My boyfriend of now 4yrs seems to be very against marriage. He claims only because he doesn’t want our debts to bind together, which I understand. He also says he doesn’t want me to end up with his house or half his paycheck, etc.
Its a very touchy subject because we have 1 child together, and I have 2 from a previous marriage. Our relationship is extremely healthy, except for when we talk about marriage. It literally rips my heart out and I don’t think it’s fair to either one of us. I guess I just need advice. I’m currently SAHM, he works a lot. He has always treated me right and spoiled me with necessities. He got me some jewelry this yr for our 4yr anniversary. Im just worried because I have always wanted to be married and he knew what I wanted when we got together. He claims he is “open minded” about marriage but it doesn’t seem like it. I don’t want to leave but Im not getting any younger either. I’m just so heartbroken and confused on how to approach it. Advice please ladies!
Do you want the contract that comes with it or to have small ceremony with exchanging of rings for the significance? If he’s somewhat open minded maybe a compromise could be made. Do a ceremony just don’t file a marriage certificate.
Marriage is not “just a piece of paper”. If an emergency happens and either of you end up on the hospital or dead only family will be able to visit, or make important decisions about the other person. If he is worried about the money and you want to get married and are willing to, then sign a prenup but I think that it is only right that he leaves you with something Incase something happens because you have his child. It’s up to you and think what you want about it but the end of the day. Marriage had a lot more advantages than being long term bf/gf. “Common law” is not legally recognized. And no shade to people who consider themselves that or oppose marriage but marriage is so much more than a piece of paper. It comes with certain rights and even if it’s “cool” to not want to be married in this age some people still dream of being married to the person they love . It doesn’t have to be a big, fancy, expensive thing either. You can get married for free or low charge at the court house.
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I’m “common law” with my husband. (We both refer to each other as husband and wife) we’ve been together almost 10yrs, he didn’t want marriage mostly because of the cost, and that he doesn’t believe in a piece of paper. So what he did, he gave us wedding rings and wrote down some vows to honer my wishes (kinda like the post-it in Greys anatomy) I got me a nice dress, took a few pictures &now we’re “married” lol he treats me very well, if y’all watch greys anatomy he’s my Ben Warren 
he’s a good good man, he’s proven to me he wants to be with me forever, and honestly what he did for us was way better than an actual wedding
If you live together and have a child together you are a defacto couple - you’re more than entitled to half of everything and half his pay check without a “piece of paper” his argument and point is invalid.
4 years isn’t long enough. 
Marriage is just a piece of paper, if you truly love one another marriage shouldn’t stop you from being together you don’t have to be married to be together for a long time x
If his worried about losing his house/money due to a possible divorce thats a worry cause to me his thinking you’ll break up!
You can always sign a prenuptial agreement on what goes where if you end up divorcing
Why do you need to get married? Nothing will change except your title, get over this image of having to have a title to be happy, if you’re happy and he loves you why throw it away over a silly title??
Depending on where you are, for example Canada, you’re probably considered common law already. So in the event that you broke up you could go for spousal support and child support if he has “financed” your way of life for some period of time. Could also get to stay in the house lol I don’t really understand his thought process if he’s supporting you now with the “debt” you already have and what the difference is if you’re married or not. As for the house if it’s really a big issue sign a prenup for it? When you get back to work start saving and maybe buy a house of your own that you could have as equity and fall back plan and rent it out to cover the costs. Or just have a serious talk and see if it’s another underlying issue that he has with marriage because it honestly feels like financial abuse. Wanting you to be dependent on him and get nothing if you break up to keep you with him. Idk, it’s a strange situation and you guys already have children.
In canada your already common law. You already have qlot of the marriage rights. I’d do a ceremony if it’s important and don’t actually file a document. If he’s so against it. Or talk to him about a prenuptial maybe to help his concerns and both of your interests. Prenuptial agreements are a good thing as long as you both can agree on such things. I mean yall have a kid. In many respects that’s more of a bond than marriage
Sounds like a conversation to be had before you bind your lives by having a child in all honesty. You can’t force someone’s hand to marry you if they are against it, it is what it is now.
It’s all about what’s more important to you Is being a wife more important than this particular relationship I also look at long run does he have life insurance as his wife you’d be responsible for him if he died or got sick does he know that does he have anyone that would take care of those things if he needed because if your not married it won’t fall on you to me bringing up you’d get half his check and his house sounds more like he’s worried about losing his valuables if you got a divorce which is shitty but mayb if you brought up getting a pre nup
Not everyone is into the idea of marriage. It definitely can have a huge financial impact. My husband and I had to pay on taxes this year despite living paycheck to paycheck because we filed jointly and were literally a dollar into the next bracket. Sometimes it’s not always sensible. And if things did end in divorce, assets are also a big deal to consider. You could always consider something like a lifetime commitment ceremony where there’s no actual legal paperwork, just a ceremony and a promise to each other. I know people that have gone that route to keep the government out of it.
If the only reason you want to get married is because you want a ceremony and a last name, then there’s plenty of people out there to waste time and money on. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. Wait the time for a domestic partnership and have a celebration then.
If it’s about the actual wedding have a ceremony in your garden wear a dress he can wear a tux and you can ‘get married’ without it being legal. If it’s because you would like to share a name change it by deed poll. Seems like the best compromise you can wear rings and class yourself as husband and wife (not sure how it would stand for legal forms you may still have to put your title as miss) 
I left my ex because of this. I’m now with someone I love to the core and he wants to get married as much as I do
Just something to think about
Fuck that hun be single best way - you’ll make it marriage ain’t shit
Could have a commitment ceremony with a celebrant. You say vows, exchange rings, have a party ect. Basically a wedding without the legal part xx
Well then he shouldn’t have had joint lives. He’s in a de facto relationship, it the same as marriage except without the piece of paper & rights in a hospital. If he didn’t want to share the burden. Remain single or remain without links to each other. So many people need to understand that anything over 2 years with joint financials means you are linked in the eyes of the law.
At that point you’re common law which isn’t all that different.
I know plenty of people who aren’t married simply because “why do we need to involve the government in our love life.”
But you could have a pseudo wedding and just not sign any papers so you’re married in title but not legally
‘He also says he doesn’t want me to end up with his house…’ So if he dies you are homeless and so is his child? REDFLAG
‘Half his pay check’ So he doesn’t want any financial obligation to your child if you break up. Law will beg to differ. SECOND REDFLAG
I would suggest a pre-nup. But being married is more than a piece of paper. It’s being able to legally make other decisions for your spouse in the case of an emergency. It’s about being considered family in any situation. There are so many reasons why being married is a smart move when you are with someone you hope to be with forever.
Yeh um everything he’s afraid of losing if you get married, he will lose regardless of marriage status🤦🏻♀️
And marriage is more than a piece of paper.