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QUESTION:
"Hello mamas out there, so maybe some advice on the next step. I have a 6-month-old (third child with my bf of ten years) a 6-year-old and 8-year-old. I recently found out in February after my birthday my bf was cheating on me. He has been talking to some girl (he is self-employed and has small jobs he picks up) at a job site and they had an intimate relationship back last year in the summer. He then kept in contact with her because he wanted to keep seeing her. Idk if maybe she did or not because their conversations cut off at some point in November. And I’m the meantime he is trying to meet up with girls through a dating app. He then goes out of his way to have a fake phone app to talk to them… and even tries to meet up with them ( during my birthday week). Overall… I am upset, heartbroken and so full with emotions, it’s hard to explain… I see this amazing father who I’ve told myself over and over that maybe I’m doing something wrong. That maybe he will propose soon after ten hard years of ups and downs, or that maybe he doesn’t love me, only to find out this… and he still has the nerve to say he loves me, he’s sorry, he doesn’t know why he did it. He is wrong and he wants to work things out… all in all, I want nothing to do with him. I’m so broken at the fact that I see my whole future just disappearing. Our family. Our plans. And I hate to be the one to make it difficult on my kids since I have a newborn. It’s already hard as it is. Managing work, two preschool kids, and on top a baby… Idk if I’m in the wrong for splitting us up because the kids ask why we don’t do things together or if I should push my feelings aside and co-parent while living together for the best of my kids."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"leave him. and let’s get one thing straight here… you are not splitting you guys up, he split you up when he decided to go off and cheat. living together will not be good for the kids, people think it will but it’s never the right thing to do. the right thing to do for every single person involved is to leave."
"One thing I learned is staying for the kids just makes it worse for them. They will understand why you left in due time and it will be better for them to see you happy than settling for scum"
"He's just going to get sneakier. Plan your exit. Seriously. It won't work"
"Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. I say leave, you are better without him."
"Leave. You don’t want to stay with someone you can’t trust or anything. You’re always going to wonder."
"He will still cheat. I would leave him"
"You don’t deserve that. Do what’s best for you and your kids and leave. You gotta be happy to make your kids happy. Stay strong."
"You aren’t wrong and your kids will be happier in the long run"
"No matter what you will always have to co-parent. Try and be civil well around the kids and you should seek therapy. He needs to figure out why he has done what he did. This isn’t your fault"
"Every time you see him I promise it’s all you will think of. Move on and find someone who will treat you like an actual human. I’ve met people that have made a bigger impact in my life that I’ve known for 8 months than I’ve had over 5 years. Trust"
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