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QUESTION:
"My boyfriend is obsessed with tik tok, watches it all the time on the toilet, during commercials, during breaks between games when we play together. And he follows this one specifically and hearts ALL of her videos. She is half naked in pretty much all of them, he has told me about how hot he thinks she is. I’ve told him I don’t like her and don’t like her videos, and I hate that he hearts all her videos and stresses his sexual attraction to her. She is his ideal body type. She is like the perfect woman to him and looks nothing like me. I know I may just be projecting my own insecurities but it genuinely makes me want to cry every time I see her pop up in his feed and he instantly hearts it because I will NEVER look like her. Is it wrong of me to feel this way and be upset? Also I went on his phone and blocked her tik tok today when I was upset about seeing her videos in his hearted video section. I know I should go unblock her but part of me wants to see if he will search for her and not be able to find her and say something. Maybe I’m just doing too much or being crazy or controlling but it’s negatively impacting my self esteem and confidence."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"he doesn’t have the common sense to respect you, which is a red flag honey, dump him now. It’s very unlikely he will change, common sense can’t be learned."
"Self esteem comes from self. Sounds like there is a lack of interest on his part if he is constantly on his phone. If this bothers you and you sat something and it still happens then leave."
"He should respect how it makes you feel."
"That’s plan out simply disrespect!!!"
"He sounds obsessed with her, I would feel the same way you do if my hubs was doin all that too"
"Yes you are letting your own insecurity get the better of you here. You shouldn’t let this man have this much power over how you feel about yourself. Sweetheart you are worth so much more than that! I do understand how and why you feel the way you do as I have been there. It seems he has an unhealthy fantasy/obsession with her but honestly I bet she’d never give him the time of day so I really don’t think you should worry about cheating or anything, at least on that front. But if he isn’t fulfilling what you need in a relationship to be happy/content than maybe you should rethink your relationship with this guy entirely. Trying to assert control over him by sneaking in and blocking your idea of the problem will not fix a single thing, and in the long run it will not make you feel better because there will be others. So you just have to decide for yourself what you are willing to put up with and what is a deal breaker and discuss everything with your partner and see where you both stand at the end of it."
"That is just so disrespectful to you…tell him if he wants a shot at her, your more than willing to clear the way for him…or he can clear a path for your relationship. Which includes deleting her himself. Since he is just a boyfriend, walk away now…and…DONT LOOK BACK!!!"
"Disrespectful, if he can’t respect you, then he is not the one. I wouldn’t put up with it!"
"Nah that’s straight up rude of him and very disrespectful he isn’t considering how you feel. I’d feel the same way tbh!"
"Sadly this is more common than you think. A lot of my friends have this same problem with half naked women all over their mans TikTok and they look nothing like them. It’s an addicting app. My opinion is wait and see what happens, if he unblocks her then I would tell him he’s crossing your boundary about it since you’ve already voiced your feelings. If he brushes you off I would think about leaving I mean it’ll probably be like that forever and not a lot of men change."
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