Can someone offer me some advice? This is a long post. My boyfriend and I have been together for nine years. We have a nine-month-old and a baby on the way. He’s a great uncle and always wanted to be a father. When we had our baby, he started to become distant. He stayed out all night drinking. If he wasn’t drinking, he was still out all night anyways from 630am when he would leave for work till after midnight between 12 is-4am. He has a big family that has close with, so he does spend a lot of his time with them. After the birth of our baby, we’re always arguing because I complain that he’s always gone when he is home he’s a great father and helps with the house and baby. He wants to have more children in the future. We have been living my parents for almost two years due to it being almost impossible to find housing (We moved back to our home town when my family was going through a few losses) I feel like living here is contributing to us arguing cause when we lived alone everything was perfect. I just don’t know if he will change. He leaves me with unkept promises saying he will be home at a certain time then changes his mind three times before he actually comes home then won’t answer my texts for hours. I genuinely believe he loves me just as much as he first did. He keeps saying sorry even though he’s obvi not because what he does is by continuously by choice. We are talking about therapy. Has anyone actually changed a man? Or your relationship get better with therapy? I really see a forever life with him, but sometimes all these lies and unkept promises are too much. Please no judging this is really hard for me
Can i ask how old you are? Maybe he’s still wanting to be one of the lads xxx
You need to tell him how it’s affecting you and the relationship. Things like that cause a serious rip in relationships and he needs to fix it before it’s too late. That happened to me when I was pregnant with our first. He got really distant, stayed out for hours, etc. We had a serious talk and if things didn’t change it was going to end. He realized he was the problem and it got better from therw
Maybe it isn’t because of the baby, but because you’re living with your parents. That probably causes some inner issues for a man that he won’t tell you about. He may not feel comfortable so maybe try a little harder to find somewhere else to live? Having you, him, your nine month old and your new baby on the way might be just too much for him to have in a house with your parents as well.
Cannot, repeat YOU, cannot change a person only they can change if they WANT To! Do you understand ? Forget him, move on , there is something in his past that work let him commit!
He wasn’t ready to be a dad. My BD was like that. He ended up cheating but hopefully this isn’t the case.
Children change everything, maybe you can sit down and talk? I would talk to him with the intention on truly listening not with the intention of reacting to what has to tells you because you may not like it. If he’s open to the idea counseling may help too.
You can’t change a man. He has to want to change himself. You really think things will get better after a second child? That’s twice as much responsibilities now. You do need your own place but you keep having kids how are you going pay for it all? Everyone needs space just to bad men think they can walk in and out anytime they choose to while mom never gets a break. You either put up with it or you don’t. Thats the bottom line.
I’d give him an ultimatum he either helps out more and stays at home more shows you some respect, show you some affection and stop leaving it all to you or you will leave him
Sorry to tell you this but he probably is cheating. No man that’s with someone and has a family stays out all night and lies and then refuses to answer his phone for you loves and respects you.
My husband and I did marriage counseling after our daughter was born. She was about 6 months when we started going. My husband and I are closer than ever. We went to three different marriage counselors to find the right one for us. Totally worth it!!! Living with other family is super hard and stressful especially with a little one running around; I can only imagine. Look into state help if you need to!
Maybe he just wants dude time ? Give him the space he needs
Does he have a drinking problem? Why is he out and not saving for your own home?
Well it’s always up to the person. Yes therapy can work if they actually want to make changes. You definitely need to move out on your own and stand on your own two feet. If he’s not coming home there’s a going on so don’t count on promises that makes zero sense. Therapy is the best bet BUT keep in mind if he’s not honest there or at home nothings going to change. Good luck!
Some men can have depression to after having a baby. If you two are in therapy talk it out there, don’t ask advice over Facebook you are going to get so many different answers. Know one knows your relationship deep down or any of your circumstances except for the vague description you gave on here.
He sounds like he might be a selfish alcoholic. Dont waste your life.
Maybe he wants your own space and not comfortable in your home
In honesty you can’t change someone but that said with a couples therapy you are both given the chance to express your feelings post partum depression isn’t just a female thing and is very real
Question is: WHERE is he when he’s out, and WHO is he with?
Just talk with him. Be honest with him. I truly believe that postpartum hits men just as hard as us. Drinking is probably him coping with stress and depression Counseling would be a great starting point
Give him and ultimatum if he wants to keep acting single, “Living that single life” then he will be single. Sounds like you do everything anyway. Demand respect honey. 
Parenting is a two person job 50/50. Been there done that. It will not get better, only worse if it’s not handled now. Good luck 
Sometimes in relationships it happens after having a baby. After me and my husband had my son he started going out a lot too coming home drunk ect. So we got into a big fight nothing physical so I left took both my kids in a hotel for the night. We worked things out. Now over a year later we are much closer and kids are happy. Daddy is home every night. I think I scared him a bit. Which at the time he needed. Counseling might help if hes willing to keep fighting for both of you. But every man is different.
Stop lying to yourself, first of all. That is not love. That man-child does not love you and his actions show it. When someone shows you their true colors, believe them. He is all talk. My ex was all for having a family… Until he had one. He even wanted more kids! Now he doesn’t even see his kids. By choice.
Could he be cheating???
I think men experience a form of ppd… 
Worth considering
To me it sounds like he may be experiencing depression or anxiety. Most people often do not even realize what they’re experiencing, they just know they feel whatever way and want it to stop which leads to self medicating. It could be a form of post partum depression. This is especially true for men (they go undiagnosed more often than women)
I would talk to him. Be open and honest. Try to come from a place of concern for him rather than how his behavior inconveniences you. Ask him to at least talk to his doctor.
U need to slap him around or have long talk, or just tell him to leave.
Your husband is probably depressed and feels like less of a man since you all are living with your parents. It works on a man if he is not able to provide properly. Move out and get your own place. Stop having kids if you all are already not financially secure with one child.
So you and your boyfriend have been living with your parents for 2 years and y’all had 2 kids in that time? That’s a whole lot of changes.
9 years or not, the last 2 have been a lot. LOT lot.
If you talk to him about it, he acknowledges it, and it changes y’all are good. Sometimes huge life changes cause depression and personality changes. Getting help for it and moving on is #1 goal. Or it should be.
If you talk to him about it and he acts like a narcissist douche…honey he’s just a dick. Grown men don’t make kids then ‘change their mind’ and run. Depending on his age he might be having a mid-life crisis and if that is the case you probably won’t win this war. Walk away knowing you are saving yourself a shit ton of pain. You deserve better and if he can’t do that for you, he don’t deserve you 
One move out of family house two get relationship therapy three everything will ok
Maybe hes feeling a little depressed. Having nephews and nieces is different than having your own children… it’s hard work and maybe not what he expected… there seems alot of change for him going on… living on your own now with family and a new baby… he just may feel you don’t have time for him or unsure of how he can help you if you’re doing everything on your own.
Plan a date night ask a relative to watch the baby a few hours and go out with eachother for dinner or something 
Do not have another child
Kinda going through the same thing. We only have one child. He wanted more ( I did too ) but his lack of presence decided for me that I would stop at one. Sadly, I don’t think mine will ever change. (He’s 42) he’s selfish with his time. Won’t stay out of the bar, and yes, he’s cheated. Many more times than I aware of. I won’t give advice, just know that you’re not the only one going through It 
I feel like children can make or break a relationship and it can definitely cause resentment. I feel like he’s struggling with the huge changes that comes with being a dad and now you’re having ANOTHER baby… that’s a lot on a new dad. How old are you? It might be that he misses his freedom. Mine went through that for a little bit but I put my foot down and told him that I will not allow him to be a distant dad while in a relationship with me. You’re all in or you’re out dude. If I was going to play single parent then I’ll BE a single parent. It made him realize that what was important to him wasn’t hold old life but his future one with our kids and me… he’s an amazing dad and has changed for the better because HE made the choice after I told him the ultimatum. But Iv always been very open about my needs In our relationship and he has been too so if you guys aren’t then this is a good way to start and get it all out there
Great father, helps with house and baby… 
and you complain he goes out all the time?? Don’t understand the problem. 
I’m sorry your going through this. Adjusting to having children takes time. Sit down and talk to him. I believe once both of you get your own place everything will fall into place.
He may be jealousy of the baby in a sense and with another on the way he may need time to adapt to growing family and living with your parents you guys need date nights time together just the two of you to reconnect but bottom line he helped make that baby he needs to help take care of the baby those staying out all night days are gone is he stressed about money finding a house are you able to work to help with the bills he needs to step up and take responsibility if he can be out all night he can be home helping you with the baby I wouldn’t have any more kids after baby # 2 gets here you need to get your own place I don’t want to upset you but you can’t change who a person is and he either wants to be a family or he doesn’t you two need to sit down and talk to each other about expectations and responsibilities to you and the kids you made that’s priority right now and he will do what you allow if there are no consequences to him staying out and you keep accepting his apologies he probably thinks he can just keep doing it is there another woman you just need to talk to him you have been together long enough to talk and figure out what needs to change good luck my dear
Maybe a big part of it has to do with living at your parents house?
Could be trying to avoid you. Women don’t seem to realize that they change after having a child. A lot of guys don’t know how to deal with the changes in their significant other, so they avoid them as much as possible.
Sounds like living with your family is the problem,you no longer are a family unit, he is not the man of the house so he does not act it
I would guess he wants to be the baby.
When we were living with my family my husband would leave cause he didn’t like being there because of my family
If he is staying out all night you need to see where he is at. Hopeful he is not cheating.
You need to set him straight
Find for them to go out just not every night
Just get smart and take time to
Look the men over good be. For you jump in to any thing down the road
There are so many thoughts. It could be from him not having his own space as in your own place, being a parent is stressful and he’s not sure how to handle problems.
Therapy could help but communication sounds like something u guys really jeed
Your baby is nine months old and you waited until now to address this? Staying out all night was okay with you up until now. Why? Why did it get a free pass until now?
Living with parents not good…
He will not change. Period.
I went through the same situation back in 2017. We have one child together. We lived out of state for 5 years. Both had good jobs. Then I got pregnant and we wanted to move back home to where both our families were. We moved back when our son was 2 months old I became a stay at home mom. Living in this area is expensive. With him being the only one working was hard at times. We started arguing more about everything in our lives. He would go out with friends and I would be at his moms house with our son. I would tell him how this behavior is not positive for any type of relationship. He wouldn’t do cancelling, therapy or anything else like talking to his doctor. After a while i found out he cheated multiple times. I just stopped trying there’s was no communication. I made a change. One day I packed my things and our son things. I moved out, started going to college , I work and I must say I’m happier then I have been in years. We co parent and it works out well. If you feel this way like u said it’s time to let go. It’s not going to be easy their are resources that can guide you along the way. I’m sorry you have to go through this with having a child and a baby on the way. You and both your children should be surrounded in a loving caring positive environment. I think your children will thank you later that they never had to see or hear any negative things their parents were saying or doing to each other. It’s time for you to make a move. You can read all the advice people have to say. In the end it’s up to u to make your decision. I wish the very best for your family.
Sounds as if reality just hit. You are no longer kids, you are parents. For some males, they get scared of the responsibilty. This may be why he needs HIS family. Can you get some counseling. It’s a big transition.
The parent’s house is NOT the problem. It’s between you and him. He didn’t grow up! In 9 years, he didn’t propose; after the first child he didn’t propose and y’all had bad communication; there’s a baby on the way and still no proposal plus he’s staying out. He’s already shown that he is not committed to you and has left you on your own to take care of your babies. Leave him! Focus on you and the babies having a stable life. If he comes around then he comes around. At least the children won’t grow up with his inconsistency and negatively brought into the house.
Dude time he should have thought about before have a baby!! If he needs dude time he should of had a baby yet!!
Kick him to the curb
You’ve talked and talked and talked with him about this. This is how he chooses to behave. I would so ghost his butt. You SD you have family find away to go missing. For a day. The only was I’ve ever seen a man change is to change your behavior. If this doesn’t keep it real for him no amount of talking will.
If my hubby did this he would be single. There are no good reasons I can think of to be out all hours of the night, constantly. I understand we are all human and need ME time, I get that. But I don’t understand the being out all kinda hours, not answering the phone for hours, and doing it more than once a week. I just don’t comprehend that. Especially with a baby at home. Not a 9 year old, a 9 month old…like what? Just my opinion.
Two families can’t live together i tried it and was moving out a week later living with other people puts a lot of strain on a marriage
Well if therapy doesnt do anything then i would look into those late night hours to see what exactly hes been doing and see if he would like you to go along with him sometimes suggest a baby sitter for the kiddos then go if he argues you not going he is either cheating or simply just doesnt want to be around you for some reason i hope and pray it isnt either one of those things and you figure it out in therapy
I would try therapy first. But it’s not fair that you’re pregnant and pretty much doing everything alone. Is would give him an ultimatum and say you know you’re sick of this
Sounds like you need a night out with your significant other tell him when and where to meet you and try to rekindle your relationship and talk honestly what you expect or want in this relationship if he fails to meet you halfway then he is.not worth it but figure it out before you have more children God Bless you and your family 
for things getting better
Honestly is a big part of your marriage…living with parents probably dont help…we have been married for 48 years and still are happy…you have to talk to him and see what’s up…remember marriage is 50 50
…good luck…
- He needs to grow up and stop acting like the 9mth y’all have!
- Not answering text etc… probably cheating!
- He’s a BOYFRIEND and y’all live with your parents
—- - Go back to #1 HE NEEDS TO GROW UP or YOU get gone!
Easier said than done … but you sound like your dealing with 2 kids already and the baby isn’t even born
You should see if he is willing to quit drinking… the alcohol may be clouding his judgment. My husband went through a drinking faze and it was really difficult on us. When he stopped drinking the avoiding home and broken promises stopped too. I hope and pray you guys can work it out❤
Ok you might need to take a step back in this situation. Not saying break up im saying you need to do some things on your own as well. Stop showing up on time for him if he won’t for you. Treat people like you want to be treated and it’s your turn to show him how it feels when he checks out. If he isn’t bothered you may need to reassess your relationship. BTW therapy does help. Couples and singular.
Try therapy. As much as he is a good uncle, having his own may be overwhelming and he does know how to deal with it.
- Move out of your parents home. 2. Give it some time; don’t listen to what he “says” only pay attention to his actions.
In a relationship there should be no lies … period . And not answering texts for hours … unacceptable…my ex husband did that to me after I had my son but when he did come home he didnt help …I left him .
Best decision of my life.
I’ve been married for 20 years and I think therapy may help if his hearts truly in it but you definitely need to get a place of your own especially when you said it was perfect before you lived with parents. That being said I agree I would want to know what the late hours are about and he would either understand that he’s ripping his family apart and stop doing it or I’d be going my own way. It’s no life for you and it’s not good for your children to see either.
Instead of complaining have you seriously communicated to him about what’s bothering you?
Hes staying out all night with a baby at home? Suspisious to me
It’s a big part of this story not being told
My question is how is he a great father, and still be gone all the time?
when my ex would stay out all night and not answer the phone he was cheating
Out all night won’t answer phone or text no idea where he’s at and a 9 month at home. Wow I’d sit his happy ass down and tell him you want a straight answer as to what the hell is up and if he starts getting an attitude I would get up pack my bags and move on. I’m would not raise my voice or yell at him. Your not going to get anywhere by yelling at each other. He just need to grow up and figure Just what the hell he want. You can’t change him if he doesn’t want yo change. He needs help with therapy or talk to someone who will listen. I hope he doesn’t have a side piece cause that’s a whole set of other problems. But you need to stand up for yourself and let him know how to treat you. If he doesnt learn now to treat you then you will stay in the same rut you are in now
I think it’s time for you to give yourself a reality check. I dont understand why you are pregnant again if things were going this way already. A man who dsnt answer the phone and dsnt come home, dsnt want to be there. Why on earth you have accepted that behavior I don’t know. You say he wants to have more children? What gives you that idea when he’s not there already? Actions speak louder than words. Sounds like you are not helping yourself or being honest with yourself. Why are you having more children without somewhere to live of your own? Your choices aren’t making much sense and may end up hurting you more than you know in the long run. What makes you genuinely believe he loves you? This is not loving behavior. Just the fact you are saying you see a forever w him is a bit odd when his behavior is what it is. He lies to you and dsnt keep promises… what wld you tell another woman in this situation? Does that sound like a forever man to you? Not meaning to sound rough but you really need to force yourself to see the reality of all of this.
Guhh men dont open up!! I have been with my husband for 5 years and he doesnt open up very well. He has trust issues and thinks I will judge him if he opens up. I dont think therapy will work with my husband unless there is a magic being that can get him to talk BUT he will open up if I am slow with the conversation and start it at the right time. If he wasnt like this before living with parents he may be uncomfortable with the living situation and trying to get away from it so arguements are avoided. Get yourself in a good place mentally before you bring it up again. Be calm and open to anything, even separation. You have built a family, life, friendship and that is hard to let go of but it might be what he wants so dont be scared of it. Go out and rekindle the love and freedom your relationship is missing. After all the years and babys just up and leaving bc you THINK he is cheating or stepping out shouldn’t be the first option. If you are like alot of people your mind has made up a story of all the bad things he could be doing during those missing hours but sometimes it’s not always like that.
Chasing more pussy.that it no doubt