My Boyfriend Has Reservations About Having Another Kid, What Should We Do?

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"I’ve been with my boyfriend going on 3 years now, we have a 1 year old and from his previous marriage he had 3 kids, and his wife was and still is a terrible person, from having sex with his brother while he was on deployment, being a stay at home mom and never ever keeping the house clean ( first time I went to his house they were still together there was dog poop stuck on the floor for months), gnats everywhere, couldn’t even walk into the kids room, food so old there were maggots growing out of food left in the kids room, piss stains all over carpets, the kids have lice 24/7 and don’t care about anything anyone tells them because their mom lets them do whatever they want, you could litterally be talking to them and they’ll throw their trash on the ground right in front of you like it’s a normal thing, and soooo much more, but because of his bad out look on kids and how bad his are (it’s not their fault it’s their moms fault I know) he doesn’t want to have anymore kids with me and I’ve always seen myself being a (biological) mom of 2, I’ve told him many times it’s not my fault you got somone pregnant who never cared to actually raise her children to be decent human beings and he got with me, a single women who wants more than one kid, I love my son endlessly but I really just want one more of my own, am I wrong for that ?"

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The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

"You’re not wrong but you can’t force more onto his plate than what he also wants. This is what I call an impasse. It’s impossible to determine a reasonable, fair, solution for the both of you. You need to sit down and really talk it out. Express to him that this may be a deal breaker if you feel that way about it. He might feel that way too. Best not to waste each others time if one of you or both of you look at this as a deal breaker."

"This is a conversation you should of had before any babies . He doesn’t want more you do you can’t force him to have more and if you still want more end it and go do that ."

"The conditions in which their home was kept were also his fault. He is to blame for the filth and the issues with his children also. Secondly you cannot force him to have any more children. He already knows he has enough. If you don’t look at the children he already has as your children too, you have no place being with him."

"Excuse me, He is a GROWN ASS man that has just as much responsibility to the children HE made and the Home in which he LIVED in. So if THIER Home was a pigsty and his children behave as little gremlins HE Is just as RESPONSIBILE for the lack of PARENTAL PRESENCE in that house period!"

"If you see yourself with 2 children and he doesn’t want anymore…. Time to move on!"

"…how is it just her fault…sounds like he took no responsibility for the children either… "

"First, those are HIS kids too, can’t lay it all on the ex. Second, it takes two to tango, if he doesn’t want to get you pregnant, he doesn’t want to get you pregnant, period."

"“It’s not their fault it’s their moms fault I know.” Wrong, ma’am. If that was his house and if those are his children, it’s his fault too. Sounds like he’s smart to not have anymore kids. This whole situation is wild lol."

"So you met him when he was with his wife? You need to do some work on yourself lovely, maybe not falling for the old it’s all her fault line might be a start."

"It’s also his responsibility to care for the kids if she is unfit and doesn’t care for them he should be taking the kids out of that house. Maybe help him try and get his kids taken care of before trying to coerce him I to having another or find someone else who is in a situation where they are ready to have kids and let him focus on getting himself and his kids set. Why would you feel comfortable having a kid with someone who isn’t taking care of the kids he already has"

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