I need advice or help I guess I just had a baby almost two months ago I have a toddler that’s three and been with my bf for 5 years, and we live together, he’s going to school right now and I’m frustrated because he doesn’t wake up at all for the baby at night or don’t take turns he does help during the day of course with both and is a great dad but he says since he’s in school trying to better our life he says he needs his sleep he goes to school for 5 hours a day and I work part-time he pretty much says his sleep is more important because he’s trying to better our life. I’m pretty much fed up because I get no help at night he has to be at school at 7 I work at nine, and I still get them ready in the morning and take them to my moms to watch them like wtf I’m pissed and annoyed because of this
He needs to help at night.
Does he work and go to school?
I have a partner who is the same I have a 2 year old and two 3 year Olds and he doesn’t help out with them either even on the weekends I know it’s very frustrating. I just get told it’s not his job cuz he works 5 days a week it’s my job because I’m mum.
I’d put the kids in the room/bed with him after he fell asleep and go sleep in another room. And IGNORE them all till the am when it’s time to get them ready for daycare/work. Doesn’t matter if he works in addition to going to school or not. He’s the FATHER. They’re his responsibility also. I would in no way accept an in home deadbeat 
Welcome to the real world 
lol men most of them cannot deal with that stuff sorry
My husband doesn’t help at night either but my husband also gets up at 3-4am every morning & works around 18 hour days. He does help on the weekends though or if he doesn’t have to wake early the next morning. Everything falls on me though house/kids wise because he is hardly ever home.
If your boyfriend is just going to school & not working & you are also working, then he most certainly needs to be helping at night or at least taking turns.
He won’t realise how much you do because I bet you’ll do everything even without his help. But get him to help in respect getting stuff ready for the next morning clothes for the kids lunches etc less pressure as it’s not immediate help but it will ease the stress for you. X
Bring thwm to my house ill help
Have him do the first feeding and diaper change and you can do the second feeding/diaper change.
My 2 month old wakes up around 2:30-3:30a and then again around 6:30a
But I’m breastfeeding and a stay at home mom. I pull all feedings/diaper changing.
He holds the baby when he gets home for maybe 30-60 min.
I was recovering from a c section with my second while my kids dad worked 13 hour days and he still took night duty every other night. No excuses, you didn’t make him alone you don’t gotta take care of h alone and that includes nights.
Try taking one kid each ! I have a one month old and a two year old and although my boyfriend doesn’t help much with the newborn (he’s breastfeed and extremely colicky) he does most everything for our two year old so I’m not overwhelmed. We just sat and talked about it and decided that would work best for both of us so we aren’t both run down. Sometimes I envy him because the toddler is at times easier than the baby but I think if you guys can talk and come to an agreement about who does what and when it will work better.0
#punctuation
#holyrunonsentence
He goes to school and can’t get up with the babe at night?? My husband works 13-14 hour shifts at a time and still gets up at night to help me. I have heart failure and he does what he can to help.
You’re supposed to be a team. No one is more important than the other. He’s going to school 5 hours amd working, I’m guessing and I understand that can he a long day. You are working part time and coming home to take care of the kids and home. Sounds to me you are both working hard for your family. You didn’t make these babies alone you shouldn’t be taking care of them alone. A family is gaining amd taking. Sometimes someone is giving more than the other but it all evens out. When someone needs help you help, t j.g ats what he isn’t understanding you feel overwhelmed and alone. Tell him how you are feeling. Talk to him figure it out together.
Sound like a classic case of a man thinking that just because your their mother you can do everything on no sleep. You need to sit him down and have a serious talk with him about you not being superwoman and you need to be able to sleep at night to be able to finction at work so you guys need to take turns getting up with the baby. If that doesn’t work then just start putting the baby in with him when he wakes up at night and forcing him to wake up and help you
Tell him that you realize he needs his sleep but so do you. He needs to help out a little at night. Obviously not all the time but you both should be taking turns.
Sounds like a whiner! I worked a 40 hour a week job, got my Masters Degree, completed my Intership and took care of my daughter for 3 years during that time. Tell him to buck up.
My ex never helped with the children. He literally changed ONE diaper and said he would never do that again and he didnt.
Poor excuse in my opinion. My boyfriend worked stupid hours when our son was a newborn , up until about 6-7 months ago! He always gets up and helps with our son , no matter the time! Yikes, idk how you put up with that bccccc I’d be putting soap in a pillow case and waking his ass up. 
My husband has never helped at night, and I used to get soooo mad!!! But I found other things for him to do—he does all the laundry. He takes the kids for a good part of the day Sunday. When they were younger, he’d take them on walks, on errands, in the pool so i could nap. Give up on nights. Look for another way for him to contribute.
Look. I was a single mother with a 7 year old and a newborn WITH COLIC! I worked 40-50 hours a week and was taking full time classes. Tell the clown to man TF up. You do what you have to do. He’s being a selfish ass. JMO
Talk to your mum she knows you i do not know you but all i would say GROW. UP( sorry)
Be a single mother. More oxygen around for you and your kids. You’re already doing it all
At least he helps during the day and is trying to make life better for his family. There really arent alit of dads that get up at night they dont have that motherly instinct that seems to be in mommies. Be thankful that you have a man that loves his family and does help you and is a great dad. You could be in much worse shape.
My husband is military and in a very hard school changing his job and he still wakes up every night to take the baby so i can get a couple hours of sleep.
That’s who he is. He will never change. Decide now if that’s the type of partner you want in your relationship. My husband of 16 years has made one excuse after another. I have finally made myself understand he doesn’t care. Your partner will continue to treat you the way you allow them to. Decide what kind of relationship you want. You deserve a help mate, not some one that will add to your stress.
So he doesn’t work, and goes to school 5 hours and you qork part time and he doesn’t do an equal share?
my husband works 4 days a week (soon to be 5) and works from 6:30pm-5:30am, goes straight to bed, wakes up at 1pm, does his online classes, plays and helps with both our girls, and even helps me at nights when he is off work. So honestly sounds like he’s just wanting more sleep and thinks his sleep is more important. You really need to sit him down and he needs to set some priorities so you can get some sleep yourself. I’d be petty though honestly. I’d be loud and obnoxious when I woke up to care for baby. If I have to wake up and care for baby, hubby wouldn’t be sleeping either until I got to get back to sleep too. BUT, my husband always helps me and he does work night shifts so I’m okay with being the one waking up to tend to my girls. And again, when he’s home on the nights he’s off and I ask him to.
Been through the same. 3 yr old and 7 month old now but my husband literally just doesn’t hear the baby at night. He’s a very heavy sleeper occasionally he will rouse and ask if everything’s okay but that’s it
Yah that’s bull shit reguardless of what ur spouse does we are a effing team, my sig other is an oil field worker and when he’s home he helps me just as he should it doesn’t matter what time of day, and guess what his hours are like 15plus hr days, that’s his excuse to not want to help… I’m sorry
I’m of no help. My hubby works 3rd shift so it’s always been me and my kids all night long.
I think he’s absolutely right, you both have part time jobs right now, you have a newborn, by your own admission he’s a great Dad and helps out during the day, if you want him to succeed and get this degree or certification to better your lives, you need to let him study at night and get his rest so he can do that. I see too much of this ungratefullness and it stinks! Be thankful, be grateful for what he does do, what he is doing, and what he will be able to do to provide for you and your children. He’s thinking of YOUR future and you’re thinking of here and now and all the things he isn’t doing, instead of all the things he is. You need a dose of thankful, and a better 5 year plan, because right now you only have a 1 day plan, and that isn’t going to accomplish much but a few diapers and feeding that you didn’t have to do. You are blessed.
You two need to.have a serious sit down talk. If you’re providing the only.income.he needs to realize that you’re exhausted as well especially caring for 2 children. I absolutely hate BOYS like this. My sons father refused to do the same
I left him. I didnt wanna deal with it.my sons 5 now and ge goes to his dads on the weekend and he still.cant get up.with him. His parents do… RUN
Yep been tgere with my fiance I have a 9 year old from previous relationship and now have a 3 year old with him and ge aint woke up once at night with him I do most of the work with the kids he dont so i know how u feel
That’s not ok at all. You deserve sleep just as much as he does.
My partner would always get up with me in the night and would change the baby while I got ready to feed. Then when we switched to bottles we would take turns when needed.
It’s the most difficult part of adjusting to a new baby and you need support. He’s not being a team player. It’s disrespectful to you to expect you to do it all.
Stop using the term “help with the kids” it is not “help” it is just parenting… Men are fathers. THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO PARENT TOO… It is their responsibility as much as yours
Maybe try having him do it on his days off. He cant go to school 7 days a week. So like Friday and Saturday he takes the night shift…
Throw all his stuff out.
Most men do selfish things when it comes to parenting responsibilities. He forgets that you and him made a baby, but they put full responsibility on the mother in a lot of families. Do what’s best for you. He doesn’t care.
Seriously. My husband works 50 hours a week and goes in at 6am and he is up every time I am even though I’m breastfeeding. He gets up and hands me the baby and gets her diapers and anything I may need. Going to school is not an excuse. I was going to school full time, working full time and a mother to 6 (had #6 while he was away) at the time (have 7 now) all by myself for months (husband was gone for a year). So really there’s no excuse. He helped create the baby he needs to do his job and help do feedings at nite.
We both worked full time during my maternity leave I got up with our boys I also breastfeeding but once I went back to work we would take turns. We do everything together. Saturdays are our family clean day. Everyone pitches in. You need to have a come to Jesus talk with him.
I’m not even gonna lie, thats the one and only reason i dont want more kids. But I will say kt does get better. Soon the baby will sleep through the night and this is not something to end the relationship over… I would call my mom and beg for naps.
My husband never got up with our two kids. But he always let me sleep in on the weekends. We trade responsibilities . I would have a talk with him and lay out what his responsibilities are and don’t back down
Boy times have changed,
Goodness be grateful and happy you have your man home with you.i have a 2 year old and am pregnant with number two. My so is a truckdriver and is home maybe 3 nights a week total. I do all cleaning cooking and child care in my house. Be happy he wants to better your lives and isnt just sitting doing nothing like some of the other moms on here. Maybe try adjusting the kids schedule get them up at 5/6 so he can help let him dress them you make breakfast ect
Welcome to motherhood
that’s the way the ball bounces being a mom!!
I have 3 kids with my ex husband. Hes woken up for one of them through the night and that was a battle. Our next 2 were a year apart and he NEVER helped at night! 
Wait, i just wanna know how yall live off part time salary?! Lol
My husband works anywhere from 84-98 hours a week (night shift) and he still comes in in the mornings and feeds the baby, letting me sleep in. Losing sleep is part of it when you make a decision to have a family. He absolutely should get up and help out. In a marriage no one is above the other, both should do their part.
I believe that 95% of the time the female is expected to do all the baby tending,most men won’t do it?
Not fair no one should be more important… Take turns it’s fair. He sounds like a catch… Both your jobs are important! Moms jobs are hard too. I would love to go to school and him stay home much easier than being a mom.
My husband never gets up. Never has, never will. He is a heavy sleeper. 
Doesn’t bother me though. He works, then helps when he gets home.
Not criticising anyone on here but all these comments that say, just leave or run or get rid of him are frustrating. I’m not sure if the ones making these are just in relationships where something like this, (a woman with a new baby who is tired and stressed and frustrated) would be enough to make you just leave or kick your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend, whatever the case may be and not even care. Yes both should help and be involved and support eachother. I agree. But shouldn’t she try talking with him, or a friend, or when she posts on here people should be giving her positive advise and comments or a place to vent and have others relate rather then adding to the stress by telling her to leave or kick him out. Why not relate and give positive feed back rather than bad mouth her relationship? Unless you can’t relate. Maybe her relationship is more valuable than that. I know mine is and we have an issue like this. He doesn’t tell me he is more important. But I could never imaging just walking away because he didn’t get up at night to help. Way more valuable. It saddens me that all of you say this as a solution. I don’t believe in staying in an unhappy relationship but if your happy would you really just leave for this? Or would you try to figure it out. Think hard about that before you hop on here and make those comments to someone. That can put thoughts into people’s minds that weren’t even a thought, or make someone feel they are stupid for being with someone and need to leave them. That just fuels the frustration. I think most who make these comments are not very happy themselves and put up with more than they admit and would probably never leave or kick out their partner. So, hi. I understand what you are going through. My husband does not do much of the night time duties with my kids either. For one he just sleep so sound he sleeps through Everything! Seems pointless and more of a hassle to intentionally wake him up cause I’m already awake. When I had my babies the first 6+ months were very hard and exhausting and it would’ve been great to have him get up and help. I got frustrated at times and felt it was unfair. I agree. But that’s how it worked for us. I think if you tried to talk more about it and figure out a way that he can help more, even if it’s just one feeding or something to make your morning easier when you get up and get the kids ready or any thing he would be willing to step up and agree to do to take a tiny bit off your plate would probably really help. Give you a nap when he is home. Some alone time, just a break or together time where he takes care of them and you relax. If you two are happy otherwise and want to be together and none of that is an issue just try to talk, vent, get him to give you a break somewhere. It’s hard doing everything with a new baby and not sleeping. It’s easy to find the one thing that the other one does not do and become resentful about it and it becomes a issue even if it wasnt. It’s easy to get irritated with your boyfriend when he is sleeping and you are barely dragging at night. It will get better at nights as baby gets older. Just talk. Be truthful. Like the one said. Even just the night or two that he is off school. Be thankful he is there and involved and a good father when he is home. That is a good thing. Many men won’t do anything. In my case just expressing my exhaustion and not holding it in and him just listening and beeinf there when I needed to talk and cry and all that helped more than him getting up would have. Having an emotional release when you have a newborn is so helpful. I know it’s just my experience. Just trying to give you another outlook on it. Other than to throw him out. Good luck!
I wouldnt be having that at all! I take care of our home and my husband works but our child is both of our responsibility. Since our baby was a nb my husband would wake up and help me. He would walk our baby around the whole house until she fell asleep and he had to work the next morning but he wanted to make sure I got some rest too!
Some of these comments are ridiculous!!! For a starter have you sat down and spoke to him properly? Secondly why should she leave him as she stated he’s trying to better their lives!
Fair enough he don’t help in the night but he helps in the day, sometimes that’s just the way it goes! My partner is exactly the same I have always got up in the night with him and still got up in the morning to go to work but that’s just the way it is! Sleep is something your deprived of being a mother along with many other things but for some bitter people saying leave him well that’s just pure shit!
Never depend on a man I dont u will be apt happier
Men don’t help. That’s just how it is
It wouldn’t matter if mine woke up with them or not cause soon as they make a noise I was up so dad might as well sleep but he would take the baby in the mornings on weekends so I could sleep in some.
Mine never got up in the night . It pist me off but I got over it. Men don’t have the patients women has. Would of something happened to baby on his watch? Would you forgive yourself?
This is a very unpopular opinion but the women is supposed to be the one to take care of the kids wether she works or not even at night, some women get really great men like mine who helps after work and when he doesn’t work and I have to tel him to go to bed cuz I would rather my husband be fully rested to drive safe to work or if my husband were in school to have a clear mind to focus on school. I’m a stay at home moms right now because I’m blessed to have a husband who wants me to but even if I wasn’t a stay at home mom I’d still be the one to take care of the baby because that’s a woman’s role
Dude I once lost my shit in the middle of the night toward my husband and then he got up everytime with me then I realized that was stupid for both of us to get up. I mean balance it out, you get up probably about the same time as him and do just as much, so maybe talk to him about why you think this is a problem.
Shout out to the grandma who has to watch BOTH kids on her own all the time tho. 
Tslk to him and pick two days a week he puts them to bed or let’s you sleep in. His time isn’t more important than yours, and you can support each other.
Just saying, I have three kids I care for by myself. It’s your job, just do it. Mother’s don’t wanna be mother’s no more. Sad.
My husband was like this he never got up at night with a wet crying baby, we both worked jobs, I had two babies and had get them ready every morning get him up and dress my self, warm the car up in winter, put to babies in car seats, take him to work by 7 am we only had one car, take kids to his sisters she baby for the whole family, then go to work at 8 am, get off work pick up kids, go home because he got off later than me, fix supper , he got ride home with his brother, give two babies supper and baths, wait for him, all he did was come home , eat, drink beer and sit in his recliner and read or watch tv, no help never, he said I work more than u and make more money, wife’s job is take care of kid and the home! He was crazy, he didn’t even take out the trash or mow the grass!
He will get a good job amd that will be his excuse . I never went through this. With my daughter my hubby got up with her ,( I had a csection and had a hard time healing ) & still got up and went to work. Not one complaint
Girl, I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. You are right. He should help. Y’all are suppose to be a team. He needs to open his eyes and see the reality of what you do. In most cases men only get it when they are forced to do what has become ‘your job’.
One of two things are going to happen. 1) He gets degree, good job and leaves. or 2) He’s showing you now what to expect later on. Have a talk, now! Do not accept now what you know is unacceptable behavior. Break bad habits to make a marriage/relationship last.
Boyfriends are not husbands. This happens when you play house. He wasnt committed enough to marry you…why would he be committed to raising a family with you. Sorry, been there done that, got my stupid sign, moved on, married a wonderful man and good daddy who keeps God first. Everything else just falls into place. #truestory
Yeah and when he gets his schooling and good job it will be see you later. Hopefully you will get child support. Hope I’m wrong
I’m really getting bothered by this stuff showing up on this particular page, this doesn’t say anything about being an emotional advice and support page. Little bit confused about why it is being allowed.
It’s time to sit down and talk about it…is thoughtful that he is doing this for the family…but if you don’t speak up now…the resentment down the road is going to break up your family home… Good luck with that… don’t wait too long…
Smack him in the forehead and be like ope sorry hand spasm but no seriously just calm down look at the big picture he is trying to better your lives and working and helping during the day try to keep the baby up during the day so he will sleep at night
Honey that’s not your boyfriend that’s not your people that’s not your baby daddy find a new one if you’ve been with the motherfuking for 5 years and have a kid with him and he don’t want to get married to you fuck that girl you better than that move on only a mentally ill person would stay in a situation like that good luck but hey that’s just my opinion no offense
I try to let my husband sleep bc he works and I go to school. My baby is breastfed and under no circumstances do I give a bottle if I’m home. When) if my 2 year old wakes at night my husband deals with it. He knows I’m up feeding a lot. No matter what - when we get up in the morning there’s a pot of coffee on for me. Previously when I also worked he had both overnight or helped me. There is no I in we. It doesn’t matter if he’s working to better your lives the partnership doesn’t change. Priorities don’t change. The kids are here and so we take care of them. We have both worked I was in the military. He works full time goes to school for a master’s and is a reservist so he drills once a month. Like a weekend job. I go to school full time and stay home during the day. He still helps me and never complains.
How did this group go from being about holidays & fun stuff to family problems???
time for some rules. Tell him to man up and put his big boy pants on. It’s his baby too!
Get a new boyfriend, sis. There’s no excuse left for shitty partners.
I don’t wake up for a tornado.
Use birth control in the future.
Get a new boy friend with one like this you don’t need him
Good thing ya’ll aren’t married
Seriously you had a child with that arrogant sob, everything your explaining is not being a great Dad. Stop having your Mom watch them and tell big boy to grow the f up. Life just came in a bundle of joy. You tolerate it and he will continue being a great Boy!