My boyfriend blows me off when I bring up marriage

What advice would you give your daughter or best friend or sister? You really want this person in your life forever?

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Let him do it when heā€™s ready,
If heā€™s pressured from you or others it might not be as genuineā€¦
And you may end up married & not truly happy

Pack his trash and leave it outside. Heā€™s clearly manipulative and is definitely gaslighting you

marriage is not just a piece of paper
anyways some men are scared to commit cause they say marriage does change the relationship

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Yesā€¦. Heā€™s definitely not into marriage

Iā€™d say walk away but really you should be running. Never beg some one to love you.

When YOUR attitude changes? What about HIS attitude!? This will never get better, hon. Cut your losses now. You should never have to beg for real love, it flows freely.

Why buy something when you get it for free just saying

Yes get him some act right

Can I ask why marriage is so important? Honestly getting married can make things more complicated and isnā€™t always worth it. Giving yourself the title adds pressure in a wayā€¦ Iā€™ve been with my guy for 11yrs and been married for 3 and there are times in the 3yrs, Iā€™ve wished we never got married. I love him and want to be with him but wonder how weā€™d be if we never tied the knot :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Pack his crap and wave goodbye.

Yes be doneā€¦when your attitude changes? Seriously

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I feel like in this day and age not every couple has to be legally bound by a piece of paper, but if you feel thatā€™s what will make your relationship feel whole and official then I suppose you end the relationship. But if thereā€™s nothing else really wrong in your relationship and itā€™s just that piece of paper you want, Iā€™d keep the relationship. But him acting like you have an attitude about this and gaslighting honestly he doesnā€™t sound adult enough for me to be married to him because itā€™s a little narcissistic (toxic) to be speaking to you like that.

Why donā€™t you have an actual conversation and communicate as to why heā€™s not ready to get married and communicate why you are ready. It may not even be that he doesnā€™t love you or want youā€¦ are your paths sill going the same way? Combining Kids jobs money houses assets ect. marriage isnā€™t a joke its a responsibility and it takes work Alot of communication combining you whole lifeā€™s as one. Probably something you should of considered before having children together but it is what it is. If you canā€™t do these things together then you shouldnā€™t need to married and if your paths are going the same way, why are you two together? If yous are happy and you both love each other why does marriage matter?

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Donā€™t try to force someone into marriage if they seemingly donā€™t want toā€¦ Find someone else

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If he wanted to he would.

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Youā€™re already living together. You already have a child. You are already fulfilling the role of wife. Why should he? You gave him everything already. He probably sees it as just a piece of paper at this point.

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marriage is not for everyone, someone can still love you regardless of being married or not. people saying to leave him just because the SO doesnā€™t want to get married is just as ridiculous as this post :woman_facepalming:t2: be grateful & count your blessings for real. love & light :v:

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Iā€™ve been with my now husband for 8 yrs. Have known him for 15yrs. We just got married last year. And when I used to bring it up. He would 1. Ignore me in a wayā€¦but yet he would hint toward it to in his own way. 2. We FINALLY actually sat down an talked about it once together with none of our kids aroundā€¦(we have a couple togetherā€¦and a couple not) but with none of our kids around. And he finally told him the commitment scared him in a scenes of his parents were married then one day they werenā€™t anymore. And same for mine. So we agreed together that if we could date/ live together. ā€œPretend marriedā€ for 10 yrs then we would get married for real. Well things happened and we moved it to 8 yrs. An here we are finally married an to be truthfully nothing has really changed other then my last name. Because all the things we do now as a ā€œmarriedā€ couple we were doing before we got married we just added it all to paper. So maybe there is something else going on that causes him anxiety is my point here. Maybe you should talk to him not in a bold why wonā€™t you get married way but a soft easy way.

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Start referring to him as ā€œbaby daddyā€ and see his reactionā€¦when he questions you, tell him you are trying to get used to the idea of never marrying him.

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After 5 yrsā€¦your wasting your time

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** My boyfriend and I.

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Why are ppl so hooked up on a piece of paperā€¦ you have commitment. Hes there still after 5 yrs and have a child. Marriage wonā€™t stop him leaving if he wanted to

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Shoot girl you did the wife thing before the ring thing. Now heā€™s blowing you off. Run donā€™t walk. Heā€™s not down to put a ring on that finger. No matter the reason. Itā€™s too late if you ask me. I sure would not wait and what does your attitude have to do with it! Because , I sure know my attitude would just get worse with the passing days of not wanting to marry me!!
Open the door and extend foot! See ya dude!!

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kick his lousy ass to the curb y waste ur time

I had a friend that raised her boyfriends kids and he never gave her a ring he would get her a washer or something for the house he owned when the kids grew old enough he broke up with her. Lucky for her a coworker had been in love with her for years and they were married within a year but it just shows some men donā€™t want a wife

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Marriage is just a piece of paper easy to get and cheap. Divorce is a not cheap. Now dayā€™s itā€™s easier to wait a good couple yearā€™s to make sure yā€™all going to last. Your already doing everything a wife is doingā€¦ Whose to say yā€™all get married 6 months later divorce. Maybe thatā€™s what heā€™s waiting on to make sure nothing happens

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Honestlyā€¦ If you wanted marriage, you shouldā€™ve sat with him before you moved in together and before you had a child together. You shouldā€™ve made sure marriage is what both of you want.

Now you wanna dump him because he does not want to get married but you had a child with himā€¦ You shouldā€™ve made sure from the get go sis

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Marriage isnā€™t for everyone, Some people donā€™t see the value of that ā€œpiece of paperā€ or having a ā€œfamily nameā€ / having the same surname as your children & thatā€™s okā€¦
If that was his response to you, Iā€™d be like ā€œyou need to respect his responseā€ howeverā€¦! Telling you that you need to change is immature & disrespectful & personally I wouldnā€™t waste another day on his ass if Marriage is that important to you :unamused:

I got with my bf December 2016 then he proposed Dec 2017 and 5 years together still not married but I see where youā€™re coming from.
Also we have a daughter together. He has 3 daughters with his ex wife and I have 2 boys from 2 previous relationships. Never been married and Iā€™m 32. So I eventually would like to be married but Iā€™m giving it time.

Blow him off when he wants to be intimate. Fair is fair yup

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It never makes sense to me that people have children together but think getting married is a bigger commitment. Surely having kids means more than a marriage certificate?

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If you are happy donā€™t worry about it.

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The only reason marrying someone is important is just in case something happens you can collect whatever they have left behind with little to no fight. Why are all these women wanting to get married? It is a waste of money for a big wedding and it really doesnā€™t mean anything to anyone else. I waited 6 years to get married after a child only because if something does happen I donā€™t want to try to fight his family. Marriage is not everything and does not make a relationship.

Marriage isnā€™t just paper. And in no way needs to be a huge expense. If in getting married you are thinking of divorce you are already doomed. Why be wifey without a ring? Thatā€™s like working with out pay. Lots of lazy guys looking for free child care, just saying. Being called baby momma (how degrading) ladies having children with men unmarried so he can just jaunt off into the sunset no thanks. Having a child is much a much bigger commitment than marriage!!! If he canā€™t or wonā€™t donā€™t sell yourself short. And donā€™t waste your life mind body and spirit on man who wonā€™t give you his name.

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Hey He has everything he has wanted without getting married what did you expect??

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Donā€™t bring it up again and then when he asked you to be his wife, tell him when his attitude changes you will! :joy::joy: Let him hold off for a few years!
My now husband asked me over and over to marry him but it didnā€™t feel like the right time so I refused, after 3 kids and 9 years I asked him, we have 2 more kids now too and have been together 20 years this year! But the change your attitude thing! Thatā€™s rude! Maybe if he just wasnā€™t ready, but his comment is rude

You put the cart before the horse.

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5 years and yall arenā€™t married? I waited 10 whole days :skull::skull::rofl: lesson learned big time lmfao

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Is marriage a deal breaker for you? Was this discussed before having a kid and becoming serious?

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Why buy a book when you can join the library! :rofl:

Maybe change your attitude :woman_shrugging:. I mean, thatā€™s literally what he sed would make him marry you. :rofl::rofl:

Change the attitude :person_shrugging:

iā€™ve been with my 14 years and he still dosent want to marry me and we have 4 children together

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What does he need to marry you for? Heā€™s got it all without! :woman_shrugging:t2:

Look, I never wanted to get married. I didnā€™t want kids either. After I had my son, at 22, it was even more sure I didnā€™t want marriage.
That said, if I wanted to keep my man, I had a choice. So, I agreed to marry him if we didnā€™t do a big wedding. He asked me a bazillion times if I was sure and 14yrs later, Iā€™m still glad we did it at the courthouse.
That said, if itā€™s what you want and he doesnā€™t, you have a choice.
1st, Iā€™d have a serious sit down with him. No child at home and yā€™all have a heart to heart.
If you canā€™t live without marriage and he isnā€™t wanting marriage, youā€™ll have to leave.
Donā€™t talk him into it or even try to. Try to understand why heā€™s against it.

Kick him to the curb, donā€™t spend another 5 years like so. Itā€™s important to you and marriage actually is a blessing. Even if you have to push for it. Your allowed to want better, go you :pray:t4:

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Try starting with changing your attitude :woman_shrugging:t3::joy:

Some people are together for 10 or even 20+ years and never get married. I was with my ex for 9 years. Have 2 kids together but never got married. Marriage isnā€™t for everyone. It doesnā€™t mean he loves you any less.

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My question after my 53 yr marriage is why youā€™ve put up with it for this long ?If he says itā€™s your attitude thatā€™s keeping him from marrying you,ask this,?If itā€™s my attitude why he still with with me period ?Evidently he thinks if u get married a divorce is in the future you know due to ā€œyour attitude ā€œ I would run as fast as I could if he has no more love or respect for you than that if itā€™s important to you it should be to him too! !But do ask him his reason for NOT wanting to get married.As I said above I think itā€™s cause itā€™s easier to leave
!:woman_shrugging:

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Wow. This is mental abuse hun. My ex did this too me, and itā€™s disgusting.

When your attitude changes?! Wow. Thatā€™s just wrong. An adult would discuss it in a civilised manner

I have been with my husband for 16 years. We didnā€™t get married until 12 years (and 3 kids lmao). We talked about it here and there and we felt it wasnā€™t time yet. Marriage for us is one and done. No divorce. So when the time is right, itā€™s right. I canā€™t speak for everyone but Iā€™m glad we waited. Oh well if we had 3 kids together before hand. We knew we wanted to be together forever and were tired of people trying to give us a timeline and rules to follow. You do you. We did and couldnā€™t be happier :grin:

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What was the conversation like before you had a baby and moved in with him, did he ever express his feelings about his marriage then?

Your feelings for wanting to get married are valid. I was with my husband for 6 years before we got married. After many, many conversations he realised that this is something he could do, to bring me happiness and joy. Your man telling you to ā€œchange your attitudeā€ is wrong because heā€™s giving you false hope (that this is all up to you) and refusing to have an honest discussion.

Iā€™d say stay if youā€™re happy, but since Iā€™ve been there before, I know that feeling of resentment builds.

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Well do you actually love him or you just want wifey status? If itā€™s wifey status then leave if you love him and heā€™s saying when your attitude changes heā€™s tryna tell you something so Iā€™d personally dig deeper before wanting a ring anyways :woman_shrugging:t2:.

Kick him to the curb trust me! My baby daddy said the same thing! He got me a ring but he never went thru with it. He ended up leaving me over some dumb bs and I never went back even when he tried getting me back. Trust me leave!! Heā€™s getting everything without marriage so itā€™ll never happen!