My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year now, mostly a rocky relationship because I found out I was pregnant weeks after we got together, so being pregnant was a hardship on both of us especially with the changes and feelings I experienced throughout and him just not understanding how hard pregnancy can be, Well, we now have a 5 month old daughter together and she’s the light of our lives. Long story short, he created a month after she was born and away for work, and I didn’t cheat, but I was talking to another man because of how my boyfriend was making me feel (constantly degrading me, telling me I didn’t look pretty anymore, did anything nice with my hair or makeup or wear nice clothes, etc.). And yes, I regret it, but he made me feel horrible about myself. I can’t help accepting a compliment from another man when my man isn’t even going out of his way to make me feel beautiful anymore, especially after losing my confidence after having a c section. Well, to the point now, I was able to get into his facebook account, and what I’m seeing is him friending all these single women, maybe one or two women in relationships, but the majority of them are all single. He even talks crap about me with my sisters, making jokes back and forth with them about me not having an excuse to be tired because I only have one baby or that I’m just lazy because I spend all day in PJs, etc. and it’s more than just that, there are more hurtful things I see in their messages. Without daughter now in the picture, he’s a very caring father, and I don’t want to break our family apart because I “suspect” something going on with all these random friend requests, but I’m worried he’s cheating on me again because he’s friending all these random single girls that he’s mutual friends with. I’ve wanted to strike a conversation up with him about it and about the rude things he has said to my sisters about me, but I have honestly no idea how, especially not to give him a hint that I even have a way to get on his account. At this point, it’s driving me bonkers every time i look, and it upsets me every time I look at his messages, which isn’t very often. I don’t want to break up our family just because I have this weird feeling about him friending all these random women (because when I was first pregnant, he had a huge issue with me even being friends with a previous SO or even any of my just-guy friends or any guy I used to work it, etc. but I can tell you right now for a fact that I don’t go around adding a bunch of random men on here just because I have mutual friends with them.) Well, ladies, what am I supposed to do? Approach him about how I’ve been feeling about this and let him know I’ve seen his activity because I have a way to get on his facebook? Or do I just shrug it off and get over it without screwing things up if there isn’t anything to worry about? Because obviously, I shouldn’t have anything to worry about, but it just deep down bothers me that he’s adding these single women. I want our daughter to grow up with both of her parents together, and I really don’t want to jeopardize our relationship over nothing. Thanks again
Yikes definitely sounds pretty toxic…keeping together for the sake of your child isn’t really good enough reason for both of you to be unhappy and unstable. Your daughter will be okay, but you also have to take care of yourselves.
Honestly, I think it’s time to split. Sounds like a very toxic relationship.
Get rid of him. Ffs who allows a person to treat another person like that? Have some respect for yourself.
Bruh…really…get a dog
Talk to him about how you feel. Explain that you no longer feel beautiful and you would like him to help reassure you. Talk about your feelings with him. Can’t repair things if he doesn’t know it’s bothering you.
Break up. You’re invading his privacy and went to another man for attention. He is cheating. Neither of you are making it work so both of you should move on and coparent
Leave…again i only read the 1st sentence…leave!!!
U get what u allow u r better than that
Follow your instincts - you see red flags then there are red flags…
It sounds to me there’s some major trust issues going on. Communication is key! If your both willing to make it work, talk to him and have him reassure you nothing is going on. If that’s not the case, and he is cheating, that’s not a stable place for a baby/kiddo. Use your best judgement.
Human rejection is God’s Protection…
Sounds like a pos unreal !
If you’re questioning it. Then you already have the answer to your own question. Toxicity is not good for children. Give her a childhood she can remember not one she has to recover from
No one can tell you that your relationship is over but yourself. I personally could never handle a cheater. It’s a horrible thing to do to someone and it’s completely selfish. But relationships are 2 sided. You have to know how he feels, and he needs to know how you feel to work things out. And then both of you have to try.
Also smack your sisters. They should be your backup! I would stop talking to them until they learned a lesson.
Two happy homes are better than one toxic home. Sounds like it’s time to go ahead n part ways. It’d be best for your baby!
Get up everyday and get ready like your going out even if your not! Look beautiful feel beautiful think beautiful! Self care! When you glow… he won’t help but notice and if he doesn’t you’ll already be at the point of no return anyway!
Better for you and your bub to leave. Hes not worth it and tell him why
You’re both toxic for each other at the moment. And irresponsible. No birth control early on in the relationship, you need constant validation because of low self esteem, he has zero boundaries when talking to your own sisters (and you need to talk to your sisters about their lack of boundaries too) & both of your selfish attitudes have you seeking/ receiving support outside of the relationship instead of within. You need to build yourselves up individually before you can try to build each other or build the relationship. Focus on your own emotional health: stop going through his messages. What are your hobbies, etc? Take your baby & go for a walk, talk to your friends & family, catch up on their lives, go somewhere new… Life is so much more than just within the walls of your home.
Just because you have a baby with someone, doesnt mean it’s meant to be, or that is better to stay together for the kids!!
Internalizing your feelings and just getting over it is only going to add to the resentment you’ve already started building towards him. I was married for 8 years been divorced for 3 and am in a very great relationship now. Even if how you feel, is maybe you just feeling insecure but if you cant go to your man when you feel that way and just be honest with how you feel then whats the point in being in a relationship? And if he doesn’t validate your feelings and try and make you feel better. Own up to maybe not doing what he should, and yall figure out a solution together then maybe he doesnt really love you and yall should part ways. Being in a relationship is being able to talk with each other. Grow with each other. Love one another. It goes both ways. Its work and its hard. Good luck!
Move on. He’s cheated, you emotionally cheated. You don’t have to be together to raise a child.
Kick him to the curb, he’s not happy about u being pregnant again too bad for him. Children are a gift from God. He does not deserve U
I’m sorry honey, but you are creating a family out of nothing. You were only together for a minute before you got pregnant. Will be easier on the baby if you go your separate ways now, rather than later. Eventually it going to happen! Sorry, let it go!
If he is talking behind your back he doesn’t respect you. Once the respect is gone you should move on. Coparent your baby and move on.
You already know what to do, you just need that extra push. Dont wait and be miserable and feel unloved. Start with loving you first and then find someone to love you.
Leave. Hes disrespectful yall both cheated whether you want to admit it or not emotional cheating is still cheating. You need to do better for yourself. Your daughter will see how you get talked to and think thats okay. ITS NOT. And your sisters are shitty they should stand up for you not sit there and talk shit with your shitty dude about you. You can do so much better than what you’ve settled for
Sounds like u both are toxic with each other. U both should stay away from each other. If hes not abusive then allow him to visit with the child but id def not be together…
My gosh you all never learned how to communicate before making a life-long commitment of having a child. That’s a HUGE step in a relationship. I agree with the other person that stayed you are both toxic for each other which makes it worse on the child. Leave it can only give your baby a better environment. You don’t want her learning that is how she should treat people or that is how she should be treated. Get out now while you can. A little over a year is not that long.
Adding random girls isn’t cheating but it’s not ok either. There are bad intentions there & staying just because you have a kid, isn’t a good reason. You both are obviously looking for something new and different. So just leave now
It’s a toxic relationship and it’s time to let go.
I’d stop doing anything for him. Keep an eye on his page until you know for sure.
Once a cheater always a cheater. Dump him
you both cheated. You’re both toxic. You don’t need to be together.
So, y’all cheated on each other but he’s the bad guy? Do you tell him he’s handsome and try to make him feel special?
Trust your gut. Leave. Staying will only make things worse, and hard for your daughter. She deserves to see mommy and daddy happy, even if they means your not together.
Woman’s intuition. It’s never wrong.
First, get to work on your childish attitudes. Leave his phone alone! Looking won’t change his behavior and it makes you feel sorry for yourself. Self pity is an emotion that you can’t afford. It causes drama, makes enemies, and does NOT put money in your pocket. Then improve your self image. PJs off, hair and teeth brushed, wash up, done by 8 am. Quit fussing about your C- section scar! Again, no drama and no money in your pocket. Who’s going to look at it, anyway? As soon as your doctor says it’s ok, get out and get going. Get a stroller and start walking. Go to a gym, go to a mall, go to a park, go to the library and check out storytime for babies. Also check out oportunities to further your education. Girl children want some fool child to support them. Whether you like your man or not, if he pays the bills he’s worth keeping until you can keep yourself and your child. Lots of women have learned to support themselves, including me. Good luck, and don’t fail your precious daughter. You are not just “you” any more.
The longer you stay the harder it is for you to leave for both you and your little one also your child is going to see mommy not happy. Plus she looks up to you and is going to expect a man to treat her the way daddy treats mommy.
Id leave earlier than later in my daughters life so she can know how to be treated right…
This is toxic. Just end it.
Sounds like you cheated and now you’re insecure so you think he’s cheating and you’re looking for evidence but you’re the guilty one.
Such a short time together and pregnant so soon. I don’t think your boyfriend was ready for this lifestyle. I wouldn’t tell him I was spying on him, but I would talk with my sisters. Basic ‘have you corresponded with my boyfriend lately?’ and indicate you think something is wrong but you aren’t sure. If they lie then don’t engage with them for a while. Never depend on him for self worth, you need to do that within yourself. Things you mentioned, like in pj’s all day I would change. Do it for yourself, do your hair and put on makeup just so when you look in the mirror you feel good. I don’t think you and BF were meant for each other personally due to what he is doing now with other single females on FB. I doubt these females even know about you. Plan on where you would go if you and daughter left, be proactive with that just in case. I truly hope you will make the right decision for you and daughter. Staying together isn’t always the answer.
Well he’s cheated once so it will more than likely happen again especially if he’s adding all these single women to FB. One time should of been your clue to leave him, pregnant or not!! He’s very disrespectful to you for talking to the mother of his child the way he does and it will only get worse. You were good enough to sleep with in the beginning and you got pregnant, it can happen but you have to be true to yourself and don’t let him belittle you, you are worth more than that!! He has no respect for you and neither does your sister if she don’t stand up for you when he’s talking bad about you to her. Your best bet is get out while you can, a man will come along when the time is right and sweep you off your feet and right now you need to stand on your own two feet and be a momma to your daughter sounds like he’s not in this relationship for the long haul. Good luck!! Stay strong!! I wouldnt say a word about looking at his FB account, it’s just going to open a whole new can of worms, and it could get much worse before it gets better. Just tell him you know all about the other single females and put a stop to it and RUN GIRL!!!
All day in your Jammie’s !! Make an effort lady. That us a turn off. You don’t fix your self up and stay in pj, and you wonder why he don’t compliment you ? If he is a decent guy , nope. Where is your part in this
Just leave. Its not good. For either of you.
Idk about you ladies but even when I’m in my jammies all day on a weekend my S/O still compliments me and smacks my ass. So maybe your baby daddy just isn’t the right guy for you. If he can’t love you while you’re ugly, he don’t deserve you at your prettiest.
But cheating on each other… that’s a big red flag on both of yall. There is no trust after that. And you are always going to be wondering if he’s always cheating or not. Not worth the headache trust me.
But him adding other single chicks, I’ve dealt with an ass hole like that and he was sending his dick pics. I dumped his ass because who wants to be with someone who doesn’t respect them.
Also get over ur c-section and rock that scar! You carried a life you can’t exactly expect to just bounce back to how your body used to look. It sucks but you gotta deal with ur new body now. Unless u start hitting the gym.
As for him talking to your sister, I’d bitch out my sister big time for not telling me the shit his talking behind my back.
But if I’m being honest here just leave. Sure it’s easier said then done but raising a child in an unhealthy environment can lead to a lot of trauma for your daughter when she’s older. You might wanna try and keep your family but I don’t think it’s worth it if there is no trust or respect.
I was married for 15 years and stayed in a toxic relationship because I didn’t want my girls to be without their father but when the feeling for each other are not mutual and your resentful tord him then pretty much the trust is gone and it’s so hard to get it back that sometimes you just have to walk away!! Life is way to short to be unhappy and miserable. Don’t stay like I did and take the bullshit for years, I ask myself to this day, why did I wait so long to be happy!!
You, your boyfriend, AND your sisters are ALL DISGUSTING
You just need to walk away, you both tried to do the right thing by your child and make it work, but it’s just not gonna work. I get he made you feel insecure but the moment you have to check his account to see if he’s doing something wrong is the second you should have just left. It’s social media, it’s childish. Don’t worry about making it work as a family. Just be good at co parenting. Better to do it now while the baby is still young.
Leave. The fact he makes fun of you behind your back (to your own sisters) should be enough for you to want to leave. He doesn’t love you if he can talk shit about you and make fun of you to others. Your partner is suppose to build you up not tear you down😒
I suggest talking without asking or accusing. “Hey, I haven’t noticed her before. How did yall meet?” Most cheaters wont admit it anyway, but his reaction may give you a clue. I also suggest counseling. Sounds like theres history that you all may not have moved on from. Once a cheater always a cheater isnt true. People change, mature, make mistakes, etc. But moving past it is not easy and requires trust you may not be willing to give yet, and forgiveness that it doesnt sound like has been given yet. Best of luck to u both
If you’re waiting on a man to make you feel beautiful honey you’ll be waiting a long time
So, from what you’ve telling everyone, is basically you two are only “together” because you got pregnant? Five month old, together a little over a year.
Girl, you need to wake up!!! He doesn’t want to be with you. You need to set your standards higher for YOURSELF and who you are and realize that. You’re not a family with the dude. Not even close. Get a place for you and your kid and let him be a father without playing with your emotions. Neither of you are happy.
I feel like you already know this though. Find happiness with yourself. Raise your kid and eventually be happy with someone who truly wants to be with you not someone who makes you feel he’s stuck with you.
So okay, I read like half of it. Leave him. Y’all are not happy. There’s no trust, you need to love yourself again because you’re just going to fall into the same trap until you realize a c-section scar DOES NOT define your self worth. Love you girl, than the right person for you to love with come along. Right now all your daughter is seeing is mommy not loving herself enough to be with a man who’s Facebook doesn’t need to be gone through.
Who cares if ur in ur PJs all day u just had a baby I’m sure ur exhausted an just don’t feel like getting dressed up. U probably don’t got the time to with taken care of newborn. But u should definitely look at ur options on if u can find somewhere else to stay with ur baby cuz this relationship is toxic an u don’t wanna teach ur daughter that she has to stay in an unhappy unhealthy relationship just cause theirs kids involved
This relationship is already over. Stop dragging it out. Make a life for yourself and your baby because this man is already gone.
My head was hurting reading this just leave him it’s very toxic I see that. think about your child.
Maybe if you try to make yourself a little bit presentable and not in PJs all day long
If she leaves them she has to look for a place to live does she have any money can she go back to work then she has to find a sitter kind of hard maybe if she tries to make herself a little bit more presentable
He needs to grow up. Ask him how would he feel if his body was taking the time and energy to create a life. How would he look after tending to a newborn.
You’re waiting for a leopard to change its spots…
Self confidence comes from within no body can make you feel bad about yourself unless you let them. Sounds like both of you are neglecting each other…counselling
Having a child early on in a relationship isn’t an excuse to treat eachother like shit…
You both need to put in %100 or it’s never going to work and neither of you are doing that and now YOUR relationship is a shambles.
You are obviously not happy so why are you with him? Don’t seek the attention from another man trust me that’s not the answer, if your partner isn’t giving you what you need then you need to make the decision to leave or stay otherwise you’re creating a toxic relationship for your child.
Drop his ass like a hot potato… you’ll be grateful you did
This relationship was over before it began
Walk away co-parent but do not stay he’s definitely not interested he is looking for the next one
This was one big old yikes from start to finish. Leave him asap. Neither of you should be in a relationship with anyone if that’s how you’re going to treat the person you’re with. Work on yourself mentally. Learn to peacefully co-parent.
Do not stay. You’re teaching your daughter toxic behaviour. He can still be a good father, not while with you. Both of you did wrong no excuses. And plus a happy healthy mom is what that baby needs. Not stressed, depressed, and worried. That baby don’t need a mom n dad together. What she needs is stability, love, and strength. You’re a mom, so act like it.
You two obviously aren’t meant for each other, leave him
Leave. He doesn’t love or respect you.
Boy, bye. Do you and your child a favor and call it quits. That’s not a healthy situation. Just do you and what makes you happy mama. Having a baby with someone isnt a reason to live out the rest of your life in misery.
Leave. You’re both messy. You dont talk to someone else like that and get mad hes cheating too. Come on my dude
You both need to grow up
I wanna know why your sisters are even allowing him to talk shit to them about you. My sister would jump all down his throat. Then tell me about it.
How old are you guys? This sounds like childish games on both your parts! What are you doing going through his Facebook? Are you trying to send yourself into spiral of regret, depression, and loneliness. I say, worry about yourself, and ignore him and his messages. Once you feel better about you, he will see that and things will change if that’s what you want. Otherwise, you are just torturing yourself. Get a hobbie, start exercising, find a mom’s group, or go to story time with the baby. You have to get on with your life. I would just tell him you got into his Facebook and confront him. It probably will start a fight but at least your not holding on to this uncertainty. Good luck !
You do not need the verbal abuse and your daughter does not need to hear it. Leave while you can
Throw that whole man and relationship away he obviously doesn’t respect you if he’s messaging your sister which might I add is pretty weird, and adding a bunch of girls, and more likely than not your gut instincts about him cheating are probably true. Personally if I were in your position there would be no way in hell I’d let my daughter grow up to watch me disrespected by a man who’s supposed to be there for me and love me. She needs you as a role model mama! And to grow up knowing her worth/not letting men treat her like garbage and normalising it. I feel so so bad for you because I have also had a cesarean 4 months ago, and I have no idea what my mental state would be like if my partner wasn’t always uplifting me and telling me I still look beautiful etc because I have been so hard on myself after my physical changes. Know that just because you are together doesn’t mean that it’s better for your family! Having two seperate parents HAPPY is better than having a hateful relationship together
I’d tell him that I want threw hi s Fb, and didn’t like what I saw. you should confront him. If he talked sh*t on you again, tell him you font approve and will leave with the baby, because she’s yours and won’t have her around cheating and disrespectful people. even if he’s her father. Women change with pregnancy, if he loved you before baby but not after baby, he didn’t love you to begain with, he loved your figure. tell him to man up and be both a partner and a father, or lose both.
don’t put yourself into that stress, follow your gut
He degrades you and tells you things like how you’re not pretty, lazy etc. Girl leave that asshole and find someone who will appreciate you! He can still have a relationship with his daughter. Don’t let anybody treat you that way. Stand up for yourself! Please!
Leave. He’s not going to change. This is more than just a one- off thing, this is planned and repeated mental/ emotional abuse and infidelity.
just leave. don’t put yourselfers though years of this shit. you can co parent just fine with seperate lives.
Girl im exhausted just reading this oh no
I just had a baby 3 mos ago and had a csection and that shit destroyed my self confidence but mt man hasnt skipped a beat in making me feel loved and adored… Good men do exist you dont have to stay with a shitbag
Get over what he is doing or get out of it.
Girlllll bring it up. Say something and when he gets mad say well that’s my answer and leave him! Your sisters should not be talking shit like that either. I’ve had some issues in my relationship and one of his friends told him to put his foot down and he said I wish. When I seen it I called him and said alright go ahead put your foot down. Let’s see how this plays out. And guess what. He didn’t. You need to make sure he knows where you stand and that you know what you deserve
Some people need to understand compassion here
Honey I know you love your daughter and want a whole famoly for her. I wanted that too for my boys. I stayed longer than i should have.
If you talk to him and he dosent do anything about it to let you know he loves you then you need to go elsewhere.
Your baby girl will understand when shes older and I guarantee she will be proud of you for taking care of your mental health.
My new husband treats me like a queen. You just need the right person.
If his page doesn’t say married or taken fb offers a dating page & that could be where he’s getting the idea to add the women
Help? You deserve better, walk away. Hell, run.
Maybe make a fake account and see if he takes the bait. If so all your questions will be answered and you will know what to do.
you are beautiful. buy a man masturbation movie put it on and invite him over for pizza .
Then make a phone call to your self like a man just called if h walks out
no lose there he learning he can’t handle his actions
You both are crappy people…
You deserve a caring,Loving guy who will be there for you and ur baby Let him go,and move on with ur life and ur baby you might find the rigth guy that Wii treat you and ur baby a whole lot better