You talk every single day? Is it possible you’re both just using your kids as an excuse to contact each other? I’ve never heard of anyone talking to their ex every single day even if they have kids.
7 Likes
Me and my ex are friends !!! Straight up friends I talk to him all the time about anything and everything! … we have a great co parenting relationships and if I ever got a new man he would just have to deal with that ! … sounds like your ex needs to get on bored or get lost …
1 Like
Good for you for maintaining a good co-parenting relationship with the father of your children. I hear so many people putting their own emotions ahead of their children’s well-being so it’s awesome to hear the co-parenting component of this story.
A lot of people are disagreeing that you are speaking with the father every single day, I disagree with these people. There’s so many components to co-parenting and if you’re contacting each other continuously to ensure you’re on the same page for the well-being of your kids, that’s awesome. Why the heck would you limit contact with your ex and impact the well being of your kids and potentially start a feud with your ex, just to soothe an insecurity?!? That’s craziness.
I think a serious talk needs to happen with your ex about the well-being of your children and maybe ask him to seek counselling or you all can go to couples counselling to talk about it. Does he expect you to just not talk to your ex, ruin your relationship and seriously impact the well being of your children? That’s completely irrational. He needs to find a way to be okay with it. Himself. You can soothe him every minute of the day and the insecurity won’t go away… HE needs to work on it.
Also, it seems kind of selfish for him to continuously express his jealousy given that it obviously stresses you out and, in turn, would impact your family’s well-being. Not cool.
If I were in the situation, I would keep maintaining good contact with my ex for my kids (and only for my kids) and my SO would just have to find a way to deal with it.
2 Likes
Ur kids are old enough to talk to dad without going through u. At night maybe just have the kids call dad and u stay out of the convo there really is no reason U should be talking to him daily… It’s amazing u co parent so well but I understand how ur significant other feels… just let the kids call dad and maybe let them answer the phone when he calls that would maybe help alittle bit and as far as u and the kids father talking maybe cut that down to one a week
2 Likes
Contacting him all the time? Your kids are old enough to tell him about school events, clothes size etc… This is just too weird tbh. I would be thinking shits going on too. Why don’t you tell your kids to communicate with him. I’m sure you’ll be ok with just contacting your ex if it’s necessary only! I have a great co parenting relationship with my ex and we don’t talk everyday. That’s just plain weird honestly. You both have seperately lives. You make it sound like you are really good friends with your ex, which is good. But why isn’t your boyfriend friends with him too? Don’t you let him meet your friends? Why isn’t he involve in your conversation? Something just doesn’t seem right. Get him involve wtf… I feel like your taking advantage of the situation. I feel like there’s unresolved feelings there. It’s been years since you guys broke up, maybe things are starting to spark off again or you love the attention you’re getting from your ex. Your kids are old enough. If you’re trying to have a future with your boyfriend then consider how he feels, because his feelings matter too. It is hard to juggle feelings specially when kids are involve, but if you’re just not taking him serious then I suggest you just co parenting with him to, he will find out how “good” you are at co parenting. And I sure hope he gets the same treatment your ex is getting.
6 Likes
If it’s just this one man that he is jealous of and not every man you interact with then maybe you are innocently doing something that you are unaware of that is causing him to feel insecure. Maybe instead of you answering the phone when he is just calling to say goodnight to the kids you can just let the kids answer and talk to him. Your kids are also plenty old enough to relay appt. information, event dates and everything else so you really don’t “need” to talk to him everytime. Like I said this is only if he is overly jealous with just this one man, if he’s jealous with every man then he is insecure and he needs either some ego boosting or counseling.
2 Likes
Personally, I’d feel weird about the daily calling between you two.
Everything else is good, from what you said. But daily contact about your kids seems like an excuse to talk to the ex. They’re of age to talk to their father on their own. Unless there’s school issues that you need to work with the father on. I just don’t grasp the daily phone calls. It’s weird- no matter how well you coparent.
1 Like
Does he feel like every time he turns around you’re talking to him? You shouldnt have to cut out communication for him but it sounds like you could tone it down a bit. Like some suggested, have the kids call him to say goodnight, or hand them the phone when he calls. Clothing size, send it In text tell him if it changes you’ll let him know. See if that helps.
1 Like
I barely speak to my sons dad. He lives in a different country and my boy just skypes him.
Maybe you should remarry him if you think you need to communicate that much! Your kids are not infant or toddlers!!
4 Likes
My husband’s ex wife, in the last 7y, has only said “hi” & I think “how are you?” to me once. She never called us & we called her a few times, but she only answered once & it was about their daughter. I wish she’d been more communicative all those years (their daughter is 19 & lives with us now), but not daily. If it were daily, I’d be like “well fuck. Where do I fit in?” 
I think… Key words I think. Lol… My opinion is that you should keep having a good relationship with your ex. My mom and dad had a great relationship. They worked together and some times they chit chatted about stuff that had absolutely nothing to do with me. He is just going to have to learn how to deal with it. But remember every single person will have a different opinion and the only one that matters is yours.
2 Likes
I have to agree that you don’t need to talk to him every day. Regardless of your co-parenting achievement. Your kids are plenty old enough to talk to him without your interference. I can understand maybe a weekly update or if something big is happening or happens but every day is ridiculous and I wouldn’t be ok with it either. I would frankly have left a long time ago. Has it always been this way or is this a new development? Either way, you need to re-evaluate your relationship needs.
2 Likes
I dont think you need to talk to your ex so much. Your boyfriend is right! I have an ex and we never call each other unless its necessary. Sometimes when he has our daughter i text to know how she is and he replies but never like you are doing. And if i call i tlak to my daughter not him. I think there is more going on with you and your ex. There is no reason to call an ex everyday. Seems like you are using the kids to communicate with each other. Maybe go back with him. I would be furious if i was your boyfriend. What would you do if it was the other way around? Have your kids call him. You dont need to talk about sizes or school every day come on.
3 Likes
It’s awesome that you guys can co parent so well but I feel like talking every day is excessive. I know with my ex, I only message him if the kids or sick or just to keep him informed, maybe 1 to 2 times a month.lol other than that, he will call to talk to the kids and I never answer, I just have my kids answer the phone and vice versa and they are 8 and 6.
1 Like
The children are your number one priority. They are your responsibility. If your present boyfriend can’t handle it then he needs to walk away.
2 Likes
It sounds like coparenting done right. Why wouldnt ypu contact someone who has your children, will be having your children, or is that involved with your children. If kiddos are older they could answer the phone maybe, but it isnt fair to make a child be the parent because your boyfriend doesnt like their dad. Kiddos dont chose parents or their relationships, they get tossed in the middle and if it fails they’re often left trying to figure out the relationships and where they fit in. Your kiddos font have to do that. I honestly think ypu shpuld ask the bf what would he do if the roles were reversed. Would he not want to contact his child whenever or be able to parent with you. Theres really no such thing as only talking on weekends to your ex and if it is…thats not healthy communication nor is it teaching ypur children how to parent, coparent or even deal with people you may not always want to. I really think your doing an amazing job momma!
1 Like
Aside from calling good night, why not just text for everything else? That way your SO can read and see for himself that it’s all good. Also, maybe get a phone for your kids so dad could call them directly for goodnight instead of needing to talk to you at all?
2 Likes
Just simply ask your partner if you two were to separate wouldn’t he want to be that involved with the child you share together? Wouldn’t he want you two to have a great relationship? If he tells you yes then tell him to back off. The relationship is for your children not for you.
2 Likes
The new boyfriend needs to grow up if he didn’t like it he should of chose someone else without kids😡
3 Likes
My husband has been the same way with my ex, we’ve been divorced for about 12 years now. We have 1 kid together and my husband and I have 2. I only talk to my ex about our daughter which is rare because I have full custody and make all the decisions for her. I let him know things about school, health etc. and she’s 16 now so she can talk to him herself about things and has since she was probably 12. I think part of my husbands insecurities come from him not having experience with the situation. He didn’t have any kids before me so he’s not been in this place having to co parent. Also he does more for my daughter than her own dad does so he gets a little jealous with that. I was back in the hospital after I had our last baby and my daughter told her dad so he was texting me asking what was going on. I felt like it was out of respect because I’m his daughters mother and if it was serious he should know. My husband got all bent out of shape about it. I have to explain that I’m the mother of his kid and even though he may be a piece of crap sometimes he might need to know if something bad happened to me. He’s mellowed out about it a bit now, we’ve been together 5 years. It took some time for him to understand and deal with it. Now he talks to my ex more when it concerns my daughter, like with her vehicle or something.
I wouold think that after being with you for 2yrs. and having a child with you he would be over the moon for this kind of co-parenting instead of the drama that is usually between parents and that he would hope and pray that if and I hope not anything ever came between you two that you would be able to co-parent so well as well. There is other reasons I think for the bad insercurties he is feeling about your ex. Good luck sweetie and hope he sees that this is really a good thing for everyone - the adults and kids both.
3 Likes
I think it is great that you both want to be in your children’s lives so much but your boyfriend’s insecurities are valid. Why did you and your ex break up? Is your relationship closer to your ex than bf? Are there unresolved feelings that he sees, do to the reason for the breakup and possibly regrets (did he cheat, did you cheat? If you cheated that alone is a reason)? Do you spend as much time talking with your bf about every little excessive detail about your child together when the other is at work or not around for whatever reason? Does he see you going to your ex for emotional support when that is what HE is there for hense the boyfriend label not ex? Do your children ever stay at a friend’s house is there excessive talk with their parents on every little detail, do you talk to them to say goodnight then? Do you give your children any time without contact to miss and appreciate you? Are you obsessively involved in every little detail of your child with your bf showing that child the same amount of attention or does he/she see the special treatment the older 3 get? Are you allowing your bf to be involved in raising and decision making at your house or allowing them to walk all over him-your not my dad I don’t have to listen to you. Is your ex supportive of a relationship between the children and your bf since he is their stepdad or does he exclude him in the equation-another good reason for insecurities. Just a few things to think about.
1 Like
I think you love the attention you are getting from them…your ex calling all the time and your boyfriends jealousy…and the simple answer is you are the one causing it…limit your calls to your ex to once a week unless it’s an emergency with the kids…there’s absolutely no need for you talking to him everyday…I’m sure your kids are plenty capable of answering a phone call from dad without you interfering.
6 Likes
Go to a counselor or break up. Otherwise your boyfriend could make you and your kids life miserable for a long time and you need someone who supports you and your kids having a healthy childhood and life. I had an ex like this and he eventually became abusive after some years. Has this been going on the whole time or start to develop recently? I would try counseling for a couple months and if there’s no improvement by then I would call it off. It’s hard when you love someone but if he truly loves you and your kids he wouldn’t be doing this and I know it’s hard to hear but that’s the god honest truth
I think your relationship with your ex is wonderful! You are showing your children that just because you’re not meant to be together, doesn’t mean you can’t treat each other with love and respect. That you love your children more than you hate or resent each other. That is real maturity, and it sounds like your boyfriend is lacking in that regard.
2 Likes
Sign him up for therapy.
2 Likes
Why would you have a child with such an insecure dude? If you want to talk to your ex about your kids every damn day, that’s your life and family. Fuck all these people trying to say you shouldn’t talk to whomever you want, whenever you want about your babies. If you aren’t flirting with this dude, then it’s no one else’s business how often you interact with him, including your boyfriend. I just don’t understand why you chose to have a child with someone who feels it’s his place to own you? This was not new when you had your 4th child. And if it was, why are you having children with random people when you have other children to worry about? Girl, you need to learn how to pick dudes before you have anymore kids. Because you are not this man’s child or his property, and as long as you are both involved in the household and the childcare, then he shouldn’t have shit to say about what you do with the rest of your time or who you talk to your kids about or how you choose to co-parent. I talk to my exes from time to time and my husband is fine with it. And I dont have kids with any of them, either. We’re just friends. My husband isn’t a baby. He knows I’m not going anywhere. Who has time for that high school bullshit?? Not me. Pfft.
The kids are old enough for you to talk to directly with phone calls and video chat. I don’t know who would want to put up with that in a relationship.
4 Likes
Get a cheap phone for your kids that your ex can call and tell them goodnight.You don’t need to talk to your ex everyday.Once a week should be enough to discuss your children.Unless it’s a real emergency.Also I would get couples therapy for you and bf.Your new guy has a right to be jealous,I only talked to my son’s father about 3 times a month when he was growing up.It’s nice that you get along,but it sounds like you are a little to close.Would you want your bf talking to another woman everyday?
2 Likes
There is no reason to speak to each other daily. He can call the house or cell phone and u pass the phone tot he kids, they are big enough to know their sizes and he should get a copy of their schedule when they have to.
2 Likes
God I hate that word "significant other ". Its like nails on a chalkboard. Moving on… who cares what he thinks . Grow a pair.
1 Like
Your ex needs to get over himself and zip it. Coparenting is the priority here, and if he can’t deal with that, tell him to hit the road. Jealousy is a wasted emotion and a sign of immaturity.
10, 12 and 13, the kids are old enough to talk to the other parent without having to have the two of you kabitz first… Sounds like one of you are holding on to something and can’t let go. You can touch base once a week or so for grades, appointments etc but everyday, there is no need. This coming from a blended family of 7 years no with kids aged 14-18. The kids can speak for themselves.
2 Likes
Daily contact. Seems a bit much. Seems you could cover it all in one conversation. And why do you have to speak to ex to say goodnight to your kids
1 Like
Frankly, it sounds like u enjoy talking to your ex and enjoy whatever feelings/emotions come up as u do so. Regardless if you’re " chit chatting " or not, theres ligit zero reason to talk to ur ex on the phone everyday , ESP when ur kids r older 10 11 and 13. Do they have phones ? If not get them a cheap prepaid phone or have the ex call the house phone or at a specific time on ur cell phone nightly.
so say around 8pm every night ur ex calls ur cell and just have your kids get into the routine of at 8pm grabbin ur phone so u dont have to . It’s not rocket science.
1 Like
I have a question. Was your ex older then you and abusive in any manner?
This issue is HIS issue. He needs to deal with his own insecurity. You’ve done your part. He can either deal or he can’t. Nothing you say or do is going to change him.
If you are home every night n in his bed…he has no reason to be jealous.
I am in agreement with your boyfriend. Everyday contact is a bit much for you and him to be talking. If he wants to talk to his children everyday that is fantastic! I don’t think you and him need to talk everyday. One conversation a week especially if its causing problems with your relationship and that matters to you. If your wanting to start a life with this person then his opinion should matter to you and you need to listen. Just because you cut back on talking to your ex doesn’t mean you have less respect or love for the relationship it just means that you have more for your new one and you have to respect that one too.
Lots of things to consider.
As someone else asked, why is he your ex?
What’s you SOs relationship history?
Did this behavior just start?
Those are pretty important for anyone to get a clearer idea of how to respond with good advice, but also:
Do you talk for a long time each day?
Is your SO always within earshot or do you leave the room?
Could you text instead of talk a lot of this stuff?
Does your SO accompany you on kid-swap?
Do your SO and ex ever interact?
I also have 3 kids w my ex and my husband and I have been married five years now and talks to him almost as much as I do. Mostly because I can’t stand him, but also bc my SO wants my ex to know that he’s here to protect me- and the kids. (My ex is a sociopathic ass).
Is your ex remarried?
I’d have to agree that talking daily is a bit excessive. Do your kids have phones? Not to encourage you make them the ‘middle-men’, but if they do have phones, you should be able to call them directly to say goodnight…and that said, your SO should get in on those convos to show them he’s as important to them as you are, and that he’s not partial to his own kid.
Sorry for the long post but this has all my wheels turning.
1 Like
Sounds like you are setting an example by being a cordial and professional person. You can tell him that.
If that doesn’t work…a binky and blankie --lol?
4 Likes
So…I’m just going by my own experiences, could mean something, could mean something. In my experiences, if you’re truly not doing anything wrong, then its self projection. Meaning HE isnt doing what hes supposed to be, or is thinking of cheating. Just my experiences, but hey! Might be worth looking into.
Hmm. Has he always been like this? Or is it just recently been in issue? If it’s just recent I would check into him, guilty conscious leads to this type of behavior. I have been there before. If hes always been like this then I dont know if that will change keep doing what you are doing being honest and upfront with him. Past relationships trauma can cause this behavior too. Keep reminding him, explain to him just like you did here.
1 Like
If he has no trust in you then it will never work…just saying…if u have no trust what else is left
2 Likes
Maybe instead of talking on the phone so much try texting about a few immaterial things that might help with the insecurities between you and your husband
Most times when a partner gets that way they are doing something wrong and afraid they might get caught.
You cant if you’ve already done all of these things and your doing nothing wrong he needs to let it go or you need to be done it will not get better from my experience
2 Likes
Uh I have 3 kids with ex and we do not talk daily. That’s a bit extreme.
7 Likes
Y’all are talkin everyday? About the children? Everyday? I can see that as a problem.
1 Like
yea sounds like he needs to man up and relize that you and your ex are doing what you need to do
Your ex isn’t going anywhere. Your SO needs to get over it.
well ya cant blame him…it is great ya’ll have such a good relationship, but sounds to me that u still have a relationship him, more then just parenting… I realize u have 3 kids and they ages are very difficult ages, but he calls u for sizes… theyareoldenoughto tell him, or he can look, or figure it out for himself… its like your still married… not saying calling the kids to say goodnight, but have them call u… and dont tell him word for word, just makes him probabley feel evenmore insecure… why is he your ex?
2 Likes
I think every day contact with ex baby daddy is a bit much especially now days that most kids have cell phones. Tell the ex he can call you twice a week to sort out any issues with schedual, visits, dr.ap, etc. And nightly/daily calls should be done directly through the children’s phones to say good night or whatever. I’m sure the 13 yr old would have a phone? If the others don’t then that child could share the phone call. To me, it does seem ridiculous for everyday calls. Jmo