My boyfriend on and off for five years got mad at me last year for buying and getting more presents for my daughter (child from a previous relationship not his biologically am I wrong for saying its not my responsibility and that their mother should have done it, and I shouldn’t have to financially support his whole family and saying I’m not going to do it again this year?
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Depends i think…do they spend xmas with you and your daughter…bc if so they should all be equal in my eyes…if u celebrate seperate it shouldnt matter as much.
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She’s part of ur family to especially if y’all get married
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Uhhhhh. You treat them both equally. Your bf is 100% right on this.
It’s your responsibility to treat them equally.
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He’s wrong on so many levels. Christmas is about the child. Not about him.
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TF. Are you having Christmas together? Do you consider yourself a family?! Then absolutely do the same for his kids.
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Yeah you kinda are… When dating someone with children, those children become yours as well.
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If they spend the holiday with you then it should be equal
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Is he buying his daughter anything? If so, does he buy your daughter the same amount of stuff? If so, id say make it even. If not, then he can pitch in too
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If you celebrate together,you treat them equally.
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I think one gift or two is reasonable. Does he buy her any gifts, or leaves that financially up you? You’re not his wife, nor her step-mother. If y’all were married then yes. Equal. But my opinion is he should be buying his child the gifts.
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There is nothing worse than sitting there on Christmas morning watching your step/half siblings open tons of gifts when you don’t have the same amount. Don’t do that to those kids. They are just kids and that shit hurts for life. Speaking from experience.
Kids need to be equal
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In my opinion, if you’re in a relationship and want them to treat your child the same as they treat yours, then you should treat their child the same as you treat yours. I, personally, if in a relationship with someone that has a child, would not treat their child any differently than my own.
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You sound like a terrible step mom.
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Yes, you treat the kids equally! Being a good step-parent means not leaving the other child out because of biology. It’s not the child’s fault.
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Buying gifts is not financially supporting someone. If you can’t treat children equally maybe leave them alone so he could get someone that treats his son right.
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If you all spend holidays together, he buys them all equally then you should do the same.
I have a SD and 5 kids of my own my bf pays 99% of the bills so I take care of Christmas I buy for her just as I do my own and he does for mine also if he buys something for his he buys the same for all
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How r u supporting his whole family by buying YOUR stepchild as many presents?? I’d be mad too if I was him
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You should atleast be communicating together about what you’re getting and plan for his daughter as well yes. Is he able to provide gifts for her? Why was he depending on you to do so? Really, it’s about the kids. Come together and plan together.
If he lives w you and you celebrate holidays as a family then yes… 100% same amount of money should be spent on each child to be fair.
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Its not your responsibility they are his kids.i an the same way
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That’s actually his and her mother’s job. Yes you get her a gift or two but most should be supplied by him.
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Holy balls Batman. Your bf needs to pack his things and leave. Your selfish
I think you both should be buying gifts together for both kids.
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My half brother always got the same amount of presents as me and our other brother
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If you dont live together, then no, I dont think you ate wrong. However if you all live together as a family, then both children should get the same. However, it should be a joint financial responsibility really. I’m assuming hes putting his own money into these gifts for his daughter? If not, then I dont think its harsh for you to spend more of YOUR hard earned money on your child.
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Just dump him. Not step mom material
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Why can’t he buy his own kid gifts!?
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Do you all live together? Then if so its super shitty of you to leave her out like that.
I would hope you wouldn’t treat an innocent child like that. Would you want someone else to do that to your daughter?
They deserve better 
You sound terrible and I wouldn’t even want to deal with you if this is how you’d act on CHRISTMAS 
All children, whether they’re yours or his, deserve to be treated equally. If I was this dude, I would leave your ass high and dry for acting this way towards my kid!
You decided to be with this man, you took on being a step mom while doing so. That child deserves to be treated the same!
Your family is his family if you are in a relationship
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How many gifts does he get your daughter!
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If you’re spending only a certain amount of time together on christmas then give the kids the same amount of presents and just give your daughter more later or before. I’m sure she gets more from her mom
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If he is buying his daughter presents and not yours I’d say ya your in the right but if he buys gifts for your child and his the presents should be equal no more than the other as once you are dating someone their kids become yours even if you aren’t married
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I think you should consider looking at the situation from the kids eyes… if y’all spend the holiday together especially. One child should not get more than the other. That’s hurtful.
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You’re an ass. Leave that man and babies alone.
How is this even a question? When you take on someone with kids, you take on the whole family. Kids don’t understand or care who has what money, they only care about being loved, as it should be. If you’re celebrating Christmas as a family, then they should absolutely get the same as your children. It’s called being a decent human. How would you feel if he treated your child that way?
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If you want to be apart of there life you should treat both kids the same
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I have 2 step daughters, and they are treated the same as my kiddos. Always.
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I would NEVER buy my biological sons more than my bonus son ESPECIALLY if he spends the holidays with us and we don’t even have him full time, just every other weekend. When I came into this relationship I came knowing that this little boy deserves my love and deserves to be treated as an equal. He doesn’t get special treatment just because he isn’t with us that often and my own don’t get treated special just because I created them.
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Hold up … what’s the kids mom have to do with anything? Is HE helping the gifts for the kids? Both kids should be treated and bought for the same but you shouldn’t have to pay for it all yourself.
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Depends on how his kids treat you. Mine treats me like shit so no i do not go out of my way for them. Children need to learn respect as well
The kids don’t understand that you guys are just “dating” I think if you are around his kids and yours at Christmas it should be equally fair 
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Yes, your wrong. Children need to see they are equal BLOOD OR NOT!
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It really depends if you live together or not. He should be helping to buy half of the kids gifts then.
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Yea I think you’re wrong, you should love his kids and treat them equally. It’s not about him or his daughters mother. It’s about the child. Love and treat her as your own
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That relationship isn’t going to last long
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If the kids open gifts together Christmas morning they should get an equal amount from Santa and you
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This really depends on the entire situation. Does he buy your child any gifts? Do you guys spend it together with both the kids? etc… If so then yes you should buy gifts equally and make sure that both children do not feel like one is more special than the other one.
Im sorry but do you guys have her live with both of you for a couple days out of the week.
Then hell yes. What your doing is wrong and you need to see therapy. You are taking ur anger out on a child when ur mad at the parents.
If u do not ever get to see the child and the child does not live with u. Then i understand. The mom could send things back or sale them.
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I wouldn’t say ur wrong, but I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for 10 years he has 2 kids prior to us getting together, then we had a child together (and just had another) but I’ve always been fair by getting equal amounts of gifts that way no one felt left out and they also all opened something at the same time… but that’s with 3 girls and I felt it’s only right to be fair… my personal opinion.
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You really need to ask!!!
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His kids are your kids and vice versa. And they are to be treated equally. No exceptions unless you don’t plan to be a step parent…if that’s the case then why be with a man that has kids?
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Sounds like you shouldn’t be with a person who has other kids. Think like this, if he moved on, got a girl friend who had another child and she did what you did (treating your daughter/her step daughter worse than her own) How would YOU feel. Children are innocent. That’s disgusting you don’t even see an issue with your actions.
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I wouldn’t say you are wrong, but your attitude seems pretty shitty.
Its a boyfriend they arent even married and theyre on/off why should she be obligated to buy the step kids gifts too ??? Thats dads responsibility.
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I think there is a big difference. It’s not upto you to buy your boyfriends kids presents at all. Anything you do get is a bonus. And they should be grateful for it. You have your own kids to take care of. I am in the same situation and this is why I agree with you. It’s up to him to sort his own kids out x
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Well my “step” son is my son. He is treated no differently then my daughter. If you can’t be a woman and do the same for his girl then you can yours then you shouldn’t be in that little girls life.
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“Boyfriend off and on?” Then that’s not really stable enough for you to be buying gifts for his kid. Does he even buy gifts for yours?
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If you have all the kids Christmas morning they definitely should have equal gifts but im not sure why that’s your responsibility. Does he not have a job?
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You are wrong… If your getting with someone who has a child you are taken in the comentment that you will treat it as your own( Even if the child has a Father/Mother of its own). We treat all our children the same and spend the same amount on them weather there with us for christmas or the Exs. Put the shoe on the other foot… what if the tables where turned. I’m sorry but you are so wrong on this and I don’t blame him for being mad. And saying you don’t feel like you should be financeing his family?. If you 2 are together his kids are your family… and things should be equal even if not christmas but all year long… If you feel this way tand feel you are in the right my advise is get with someone who dosent have children. How would you feel if your daughter was being treated that way and thought of that way by her father’s new girlfriend.
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Since meeting my husband, I always got the kiddos equal amount of gifts and spent the same on them. They still get gifts from the other parents but in my house, under our roof, my kids, bio or not, get treated the same. Not to sound mean but it seems your coming off as a bitter step mom. Children can see and can tell the difference when they are being treated differently. If you are not willing to treat the kids as equals then maybe you shouldn’t be with someone that has kids 
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I’d get presents equally common sense 
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I do think it’s important not to have inequality for kids during the holidays, not when they’re in the same household. He should probably from the sounds of it be doing more to make that happen. That said it isn’t about how you or him feel it’s about making sure those kids don’t feel bad, and their kids something silly as less presents hurts feelings
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He should be providing for his child and if he’s not, especially for things like this, then I’d find a new boyfriend. It’s the mans position in the home to provide and support. If the child’s parents don’t, it will be a long road for you doing it and them complaining it’s not enough while they sit back and do nothing. I’d move on.
First of all, you should never make a child suffer because of something that is beyond their control. It’s not their fault that their family isn’t stepping up. Second of all, yes you are absolutely wrong you should treat that child just like your own and if he isn’t doing the same for yours then you shouldn’t even be in a relationship period 
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My opinion is no. I buy My son a little extra then step daughter cuz one she has two Christmas and he only get one. So I was give him a little extra especially when she here and rubs it in his face that Santa came to her mom house too! And he always asked why Santa bring her more presents to her mothers house and he only get gifts here.
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Do you and her … is HE fair when he spends His money ?
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Yes if you are with him it should be as much for her, but he should finacially be putting out money for this to happen.
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If you guys live together and spend Christmas together then you should be treating his daughter as your own if you see a future together. It’s not the child’s fault she’s in that situation nor should she question to why the other child got more presents than she did. I think you should be the bigger person and take the girl under your wing and treat her as if your daughter was in her situation.
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If you got into a relationship knowing he had a daughter, you should treat like you’d want your child treated. 
Why treat her different just because she isn’t yours?! I’m sorry but this post is just ridiculous.
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is it his money buying HIS KID and YOUR kid something? or does he want you to spend YOUR money on HIS kids, without sharing some of HIS money for YOUR kid? Seriously, it’s that simple. You want your kids to have equality, put some cash in my hand.
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Your or not that baby is gonna realize that one day and shes gonna think shes not good enough or your daughter is better than her…if your with someone that has a kid then your not just committing to that man your also committing to being a parent and a role model for another child…would you be ok someone treating your child like that? I know I wouldn’t be ok with it.
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What her mother buys in her household is irrelevant to your household. My kids and my stepdaughter get 100% equal for all holidays and birthdays, as in the same amount of money but maybe a different amount of gifts. I couldn’t imagine acting this way! Step out because that sweet girl needs a real stepmom.
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Treat them equal ! You cant treat them different !
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How would you feel about it if it was the other way around? Would your daughter get upset if his got more then her? His daughter might be upset. If you want someone to treat your daughter that is not there like she is theres then you need to do the same. If you cant treat your partners child like there yours then you should not be with a person who has kids.
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Why are you even with him?? It’s like saying you’re not getting her a bday present because you’re not the bio mom. Seems like an evil step mom. Don’t go for a guy with kids please since it’s not your responsibility.
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You’re with him that means you’re with his kids too. It’s a packaged deal. You’re dead wrong. In a relationship there’s no his, mine, or ours.
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i never treated my step kids differently than my own child. it isnt those kids fault. they were great kids and matter of fact one just made me a grandma! You should not be with someone with kids if you cannot love them kids and treat them equally. WOW
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My SO plans to spend MORE on his stepchildren (my boys from a previous relationship) than on the son we share this year
I have been a step mom and I bought my Step kids the same amount of gifts that my daughter got. You are demonstrating to your BF and Step kid that they don’t matter as much.
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So he doesn’t work, the little kids mama don’t work either? I find it hard to believe you’re supporting his “whole family” here’s some advice for the future don’t take on a man with children if you feel blood is the only thing that makes you family. You sound rotten af.
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Maybe I’m misunderstanding? So this is YOUR daughter from a previous relationship, right? And he’s mad cause you but more for her than HIS mother?? OR it’s his (nonbiological) daughter from a previous relationship?? And what’s the “problem”? You buying too many gifts…he says…or your sick of supporting who??? Confused.
If your daughter then too bad for them…you should buy what you want to and as much as you want to.
If it’s his daughter, nonbiological or not…too bad for them. Buy her all you want. Christmas is for children. Not immature and petty adults. Period.
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I think if you wanna marry that man you better start treating his kids from another woman as your own
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If you can’t treat the kids equally you don’t need be with someone who would give you BONUS kids. Maybe instead of focusing on spending money on Christmas gifts, give the gift of family bonding time and work on ya self and your relationship with his kid.
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I understand you wanna do more for your daughter but when you get with somebody and it’s real, and mean it, if they have kids those kids need to be the same as your daughter in your eyes… If your with him, your with his daughter too and you should do the same for her as you do for yours. I get where your coming from but you have the concept of the relationship with the step daughter completely wrong.
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Being a step mother & mother of my own—
I buy every one equal. Because thru out the year mine will have something that the others won’t get (because they are at their moms, etc) but when we are all together, everyone is equal.
Because I knew he had kids when I got w him so really it is your responsibility too.
What if he told you, your child isn’t his responsibility because they aren’t his? & bought less presents? Or acted like it wasn’t his responsibility to care & love your child? As a woman getting w a man w children, you took on that responsibility as a mother figure to that child! & same for a man getting w a woman w children.
Are you on or off in your relationship? I want to know what’s going on there. Red flag. Ugh.
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You are wrong!! I’d make sure my step son has the same amount gifts that my kids does. All you saying is that my child is more important than her.
Kids see this things but don’t understand. They just feel like they are loved less than the child that gets more. Yes, your are wrong.
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And same goes for him, he should do just as much for your baby girl as he does his. I would be upset too if I were him.
Maybe you should just break up with the dude,especially being bf/gf off an on for 5 years. Clearly something doesn’t work in the relationship if either of you can’t commit. I think it’s unfair to not buy all the kids the same amount of gifts,especially if you plan on continuing the relationship. You knew he had other kids,so you need to treat them the same way you treat your own and vice versa. My older two kiddos don’t get treated any differently by my husband,and their step mom treats them like her own.
My worst nightmare … my kids ending up with a step mum like you… how horrible! Why don’t you both go shopping together and buy for both the kids? Why should your stepchild miss out??? Far out
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Wtf?!
If you are in a relationship with him you are also in a relationship with his child
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Depends do u guys live together? Do Christmas gifts together? Wake up Christmas morning together? If it’s all a yes then I would be mad to at u… I have a daughter from previous relationship. I have 2 kids with my husband. I also have my 3 bonus kids. I get them the exact same amount of gifts and spend the exact same of money on each kid. They rage from 12 to 7 months. If I got my daughter more then my bonus kids I would be ashamed at myself. Bc I am with their father. Him and his kids come as one or not at all. U r totally in wrong.
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I could never do that to any child. Regardless of who that child’s mother is, it’s wrong of you to get one child more than the other 
5 years and you still don’t treat that child as if it was your own? Smh
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I had 2 younger siblings and we rarely got an equal amount of gifts. That’s ridiculous. My parents and grandparents had a set dollar amount for each child so if we asked for a gift that was particularly pricey we may not get as many things. Life isn’t fair like ever and if he’s so worried about his daughter getting the same amount of things as yours he should make sure he’s offering to give you some money to make sure that happens
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You are absolutely wrong. But, him staying with you anyway is also enabling, and he is wrong for that.
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