So i would really like some advice. A little backstory, my boyfriend and I have been together for two years. He met me when I was seven months pregnant (my child’s sperm donor /bio dad has not been in my life since I was four months pregnant), he has two kids who are now 4 and 3 (their bio mom is also not in the picture), my son just turned 2. we moved in together almost a year ago, and the kids have always called me mom and his dad, all of them, and yes, it was their choice to do so. He works Mon-Fri 5/6 am til about two sometimes later I am a stay at home mom to all 3 of them, and while I love it it is a difficult transition. I went from taking care of my son and working to now staying home full time with three kids, four and under. On weekends I try to have a “deal” with him. He sleeps on Saturday, and I wake up with the kids, and Sunday is my day to sleep in while he gets up with the kiddos. The past two months have been ALL ME, and his reply to my question of if he’ll awaken with the kids Sunday is “you get to sleep in every day an extra hour while I work” I’m getting irritated bc it seems like the kids are ALWAYS on me all the time, even when he is home it’s still on me to do it all., To cook to clean look after kids baths laundry … ect… I’m just drawing. I’m only 24 and went from a party all the time young adult to a mom of 3 kids and a future husband . its a lot. And i feel like I’m drowning I want to do so much more than just be mommy ALL.THE. TIME. Advice?
Aw hell no. Sounds like this dude just wanted a girlfriend so he has someone to raise his kids so he doesn’t have to. Feel bad for his kids clearly both parents didn’t really care to raise them. 
Instead of trying to get extra sleep in the morning, wait until the afternoon when the kids are eating a snack or watching a movie and everything is chill. Tell him you need a couple of hours. Then disappear. Nap, long hot bath, a drive somewhere, etc. This is what I have to do… it works better that way for me 
Moms are 24/7, he gets off early get a second shift job. 90% moms are the ones doing it all.
He was looking for a babysitter.
Welcome to parent and adult hood.
Try to get some time to yourself after the kids are up and taken care of for the morning. Have him take them outside so you can just sit in the peace and quiet for a little bit. If he doesn’t want to give you a few hours of peace and quiet then it’s time for him to arrange alternate child care for his kids.
If his mentality is that way now it’s not going to get better…so I recommend you both get counseling. But my guess is that he wont be down for that. It’s ok to want more than the housewife life, and it’s ok to want more. Here is the thing though, you knew you were in deep with this, but I’m guessing at your age you just didnt grasp the whole picture. You are a mom now, Period. Start making a journal of things you love about being a mom (remember what it was like when you were working and missed all of these milestones with your kid), and also write down your goals, start working on them one at a time. Your fiance doesnt need to give you permission, go out there and get that shit girl!
Unfortunately your scenario is not uncommon and if not dealt with it may only get worse. I’m guessing from your post that this is not the life you want to live. So… My suggestion is to figure it out and get a job (even part time) so that you can have some time outside of the house. You’ll have to figure out daycare and you might only break even moneywise but the time away from the home will be well worth it for your mental health. Hopefully, your man will step up and be involved in the daily care of the kids, if not, at least you may be in a better frame of mind to deal with it all. Good luck.
It sounds like you should have had this talk with him before hand. If you didnt want to take it all on by staying at home you should have spoken up.
Stop doing things like laundry, cooking dinner etc & ask HIM to do it on certain days. He gets off early enough to help out & his days off he surely can help. I 100% get it, I’m not Cyndi anymore I’m just a MOM. I do nothing besides stay home with my daughter. It’s important for your mental health to get away or have a break. So take a couple hours & just go if you need to!
I have been getting me time since my oldest 2 were infants. And at that time I was a single mom. How do I get me time with 5 kids? I wait until they are in bed or asleep. Everyone in my house know that when the youngest goes to bed the house must be quiet and it’s mom’s time to herself. Every once in awhile, I get interrupted, but for the most part they respect that I need space. Make mommy time part of the household routine, with you and the kids, and it becomes second nature.
If he’s getting home at 2pm every day, there’s no reason why you can’t have a break. When he walks through the door, go to the room and take a nap.
Ask him if he can watch the kids for a few hours on a Saturday and if he doesn’t get up on Sunday feed the kids and leave when he wakes up
Looking for a live in babysitter rethink this an try to set some boundaries
My husband used to be like this. Then we sat down and had a come to Jesus talk.
Pretty much saying if you don’t do anything, I won’t either. He washes his clothes now, helps with dinner and dishes and bathing the kids, and helps clean the house and everything.
Sometimes you just have to be stern.
Start making plans for yourself on the weekend, when the time comes tell him you’ll be back in a few hours.
You called him your future husband… if you don’t figure things out now he’ll be your future ex-husband.
So he works and you don’t? He pays all the bills? Takes care of kids that aren’t his? And your complaining bc he isn’t helping enough at the house too? You want him to do everything? Geez
I’m sorry but leave him. A lot of women go thru this. I know some who are going thru this and it never seems to get better. Yes I understand it’s not uncommon for a mother to not get a break and sleep, or for a man to “work” and mother’s to be the “home maker”. There is men actual men out there who don’t give 0 fucks if they are tired they get home and help. I give my husband props for everything he does for me!
Looks like he found his in home babysitter. Trust me he was looking for that and anyone willing to take the job would of worked foe him. This road will only lead to resentment if he doesn’t step up and be a parent too.
No body said being an adult or a mother will be fun 24/7. I can’t remember the last time my fiancé and I went out. We have 5 kids, 2 dogs, rabbit and fish! Our house is a circus but it’d my circus and I wouldn’t have it any other way
My advice is if he doesn’t want to do his part dump him life is too short to put up with this bull crap and I would make sure I got rid of him before y’all got married and then that would be a mistake. Believe me there are other man out there that will do their part you shouldn’t have to put up with it
Sounds like you need some you time. On one of his days off take a couple hours to yourself outside the home. Even if it’s just going grocery shopping. I’d also set it up where you one day a month you have a girl days… you need time away from the kids and him to gain some sanity. Also ask him to take over one of your daily chores… like dishes, bath time, bed time, cooking… just one thing that he does every single night. Healthy marriages and relationships are built on team work.
Welcome to parenthood and being an adult. That’s part of being a mom. Find a mom group local to have play dates to get out of the house. Drop them off with a a sitter once week
I’m in same boat but with only one little one under 1, I dont get a break. And her dad barley helps. You just gotta suck it up and accept that’s your life till they get older and more independent. This full on mommying wont last forever, they will get older and be more independent. Just feels like it will never end right now.
Find child care and get a job. Being around adults helps allot. I am not cut out for a stay at home Mom. I got child care and went back to work. I was off for a year. With 3 your BF will have to kick in 2/3 of the cost. OR take care of them himself? You are not a nanny for his kids. You have been together for a year and you are young don’t become his babysitter, you will become resentful.
No excuses for his behavior. Me and my husband worked different shifts to not have to pay for day care and we each took care of the house and kids. I’m reading between the lines here. You don’t want to be just a house mom. Now is the time to maybe go to school. There are college classes online you can take. Make him pay for daycare or before you end up having more kids and being stuck move on and let him deal with his own kids and see how selfish his ways got him. If you allow it to continue then blame yourself.
You’re not a partner to him. You’re a nanny & maid. Ditch him. Get a job & take care of your child. He will either sink or swim with his 2. They aren’t your problem. Sorry I know it sounds harsh. But men have always seen women as their possessions, slaves. They need to learn to “woman up”. Meaning they need to take responsibility & stop putting it all on women. If it’s not a wife or gf it’s the mother or sister. Most men are incapable of taking care of themselves or families. Yet women are expected to do it all & shamed if they ask for help. Raise your son to be better. Let him play with dolls, learn to care for others. Teach him to cook & clean. Teach him not to depend on women. If you don’t you’re creating a problem for any future partners he will have.
Mother is 24/7 but he should be helping. Maybe twice a weak you can ask grandparents to watch for 4 hours so your less stressed. I’d sit him down and have another talk on how you feel
Me an my husband have 8 kids both both of ours. I’m a stay at home an go fucking crazy and he works 7 days a week. Well recently it’s gotten so bad for me that I didn’t care about anything the house myself waking up cleaning eating I just didn’t care. So I started putting a night to the side for myself I’ll leave here and go out to dinner with my mom an sister or Walmart or anywhere but where these kids are. Cuz “no one said being a mom was gonna be easy or fun” but we’re still fucking people with feelings and have the right to a break.
Do employed people have to work 24/7 with no days off? No? Oh but they knew what they were getting into when they were hired. Those people sound stupid. We deserve breaks to
You Need to have time to yourself to recharge. He gets up for work and work is tough but so is staying home all day. You have to share the load, and Both of you need to be able to have time off.
Talk to him, plan a schedule where you both get some time off or at least lighter loads. Make sure there’s room for wild card days where you’ve had a bad day out of the norm and need extra.
Begin as you mean to go in your relationship. Set those boundaries and expectations now for Both of you.
So if he gets home at 2pm everyday, why don’t you get a part time job in the evenings? He will have to help take care of the kids then and you will get time away from them and be contributing to the household bills also.
Look into a Mother’s Day out program where you can take the kids twice a week and you volunteer one day to pay for the other day. So you would work one day and have a day to yourself.
If he isnt going to help out, stop giving him his sleep in on the saturday. I’m sure after hes gone without it for a while, he will soon start being a bit more fair.
Have a sit down with him, and tell him how he is making you feel by not helping out.
Sweetheart, Parent 30yrs of 4. Two daughters 29, 21. Full on MOMMA MODE when I read you’re post. I’m gonna speak to you as if You were MY DAUGHTER.
Sounds to me as if you found your groove when excepting the roll of Mom when you decided to have YOUR son, ie( I worked full time and still had my space to be a young Adult)
Baby, this dude saw you coming. Who was parenting HIS two on Saturday morning BEFORE you moved in? As you stated We made a DEAL that he would sleep in Saturday, and Sunday would be MY day, and for the past 2 mths HE FEELS ENTITLED to reprieve from Parenting HIS children one damn day a week,and YOU quit your job ,GAVE up you’re freedoms to be there 6 days a week? NO MA’AM! I RESPECTFULLY disagree with many OPINIONS to ASK him to HELP, Give HIM a specific chore every evening, Parenting is a F/T position baby, Get a job, Put the kids in daycare, Hes RESPONSIBLE For HIS and you for yours, getting them there, picking them up, Fees, supplies ect, VACATIONS OVER DAD!,
Don’t ask for time for yourself, tell him you need, don’t give him an option to say no. Wake up, get the kids fed, when he wakes up tell him you’re going out for a bit, whether it’s getting nails done, shopping, or whatever you wanna do. Take a couple hours and get some self care in. Sounds like you’ve made things easy for him and he’s spoiled, you need to make it clear that you’re not a robot, you need breaks too.
Get up early and go out on sunday go to breakfast, leave him a note that your cell will be turned off and turn it off, stay out at least 4 hours go shopping go to a movie go enjoy yourself and if he throws a fit ask him how many hours do you spend with the kids I spend 24/7 and if I ask for a few hours you should give them to me ir I can go get a job and pay daycare for your son and he can pay for his kids
Take your one and leave him with his 2 and see how quickly shit will change, guaranteed he will be begging and letting you have the weekends.
My life. This is why i went back to work.
Get a job, work around his schedule.
You should start taking night classes or get an evening shift somewhere.
I did this and ended up stuck for 15 years, and his 2 kids were (are) special needs. Talk to him and work it out, or get out of there. I left and felt bad, but honestly, I was so resentful of doing EVERYTHING. I mean everything myself for so long with 5 kids total.
You could go back to work and split the chores 50/50 and you are responsible for your child’s daycare/preschool and he’s responsible for his. You get up with your kid and he gets up with his. Y’all are not married. Just a suggestion.
Lol all you people telling her to leave lol then she is on her own 24 7 no sleep in no job she will get no break and can not even get support from this guy as they don’t have a child together
Listen embrace what you have now because one day they will be independent and you will sit back and say to yourself l miss thoses days when they would want to just cuddle
Join a gym where they have free childcare while you walk their track, swim, workout, or if they have a cafe have coffee with friends in their cafe. My gym has all of those things. It is a Community Health Center. It is at a massive church. It is fabulous. They have 2 gyms as well if you want to play games, or walk above the gym on an inside track.
Write down everything you do in a day with the times. Do a visual chart. And have a sit down with him. He obviously needs to see what is done in a day rather being told. Men are more visual. Y’all need to communicate better. And make a commitment of compromising. If he’s home by 2 or three that can give you a couple of hours before you need to make dinner. Have him help with getting the kids into the bath and bed. You are a mom for the rest of your lives. And with the other two children’s mom not in the picture YOU are their mom! They depend on you. Worrying about partying is in the past. Do something for you. Either take a class to better yourself or go out with a girlfriend once a month at least. A relationship is a team effort and sometimes men forget that and think they are off work so everything stops for them. Both of you will be parents 24/7 for the rest of your lives. It will get easier especially once you get on a routine and the kids become older. Communication betw,een partners is key! Also communication isn’t nagging or judging or complaining.
if you think you are drowning, then this is not your life party girl. It’s a choice, take it or leave it
The best place for a woman is home with her children, once you accept that as your job and look forward to it your feelings won’t change. It’s a process, I went through a rough time transitioning with my own three. I was the one who went to work in my last relationship and then that ended and I ended up becoming a stay at home mom this time. It’s very hard, but the mind is very powerful. It’s all in how you think about things. Don’t listen to the women saying to get a new man, they don’t know what they’re talking about.
Get them up while he sleeps in. Get them ready for the day and fed. And when its play time, say, go get daddy! And let them all go in and hop on pop. While you hop in the car and text him you’ll be back at 6PM. Then go somewhere and relax. Go to your moms house and take a nap. Go to the movies. Go to a spa. Go to a fucking hotel and get a room for half the day! Who cares! lol
You set the bar. You make the rules for your life. He will do what you allow, just like your children. Shouldn’t have gotten knocked up and shacked up with an immature man with kids if you didnt wanna be a mom to 5 kids. But I get wanting help. So fix it. He wants to be a kid, treat him like one by setting the boundaries. Treat him like one by forcing his hand. Throw him in the deep end and accept the consequences.
…Or leave.
Get a job outside the home and let him pay for daycare and then he will see what a real job parenting is
The only advice is if you don’t fix the problem now it’ll always be this way. Unfortunately,
People don’t change unless they want too.
Your in the wrong relationship then! If you don’t want to be a stay at home mom then go back to work. 
Get up Sunday and leave for the day with it giving him the option and go spend it to your self .
Try to get a job then you say he has the same hours then you can work afternoons or weekends.
Yeah you need a job. He’ll realize how much you do when you aren’t there to do it anymore.
dunp him or suck it up ffs
Stop doing mans jobs
You WILL get burnt out and that’s not good for anyone. It is essential to find time for you. Get a part time job. Maybe. Whatever you do - you need “me” time
Go bk to work dont let urself depend on no man for anything ever they will treat u like shit
That’s what a partnership means. He’s supporting you and the kids, you support him be taking care of the kids and the house.
All i can say is, it gets easier, by that i mean kids eventually get their own snacks
If he won’t help now it will never happen.
I’d find a job so he has no choice. Get a weekend one.
Sounds like he just wanted a babysitter and house keeper. No way I would I give my job up.
It’s all about making good choices
Welcome to the life of being a mother & a SAHM.As much as daycare is these days,your work money will be going all to that with that many kids & then there is no point of working during the day.Find a part time night job ti where he does have to help.Go on trip with friends.When he has to take care if the kids himself while you work or away he will realize it is not an easy job taking care of kids & always having to do everything & will appreciate you more.It does get easier when they are in school.Have date nights every so often so you guys can talk about things to better understand each other.I am a SAHM.I have been doing it off & on for 23 years.It is not as easy people or husbands/boyfriends think it is.The kids are attracted to you cause they are with you most of the day/time.When the male starts involving himself in some stuff they will attract themselves to him.You got this! Stay strong & don’t give up
Motherhood is fun if you do it with love. It is tiring as well so you need some time for yourself. Talk to your partner and try to solve it. You just need some time to yourselve. You can spend sundays together as a family…doing things together.
You’re in the wrong relationship then. I’d tell him he WILL get up with them on Sundays or it’s not gonna work. Period. Try leaving early on Sunday and not coming back till you want to.
I work a weekend job. I’m 6 months pregnant and will be put on sick leave this week which sucks cuz my weekend job allows me 8 hours a day of just me and adult time lol. I do most of the house hold stuff and take care of my high functioning four year old. My man goes in spurts where he does really great at helping out and then he goes thru a stage where he doesn’t do much but sit on the couch. We have convos openly about when either one of us slacks and try to work on it together. If your man doesn’t wanna help at all then he needs to go. You can’t do it all hun your only one person
If you get a job and pay half the bills, then he’ll be responsible for half the housework and caring for the kids. If he doesn’t, that’s not a man who is willing to truly be your partner.
He sounds immature. A MAN understands how much work goes into raising children and trying to keep up on the house WHILE taking care of the kids. It’s exhausting and in a relationship like yours it’s thankless and that is so draining. You will eventually start to hate him if you guys don’t work it out. You should try to get some counseling to try to at least work it out since there are children involved.
Grow up and take care of your family or leave him and be a party girl
The moment you had a child the party all night went right out the window. Kids always go to mom before they go to dad. That’s a fact of life lol. If you are not happy staying at home an caring for all of the kids then get out now. Do not drag this out any longer if your not 100% in. There are kids involved. And let me say this, there are 100’s of women who would love to be able to stay at home with the kids. But they aren’t so lucky.
Put the kids in daycare and get a part time job
First rule…HE takes care of HIS kids once his ass gets home. If he can’t help out now why do you want to marry him??? Don’t allow him to sleep in on sunday…make him get up or you get up with your kid and send HIS kids in to wake him. If he can’t get his selfish, lazy ass up and help you then you take your kid out and have a day. Tell him to find daycare for his kids, you find for yours and then get a job if you want!!! QUIT BEING A DOOR MAT!!!
I’ll say the same here as I’ve said before. Raising kids is not 50/50, a relationship is not 50/50. It is all 100/100. Two of those kids are his kids that he brought in the relationship. It really seems like he was looking for someone to raise them for him. If he cant help out when he is home then he is no man. A moms work is 24/7/365. A man can assist in the evenings and weekends. It wont kill him. Every mom needs mom time. Hell, mine are teenagers and I still need just mom time. I work from home so I am home all the time. It drives me nuts. Make time for you and make him understand and help or walk. He isnt worth it.
This is why you dont do wifey shit for a boyfriend.
Suck it up butter cup being a mother is not easy
If you don’t put your foot down for good he’ll never change. Definitely do not have more children.
It was your choice for how you live your child had no say in it…obviously you knew he had 2 kids so what did you expect?
Have u sat him down?? I see a ton of posts like this but they havent had a talk w the other person. Its hard to do but relationships are hard bc u need constant communication and its a learned thing to speak each others language.
Tell him to get off his butt and help you
Easy solution. Don’t wash his clothes or dish up his meals. Do what needs done for u and the Kids and nothing for him. When asked about it explain that you are exhausted after having the 3 babies all day every day, and since he is old enough to look after himself that is what will be happening, until such time as he decides to step up and stop treating you as a nanny and house keeper.
Stop Saturdays and get up on Sunday early and leave the house, have some breakfast, go to the park, a museum, then lunch…let him HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS then when you get back …tell him slept in while you were gone. Do it every Sunday till he gets the point.
Sounds like you need a date night. Get a sitter once a month and go out with each other with no stress about kids. It works wonders and you resent your parter less and find a new spark in your relationship. You only have to be a full time mum till the kid can clean up for themselves. Its going to be you and your boyfriend/ partner when they are grown.
I am a stay home mom. I have two sons who are 11 n 4. My husband is self employed and I help with admin, emails, etc. I also have my FIL to care for. When my husband is home it’s 100% his duty to care for his father. He also showers our 4y old morning n evening- been doing it since baby was 2 weeks old. Same with my older son but now he has been showering on his own for a few years. My hubby has always been hands on with our children-diaper changing, feeding, cleaning, calming, playing, everything! I made it clear that these are Our children, NOT just mine. My hubby helps with laundry on weekends and does help with certain chores. I am not the maid. Being a stay home mom is 24/7/365 and exhausting. I have no me time even with his help. We always joke n say that we need to leave the kids with my ma and book a room - to get a good night’s sleep!!! Sex? What’s that? Honey, once a baby is in the picture, there is no more single free life. Being a mother is responsible living, you are bringing up a person/s and molding a life /lives. Party girl should be packed away forever. And trust me you will never make it even an hour partying so let that idea go! Being a mother is special and beautiful–and yes you do feel like hell and zombified, yes you ge frustrated and exhausted, yes you don’t recognize yourself, yes it stains your relationship with your spouse and most definitely it takes a toll on your body and mind. But yes too that this is exactly what ita supposed to be. As mothers, we are can pull out strength even when we have none left. It’s called reserve. And reserve is what makes us the chosen gender for motherhood. So yes we need our partners to help at home, i agree. However, hun, yearning for the return of life before babies is unrealistic. You chose to have a baby. And to make a life with this man and his kids. He should be helping so discuss it with him and come to an agreement. If its not working out, bail out with your kid- and this option comes with the part where his kids lose a mother and your kid loses a father. Make a choice to change your situation but do not let it get to a point where you guys are miserable, the children are miserable and caught in the crossfire and life as a family becomes hell. Those babies do not deserve that. Do better.
You are just a babysitter with benefits. If hes home at 3pm. Everyday…he needs to help with kids and dinner etc,
If He wont? You are just a sitter /home helper.
Sit him down and tell him how you are feeling and remind him you are mother to his kids 24/7…
He works 8/9 hours 5 days a week.
Leave now. It never changes. Find someone else.
It’s part of being a mom. Welcome to the club regardless if ur bf is home kids will always be stuck to there mommy like glue. I know sometimes u wanna relax or have at least 5 min to yourself but I hate to break it to you all that’s over when u have kids. I say talk to him and let him know your being serious wake him up on his day. Best of luck to you
Ok you chose this…unfortunately it dont always work out the way you want…Is he good to you? Does he pay all the Bill’s? Do you have everything you need? Does he give you $ to get out & do things? If so count your blessings you can always hire a sitter to get out if he gives you enough $ to do things. I’m not saying he shouldn’t help he should but it’s not the end of the world. Schedule yourself a massage or shopping day on sundays & tell him you gotta get out a few hours. Get a sitter go out together & talk about this not complain express your feelings honestly over a nice dinner. Maybe he will do better. It doesn’t last forever & b4 you know it those kids are gone & your alone together so enjoy what you got!
Well yu could go find a job… seek a full time nanny and split the bills… he’s the only one working am not saying he shouldn’t help out cause he should as much as he can but he works he needs all the rest… but that’s my opinion
You entered a relationship with children in the picture, it’s a big responsibility that you should have think about further before you jumped in. The best thing to do is sort things out for you and your biological child, think about what you should prioritize and what kind of life you want to have and achieve. Find a job and earn your own money. Save up for the future and invest. Give yourself importance and love and in that way you will know the answer.
Enjoy the kids now, before you know it they are grown up and gone. Yes it’s exhausting but this is your job…stay at home mom is 24/7. Otherwise you work outside and have someone else raise your kids. You have choices, just have to make them.