Alright, guys, I need advice. I don’t know what to do. I’m so frustrated with this situation — a little back story. My ex and I divorced in 2009 and, as of right now, have known each other for 17 years. We have three kids together, which we co-parent. It took a few years for us to get along and be decent to each other. I am extremely happy with how our co-parenting relationship is. We still butt heads occasionally due to different parenting styles, but that is expected. I am in a current relationship and have been for a couple of years now, and we have one child together. My current significant other has an issue with my ex. He’s very insecure about him and doesn’t like him. My ex and I have contact daily, whether it’s about dr appts, school events, holidays, clothing size for our kids, right down to the tiniest detail, and calling and saying goodnight to the kids every night, no matter who has them. Anything involving them. It’s not like we just chit chat about whatever pops into our heads. There is always a reason for contacting one another, and it’s never inappropriate or out of line. My significant other has a problem with the contact of any kind, no matter the topic. It’s causing a lot of stress within the relationship. I’ve given him reassurance. I reassured him that I am not interested in my ex. I am with him and building a family with him and looking for a future with him. I am always forward and honest with him about the conversations that take place what is said word for word. Nothing is helping with his insecurities. It’s causing a really big rift in our relationship to the point of arguing. My ex isn’t going anywhere seen as we have kids together ages 10 12 and 13 and have quite a ways to go before they are grown. And even after they are grown, our paths will still cross at points. I’m at a loss. How can I be more reassuring to my SO? Please help.
Couples therapy. Youve done all you can. He sounds like he has his own demons to fight.
If he doesn’t trust you, there’s no point in being in a relationship. Having a positive coparenting relationship with your ex is what’s best for the kids. He should respect that.
He needs to work on himself. There is nothing you can do, and you are not doing anything wrong. He is going to have to accept that your ex is going to be in your life because of the kids until the end of time. He will have to get over it, or leave if he is not able to. He knew what he was getting into when he got with you. He knew you had kids, and he knew they had a father.
It seems like no matter what you do, he will never be satisfied. You are doing an amazing job of coparenting. As you said, you will be in each other’s lives forever; try and do therapy but if not, I’d move on.
He has got to want to change his perspective about the situation. I think. If he is insecure, that is sadly on him. But you are doing the right thing by continuing contact with your ex. It’s necessary
Honey, you can’t. He has to work this out himself. It isn’t as if this is a new revelation he knew when he entered this relationship that you have children and they have a dad…your only priority is to be a good co parent to your kids.
That’s something he has to fix. Maybe counseling?
Even when my kids where young I never had to talk to him every day about our kids. However he is always going to be around!!
Seems like your SO may be a bit guilty about something he has done to you and hes using your relationship with your ex as a way to make an excuse for whatever he did and not feel as if he was in the wrong for do8ng whatever he did .
You can try couples therapy but I dont think it will solve your problems. Your partner in life needs to relax and trust you to be fsithful.He needs to let go of the jealousy.
I would try to eliminate any small talk with the ex, making the conversations short and sweet, to the point. No1 wants to feel second best in their relationship, and playing devils advocate here…but it seems like you enjoy talking to your ex a little too much. Make sure you dont avoid your boyfriend while on the phone, don’t leave the room when your ex calls…and like I said, eliminate lengthy conversations. Tough subject
Maybe get the kids a phone they can share to talk to their dad. That way your not talking, and texting or whatever every day. He is very insecure but he needs to grow up. Kids before any man, he needs to realize that your ex is going to be involved some way.
His bs insecurities are not your issue. They are his, he has to deal with them. He got into a relationship with you knowing you had 3 kids with someone else who you actively coparent with, can’t handle that? Gtfo
My fiancé was like this in the beginning until I straight up called him out about it. I co parent with my oldest dad and we talk on occasion but I have a lot of male friends. One of my best friends is a guy. My man used to be extremely insecure and jealous of me spending time with him whether or not my guy was around. I get it, I do. But it sucked trying to explain that nothing was going on and all that. I just snapped and told my guy that either he’s going to get over the fact that I have friends that are guys and that I talk with my kids dad. It’s either that or it’s over. I’m not a jealous person. Plus he talks to his ex who’s the mother of his kids. Why should I stop if he won’t? That’s not fair and imo not ok.
All you can do is be open and honest. It’s not like your walking away from him when your talking to the ex, your not deleting messages or being secretive. As long as everything is open communication, he doesn’t have a reason to he pissy. Now if you where being secretive or deleting messages or something, that would make anyone insecure. Therapy to figure a way both of you are satisfied. Maybe there is something else he is being pissy about and isnt communicating it well.
You cant make him not insecure, but you can ease some of it. Every single day seems so excessive. Like you have kids together, yes, but you also have two (what sound like) capable adults who have been coparenting for the past 10+ years. Each should be able to tend to kids while at the others home. I understand the goodnight calls but you could even just pass phone to kids for that. Set a specific time and let them answer. That has nothing to do with you. Also there are coparenting apps you can download that will help you keep a calendar between the two of you and allow other parent or caregivers to be added in. If is an active parent then include him that way. It could help.
My husband is the same way. But arguing is definitely not a big rip in the relationship. That’s way overboard. Some guys are just super protective. If that’s you’re only problem, then move on. It’s not worth fighting over. I just ignore it n it passes
I think it is great you are able to co parent with your ex. So important for the kids. Have you asked your current man why he feels insecure about your ex. Maybe that would help
You could try to explain it like if the rolls were reversed, he would want you to contact him about what was going in with his children. Mabe if he could see it from a different perspective he wouldnt be insecure.
I’d say he needs to relax. Like someone said earlier. Try couples counseling. Plus, maybe look into what he has been doing. Not saying that is definitely the answer but its a possibility. My current S.O was like that
Got jealous but he was the one cheating.
And if all else fails. Im not sure. He’ll have to learn to man up.
does your x have a gf/wife?
Reassure him that the door can hit his ass on the way out, if he can’t accept you co-parenting.
I just wanted to say well done for putting your kids 1st in your co-parenting journey.
Some people are insecure. I would personally try to involve him at much as possible. As you have a child together and he is a step parent and taking on a parenting role to the kids.
Keep doing what you’re doing with your ex. It’s is your children’s best interests. Your s/o is jealous and insecure. I’d seek couples counseling together . Also, remind him, that if you and him were to break up , you’d like things to run just as smoothly.
I say draw some healthy lines with your ex and make your s/o more comfortable. It’ll help if your kids have phones or the kid watches so you can call and say good night to them directly. But daily talk about every detail isn’t necessary. So that’s just my opinion though.
He is stupid to think u could not have contact with your children’s dad. Yet love ur new man. Get him help
Your brain knows what you need to do. Your heart/ feelings and pride are the reasons why you want to find an excuse, any excuse to not do what brain is telling you.
Anyone getting in the way of a healthy co parenting relationship needs their head examined. It’s what’s best for the kids. It’s awful when someone just can’t see that.
I personally dont conversate with my bd like that . We may go a day talking on nd off about our child then we may go a few days without speaking. everyone is different bt I’d tone it down fr with the bd
Maybe he can take part of the conversations?? It sounds weird but me and my bf had children from either side when we got together. Part of the time due to schedules he called my ex to check something or dropped kids off instead of me. They got to know each other and get along great. Now we are older and grandparents but we all ended up having Thanksgiving together this year.
If he is upset with contact of any kind then that’s something he has to deal with…
Your bf needs to grow up he obviously has issues he needs to fix . Maybe try to involve him more with your kids and ex . If that doesn’t help he needs therapy and try to figure out where his jealousy or being insecure Is coming from .
Maybe a phone for the kids to talk. But I don’t think it’s necessary to talk every day. I understand a few times a week (between you and him) but not everyday. Or just send a text.
What if the tables were turned and it was his Ex Wife calling everyday. Would you feel the same way
They need to develop a relationship, will he talk to him? Have him answer the phone when he calls?
Is it possible that ex #1 is being such a good coparent because he’s enjoying new guy being jealous? If ex was all that great he wouldn’t be an ex. Pick a date and time to exchange info once a week, always call to say good night, but only talk with the kids. Ex may be playing you, and he doesn’t care a bit if new guy stays or goes. Does he want you back “the way things used to be”?
Id say he needs to get over it. Its your childrens father. You have a healthy coparenting relationship which those babies need for their mental health. Get couples counseling or something. You are with him , their father is your ex for a reason but you have to coparent and to do that well you have to have the healthy friendship strickly about your children.
Only you know whether there are feelings there or anything he’s picking up on, first of all. If it’s as you say, draw a clear boundary and do what’s best for the kids.
Tell him to grow up or get out
Counceling. Your doing the right thing with your ex. Putting the kids first and comunicating.
The kids are old enough to call their dad themselves. If you love your new SO then you should limit the calls and respect him
Has he attempted a relationship with the ex? They don’t have to be best friends, but to know where each other stands. Regardless, you will always be in contact with the ex it’s good for the kids. I co parent with my son’s father and his wife. Tell him if he can’t accept it then soon he will be in the same position and have to coparent with an ex!
Your Ex comes first because he is the father of your kids…
Question is was he always like this about it or is it new? If it’s new then something has changed. And if it’s not then why would you want to be with someone who would come between a good co parenting relationship. But that’s my opinion.
If there is nothing out of line, and all conversations are specifically regarding your children, Your BF needs to get over it & grow up.
Successful coparenting isnt always easy, but its SO much better for the kids.
I am SO thankful, that not only can I coparent well with both my daughters father AND stepmom, but my other half never would stand in the way with it or get insecure about it, because he knows its about my daughter & nothing more.
With the provided details, I’m not seeing any specific steps that could be suggested to better the situation. Like you said, HE is creating the rift between you. This is not a negotiable topic. Both you and your ex are doing everything you can to be good parents, and you’re doing better than most. Don’t be ashamed of that.
If your current S.O is willing to let this divide you, then there’s little you can do about it and little you should do about it, if he’s going to take it to that level. He’s likely insecure about the fact that, despite being the man of the house and helping raise three kids that aren’t his own by blood, he still has to share his family with another man, who likely has more say in the three’s life than him. This is not a justified stance. He should be appreciative that the co-parenting is healthy and humbled by the fact that you are linked to another man by the children.
Half this country complaint about baby momma and daddy drama, and he has the nerve to complain about NOT having said issues.
First off your bf is the majority of the problem here. He better grow up and get over shit before he becomes “the ex” too also, every day seems excessive. And entirely unnecessary.
I think that is alot of talking… I share a child too, …the older they got the less we had to talk. Your kids aren’t little and if you love ther one your with limit the calls. Teach the kids personal responsibility so you 2 don’t have to be that in touch.
I feel like hes upset for a good reason, usually people don’t act that way for nothing. Maybe you are having to much contact with the ex. Every single day is a lot. I don’t understand what needs to be talked about everyday.
It isn’t you. It is him. I’ve been there and done that. His insecurities aren’t yours to fix and you can’t ever reassure him enough. Can I ask what else is he insecure about as well because that comes paired with other insecurities.
Keep everything Transparent! That helped our family! My husband and I have a group chat with my step sons mom. When she was in a serious relationship, he was added to the chat as well. When it didn’t workout he was removed! I get along very well with my step sons mother and we are all very close. She is invited to family dinners, we sometimes share holidays, and she even spends time with our other children. They even have sleepovers at my step sons moms home. They all love her
Girl for one you do not have to tell him shit that you all talk about especially when it’s not his damn kids. He sounds controlling. He needs to grow up or you need to leave. I can see now where this is going. I’d be damned if some man wanted every damn detail on what I talk about with my ex, especially when it comes to my kids.
Those kids are big ass hell. They can call their dad themselves. He doesn’t have to call u to tell them good night n vice versa. They can call themselves. If it is about the kids, let the kids converse with him. There is no need for u to chit chat about a 10 year old n some preteens a couple of times a day. Hello, they are not fully- dependent newborns or babies. You are creating the insecurities. You are problem. Stop it!
Seeee in my experience it’s either a reflection of them doing wrong or a form of narcissism. I think this is simply something you have to put your foot down. You’re with him, you’re building with him, but he knew when he met you that you had children with your ex husband. If he couldn’t handle that he should have jumped ship long ago. You will have good co parenting with him for the sake of your children and sanity. He’s an ex for a reason though and you’ve moved on long ago. You have done all you can to reassure him. You’ll continue to be honest. But, you refuse to damage the work everyone has done over the years to get where you are, and you refuse to allow the children to get caught up in his unfounded jealousy. You will not tolerate any discussion about it going forward, no arguing, no pouting and no rude commentary. He can see a therapist or a priest to figure out his problem with it… or he can leave. But, you will not tolerate the stress or stressful environment it is creating for your children.
Do you think your S.O. would feel more comfortable if it was only texting going on? Of course, the kids can still talk on the phone with the other parent, but maybe you can be more reassuring by having all of your communications in text messages. This is the only thing that I can think of that might ease his mind. If that doesn’t work, I think you guys might want to talk to someone about the issue. Your kids have to come first, but I think you can do your communications via text message.
I’d be asking him what he would expect to happen between the 2 if you weren’t together because of the child you 2 share. Then I’d be backing it up with you can look at all the messages and see it’s only about kids, if you can deal with that, there’s the door.
Maybe your current partner sees your ex as your safety net.
Maybe he feels “ why are you both divorced if you need to be speaking so often”
I’ve been through all of the above myself, my ex is still my friend & always will be.
But you must think of the feelings of your partner too
This guy you have had to understand that you and your ex are just co-parenting for the kids. It’s strictly about the kids.
I think you’re both valid do You might need to adjust your contact with your ex to meet in the middle.
No amount of reassurance would satisfy an insecure person. If he demands that you cut back on contacts with ex and you give in, you are just enabling his behaviour. This is a slippery slope. It won’t help him and you. He needs to realize that he should fix his own issues.
The kids come first.
I am divorced and have 4 kids with my ex. I am remarried and have a child with my husband. My ex-husband and i do not speak everyday, we go weeks without talking… every day, honestly that’s a little much so I can see why it would make your s/o uncomfortable. If you see a future with him then meet in the middle and cut back some on your need to talk to your ex every minute of the day. If you need to talk to him THAT much maybe y’all shouldn’t of gotten divorced
Your boyfriend doesn’t have a say-so. He isn’t married to you. He sounds controlling to me. It sounds like you’ve done a lot to reassure him.
There is honesty no reason for you to speak to your ex daily. If your coparenting is really great there should be set times/days and no need to communicate daily unless something comes up and those times/days need to be changed again this shouldn’t happen all that often. Your kids clothing size doesn’t change daily so that silly to mention. When I do notice my kids have went up a size I send a simple text letting their dad know. My kids call me or their dad on a daily basis when we aren’t with them and I have no reason to speak to him. Your communication is excessive and I would be very uncomfortable if that were me as your S/O expressed. If you truly see a future with him you need to let go of the safety net your ex gives and and learn to be more present in your current relationship.
It sounds like he was accustomed to yall 2 having a certain co parenting relationship. As yall worked thru them and found a good routine it may have caught him off guard. Its something he has to work on reassuring himself. Possibly have the 2 of them build a cordial relationship for the kids amd sanity sake. (Maybe have kids call him /kids call you to say good night. That will cut some contact. Speaker phone calls or next gathering with children involved the 3 (or 4 if he has someone ) all go and chit chat.
Jelousy is really bad, makes u and him and everybody around miserable. Been there it never gets better!
Yep! TOO MUCH COMMUNICATION! I had 2 kids w/ an ex AND a new relationship with 1 child.
My ex & I are (and were) “friends”. He had the kids 3-4 days every other wknd, and whenever they wanted to go there they could…as they got older. We did not talk every day. He did not need to know about Dr appt that I scheduled, or school related things UNLESS extreme worry over the children needed both parents involved. I trusted him/he trusted me. My kids called their father when they wanted to arrange special (or extra) visits with him, once they were about the ages of your kids. OR vice versa! Of course they talked to me before doing so…but I DID NOT NEED TO CONTACT HIM DAILY. UNLESS UNDER EXTREME CIRCUMSTANCES.
We did however, both attend special school functions or sports functions. Not all the time, but quite often. This is sounding confusing…but it wasn’t. It’s not like we NEVER talked. However, it worked !! without DAILY communication. That should not be necessary when your children have reached such an age. You can both love your children, show you’re UNITED as parents, and as such Co Parent kids w/o constant talking. I’m sorry but I agree with you SO here. Spend more time communicating with him- less time communicating with ex- while loving and caring for ALL 4 CHILDREN along the way.
Is there actually a need to contact each other daily? I understand it’s for the kids but do the kids really have something popping up all day every day? I can see where your partner is coming from, he has valid feelings, it would make most people uncomfortable in that position. I personally think you need to reduce the contact with your ex unless it’s really important and keep the kids thing for maybe the end of the week? You and your ex could sort out the week ahead that way it isn’t daily and so often and it’s compromising with your partner? Is it at all possible to involve your partner at all with some descions? I can honestly see both sides of this.
My question is , can u really have that many things to talk about dealing with kids that u HAVE TO BE THAT IN TOUCH. It’s great that u can communicate well and u do but u really need to step back and look at this situation or it will cost u and honestly u will be at fault. Your children can call u, there is NO NEED for u to call one another to talk to the kids. Let the kids have a scheduled time to call him or u and say goodnight. I really don’t fault your man for feeling this way bc I have a dozen things I would like to ask u myself. He has every right to feel that way. Whether u see it or not, I think your communicating a little more than u need to or should and somewhere in there u are unknowingly possibly feeling some hidden feelings so the communication is more frequently than your man would like it to be . And he possibly thinks that too.
Daily? That seems excessive.
You CANT.and it won’t stop ,my oldest is 33 and I and her Dad chat and see each other ,we share a daughter and grandkids,when he met you he knew ,and yet he is still trying to control you…think it thru.
SO IS BROKEN. You can’t fix him. He has to fix himself.
I think it’s amazing that you’ve managed to put differences aside and co parent with your ex… for your kids that’s amazing and I wish more couples were capable of that. However I think that you could “simplify” your relationship. U wanna phone the kids to say goodnight… great. Pass the phone over, talk to the kids, then hang up. No need to have a full phone conversation with your ex about chit chat or whatever. It’s not needed. Your kids are no longer babies. The youngest is 10. If those children have an issue… they will speak up to either of you dependant on who is in charge at the time. To make it easier for your current partner, instead of phoning every day for menial things, start a chat up on WhatsApp or messenger. U can keep in touch, the kids can join when they have phones of their own… ut if its important. Phone. Dont push your urgent partner too far away… remember… hes there coparenting those children too.
Everyone is bashing this dude and I just feel like we may not know the entire story. I’m sure he does have some insecurities to work on but contact EVERY single day??? That seems excessive to me. My parents were divorced and they maybe had contact once a week. The kids are old enough to call their dad on their own and by contact are we talking tons of phone calls back and forth? Or just text updates on the kids etc?
I just can’t imagine how healthy it would be to be in that position or feeling like it’s a three way relationship but I also specifically never wanted to marry anyone with kids or an ex for this very reason… I just wouldn’t want to deal with it. Marriage without a blended family is hard enough.
I think most of the advice here is shitty and invalidating to him. I’m sure he has to work on some of his jealousy but the other half I think could be excessive contact. Just seems over the top to me but then I also see how that’s better for the kids than a nonexistent coparenting situation so definitely seek marriage counseling
Talking every single day seems a bit excessive. You can send him calendar invites for school events & dr appts. If you want the kids to say goodnight hand them the phone and let them call, they’re old enough to do so. You can cut back on the direct communication if you want to.
Certain fights are not worth it and that is one of them. Maybe there’s some underlying reasons why current partner doesn’t want the ex communicating. I won’t say them talking is excessive because I don’t find it so. I do find it ridiculous that ridiculous to keep reminding him that he’s the one you want to be with.
We all don’t see a problem because we are parents but put it this way would you be insecure if your partner was talking to his ex every single day about everything single thing
I think the kids are old enough for you to call them to say good night with out going through him… And they’re definitely old enough to know their own clothing size… Which wouldn’t be a daily or even weekly conversation that’s needed… If the kids need a doctor’s visit while they’re with you, just book it and take them… If they’re going to be with him then that can be for him to book… I’d say the amount of contact probably needs to be cut back a little… Yes you can get along with an ex and co parent without the need for daily texting… Your partner is insecure because you and your ex had a life together, 3 kids, known each other a lifetime… Of course he’s going to be insecure… Maybe you need to sit down and ask him what sort of thing would make him feel better and work it out together…
Your current bf is insecure, there’s nothing you can do about that but it sounds like you and your ex need to communicate better so you don’t have to talk to him daily. If the kids are going to his house for a couple days then talk to him about everything you need to that day, not while the kids are with him.
Its great that you and your ex have such a good co-parenting relationship, but you guys are the exception- not the rule-
As you can see from responses here its highly unusual for divorced parents to communicate so much.
That in and of itself may be suspicious to a current partner just because it is so unusual. If this wasn’t your relationship with your ex when you first got together its probably throwing him for a loop.
I mean we’ve all read the stories of reconciliation after years so I’m sure that’s probably what’s on his mind.
While you probably don’t have to communicate so often its good for the kids. Its good that your children see you guys being…friends…even though you’re no longer together.
I think the best reassurance you can give to your partner is to involve him in your conversations as much as you can in an appropriate way.
Get a therapist he has some issues to work out. Jealousy is not okay specially when it’s coming to a co parenting relationship. I would say find a good couples therapist and have them figure out why he is so triggered.
Your boyfriend has a valid point. Your kids are old enough to call you themselves and speak over the phone. Clothing sizes shouldn’t have to be discussed at this point surely? Holidays and doctors appointments just send a txt unless is serious obviously. How often do they have to go to the doctor really? It’s not daily is it? If you trust your ex to take care of the kids when they’re with him and vise Versa you shouldn’t need this amount of daily contact. I feel sorry for your boyfriend as I would be hurt too if my partner was calling their ex every single day - it’s excessive & unnecessary
Get google docs and record a log of information there for each day, rather than texting. You will both have access to it and can review notes and updates.
At first reading this I thought your boyfriend needed to check himself and get over it. Then I read that you literally talk to your ex every day. And the kids ages. And now I’m not so sure it’s all the boyfriend…those kids are old enough for you not to talk to your ex everyday about something. What do you even have to talk about everyday? I guess if he’s just calling the kids, cool. But talking to you every day about them seems a bit much. If my husband was talking to his ex wife every single day concerning the kids yeah I’d be annoyed. Granted, his ex is a piece of shit. But still…y’all need space. There’s no reason for you to talk to him every single day. If anyone is talking to him every single day, it should just be the kids.
He is being very jealous and showing narcasists ways. So be careful.
That being said talking every day is a lot. How about texting what is needed to be talked about and then having a call at the end of each week with your partner there. It might help. That being said of it doesn’t then he either meeds to snap out of it. As you have 3 teens which have a way to go before adulthood and to be fair even then on special occassions you’re probably going to end up around each other .
Or he will have to try working on it through couples counciling. You can’t keep going through life with him being jealous of the ex. What if it ends up being your eldest 3 children that he gets jealius of next. If he turns funny towards your children also. Then ot os definitely time to show him the door.
Me and my exes co parent… but contact everyday is ridiculous… hell yeah id be jealous too. Sorry but no… talk only when he sees kids. If he sees kids and doesnt know their sizes theres a problem… i think youre asking for trouble… theres absolutely no need for constant daily communication
My husband’s ex is not only communicating with Him daily, she’s at or house almost daily. And she doesn’t just talk with him, although she does often, but she includes me in the conversations too if I’m around. They have a 12 year old together and we have a 7 and almost 2 year old together.I used to be like your husband, very insecure. But at a certain point, as long as there’s no red flags (real ones, not perceived or forced ones) you just have to get over it. now we all get along GREAT, in fact she brought her newest boyfriend over and introduced us, she also watches MY kids often. She threw me my last baby shower. We do several activities all together throughout the year.
The kids friggin LOVE IT. They get to spend so much more time together than if we weren’t all friendly. Maybe talk to both men, and try to encourage them to communicate with each other as well,. Slowly of course. Ease into it. Once those fears are gone, co-parenting is A BREEZE.
You are definitely talking way too much with your ex. Down to the tiniest detail? That’s for people that live together. Create a group message with your ex, you and your boyfriend. Everything that needs to be saying, text it through there.
I had an ex like this. Turned out he was guilty of doing the things he accused me off with his kids mother. They ended up getting back together. Just be careful if he can’t accept you giving your children a healthy outlook on co-parenting he needs to go.
My dad’s girlfriend is like your SO. He’s just going to have to deal.
Ask him how he would feel if shoe were on other foot and you to split up wouldn’t you want me to coparent with you for the sake of the child wouldn’t you want to discuss our child so we can parent to the best of the ability!! Wouldn’t you want to know everything you can about our child together?? And tell him a ex is a ex for a reason if I wanted to be with him I would still be with him and this conversation wouldn’t be happening Because I wouldn’t have ever left!! I simply discuss our children together and that’s it and if you can’t understand that he is the dad and this has to happen for the sake of the children then idk what to tell you other than figure out how to get past it because I’m done arguing with you over this it’s causing issues in our relationship because your to insecure about it but you wouldn’t be if the shoe were on other foot and it was you I was coparenting with!!
If hes jealous they they talk every. Single. Day. …I’m sorry but he has a right to be. The kids are older, they dont need you making calls for them or anything. And he can take them shopping or look at their clothes sizes when they come over. That is excessive.
I’m on both sides. My boyfriend has an ex he shares kids with and so do I. Neither of us talk to them every day. Lol.
It sounds like hes very insecure as well as jelouse. Id be sitting down and having a serious chat including the amount of unnecessary stress he is putting on you. If he doznt listen or understand then he never will. Id also clearly state “if we were seperated and had to co-parent our child wouldnt you want to know everything regarding the child whilst not in your care and vise versa”.
That’s sounds like alot of chit chatting…
If he loves the kids, then there shouldn’t be a problem. Your ex is their father and will always be in their lives, and by extension, yours. Talk to your SO about it. If your ex has a partner, maybe invite them out to dinner with you and yours. Encourage them becoming friends, if possible.
Has he been this way since the beginning of yalls relationship or is it fairly new? If its new, he might be the one doing something wrong. Also maybe look in to getting a co patenting app and your ex getting the same app. Might help with keep you both updated on the kids activities. Nighttime routines let the kids call him.
It’s no one else place to say you talk to much to your ex. Friends or just the kid’s father. If there hasn’t been trust broken. My ex husband and I are great friends. We have 2 kid’s together. Doesn’t matter I will still call him to chit chat. He will call me to chit chat,vent a problem etc. We hang out a bit. Are always there for each other and always will be. Just because we weren’t good together doesn’t mean we can’t be great friends. I respect my SO as he does me. He understands that’s where just friends. I don’t cut in to his time on the phone unless I need to. We respect boundaries that we have set. We all do have a great relationship though. Your BF sounds insecure. He may need some counseling to find out why or the accuser is is already cheating. Best of luck
Honestly that insecurity shit is ridiculous. Y’all have kids together for goodness sake! Tell him to get it together or y’all will in the same boat!
So I see problems on both sides. That’s way too much communication. Doesn’t matter if it’s only about the kids. They aren’t babies. He should know their sizes by now and if he doesn’t, the kids are old enough to tell him themselves. Get the kids a phone to share to tell them goodnight when at each other’s house. One without cellular data if your against phones. Connect them to WiFi and you or ex can call when at each other’s houses.
Now on to him. Sounds like if this has been going on for years and has more recently been a problem then he’s trying to create the riff. OR he’s not content and trying to find a place to fight that isn’t ‘his fault’. Could just be deep insecurities. But hard to tell.
As far as advise, cut back on the communication and wait for the small stuff until you are transferring the kids. See how your SO reacts. If it helps, then he was just insecure. If it’s not enough, then ask him what would be. If it’s too drastic then try to find the underlying issue.