I am not going to comment on how to proceed with the bio father… but I think the conversation with your boyfriend will go how you begin it… be sure to start with showing you see where he is coming from…be empathetic of his feelings…
Tell your boyfriend you will not do it again and you are sorry and did not do it to hurt him.And remind him how much you appreciate him.
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Of course you should have sent pictures. It’s not like he hasn’t been in her life FFS. Tell him to mad the fk up that he is a step father but as long as dad is in the picture and atleast trying he will never be her father. 
It would be different if he had walked out but he was getting her till he moved. People’s lifes change hopefully he’s just getting settled in new place and will start getting her again. I understand why he’s upset but she still has a dad and he should be supporting that relationship not trying to hinder it.
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You disrespected your boyfriend you should of asked him how he felt how would you feel if it was the other way around you would more then likely have a cow if he sent his ex pictures with out either telling you or asking you so you can’t be mad at him for something you would be pissed about next time tell him or wait until the dad asks
Her bio dad doesn’t sound like he’s been totally absent. Relationships can fail without there having to be an asshole. I saw no mention of him being a bad father, just that their parenting techniques clash… I don’t see there being anything wrong with sending him photos of her in her Halloween costume.
My daughter doesn’t barely remember her bio dad. She’s 9 now, we split up 6 years ago… the only time he attempted to contact “her” was once almost two years ago, just a couple weeks after I got married… he messaged me at 1 am on Facebook messenger and told me to tell her “he sometimes misses her.” I’m NOT telling her you SOMETIMES miss her. I’m not doing that to her. He has, by the way, always had our contact information. His mom sends her Christmas gifts every year. His sister still sent gifts every now and again. They both message me occassionally to tell her that they think of her often. But her bio? Nothing.
He never wanted her… never took care of her… would snap at her for making noise in the same room as him… just treated her like a nuisance from the moment I found out I was pregnant. That’s a bad dad. That’s a guy who doesn’t deserve updates at this time, at least, its not irredeemable… he is more than welcome to attempt to repair their relationship if he should ever attempt. I’ve never spoken ill of him infront of her.
Your boyfriend is just being overprotective and is seemingly a little jealous. Not to sound like I’m dragging him either… those are perfectly natural parental feelings. He sounds like he really loves your daughter.
Sometimes there is no wrong person in a situation. This sounds like that kind of situation to me.
I can see why your boyfriend would not be happy, in his eyes he is the father. But I don’t think you are in the wrong either, maybe next time just do as your boyfriend prefers
When my deadbeat sons father did this when my son had a real father figure in his life it was the same with my husband. They chose to take that child on as their own and they are the genuine father in the child’s life. Take a moment to step in his shoes. It sounds painful. I too feared keeping them apart and having my son hate me for it. But his bio was never a real dad and didn’t really care. My husband legally adopted him and his bio was just thrilled not to have to pay child support any more. You need to balance what’s best for your child and marriage. It’s not your responsibility to keep that bond with the bii. Its his and the failure lies on his shoulders in the end.
You answered your own question you did this simple bc of how you felt u didnt do it bc of the kind of father her bio is you didnt do it bc you wanted to hurt who has been a father to her you simole did bc of the type of person you are everyone is different we will all have a different out look on this situation bc not one so gle person is the same in how the look at the world deal with it how they feel empathy or dont point is dont forcus or feel guilty or like you have to e something wrong for doing something you felt in that moment to do gor the reason you did. As for your boyfriend his feeling my be hurt bc of how he is and how things effect him, instead of apoligizing for something you cant control( the way he process a situation) bc you shouldnt you did t do anything in the purpose of hurting anyone you did it bc of how you process things so dont feel bad you didnt cause his emotions thats jist caused by his own pricessing so help him feel pressured that he is her father a child can never recieve enough love it doesnt matter if she is or isnt a part of her bio dads life either way nothing changes what hes dont what he feels about her and that he is her father in everyday that matters help him with his feeli gs amd help him try to figure out why that action hurt him when in reality it doesnt effect or chamge what he has done amd even if the bio dad replied to the pic or doesn’t will never chamge how he feels about her how she feels about him how you feel about him a child is a child we all deserve love from everyone we can get it from no love is to much amd no ones love or right cancels out anothers. Im assuming your boyfriends reaction is most likely nit anger or hurt but more a fear of that action for some readon canceling out his actions he choose to make with out responsibility without obligation
Ur trying to have biological father to care about her. If he did he wouldn’t have moved 9hrs away. Not all parents are like u , many become long distant parents and R happy with that.
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My parents adopted four kids there is ten of us totally and some of my bio siblings would get upset and try to lash out to our afopted sibs like your adopted were not so our parents love us more or have a stronger connection and so forth and how my parents handle this for our adopted sibs were simple yes they loved us we are there flesh and blood and they are oblagated to take care of us and provide us with love and so forth and they do love us were a part of them, but as for you guys we didnt get blessed with the opportunity to make you guys are flesh and blood as well but that did not waver how they choose to be obligated and love them also so moral was they didnt have to love them they didn’t have to provide for them bc they came from there flesh in blood no they loved them so much reguardless they vhoose to without obligation neither love cancels the other or makes one more special than other but somethings in life just are and we cant chamge them and sometime things in life our a choice that is inspired from deep down in our hearts amd spuls bc of the people we are and those choices are deep if not deeper than the ones we cant control
I wouldn’t be sending the bio dad crap! You should have spoke with your man bc like you said he’s been there she calls him Daddy!
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Send him photos, tell him about her, because at the end of the day that’s her father. If he never responds then that’s his issue. If you don’t try, he won’t.
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He left, twice in my opinion. I wouldn’t try to force him to be in her life. I would wait until he asks for things like pictures but that’s just me. Especially if new daddy stepped in to the role so seamlessly.
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Its your choice, and no one else’s. If you want to send pics, send them. If you don’t, don’t. Can’t please everybody. But its about how you and your daughter feels
Ohkay. First off: there is no way in hell you are keeping her from someone who isn’t even asking about her. Seriously though. Just leave him be. He doesnt seem to care anymore. Unless he asks, just leave him be. It doesnt matter if the special holidays are here. If he doesn’t ask then it’s definitely alright to not send anything to him.
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if the reason why u say u sent them is true then its an honest mistake, but it still was a mistake. u dont force a child onto a parent,even in the slightest of ways…as harmless as it seems u did give a reason to ur bf to feel heartbroken. bcz hes the one giving his everything for ur child and ur here making it ez for that deadbeat sperm donor that dsnt deserve it. it is her bio dad and ur not keeping her from him,but there was no need to prove that to anyone. he left u, he moved away, hes the one that dsnt worry about her, why shd u be shoving her into his life? while u have a beautiful person who deserves being called “daddy.” be careful and think bfore u act.
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You are not wrong. At the end of the day when your daughter is older she will respect that you did keep bio dad up to date. Your boyfriend sounds immature.
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No matter what he will always be his father, talk to your boyfriend and make him understand he’s just as important to you both but your son needs all 3 of you and believe me, your son will know who’s there and who’s not.
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I can understand how the bf must have felt at first but its not like bio dad has been completely out of the picture, he hasn’t and still deserves to see his child in her costume most importantly YOUR CHILD deserves to have the her bio dad get a picture of her. And step Dad should understand that if he loves her that much.
You mention that you & bio dad don’t get along so my guess is there’s pretty much NO communication between you & bio dad so the “he never asks about her” is kinda unfair since maybe its because you fight in most conversations. Consider that.
Why not try harder to get along with him FOR YOUR daughters sake and see if that doesn’t improve that part.
Bottom line …Its not about YOU or Step dads feelings But WHATS BEST for your daughter and she deserves to have her bio dad in her life.
What did your bf say when you explained that it was the right thing to do for your daughter???
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I send only if asked. I have a great man now and my daughter only knows him as dad. If my x wanted this to not happen he wouldn’t have stop being in his children’s life.
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Did you send your boyfriend the pics too?
If not, I agree with the boyfriend. That’s top level disrespect right there.
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Talk to him about your reasons. Explain that you know and she knows who daddy is, him.
Explain that you never want her to look back and say that any separation came from the two of you. As a child who didn’t meet her father until I was 18, my mom and dad agreed to this, trust me, keeping pictures from him feels childish from the kid’s point of view.
Make it all about both of you. Talk to him about sending pictures on special occasions. Halloween, Christmas, school stuff etc in the future. Make it a “we” decision. When does he think updates from “us” should be sent? When should “we” send updates? Then make sure he knows before pictures are sent. “I think this is the best picture to send, what do you think?”
Then send more pictures to grandparents and family. If it’s part of normal picture sharing it isn’t about the other guy and is just a regular update to everyone.
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Hes been dad her whole life. Sounds like bio is a deadbeat. She doesnt need a man who is there when its good for him.
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Neither one of yall is wrong u shouldve told him what u were doing and y he probably would’ve understood
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he needs to get over it. And be a man. I understand where he is coming from (being a step mom myself) but this isnt about him. Its about your daughter. Plain and simple.
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No I should of not sweetie if he cared he would call her get her like he has to do u boyfirend is doing the right thing if her real dad cared then he be apart of her life
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Although you are not together he is her father and has a right to know yes is complicated it’s his choide if he chooses not to respond you did what you felt was right
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I understand why you sent the pictures but you can’t make bio dad want to be included. I can also see why your boyfriend is also hurt, but he needs to realize you thought you were doing a good thing by sending the picture and sees your reason behind it. If it were me, I wouldn’t send bio dad anything unless he asked because he will ask for those things if he cares.
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I send both my children’s fathers pictures all the time no sense in being petty! Those are his babies and he deserves to share those special times as well!
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Absolutely send the pics. It’s his child and the child deserves a right to know her biological father cares. Your new boyfriend is thinking only of himself. I’ll never understand how divorced or separated parents don’t get along. I bent over backwards to do everything to accommodate what my ex wanted and because I did he did also. It makes it easier on the child. He’s dead now and I am good friends with his ex girlfriend, my kids step mother and she comes to all our celebrations too.
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Parents who walk out of their kids lives don’t really deserve to be a part of it.
I understand where your bf is coming from and your daughter sees him as a father anyway.
When the baby daddy starts putting in effort to see your daughter and be a part of her life then you can make plans to meet him halfway, that way your daughter can actually never say you kept her away from him.
And when your daughter gets to a mature age just sit her down and explain the situation to her
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Your boyfriend feels threatened but should not .do not let yourself be placed in the middle your child is important she loves both .??? Dead beat dad or not I had the same problem .they still talk .it’s up to you .talk and just save pictures send once a year to him if he wants them .child let her write him a letter I f she wants .Just let it go and move on .
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You did nothing wrong!
This is exactly what you are supposed to do.
I agree, baby daddy sucks.
He needs to do better.
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Feelings are feelings. You cant fight those. I dont see a problem with it. Did your bf see pics or was he there w yall for Halloween?
Honestly, no one here is wrong per say. I can understand why he thinks you shouldnt send them. Esp if the babys father is a POS. I can understand why you sent them though. And you’re right, atleast yiure not trying to keep his kids from him or info about them. I think you both have good intentions here.
Yall just need to sit down and discuss why it hurt him so much. Sounds like he may need some validation in his role and a hug. 
I think you did the right thing. It shows your daughter respect. Like you said no one can say you kept things or her from you. He moved, not you. Boyfriend should be happy he’s hours away…and can’t just pop in
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I’m not with anyone else and neither is my ex. We split nearly three years ago. There’s an app called Timehop and whenever old pics/vids come up i send them straight to him. He never sends me anything. I send him pics and vids too. He doesn’t send them back.
I will continue to do so because it shows I hold 0 animosity. We are giving co-parenting a go but I definitely treat him with far more respect than he treats me. Our son knows I positively parent. People ask me why I do. Because he is the father of our son.
He doesn’t have to retaliate but of course I’d love if he did!
(He isn’t deadbeat. He’s with him whenever he’s not at work and we live in the same town…less than a mile apart)
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I see both sides. Your side being that her dad can still get pictures as he is the actual father. I also see your bfs point of view with the father not being in the child’s life but him wanting to take the father role
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I probably would not have sent the pictures unless he asked for them. I see why your boyfriend is hurt but I also see why you sent them.
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As much I admire respect value and appreciate your current partner doing all that for your innocent little human it still really isn’t his business if you choose to involve her biological father in things I don’t think he has any kind of say on it really
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No matter how mad your bf gets that is still her dad and no one can change that . This is for the child not your bf. This shows that you have the best interest in the child. You did the right thing. Remember it’s for the child not you’re self or anyone else.
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Send them let your boyfriend know it’s so it will never come back on the two of you in the future plus it shows the bio father what a great and happy little girl she is with her mom and dad raising her. I did the same things with my boys and a few years ago my ex tried to play I never knew anything. My boys called him out said you always got our school schedule, football game list and pictures.
And you know how happy my grown children could tell father they knew the truth because it wasn’t hidden with mom and dad we always sent this stuff as a family.
He moved away. For whatever reasons might be. If he wants pics of his daughter then send them of course. If he doesn’t ask…WHY WOULD YOU??? Doesn’t make sense…you’re not the one keeping him out of her life, he is.
Sorry but I agree with the daddy who is always there. If Bio dad wants pics, or to see child (and it’s safe) DO SO.
If Bio Dad doesn’t request it, don’t bother.
Your life at home with your daughter and new daddy should take priority. It’s a WIN for everyone.
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People need to get over the “he will always be her bio dad” … that doesn’t mean crap when someone non-blood is putting in the work. Awww her real dad has her EVERY OTHER weekend?.. SO?!! That’s, what, twice a month whereas you and your BF have her every damn day. He’s putting in work girl, if you can’t see that enough to leave her bio dad to be then you sound like you’re still ALLOWING yourself to be played by him! Helloooo, he doesn’t care about his own child (having her twice a mth then moving too far away that make her visits even more seldom is NOT caring) yet he’s adopted another kid wtf?! He’s only asked once since being away… dude, answer your damn self! Get over whatever connection you think your daughter should have with her actual dad and get to filling her time, esteem, memories with love and the good stuff you and your bf are willing install. Leave the deadbeat be, you don’t need backups or fake attachments, get over it and move on with your current family. When he asks, consider your partner and child then respond appropriately. It sounds more like, if anyone is going to make this child feel like she’s missed out on a real dad, it’ll be you. She sounds like she’d be just fine with all the effort you and your bf are making, so run with that and forget whoever doesn’t want to be there, care or make the effort.
You didn’t do anything wrong and neither did your boyfriend. Just take the high road and apologize to him and wait on sending pictures when the father asks. My dad was deadbeat too, but I didn’t understand it until I was older.
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You shouldnt have done that. If he asked,its understandable but why would u volunteer if he hasnt reached out but once? Apologize and make things better. Nit many men like him in this world!
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I grew up before Facebook (I’m 28 soon) and my mum would still give my grandma or grandad (who ever picked me up) pictures of me and she would photocopy any art work and school work I did really well in and certificates to give to my dad when we got there till one day she stopped he tried to say she was keeping me from him and tried to take her to court, I was 17 and had left home. I went to see him every second weekend and spent the entire time with my grandparents or dogs I only saw him at meal times or if we went to the zoo or movies. Just cover your butt girl
I understand both sides. I send letters with pictures of my mini to her dad in prison. For the same reason you sent the pics to your ex.
They dont deserve it. Shouldnt be allowed to enjoy it if they cant be apart of it whatever. I dont think you’re wrong. One day when your child asks about it you can be honest and say you did everything you could with no avail.
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It doesn’t sound like I’d like this guy either, but he’s going to have to be open to the idea that this man has a worth to your daughter, even if that worth is very little. He’s gonna be in the picture until you or your daughter decide otherwise.
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My oldest is 14, her father left when I found out I was pregnant. Didn’t see him again until she was 7 in court for child support. When she was 8, he found me on Facebook. We set up a place and time to meet. I paid $502 to fly down to GA from IN for her to meet him. He took us to dinner and was suppose to come back 2 days later for breakfast. He didn’t show and it broke her heart. She wanted to leave immediately. I called my friend in IN and she came and got us and drive us back home. She hasn’t seen him since. I will not force her to see him, she’s old enough to make that decision.
You did nothing wrong with sending your ex a picture of he’s daugther he’s her Dad. I see nothing wrong with it
Dad still her dad, so you did the right thing girl. Boyfriend needs to accept that.
I don’t think to be shit deserves anything but the boyfriend does you do owe him the respect of letting him know he takes care of you and your child you are the X nothing really girl just play nice to the X but the boyfriend and I think it is the priority
He is very insecure point blank 
.
Tell you’re boyfriend to either grow up or move on. Your number one priority is the welfare of your child and co parenting is in the best interest of your child. Let him know communication will continue and if he don’t like it you’ll show him the door. That just show’s you how immature he is.
You know the answer all ready or you wouldn’t be asking. Can’t fix stupid.
Its her Father and your boyfriend is not. If your boyfriend decides to be there for your daughter, he also decides to be there for your daughter in spite of her having another Daddy. It is wrong to try to replace a child’s parent. That little girl will know who her real Daddy is, she will also know who is there for her, who kept her away from her other family, and any other thing that comes about by being a ‘broken family.’ Your boyfriend should not have been allowed to be called ‘daddy’ or to be made to think that he was taking that position, as your daughter already has a Father. People really need to stop giving away things that don’t belong to them… Your daughter has a Father and that title and position is NOT yours to give away!
There’s a saying that goes like this “Ask and you shall receive.” He didn’t ask therefore why should he receive?
Do you realize that you making every unqualified opinionated person on Facebook your “Dear Abby?” It would be better for you to go to a professional licenced family counselor to get skilled, trained advice for something so important. Your weakness for wanting others to tell you that what you did was okay could cause you to listen to the untrained who may not be telling you what is best, professionally speaking, but only tell you what you want to hear. I am only a couple of credits short of owning a master’s degree in pastoral counselling but I will not advise until I have that degree. Asking every untrained unqualified Tom, Dick, and Harry on Facebook for parenting advice is not wise.
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Yes send him pics. Your daughter knows who’s there for here. He is the bio dad. I would however have a long talk with Bf and find out the issues and help to ease his pain
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I would have communicated it with my boyfriend… you have no need to clear anything a child will grown to see who is there for them … you are extremely blessed to find a man who has raised in her since the beginning… I would have communicated it
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I have a similar situation so I can say what works for me doesn’t necessarily work for everyone else but here’s what I can tell from your situation. The man you are with has stepped up and deserves the respect he is asking for. If your ex doesn’t ask, then as far as I’m (me) concerned it’s out of sight, out of mind. Don’t go out of your way to do the right thing for someone that isn’t
If he dosent ask he dosent want to no ,
so I would apologize and discuss anything from this point with him , he was probably hurt more than anything and your luck to have him for your child , good luck momma
When she sent the picture, did he respond? That’s all I have to ask. I feel as if that is an important piece. If he did respond that means something. If he didn’t respond or said, “don’t send me texts or pictures of her” write him off.
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If you want to send him pictures then go for it. You are being a good hparent by trying to keep the communications open. You should continue to do so until the child is at an age where she can be responsible for it. You are a representative of her until she is able to do it herself. So I believe that in your heart, you believe that your child would want him to see the photos so you did what you should do.
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Well I get he’s upset but if she gets to see him there’s nothing wrong with you send pictures. Have open communication with him. Does the biological father pay child support?
You said,he gets her every other week-end,then said he never see’s or asks about her,which is it?If he walked out and does not support his child,he has no rights to anything concerning that child.Futher more,why do you feel guilty about him not be
ing there for her,if he is the one that walked away?HE WALK AWAY!!! Get your head out of your ass and show some respect for the man who is footing the bill,loving,and being a father to another man’s child.You are the one with the issues!!!
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You should not have. He didn’t ask for them and your boyfriend has a right to feel hurt because he’s raised her as his own
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I’m inclined to agree with the boyfriend. Speaking from experience if they don’t seek to know their own child don’t bother. It’s his job to keep up with the going on in her life and his job to build and keep a relationship with her. I wouldn’t send him crap. If he can’t take the time out to do and ask things himself leave it be
Do what’s best for the child, not the adults. Hurt feelings don’t trump a child needing a relationship with both parents, also step parents. No need to come in between that.
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It is about respect and consideration of everyone involved. Communication is very important for all of you to share with one another. It will build a strong bond for your relationships.
I will never answer to any man that’s just by boyfriend not my husband, I may grateful that he stepped up but I don’t owe him any explanation as to what I choose to do with the bio dad pertaining to our child#justmyopinion
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He needs to suck it up, it’s great for the ‘child’ that you can have that kind of relationship
My opinion only but I agree with ur bf only bcz he’s been there for you both her bio-father moved and has asked once. No he don’t deserve any pics and you shouldn’t feel guilty.
I wouldn’t have sent the picture s bf has a right to be mad he has been there for her bio dad hasn’t
When I first got with my husband 10 years he didn’t get mad at me for sending pictures of my kids to their dad. He has raised them for the last ten years their dad isn’t around (prison) but he’s still the dad regardless.
Go with your heart but in future don’t depend on Facebook.
He can be mad all he wants.
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That’s tough. On the one hand, your ex is your daughter’s bio father. But he stepped out and your boyfriend has stepped up and has become her daddy. Big difference there. Your boyfriend needs to step a little further, though. He needs to be not just your baby’s daddy, but your husband, too. As for keeping your ex in the loop, if he doesn’t ask, I wouldn’t tell.