I’m six months pregnant, and things are worse than ever between my bf and I. I have a child from another relationship as well. We’ve been together for three years, and we’ve slowly argued more and more. He’s a good guy but so lazy at home. He works and provides for us, but I can’t get any help at home with the house. Yes, I work too. When we fight, I feel like he doesn’t care. He doesn’t try to work things out. We’ve even broken up, and he acts like it’s okay. He just sleeps when he’s stressed as if everything is okay. He loves my son, and my son loves him. Ever since I got pregnant, we’ve been fighting more and more to the point we’ve broken up, and we’re currently fighting now, and I’m not sure how it’s going to end. Sometimes I feel like I only stay with him because I don’t want to hurt my son by leaving. I know I love him, though. When we aren’t fighting, things can be great, and we’re happy. I just don’t feel like he’s reliable, and I feel like I’m his mother sometimes. I’ve hardly gotten any help during this pregnancy, and it’s making me resent him and causing me to have negative feelings about this pregnancy. I can be bossy sometimes too. Am I being stupid and overreacting? Should I just move on? Sometimes I feel like I’m just crazy or something and being too hard on him.
Only you can answer this question. A man will treat you the way you accept being treated. If you want him to acti differently then tell him. If no change, move on.
If it feels wrong, it is wrong. You don’t have to be treated less than your worth. Your a powerful woman, you got this
If hes not helping now, he wont later, its a HUGE issue. You need a partner not a 3rd child
You can’t change a man, if he wanted to change he would have already, you should not stay because of your son, you need to get out now and let him go, it will only get worse once the baby is born. You can do bad all by yourself, no need for a lazy man to hold you down.
It’s imperative that you express your expectations and be realistic about them with him at the same time. Understand that thing’s take time to change and for old habits to die. If you feel you can’t verbally express yourself, Write a letter. Do not put it in a text message! Be loving while expressing yourself and try not to come off forceful or resentful of the past. Let him know specifically what you really need help with the most and how much his help will help everything all together.
Hope the best for you.
You’re pregnant and your emotions are xs10 , but you’re absolutely right, he should be helping ffs! He seems selfish and who knows what else he will leave on your shoulders smh, I’d stay broken up u til he got his self together.
Stop doing his stuff! Don’t make his meals, don’t wash his clothes, don’t pick up after him…pick up/clean up after you and your child.
Trust me it will just get worse. If he doesn’t care he doesn’t care and theres not changing it.
Hes a boy, not a man, you are pregnant with his child and he is still not listening, doesn’t care about stressing you out, which is not good for you and baby and most importantly your child that is going through this too. Sounds to me that you are fighting a losing battle…kick him out. Move on…eventually and in a few years time you will look back on this and wonder why you ever wasted your time on him x
You either accept as is and be content that you are going to be super mom/house keeper or like myself. If I’m.doing it alone might as well be alone
My husband has always been this way… unfortunately, I’ve put up with it for 23 years…I should’ve ran a long time ago!!! Anytime I ask for help, he bitches at me and the kids and calls them lazy etc. Run is my suggestion!!!
Great books to read. Love and respect. Five love languages
If y’all are broken up and he doesn’t care, then stay that way. You should never stay in a relationship for a child. And unhappy mama makes for unhappy babies. My husband isn’t the best mind reader when it comes to stuff I want done. So I say “can you do this?” Or “can you do that?”. But one thing I never have to worry about: anything that has to do with my car, outside/yard stuff, bills being paid.
He sounds like a good man.Did you just ask why honey if u know we are having a baby do you not help me more?
A relationship therapist told me, he can’t tell you your feelings are wrong or vise versa. You can’t change a person. Weigh your pros and cons, but consider therapy. If he doesn’t change then you know you have the last say
Men will treat us of what we allow and if you do not say something it will continue. If you do say something (no attacking) and if he then does not move on.
He got what he wanted - an easy lay. Now you got knocked up and can’t figure out he didn’t want the wife package, he wanted the sex package and maybe some of the side benefits but NOT the partnership? You’d be married already if he was ready to step up. He’s not. And that you stay with him suggests you’re not really, either, so move on, get a roommate that will help out, make sure you make him pay child support (after all, taxpayers ain’t your baby daddy, he is) and learn to be more selective in the future.
Why force a relationship with someone who doesn’t care? I get that you worry about how your son will feel but HE DOES NOT, think about that…
You want a man who is not making you feel like you are a donkey - which happens when he puts the feet on the table and expects you to serve him! Especially when you carry this man’s child! A real man steps up to what he has to do, that’s why you have a strange feeling because its NOW that you need him and he is basicly showing already with his behaviour that he is letting you down. It’s not your fault that you have a child from a previous relationship already - that’s likely to happen today because men turned into sissies!
Act like you’re a single mom save up money while living with him and then get out it’s not going to improve. And please don’t take this the wrong way but I would hold off on having any more children until you get out of this predicament
It’s better to be alone .rather with someone makes you feel alone.
Sounds about typical.
However, I would keep at him. If you start accepting that type of behavior now it’ll get even worse.
Plus it sounds like he need to know that being “Head of Household” isn’t just about who pays bills and has a penis.
If he wants to have that title he needs to earn it.
You work 24/7 …you have your job… you come home and still work on Mommy Duties.
If you can do all that… while creating a WHOLE HUMAN INSIDE YOUR BODY.
He should be able to do that… and more.
Or… your unevenly yoke and yes you are functioning as his Mother…and the Head of the Household.
Which means… he’s a burden. Not a help mate.
I do onto others as they do to me. I would only clean up after myself and my child. Let him cook and clean his own mess. Maybe tell him your back is bad and that he has to hire a cleaner.
Why did you get pregnant when seems like this has been your relationship with him? Babies don’t solve relationship issues
Very simple,hire help, out of the budget, someone to help you. Be sure it’s on his day off.
He will either go with the program that he pays for out of the budget, or he helps.
Cut back on his social engagement budget, without malice, just mater a fact, someone has to help you and you are done arguing.
You guys are parents, friends and lovers. Holding your ground knowing your worth is okay.
I would leave, he doesn’t seem to understand how u feel at all. Your emotions will go up and down even more when you are pregnant, that’s understandable. This is when u need his help the most during these months. U can tell your child that some people don’t last forever in your life and that’s how it is sometimes. What is he saying when u ask for his help? He cant blame everything on the stress, he made u pregnant he needs to understand that he has bigger responsibilities now.
Both should help whenever n wherever needed 30 yrs n that’s how we’ve done things - even if he was only one works there’s times help is needed women have kids mostly do the caregiving n appointments n school things for , women usually cook clean budget with help when asked a man could ;”) I’d not be his doormat -maid-cook-errand runner-less sexually interactive n if he’s asks ?whats up WELL HUNNY IM TIRED NEED HELP ASKED N ASKED SO IM JUST NOT GOT RNERGY FOR MUCH MORE!! There’s my answer ,step up or step aside no time to waste on b sht
You’re not over reacting. Stop doing things for home around the house like his laundry and meals. May need to break up permanently
Oh! You’re not going to be the last woman who will complain about that house chores equality address the issue one step at a time. He doesn’t wash the dishes? Get a dishwasher. U get the point. But you know where u stand so I think have a big long thought about what YOU WANT.
It’ll only get worse if you don’t put your foot down. He doesn’t care? Leave and show him you’re worth someone who DOES care
It’s a very difficult relationship to deal with but this is what I will advise you to do .
- So what you can and when you can don’t force your self in doing any household work.
- When you asked for help and he refuse dont make any noise or create issues.
- If he provide for you and your son just accept with thanks.and make no issuès
Just be yourself.
People can give you all the avise
But just do what is best for you and your baby.
You can’t changes anyone
But just make yourself happy
I have one just like that at home I could deal with it until my health started failing and he still won’t help out so good luck honey!
sounds like he wants all the benefits of husband but not being a husband…if u want honesty walk away now cause if he hasnt changed knowing your prego he aint gonna change …most men are taught as long as you provide for your family money wise u dont have to do anything else…and this sounds like the case. either talk to him and make him see that its not how you wanna live or move on …
All I can say honey.u cant change him you’ve tried to talk to him you’ve broken up nothing is improving.you have to suggest counselling if he goes great but.if there is still no improvement or change you’ll pretty.much.done all you.can make a decision the right one and I think you know good luck
Men like that never change he believes that’s your job! I lived like that 30 yrs till five yrs ago. I divorced him and walked away. Best thing I ever done!
Listen. Bottom line is not everyone we love is healthy for us. Consider this…do you want your son and new baby growing up looking to him as a role model of what a man should be? I hope the answer is no. Get yourself straight, put you and the kids as a priority. If it is meant to be he will straighten out his act and be a man. If not, well then he wasnt right for you in the first place. If he truly loves you he will make the changes he needs to step up.
My response may not be popular, but I have 3 kids and am speaking from my own perspective - relationships are challenging and pregnancy makes them more challenging. You are not crazy, but you are hormonal and tired and worried about the future. Slow down. Get a support network that can help you both out (you will need one if you leave him, so gather the support to help out now and take some pressure off) the future can feel heavy and that can be exhausting. For your boyfriend too. This is one of the hardest times in your life. Stay strong, ask for help from others and rest as much as you can. No matter what happens with your boyfriend - it may get harder before it gets easier, but it will get easier❤️
There’s nothing worse than having a lazy partner. Don’t expect any level of assistance after the baby is born either. Your pregnant so right now you have raging hormones. It all comes down to can you live this way for the rest of your life?
I’d leave. I could never be with a man child like that. I can not stand men who think their partners/wives should do literally everything while they sit on their ass just because they have a job. Meanwhile you’re creating his child, doing all of the house work, taking care of the children, AND work! How disgusting. I mean honestly. You don’t want this kind of example for your son do you? He’s been exposed to that toxic behavior long enough. If you stay your children will grow up to be just like him and treat women that way. They need happy parents and a good example of what a real relationship is more than they need their parents together.
Well after 3 years if he cared he would of already married u …
You are the smart one move on, and after you give next one a boy or Gail move and cont…
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was he ever helpful around the house befor?
if he has never been,he won’t start now and you need to raise a child,not a grown up .
Talk to him, he either helps you, compromises or you make a decision to take him as he is or not.
If he doesn’t see that he needs to help you at all now that you are pregnant, once the baby is here things will not get easier.
Have you ever thought you may be more emotional during your pregnancy? As you are saying you’ve been fighting since you’ve been pregnant. Hormones can make women more…argumentive. Relationships are both ways. Maybe sit down and just express how you feel.
Girl your NOT CRAZY im going thru almost the exact same thing… Mine will help in the house sometimes and I work two jobs and we have no kids together I have 3 boys and he has 2 daughters an its always one against the other in this house to the point its put a wedge between my boys and I… Well I let it go on for too long… I’m not the kind of mom that want a relationship with her kids like that… Especially since they have come to me directly about leaving… That point is dont let it got to the point that it changes your relationship with you son… Bc its just not worth it… Choose you kids ALWAYS… Bless your heart and stay strong
I think it’s time to CHECK your emotions, they do go haywire during pregnancy, especially if you want to keep the bf. He WORKS, you stay at home …do what you can and if he complains then ask for help with it. Don’t give me the “I’m pregnant” line, I did all the housework, mowed the grass and took care of kids while my husband worked. We didn’t fight, it was the partnership and BTW, my labor was 6 hours with my first one, got less with each child ( I had 3 in 5 yrs). I also didn’t gain a ton of weight from keeping busy and not eating for 2 as most do today. I gained 15 lbs, 28 lbs and then 17 lbs…all term and healthy babies and still are after 40 plus years. The mind is the hardest thing to control when hormones are raging, find the one thing that keeps it balanced and think before you speak. Speak with LOVE not ANGER or RESENTMENT, your relationship will thank you. Good Luck!
Lazy does = good guy
Make a chart, put it on the fridge, on the left half of the chart write down everything you do like a list. (For example: work, dishes, laundry, clean bathroom, vacuum, growing a child inside of your uterus, etc.) And then on the right half write down everything he does in exactly the same way, like a list. Do them side by side, so he can see the difference. Only put work and chores, dont write down activities or naps or anything like that. Post it on the front of the refrigerator so he can see the difference and see how unbalanced it is.
It’s only gonna get worse when the baby gets here unless you put your foot down. Don’t stay with him just for your son.
Do you want an overgrown man child to take care of forever? If he’s not willing to help you while you’re carrying his child don’t expect him to suddenly change once the baby comes. You have to decide your limits and whether he is worth it.
He sounds depressed and super lazy. Good news both can be fixed. If he doesn’t want to change that’s a problem only he can decide to fix…immature of him and we can’t really help you out unless we knew what your fighting was all about. Also, if your fighting is because of insecurity reasons, that changes things. Women are different emotionally during pregnancy
You don’t need a man child. It will get worse. Leave him and plan to get child support.
Make him pay for a cleaning service to come 3 days a week
It takes 2 seconds to help someone. Yet he can’t help his pregnant girl?
It’s only gonna get worse once you have a newborn. He’s gonna be “so tired” he’s still not gonna help you. You’re just going to keep resenting him.
Wow with the leave him comments. You all sound dumb. This is what’s wrong with the world today. So quick to leave but not willing to try and fix things. No wonder people dont get married anymore. So quick to just leave instead of working through issues.
Hunny it’s not gunna be easy but ur gunna have to put ur foot down. Stop doing everything.
My fiance and I both work. Hell my fiance runs his own company. But guess what he comes home helps and everything.
Now there are days where I have to make a list and remind him of things that he needs to do and vice versa.
Leave. Its only gonna get worst from there. Not sayin he will but he could snap
shyt to start was he even doing those things to begin with… or are you just now catching on to this… Shit my dude doesn’t work and Vacuums only at least your dude works so congratulations on that end… He just seems to be sad and worried I mean one kid ok two kids wow now I have another mouth to feed men get like that with another child on the way but once that baby comes he might or might not get better!!! I mean if he wasn’t doing those things in the first place he most likely aint going to start and if you left him already and he didn’t care well then he might be talking to someone else so be on the look out for those signs
You need a man that will be there
For you and care a bout you not
Just for sex
I was pretty much going through the same thing with my baby’s father. If you don’t want to leave (which I wouldn’t because your SO not doing house work isn’t exactly a good enough reason to leave someone) what I would do is let the house get messy. That’s what I did because I was so tired of being expected to do all the cleaning & laundry. I did it all before I got pregnant & while I was pregnant but after having my baby it’s so hard to keep up with it all by myself. He works construction & makes more money than I do (I work from home taking care of a bed ridden family member) but no matter what, it should be shared house work. I let the laundry pile up, I let the room & bathroom get messy until he couldn’t stand it anymore & started to help out. Now we both take care of things around the house equally but honestly now he actually cleans more than I do lol.
Its all about communication. Make a chart or schedule that EVERYONE can get involved with. Maybe make chores fun…like cranking up the music and having a dance off with the vacuum.
He stopped helping when u got pregnant or hes been this way from the beginning of relationship?
Becuz hes going to be this plus some when ur baby comes…he will expect u to do it all
Resenting is not good it leads to physical fights
I dont think he wanted this baby to begin with and he doesnt know how to Express that to you so he punish by ignoring u and not helping
Hes old school and doesnt think it’s his role
Think of it this way
One day u will want to get married and and those vows
You may do those vows for him but is he for you. Being pregnant is like having more need for help its hard to do it all and heal after baby here
Stating for your son and your son and learning how not to be a man
Love is dying
U can wait till u have baby
See how it goes
Planning for an exit
Or life miraculously got better
Who cares ur house is messy
Get food that’s easy prep
And no body’s house is super clean with a baby
Unless they had a maid and nanny
Tell him you’re quitting your job/cutting your hours so you can stay home and clean the house FT. Then do it if he doesn’t improve.
Why bring another child into a already unstable relationship.
It will only get worse. Did he not want a baby? Maybe that’s it! If you don’t fix it now, you are gonna have three babies. Sorry!
Leave the boyfriend and keep the kids.
You people give up on relationships too easily n only want fucking money its not hard to put your foot down if that’s literally your guys only problem
My man was the same. It took time for him to settle into helping with the things. Start with small chores in the house that you know he won’t mind doing and work your way up from there.
I had to do that with a few things.
The rest I did the hard way.
I cleaned mine and my son’s mess, did mine and my son’s washing until he slowly learnt how much effort was being putting in.
It’s a long process. But don’t give up. You will get there and your relationship will be great again
I’m not a fan of saying “just leave.” Relationships are HARD. Two people trying to work full time, manage a home, care for a child, and be pregnant all at the same time is HARD. Rather than taking the easy way and leaving, my suggestion is working through it. And sometimes picking your battles. The house doesn’t need to be spotless right now- you’re caring for a child and growing one as you speak. That’s tiring enough.
Suggest that if you cook, that he cleans up dishes. Switch turns doing laundry. Or you do it and he folds it and you both put away. Tell him you need a few hours to yourself on a Sunday or Friday evening. Try talking through it- at a reasonable time- not right when he gets home from work, not right when he’s about to leave for work etc. pick a good time and talk to him honestly. This is what I’ve learned thus far. Because I’ve come from where you are & it has been a struggle! But you have beautiful children together and giving up too easily is never first advice
There are many factors that go into this problem. I caught that you both work so you have even grounds, but could it be a cultural difference? Like in my relationship we had the exact same issues and because i didnt speak up and tell him what i was so (very clearly) upset about he just thought i was a grumpy person all the time for no reason and i thought he should be magic and automarically know whats wrong with me because i thought it was obvious but he was brought up in a very very traditional household so it was not obvious to him. Also it had become our “normal”, because i had never complained about it before so he thought all was okay lol he had no idea that my pregnancy emotions switched up like i thought he should’ve lol. Try go look at the bigger picture. Once i spoke with him about these things he jumped right in and helped.
Honestly leave. It never gets better and you end up a nag.
If I had waited for my husband to help I would still be waiting
Relationships are hard, you should get therapy and exhaust every Avenue to try and get a cooperative agreement going before you walk.
Go to counseling. This is 100% a communication issue. On BOTH your parts
He’s an adult he should be doing half the house work if you both work. You may have to have a point blank conversation. Try not to be accusatory but let him know.
Look you just said y’all broke up and he didn’t care. He doesn’t care to be with you so why are you going to fight to be with someone who isn’t fighting for you.
Get counseling so he can hear from a third party he needs to step up. Then have them teach you two how to resolve conflicts without being a nag, shutting down, or blowing up. Learn to fight fair & take each others’ personalities, strengths and weaknesses into consideration. It’s a great set of skills to have for life, at home, work, everywhere, but takes lots of practice.
Also ask him what he’s afraid of in the counselor’s office: is he feeling overwhelmed about finances with a new baby? Losing all his free time/having no time to himself? Not wanting all the work that comes with being a dad & already feeling exhausted? Feeling like you are becoming a nag/no fun anymore, or feeling like he’s aging too fast/losing all his youth? Once you know what is underlying his behavior you can all start to address it.
Sleeping & tuning out may also be signs of depression, so tell his doctor to get him screened. Meds &/or psychotherapy might give him a whole new outlook, or not.
Write down everything that needs to be done, give him the list, and then tell him you want to discuss in a week how to accomplish everything together. Options are to parcel out the tasks evenly, pay someone else to do them, abandon them entirely or lower standards. For example, pay a cleaning service, eat out/order in vs cooking on occasion, dust only once a month, skip showers every other day, etc.
Good luck. Think about what you would gain and lose by leaving him. You would still have the same household tasks to yourself but without his adding to the mix; you wouldn’t have his arguments, but he wouldn’t be around for your older child; you wouldn’t have his income but might get child support (or not).
If anything these posts sure do promote the use of birth control and counseling. Bitches, quit getting knocked up to guys you only been with for a few years
Don’t do any of his laundry, cooking and do the bare minimum around the house.
You are being to hard on him he don’t want to then do it all and leave him but don’t force him it will make it alot worse
Don’t excuse his sleeping, “Because he’s stressed out.” I’m sure that hurts you, too! If it does, he’s doing it on purpose, which is passive aggressive behavior. It’s not okay! Especially when you need him to help you and you’re probably wanting to get on the same page with him.
That just struck a nerve with me. My ex husband did this same thing. It really hurt.
He definitely should be helping you with everything else, too!
I’m not in favor of the breaking up and getting back together thing. Gives everyone a little xxxx break time, which is wrong.
You could implement the TEAM strategy. TOGETHER EVERYONE ACCOMPLISHES MORE.
I just don’t know though. I’m so not okay with this dude’s “I’m too stressed I’m going to sleep.” Try 27 years of that and having to take care of a very sick parent and see how that works. It doesn’t. If he’s going to run to bed every time he’s stressed out, he’s not going to be there to support you when you have far more to worry about than keeping a house clean. I’m so sorry.
It’s not going to get better. Don’t marry a teenager (in actual years or just selfishness & laziness.)
Maybe he honestly doesn’t know what you want done or how you want it done. This is a minor problem my husband and I addressed because I like things done consistently and I’m a little annoying about it. And he didn’t really know where anything went because he works and I’m at home. Buy 2 notebooks. Ask what problems he feels you guys have and you feel you have and dedicate a couple hours to writing down thoughts, feelings, solutions, etc. then sit down and promise to have a productive calm discussion and compromise. You guys can work it out girl. It’s worth the effort. The more you love someone the more they can irritate you
At least yours works to help provide. You got me beat there and I’m still with my bf. If you love him you will find a way to make it work. If he just doesn’t want to work with you then it may not be worth keeping him around.
Tell him to help you around the house,or get the f,k out