My boyfriend is an alcoholic: How should I handle this?

Get out. Life long battle that will never end for him or you.

I would say make him pick a date that he is going for help. If he doesn’t go, plan your escape. You didn’t sign up for that kind of existence. Let him know that if he doesn’t seek help, you are not obligated to be with him, nor is your child.

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Get out before everything falls apart. The bottle is more important to him than you! Sad but true.

That baby is most important n could have issues from the alcoholism already? I’d give him choice before baby is born n walk away for yours n baby safety if he chooses drugs /alcohol above his child n his woman;”(

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Move on, hes an addict and nothing you do or say will matter. Sorry to be so blunt, but it’s the truth, for your own wellbeing and for the sake of your baby, finish it, it’s up to him then to prove himself, pg he will

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Leave while he is your boyfriend and not your HUSBAND!

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Leave. He’s an addict, and if you stay you’re encouraging him and condoning behavior that will harm you and the baby.

Alnon. You can’t help him, he has to want sobriety for himself, if you stay? It will be filled with lots of hurt, pain, disappointment. Your having a baby, you don’t need 2. I trust as hard as it will be, that you will do right for your child.

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Get out and never look back .

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Don’t allow him to turn you into one…

Unfortunately there is nothing you CAN do . He has to want to quit for himself . Period. No amount of guilting, persuasion, arguing , or anything will help.

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I’m not going to say he will never change because I am a former drinker, can’t stand it anymore. If he really wants to, he will stop.

Dump him… get child support paid through support agency…

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No more chances!!! He’s never gonna quit! Move on!

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Get out now, he won’t change unless he wants to. Been there years and years ago, my son was a year old when I left. He never stopped even after I left. He died at age 54 when the liver transplant failed

Leave he isnt going to quit

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Asking a question when you already know the answer

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Sweetheart take it from someone with experience he is not going to quit for you or because you want him to he’s going to have to do it because he wants to end of story sweetheart sorry your best bet is to just go on with your life

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RUN and I mean RUN! You have the rest of your life and the babies life. Don’t look back!

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you can’t fix him He has to want sobriety for himself. not for you or for his child

You have to also think about the well being of your unborn child. If he’s going to be a healthy and consistent father he needs to quit drinking. For now your best option is probably to leave

Well… you have a lying drunk as a boyfriend, you already know that. The question is are you willing to live that life and put your child through it? Personally, I’d leave . Good luck Darlin… :disappointed:

I’m so sorry that you are going though this but until he gets help and stays clean gets therapy. I would recommended that you leave that situation you are putting you self and baby in jeopardy but staying and also Enabling him. Before he can be a husband and a father he needs to get help and stay clean for himself not just for you and the baby. You and the baby deserve better. I wish you all the best and hope that this help. Ps I’m a single mother of 5 kids and the best thing that happened is when I let him go so I can focus on you and the kids that’s the most important

This situation is going to get alot worse believe me. My husband yes soon to be ex did the same thing. In and out of rehabs,detox, even on the vivitrol injection and still chose his alcohol over his family and job. I’m in the process of divorce we have 3 children. For your child and your own life get help for yourself and leave. Honestly your going to hear so many lies and then the blaming is going to start the oh im nervous becoming a dad the im worried about this and that but Will not stop his drinking. After dealing with his drinking.I lost myself battling him battling his disease. Im getting help for myself on building myself up and moving on with our daughters. I wish you the best.

It won’t ever end unless he hits rock bottom! You can beg and plead with him and he will tell you what you want to hear every time. Put you and your first the pain of leaving will lessen in time but the pain staying with a drunk is so much worse

I was married for 12 years to a heroin addict. Let me just say I became a widow before I was 30. If he doesn’t want to quit he won’t. He won’t for you and he won’t for his children. My ex became extremely abusive before he died as well. I hope he will quit for you and his child, but he has to want to do it himself, there is nothing you can do for him unfortunately.

Dear lady. Being pregnant is an awesome period looking forward to being a mom. Possibly the last thing you need is a person in your life whose unreliable, an alcoholic in denial. Add to that , he hid the fact til he could not deny the fact. Alcoholism as you know can be and is like any addiction not so easily conquer and dispensed with . My concern is for YOU and the Child , and your sanity. You know like I know that a person with such strong addiction as alcoholism will lie and do lie and find it very hard not to lie when their very brain which is key is santurated with alcohol. Meaningful the effects of alcohol affect everything he does,
His speech,
His comprehension, thoughts process. Appetite, reasoning and logic, etc. you cannot redeem him from this disease because of alcoholism poisoning. Even if you love him, he loves alcohol more.
I would say indeed encourage him to get professional help ! And know that if he do not , he may perish. T way of cirrhosis of the liver . I know because my uncle “was” in the same condition. Lady, eventually you must leave him for your own sanity. There is a condition called “codependency.” It is when two people are locked in a relationship where one is dependent on the other . Like two sick people, both sick and neither is strong! One is a helper and one is sick but will not seek help . You cannot became codependent for your own sanity and your child. Other people besides you must get involved, friends, family so the burden is not on you Only. He must make A decision though when he is sober as to what he will do if he truly wants to keep you. At the end of the day, he must do it. If he do not , You cannot Save Him. Encouraged him to do what’s right for his life. But live him enough to let him go his way . That’s love. You cannot change him. Give him space to consider the consequences!! Be willing to keep it moving either way!! Alcoholism is a cruel task master! It is very jealous ! Hope you have a good birthing of your child . I would love to how it went ! Thanks be encouraged. You are not the first . Be willing to love him enough so he can decide for himself . He must take responsibility for his own decisions. No guilt trip on your part . It is far beyond you. Be blessed you and the child. A rose :rose: for ya.

Leave trust me I know …he’s already lying he won’t stop, he has to want to stop, not for you or your baby …unless he acknowledges he has a problem and admits it you can’t help him he’s got to want to help himself …take care of you and your baby good luck

Why ya get knocked up by an alcoholic?

You know when you board a plane and they give you the safety instructions? Consider life as that plane and put on your own oxygen mask before you help anyone else.

Sweetheart PLZ don’t waste the Best years of your Life an your Baby’s Life on an Alcoholic ) this Movie does not end well for you … I know how hard this is for you ) PLZ move on with your life… :heart:

You can’t do anything but decide to stay or go. You can’t force an addict of any kind to get clean. They have to want to. He’s obviously not in a place of wanting too. Ultimatums don’t work.

People need to realize birth control still exists!

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Get away from him if he refuses help. Don’t expose your baby to that

I speak from experience. You can’t help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves. Just a fact.

Also, as a child of an alcoholic father, please don’t make your baby grow up with that. The best gift my mother ever gave me was making my dad leave.

Al-anon will help you As you move forward. You have someone very special counting on you for love and safety. Stay strong

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Spare yourself and baby more heartache and leave!!

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Leave his ass and run for your life You amd your child are better off without him. I grew up witj 2 alcoholic parents and it sucked big time

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Leave him. Let him get clean and sober. Then see what happens.

Only He can make the decision to stop. Nothing you say or do will change his motivation to quit until He decides (if ever) to. Take care of you…leave. If he decides to change it’s his decision and then and only then you can decide if you want him in your life.

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Leave he won’t change and you have a child to think about x

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Run don’t look back !!!

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Stay and you will loose everything including your friends and self respect there is one answer only and that’s walk away the sooner the better for you

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If he doesn’t get help he won’t be any good for you and your baby leave now !!!

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You cannot change him. He’s the only person that can change himself; that’s if he’s willing.
My best advice to you is that prepare yourself mentally and emotionally to raise your baby by yourself. However, do know he’s the child father and he cannot drive have the baby if he’s drinking. Visitation should be allowed but supervised at all time. I don’t want to tell you what to do but I can say this, Your baby’s wellbeing comes first and foremost.
I wish you a safe delivery and all the best on your new journey of motherhood. :blush::blush:

Walk away. Take care of your baby and yourself. Unless he decides for himself to conquer his addiction you will be forever picking up the pieces. He’ll never do it for you or a baby.

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Stay away. From now on dont have sex with people unless u know its someone u could stay with if u got pregnant from them n had to raise a child with them. Stay with your parents. Stop worrying about him, a guy, or having a man and focus on growing as a woman and ur kid. Protection too, next time. Its not fair to children to be born into bs.

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An alcoholic will tell you what you want to hear.
Unless he admits to himself he’s an alcoholic he won’t do anything about it.
He needs to want to stop drinking. Just going to AA alone will not help. He needs to go to his gp too and ask for help to stop drinking.
You need to look after yourself and your baby. Send him packing he’s a grown up he needs to sort himself out and look after himself. Your baby is your priority.

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i lived with an alcoholic bf, he promised to change for 4 years and one day i just left him without telling him or anyone i was so done with him and his lies and promises, he also treated me like shit and blamed me for his drinking habits. leave him while u can, good luck with the baby.

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Unfortunately relapse is usually a part of recovery… But obviously you need to put boundaries in place for you and your child… it can take many many many attempts before one remains sober. And even then sadly relapse almost always happens…

Stop posting here and go to AAA

Leave,he lies to you about it.He will keep drinking unless he wants to stop.Don’t put yourself an your baby in that type of a situation.

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Do you think that you can raise your child in this environment?

GET OUT! I was with an alcoholic I tried to save…almost cost me my LIFE! RUN! Run fast!!! You can’t save him.:pray:t4:

Be supportive go to meeting with him. There is also a perscriptions drug his doctor can prescribe that takes away the craving for alcohol. Alcohol addiction is difficult to overcome.

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You should go to al-Anon meetings… at least one see if it feels like a place you know. You can not make an addict or alcoholic stop drinking or using they have to want it for them self.

You answered your own question.
I am 4 yrs clean and sober.
He won’t quit until he is ready

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Leave him… He’s not going to change… He’s needs to man up be responsible adult… Party time is OVER…

Growing up in a household with an alcoholic parent , I can tell you they don’t change

You can’t change him if he doesn’t want to I tried that. Walk away

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I left a man while I was pregnant because of his drinking and drug use. I refused to raise my child around that. I raised her without him. She will be 18 in January.

Pray that your baby is healthy first

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Is it that he truly is an alcoholic or did you want him to not drink because you can’t drink while pregnant? If this man truly has a drinking problem and you “didn’t realize” until now… it can’t be that bad. it sounds more like you resent him for drinking since you shouldn’t.

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Run don’t walk away from him…(advice from an old recovering alcoholic)

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You have to think about your baby. Break up with him and get a good lawyer that will make sure that he doesn’t have access to your child unless he is sober.

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I would leave. You can do this without all this extra stuff dear. If he’s lying about this it’s because he’s not ready to change. A man will not change unless he wants too

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Congratulations too!!

For better or worse. Marriage is full of it . Go to an AA meeting with him.With a little prayer and help from god you may be in for the better part!:pray:

You need to leave him you cant help him obviously. It’s for your own good. Let him come back to you when he is ready its something he needs to so on himself. Dont come here and ask then stay with him you will regret it when it’s too late.

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Alcohol is a beast if ur an alcoholic.
I first hand can say it’s awful!
It changes you and ur perception on things.
I quit for almost 2 yrs and I let my husband convince me that it was ok to drink a little here and there.
Well no, no it wasn’t and I knew it wasn’t and went against my own judgement and did it for him because he said I was boring and old and no fun anymore.

Well, I still didn’t drink a lot but when I did it always turned ugly.
I wasn’t a good drunk.
Mixed with a antidepressant one night not thinking about my meds and made a bad call, now he’s kicked me out accusing me of cheating when I didn’t.

But it was his way out.
I only would drink once in awhile in the past yr.
But I wasn’t able to control myself when I did.
But I am now totally against alcohol.
I’ve lost my husband, home, vehicle and my life.
I have turned completely to God and he has been my help through all this normally I would turn to alcohol but it’s cost me everything in my life.
Throughout my years I always turned to alcohol and it has done nothing but make my troubles worse and I refuse it now.
Alcohol is a thief!
And it robs people of their life!
Quitting has to be something he wants and won’t until he sees a issue with it until he’s had enough.

Run. FAR and FAST.

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Listen people can tell you all sorts of things to do But you owe it to your baby to make sure that you give him/ her the best life you can provide. Shouldn’t know one have to o tell you that!!

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They don’t change. I went through this with my bf for almost 5 years. I got tired of the lies, the sneaking of his drinking, the mental abuse. I finally left him in July, best decision of my life. Leave now before it’s too late, because he will not change.

PLEASE take this advice:
R U N!!!
I met my ex in high school. Starting dating in 1991. Married in 1996. Had son 1998. He had multiple DUI’s (1 when my son was just 2 months old). A few domestic violence calls (in front of my son). Eventually the alcohol led to coke which led to crack. He was NOT a part of my son’s life since my son was 3. He’s 21 now. THESE MEN WILL NEVER CHANGE!!! All the promises, the begging, the trying, rehab, AA…etc. They never ever change. I’m sorry to be so blunt. But I wasted a total of 17 years. Don’t make the same mistake.

And if you think no one will ever want you or that you’ll never find real love, you’re wrong. I thought the same things & met the most amazing man in 2010. Married in 2012 & he adopted my son in 2014. Yours is out there!

my ex hubby was an alcoholic and alcoholism is hereditary and no way i was letting my child grow up around that and increasing his chance to follow in his father’s footsteps, my child cames first and always will … if he has lied to you more then once he will continue to do so, unfortunately no matter how much he may love you the need for his alcohol will be stronger until he actually realizes he has a problem and actually does something about it, don’t risk your self ro your child, he may never physically hurt you but why take that risk

You can’t make a person drink or make a person stop … I’ve been through this …its hard but time wont change it … only that person can you have no control of this … my advise focus on you and your child … I would leave no one needs that drama

He has to stop drinking for his self not for you. None of this is about you you must remove yourself physically and emotionally from this situation.

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I was married to an alcoholic. He got clean and has been for 3 years. We are divorced now but he is sober.

I honestly think you should leave him. Even if it’s just for a little while. He’s not going to stop until he’s ready and it looks like he’s not ready. He’s just going to keep trying to hide it from you and you’re going to be in a lot of arguments and have a lot of stress because of it. You don’t need that when you’re pregnant. Actually you don’t need it at all. If you stay he’s not going to change because you’re dealing with it. He’s going to think it’s ok because you’re not going anywhere and keep drinking. There’s no reason for him to really have to change. If you go he’ll know you’re serious. If he doesn’t change when you leave then you know what you have to do.

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GET RID OF HIM. KNOW never look back

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He won’t change. The lies and empty promises are all an addict is capable of until he decides for himself he wants to change. There’s absolutely nothing you can say or do to help or change him. Leave and take care of yourself and your baby. Otherwise you won’t be saving him, he’ll just drag you down with him.

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He will not quit drinking until he is ready, which will probably be never.

It’s hard to accept the obvious sometimes, life is short, don’t waste it on someone that doesn’t deserve you, and anything less than you deserve. Good Luck.

I can tell you i was married to an alcoholic for 14 yrs and as yrs went on it got worse and he got abusive and we had three kids i finally had to give him the choice me and kids or his drinking and he said hed never give it up for anyone and to this day he hasnt and my children were very happy when we split and they dont go around him alot due to his drinking. So please think long and hard bringing a baby into that situation maybe five him the choice now before you get invested the way i did it was very hard to divorce him after 3 kids but he got so he got to rough with kids not meaning too but when i spoke up he would turn on me and it got ugly. Bot saying that will happen to you but i just wanted you to be aware what could happen

Your problem can be solved with 2 words. Leave him. He will chose the drinking over u every time. Clearly he is a liar to. It will not get better you can stay and have him distroy u. Your life and every thing in it or u can leave him and let some other fool deal with it. U will never have anything but a broken heart and he will not stop there is a 99.999 percent chance he cheats to

Like you said you know where this is headed. “When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them.”

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You can tell him time and time again that he needs to change but until he decides he WANTS to, he won’t. You need to focus on what is best for your child and not try to force a grown man into recovery. I’ve been where you are and it’s a lonely road. As much as we love someone, sometimes love just isn’t enough.

Aww sweetie, not a good situation, you must take care of yourself and bebe first, he needs to handle his own issues, maybe stay the same or clean up, pray , pray, pray , he has to want to do this, otherwise it won’t work for him and everyone around him. Sowee to hear of this as I had alcoholic b f before but no bebe, I had to let. Him go and move away so he wouldn’t bother me, and he was tryn to bring me down to his level and he had no job. He got abusive and threatened me so I did for myself , and idk what happened to him and I don’t care to kno. Wish you and bebe the best :wink:

I understand you are not alone. I have not gave up on my husband but my advice to you is if he isn’t abusing you or the kids physically or emotionally then stay. If he is then you need to be far as you can from him and I mean run for it. The first 5 years is hard most marriages is but being married to an addict is harder. You start thinking if something wrong about you- Listen nothing is wrong with you! It will make you feel worthless and alone because he doesn’t listen but you need to learn that it isn’t something wrong about you. He may say things under the influence but don’t let it affect you! No matter what they say, you know who you are! It is a flaw about him and it is up to you to accept it or not. He may never change but if you want to stay you must accept all of him. You can be there for him but don’t force or expect change. Don’t be so mad at him for drinking or lying about drinking because it will upset you more or affect you and the family negatively. He does that because it is the addiction talking he doesn’t mean to hurt you he is not himself alcohol makes people not themselves. Sometimes my husband drinks to help with his physical pain from old injuries and I know it is hereditary because his family drinks. He will seek help when he’s ready but only he can do that. No matter what I say or do, nothing is going to make my husband stop. Trust me, I tried everything. The only thing I can do is deal with it and find happiness within myself. The best thing to say to him is remind him you are there for him and you love him always. I learned life is so short some people ask for death early so let them. Don’t waste your time and energy changing anyone, trust and let God lead your life. I’m still learning. I been married to an alcoholic for 5 years now, with 5 year old and now pregnant again. It’s not easy but I believe everything happens for a reason. It would be easy to say run away and divorce him but I follow with my gut. Everyone’s situation is different. Do what you feel is best for you and the kids, trust your gut!

Get out and take care of yourself and your child.
You can’t wish ir will him sober. He HAS to hit his bottom. You don’t want to Love him to death. I am 12 years straight and sober. Please dont enable him. You could prolong his alcoholism. Let him fall. Sounds mean but you could save his life. PM me if you have any questions, comments or concerns.

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I would leave him, for now, not out of anger and disappointment but to give him a true chance to weigh his life with you and the baby in or out of it… he’ll have 3 months to prove his love for you, or you’ll be 3 months emotionally healing along and instead, focusing on the baby, who is the only one that matters to be truthful :heartbeat:

Please leave… He needs to want to change and he won’t as long as you are there. I was married to one for 13 years, kept hoping he would change. Divorced for 12 years now- he still drinks… don’t waste your time thinking he will make a difference because he loves you. Love alone is not enough!

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You just need to remember that you’re never going to be able to trust him around your baby. That baby and their safety comes first. Having an alcoholic around a baby is dangerous. You really need to think about that. It’s not about him and his lack of keeping his word or you how much you love him. This baby needs to be in a safe environment. I wish you all the best.

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This man has a problem I’ve been there is point blank he has to make this desicion on his own.you or noone else can AA is there to.advise people to stop drinking theres no cure you have desicions to make hope.u.make the right ones cause your man.isint right now if he cares he will good luck

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You are 6 months pregnant. It’s not about you anymore. It’s about that baby. He is an addict and he needs to help himself. Get yourself out of there.

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What if you do leave him for a few weeks or even a few months, he says and proves to you that he’s going to AA and that he’s quit drinking, (yadda yadda yadda) so you take him back. He’s doing really good, but then you find out he’s lying and then the shit starts hitting the fan. Again. This cycle WILL KEEP REPEATING ITSELF. You have a baby that’s gonna be here within 3 months. What if he’s supposed to be watching the baby while you’re at work or something and he’s passed out drunk? We all know how drunks are when it comes to driving, so what if he takes the baby while he’s drunk and crashes and baby dies? DUMP HIS ASS AND BE DONE WITH HIM! I understand it’s hard as fuck (lawd, do I ever know) to leave the man you once fell in love with, but that knight in shining armor is long gone and in his place is this drunk-ass fucktard. He’s never going to change until he truly realizes he’s got a major problem (or two or five) and truly feels he needs to change. If he doesn’t, it’ll never work. He’ll go to meetings and do great for a bit and then BAM! The cycle has begun once again.

This has so many headaches and heartaches written all over it, girl. Your baby doesn’t need to be involved in any of that shit and neither do you, especially while you’re still pregnant. Say your goodbyes and be done.

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Actions speak louder than words. You are not his priority. Kick him to the kerb😡

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He can only stop it when he wants too…I’d get out and concentrate on you and the baby …always very sad when they drink …as you are helpless it’s all down to him to stop …good luck x

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