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QUESTION:
"After being single for 8 yrs I started dating a guy a month ago. We live in different towns so we don’t see each other every day but we do travel to and fro when we can. So we’ve done these trips only twice now in the past month of being together and now he’s getting frustrated with me over kids. I’ve never been married nor have kids. He is divorced with no kids and he badly wants kids. He’s been pressuring me to move to his town, drop everything and just go to him. I told him I’m celibate so there can’t be anything like moving in together before marriage. Then he starts pressuring for marriage like he asked me what I’d say if he asked me to marry him. He still lives with his parents, works for his parents, doesn’t have a car, and is tight on money. Which isn’t a problem for me right now, but how can he just ask about marriage so soon? And expect me to just give up everything and go to him to a town I don’t particularly like? I’m in the process of starting my own business so it’s also a lot of pressure and frustration and finances aren’t where it should be. Then on top of all this he asks me if I want kids coz we’re both not getting younger. Both in late 30s. I said I don’t want to just have kids immediately after marriage and also finances need to be in place considering he still lives with his parents and there’s gonna be a wedding to pay for too and he needs to get his own place and a car and all that 1st. And I still want some time as a married couple before there’s children. Then he gets frustrated with me and cuts me short with an attitude that he doesn’t wana fight and then leaves the conversation. Is he manipulative and trying to guilt trip me into marriage and getting pregnant? He doesn’t consider my dreams he just wants me to fall into what he plans. Besides this he’s really sweet and loving but I’m getting scared this won’t work out. And I really want it to work because after being single for 8 years he seemed worth the shot. Just need some advice from you’ll please. I’m strong willed so I’m not the type of woman to just say yes and amen to everything the man wants. And he gets an attitude when i try to be reasonable and logic"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"All of this after only a month? Run. Run now. Major red flags everywhere. Plus his pressuring after you stated what you want is manipulative and controlling and if this is the first month, it’s only going to get worse the farther your relationship gets. You do not want kids with that. Drop him like a hot potato because the warning signs are everywhere. This is not safe."
"Giant red flags here!! A month in the he wants to get married? Sheesh!"
"One month? No way. Run, sweetie."
"The fact that he is rushing it is a big red flag. You haven’t been together long at all. Honestly, I would not be with him. He’s looking for marriage and kids to keep you stuck by the sound of it because honestly living with his parents, working for his parents, no car?? What can he offer children or you other than more struggles? NOPE…better to be single."
"After a month? Yeah I would drop him."
"He sounds like a leech. This is all sorts of weird"
"I would tell him it’s not working out and you don’t see a future with him."
"This guy has more red flags than there are traffic lights in Boston."
"Absolutely not. Move on, you guys are in very different spots in your life and if he’s in his late 30s still living with his parents that’s a red flag right there. You need to find someone who is more at level with where you are and what you want in life. Don’t settle for him only because it’s been 8 years. 8 years should have been plenty of time for you to figure out exactly what you want in a man and he sure as shit ain’t it."
"I’d run as fast as I could. That’s so many red flags in one post"
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