

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I think instead of letting this come in between your relationship. You both need to have a deep talk and see how you guys are going to be a team and parent.

  1. Counseling
  2. Kids are always going to fight. My sister and I are blood related and never got along until our late 20’s, early 30’s.
  3. Start doing more family projects, family time like movies, picnic, etc.
  4. Spend time with each kid and just talk.
    But, things will get better for you. Just hang in there. :heart:
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Put each one in the corner and don’t let the talk. The more they talk the longer they stand in the corner.or make them hug and kiss and say they are sorry. That is what my mom did to us.And that was in the 50’s and 60’s. It worked for us.And it didn’t hurt me it just tough me to keep my mouth closed.

All kids bicker and fight. As the parents you both need to stand united against your children and never let them think they can play you against each other. They are acting like siblings. Treat them all equally.

I have a blended family with 5 kids total. We spend a lot of time with the kids. Playing board games, hiking, playing soccer or football in the back yard with them. I think the spending time with all of them makes the kids see that they are all equal. Each kid has their own space when they are here. They argue and bicker amongst each other every now and then. Its usually not a big deal and we let them work it out themselves.
There’s no one answer to this.
Try spending time with everyone together, one on one time, counseling, positive reinforcement, have a family sit down talk and allow the kids to express their feelings.

Siblings argue blended or not, you cant force them to get along its within their own time not yours.

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Look into the book called 1,2,3 magic.

Its called a get a long shirt. :slight_smile: XXL shirt that they can all fit in. They wear it until they get a long.

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Maybe moved in together too soon

Drop 'em at the fire dept. and start over fresh.

We have kids together and they don’t get along. Lol 12 and 8

I say grow up and learn to love the kid like your own. Kids fight. If it were your own two fighting would you separate them and move out and leave the other behind? Tf out of here. Lol treat them as your own
Period.

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Your situation is very complicated to say the least. The first place I would start is by you and your boyfriend asking yourselves these questions. For her. 1. How much training have you had to be a wife? 2. How much training have you had to be a mother? For him. 3. How much training have you had to be a husband? 4. How much training have you had to be a father?. I would definitely start there. Our kids learn how to communicate and relate to others the way they are taught. If they are not taught then it’s all about survival.

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Do what we used to do have em Duke it out outside survivor gets a cookie :rofl:

You could set up a reward or sticker chart system that where you earn points or a special activity or recognition for acts of kindness to one another. At school we called it, “Caught being good.” It should work with a family too.

My brother and I are biological siblings and no one fought more than us…unless its violent, I think its fairly normal.

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It’s natural for kids to fuss with each other at those ages. Do activities alone with each child throughout the week to give them some individual attention, then once every week or two weeks play game the whole family can join in. When an issue comes up during the game correct by modeling. Ex. Kid: yells: stop that it’s my turn! You: try saying calmly like me excuse me it’s my turn right now. It will take a while before they start to actually do it on their own without your guidance. I also make everyone stop what they are doing if things get too tense, blast some music and dance, it seems to help them forget what they were fighting about. These are techniques though that will only work if all adults involved are on the same page.

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We have two 9 yos, a 12, and a 17 year old. I’ve been with my FH for almost 5 years.

Any time the kids want to argue, we send them to their rooms. All of them to separate rooms. I can’t stand it. I grew up an only child and sibling dynamics stress me the heck out. I won’t listen to it in my house. They can come back out when they’re ready to communicate without arguing.

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All kids argue. U r giving the issue more than it deserves. They will be friends when they get older… in the meantime, jst talk to them and let them play with each others… create lovely games

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Straight up tell them that they dont have to like each but that they dam well better have some respect for each other as you guys are thier parents. Both of you need to sit down as a united front.

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I have a 12 year old 4 year old and 17 month old we are not a blended family and they argue hit each other. There is a 8 year age gap with my girls and they both hurt each other and are given time out treats taken away. I would try not to think it’s because they aren’t pure blood siblings but more kids being kids living together with different personalities. Trust me all households have this blended or not. This is why most mums drink wine :wine_glass: lol :laughing: when gone to bed! X

My family is blended. The girls have been horrible to each other from the beginning. Once the teenager staged hit, it got worse. It’s been 8 years. It just about ended my marriage and just yesterday a miracle happened and they actually had a long decent conversation. It has also helped that the older one has went off to college. She’s only visiting for winter break.
Good luck and stay strong :heart:

they don’t need to like each other they need to be respectful and understand you two are together and it is what it is. 6&9 is old enough to understand. my stepdad used to make us write sentences. he never laid a hand on us, but i can tell you i’ll never forget that punishment. we had to sit at the table end write from the time we woke up to the time we went to bed. only breaks were to eat sleep and go to school/bathroom breaks. he started off at 1000 and added on if we tried to have someone help us or whined about it. it was horrible. my brother begged him to just take a belt to his bottom instead. ya, it works. try it :crossed_fingers:

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Just my opinion but They arnt babies so you can’t exactly force another family onto them. There has to be a reason they don’t get along. You havnt exactly explained your relationship with the kids or given much detail as to how use have handled the situation. I know if I was an only child with my parent and then someone else came into the picture trying to change and tell me what to do etc I would not be okay with it, nor would I be okay with rules changing to suit the other kids bought into the picture. Maybe sit them down and ask them why they don’t get along or if use have done something and they take it out on each other because of something use have done. They will end up resenting use other wise.

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My three kid’s do it all the time. I just send them to their rooms for time apart or make them do chores if the room doesn’t work. They all hate having to do chores so it normally works for a while. The more they are together the worse it gets.

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Kids argue and fight especially that age of 2 six years olds. My youngest is 7 and it doesn’t matter friends, cousins or brothers they always argue keep your head up

Place all parties involved on punishment. That’ll deter them ALL from arguing, regardless of who starts it.

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well all kids fight like this blended or not . an my advise would be treat them as you would treat your own. sit your partner down an have a serious chat an get on the same page on whats aloud in disciplinary wise. if both parants are united the kids will soon learn. kidz may be doing it cause it makes you both fight… :woman_shrugging: just an idea. hope things work out. best of luck

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Sounds normal for kids that age. Come up with consequences for them all. Same thing,all three,every time. It’ll take a while,but it’ll work.

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The arguing is normal. You and your bf need to come up with a punishment for all the kids.

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Thats kids!! Lmao!! Seriously do u or ur man have brothers, sister, ? If so remember what it was like! Seriously!!! Thats what kids do!! My kids fight like sibling do… Its normal!!! Were not a blended family,but they are still kids!! U and ur man have to realize kids do that!!! All the best to ur family!!

Talk to them all individually and together. Spend time with each others children.

Have you tried talking to all of them ?

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I have always told my children from the day I moved out and divorced their father that if they don’t like who I date or if they have children then thri children. If they give it all they have to try then that is it. I end my relationship because my babies come first. That is just me and how I do things. I have been dating this man for 4 years in April and we don’t live together and they just love him and his son. However at their dads his gf moved in and has 2 kids and my kids despise these 2 kids and it’s so sad because bow my kids don’t want a relationship with their father because it is so chaotic there and their dad and go are always arguing now. Idk what is the right way…stuff always gets figured it out somehow. Sorry you are going through it:(

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