Its a very touchy subject because we have 1 child together, and I have 2 from a previous marriage. Our relationship is extremely healthy, except for when we talk about marriage. It literally rips my heart out and I don’t think it’s fair to either one of us. I guess I just need advice. I’m currently SAHM, he works a lot. He has always treated me right and spoiled me with necessities. He got me some jewelry this yr for our 4yr anniversary. Im just worried because I have always wanted to be married and he knew what I wanted when we got together. He claims he is “open minded” about marriage but it doesn’t seem like it. I don’t want to leave but Im not getting any younger either. I’m just so heartbroken and confused on how to approach it. Advice please ladies!
I think you need to sit and talk. Really talk about what each one wants then go from there. If he’s still open minded then great… if not then you have to make the decision if it’s a deal breaker or not.
He has told you how he feels, stop trying to force him to do something he doesn’t want to. If marriage is that important to you find someone who wants to get married.
You need to sit down and really talk.
Why is Marriage important to you? If your relationship is thriving the way it is, why does that piece of paper matter so much?
The reasons he is against marriage are completely valid. But you can also bring up the possibilities of a prenuptial agreement, where you do not receive anything during a divorce that was not agreed to ahead of time.
If he’s still against it, You need to decide if it’s a deal breaker or not.
Some people just are not into the legal requirements of marriage. Doesn’t make their love any less significant, doesn’t mean they don’t care.
Marriage is the ultimate sign of acceptance and love. You do it cause you want the person taken care of if anything happens and you do it to respect your kids. You can’t make medical decisions for him, you Are not entitled to anything of his estate …
it is sad all these women have kids to men who could care less if they are taken care of later
You have choices… choose wise
You either accept being a girlfriend for ever and be content that you being supported, or you go get a job, save your money so that you have some back up funds if abs when you guys break up. No ultimatums, just be prepared.
You have a child together, point blank. If he doesn’t want to marry you now he never will and more than likely you aren’t the only one floating around his “open mind.” Men and women both whom think that way after so many years in a relationship aren’t too concerned about that relationship, I’m sorry your going through this and I hope you and your child can find some way out of that toxic environment.
I am in a similar situation. I have been with my bf over 12 years. When we got together he knew one day I wanted to get married. He was divorced and didn’t have children. He wanted children, I had 2 already, we decided to get pregnant. From our talks in the beginning, I thought we would be married or at least engaged by now. We talk about it and it usually just ends open ended. Honestly, I resent him for this. I feel like he isn’t living up to his side of the deal and I have wasted so many of my younger years with him. I’m telling you this because, you need to think about how you will feel in 10 years if you still aren’t married. Will not being married negatively affect your feelings toward him. If so you need to be honest with yourself, with him and possibly walk away.
Prenuptial? And if he still doesn’t want to marry even with the agreement of a prenup then its a deeper issue than what he’s telling you… it’s possible he does genuinely love you and want to be with you but has some trauma or deeper emotional reason for not wanting to get married. It’s also possible he just isn’t as sure about your future together as you are and therefore doesn’t want to solidify things through marriage. Regardless though… if the relationship is really good, he treats you and your children good, maybe ask yourself why you want to get married? Is it bc you want to have that big beautiful celebration, that one special day? Is it bc you feel like it’s just what you’re supposed to do at this point in your life? Is it bc it would make you feel more secure in your relationship and future? Is it for religious purposes? You’re certainly entitled to want to get married for whatever reason you want to, but it might be worth it to at least consider if it’s something you really have to do to be happy or not. But this issue is something that can only be solved by having a genuine honest conversation between you and him.
STOP HAVING KIDS WITH MEN BEFORE MARRIAGE. If they won’t marry you then stop giving them kids. This is not rocket science.
It’s insane to have a kid together without talking about the relationship between the two of you BEFORE that.
If you don’t have a ring after 12 years you’re not going to get one.
Another baffling case of why do women have kids with men who won’t marry them???
RING FIRST - THEN KIDS. What does it tell you about a man who refuses to marry the mother of his children???
Ladies - have some higher standards!!!
It reflects poorly on him that he won’t marry the mother of his child.
What is he afraid of??
There exists prenuptial agreements whereby you are able to agree on certain things.
-
Scenario 1
Let’s say every property or debt you may have acquired before the marriage will remain yours but everything acquired after marriage will be acquired jointly whether it be a property/house, mortgage or inheritance. -
scenario 2
Draw up a prenup stating that everything you have before or after marriage will remain property of each individual so that after a divorce you do not have the headache to split anything (debts or properties etc) -
scenario 3
Draw a prenup and also each individuals can draw a last will/testament to appoint their legal heirs.
That’s why prenups exist so his debt or yours are separated and also none of you guys have possession over each others properties
Umm he obviously doesn’t realise that even unmarried if u have been living together for more then 6 months u are still entitled to half. But that is beside the point. The bigger concern is that he is already halfway out the door believing that u are going to leave him.